Rude comments at work

[vaDisneyGuy]

I am not 100% out at work but I think most of my co-workers know that I am gay. There is one person that is always saying very rude comments. (don't want to say the name of the store) we are both managers. one day we were working in the mens suit dept. There is a Haggar suit that has a "Q" lapel pin on it the q is for quality. This person very loudly says "this must mean they want queers to buy it." I said excuse me how rude. "she said what else does a big "Q" mean. "I said quality" "she said I think it means queer and went on and on and had to bring co-workers over to see it. I walked away.


They other day someone said brought up Clay Aiken. I said" his son is very cute" The rude person then said "well he must not be 100% queer if he slept with a woman" I said that I don't think they had sex" she then said "why would a gay person want to have a kid" I shook my head and walked away.


Stuff like this is starting to happen more and more. our company does include sexual orientaion in it's harrsement policey. Should I say something to Human Resources or just let it go. I am afraid she will know that it is me that said something.


What would you guys do??????????

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Have you tried telling her one-on-one how distasteful and inappropriate her comments are? That's what I have done in the past. I've never had to say it more than once but it's worthwhile to write yourself a note after having the conversation --documenting that it occurred. That way if the inappropriate behavior persists, you have more ammunition to take with you, if you have to bring your HR department into it.

 

[Disney_Villain]

Hey, my heart goes out to you on this - but please don't take the abuse! Assuming that you want to stay in this company, here's what I have done with this kind of crap:

1. First, confront her. The next time an incident happens, tell her that you're gay and that her comments are offense to you, inappropriate for the workplace, and against HR policy - and that you're going to file for harrassment based on sexual orientation if she continues. This may stop her without you having to go any further. If it doesn't . . .
2. Be prepared to defend yourself with evidence. Document each incident and report it to HR. Witnesses are also essential. If you can, get a supporting statement from a co-worker who feels as you do about these nasty comments. Without witness(es), it may come down to your words versus hers (ie: she opts to lie saying that she never made any anti-gay comments) and you may not have HR support without it. Once you have your supporting evidence . . .
3. Fry her. Each time these comments surface and you have documented it with a supporting witness ready in the wings (or written statement from a witness), go to HR and tell them that she should be (a) disciplined and (b) ordered to write a formal apology to you - or you will consider a harrassment claim based on sexual orientation.

I've been this road several times, and it may not be easy to go through - but it does work. The last co-worker who pulled these stunts on me was told by the owner of the company to write a formal apology or be dismissed. Most companies would rather discipline and or dismiss someone than go through harrassment claims.

Bottom line: She's hurting you - and quite deliberately, by the sounds of it. She knows she is getting your goat and you really are going to have to be firm to stop it.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

Go to your HR department, if they are serious about their anti-discrimination/harrassment policy, this person will be fired without question.

Those comments are unacceptable in any professional environment, and one that could be overheard by potential customers is even worst.

 

[Tony-NJ]

Good advice above - ACCEPT and sorry Disney Villain - but I wouldn't come out and tell this woman your gay - that should NOT matter,and it's NONE of her business. the point you need to drive is that her comments are offensive - period. If she doesn't stop there - tell her that her comments are illeagal.

Good luck!

 

[bubie2.5]

You don't have to take the abuse. Go to HR ASAP. You have the RIGHT to feel comfortable at work. If she has a problem with you, is her problem, let HER deal with it.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You do not have to tell her you are gay. That's not the issue. That she is creating a hostile workplace is the issue. You need to tell her to stop, first. Then go on from there.

{{{hugs}}} I hate that you are being subjected to this kind of abuse.

 

[Chuck S]

Is she making the comments on the sales floor during business hours? You might mention that she could be offending customers, and in the current economy that probably isn't a good idea.

 

[Salinger]

Definitely Chuck!! Some of us "Q's" have a lot of disposable income.

I know it would affect my view and shopping habits in a store if I saw/heard this type of behaviour go unchecked by management.

 

[RemixBoyNJ]

You gotta go to your HR department. My company has a zero tolerance for any kind of discrimination. See what HR says then take it from there.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

If I overheard that kind of talk in a shop, I'd go right up to the bigot and make one heck of a scene, and I'm not going to apologize for that.

It's time. It's time that we stop allowing gay bashing in any form. Period. Done. Over. No more.

 

[vaDisneyGuy]

I am not 100% out at work but I think most of my co-workers know that I am gay. There is one person that is always saying very rude comments. (don't want to say the name of the store) we are both managers. one day we were working in the mens suit dept. There is a Haggar suit that has a "Q" lapel pin on it the q is for quality. This person very loudly says "this must mean they want queers to buy it." I said excuse me how rude. "she said what else does a big "Q" mean. "I said quality" "she said I think it means queer and went on and on and had to bring co-workers over to see it. I walked away.


They other day someone said brought up Clay Aiken. I said" his son is very cute" The rude person then said "well he must not be 100% queer if he slept with a woman" I said that I don't think they had sex" she then said "why would a gay person want to have a kid" I shook my head and walked away.


Stuff like this is starting to happen more and more. our company does include sexual orientaion in it's harrsement policey. Should I say something to Human Resources or just let it go. I am afraid she will know that it is me that said something.


What would you guys do??????????

Guys I just wanted to let you know that I did say something to my boss about it. She was a little upset that I didn't say something the first time something was said. I wrote a statement and the person has never said anything else again and has been very nice.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Guys I just wanted to let you know that I did say something to my boss about it. She was a little upset that I didn't say something the first time something was said. I wrote a statement and the person has never said anything else again and has been very nice.

Glad to hear it and thanks for speaking up.

If I overheard that kind of talk in a shop, I'd go right up to the bigot and make one heck of a scene, and I'm not going to apologize for that.

It's time. It's time that we stop allowing gay bashing in any form. Period. Done. Over. No more.

And Bravo!!!

 

[Uncle Remus]

I like this piece of inspriration:

SPEAK UP!

Your brother routinely makes anti-Semitic comments. Your neighbor uses the N-word in casual conversation. Your co-worker ribs you about your Italian surname, asking if you’re in the mafia. Your classmate insults something by saying, "That’s so gay."

And you stand there, in silence, thinking, "What can I say in response to that?" Or you laugh along, uncomfortably. Or, frustrated or angry, you walk away without saying anything, thinking later, "I should have said something."

In the spring of 2004, the Southern Poverty Law Center gathered hundreds of stories of everyday bigotry like these from people across the United States. They told their stories through e-mail, personal interviews and at roundtable discussions in four cities: Baltimore, Md.; Columbia, S.C.; Phoenix, Ariz.; and Vancouver, Wash.

People spoke about encounters in stores and restaurants, on streets and in schools. They spoke about family, friends, classmates and co-workers. They told us what they did or didn’t say — and what they wished they did or didn’t say.

And no matter the location or relationship, the stories echo each other.

When a Native American man at one roundtable discussion spoke of feeling ostracized at work, a Jewish woman nodded in support. When an African American woman told of daily indignities of racism at school, a white man leaned forward and asked what he could do to help. When an elderly lesbian spoke of finally feeling brave enough to wear a rainbow pin in public, those around the table applauded her courage.

Speak Up! echoes that applause, encouraging everyone to take a stand against everyday bigotry.

Speak Up!

 

[soulmates]

I would have said REAL quick, "I bet HR would love to hear you make those statements!" A person could loose their job over saying ignorant things like that. I know at Duke, it's NOT tolerated!!! I love love love where I work. My heart goes out to you...hang in there!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I hope if the OP does go to HR that they do the right thing for them..

Now in saying that, I am reminded that when my DD went to HR for another employee making sexual advances towards her, trying to touch her knee with his during meetings....and more... nothing happened.. This is going back a few years. I hope we have come a long way since then.....

 

[hematite153]

Guys I just wanted to let you know that I did say something to my boss about it. She was a little upset that I didn't say something the first time something was said. I wrote a statement and the person has never said anything else again and has been very nice.

I'm glad your boss responded so well and that the problem has been resolved.

Now in saying that, I am reminded that when my DD went to HR for another employee making sexual advances towards her, trying to touch her knee with his during meetings....and more... nothing happened..

Yikes! I'm sorry for your DD.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Guys I just wanted to let you know that I did say something to my boss about it. She was a little upset that I didn't say something the first time something was said. I wrote a statement and the person has never said anything else again and has been very nice.

Good!

I was going to tell you that if the VA in your screen name means Virginia, that you could PM me where you live and if not too far away I'd come into the store and try to smoke her out. I could even bring my girlfriend.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Good to know there was a responsible resolution to the situation. Sometimes honest ignorance can be educated away. Thanks for letting us know!

 

[Tony-NJ]

Glad to know it was taken care of