Room mate who doesn't get it

[PrincessKell]

Hi there. My dd is HFA. So we are very tight ship when it comes to schedules and such. We know that change does not come easy for our kids. (well mine anyway).

My room mate has a 3.5yr who is an only child. No problem... however she does not really follow through with punishment or structure for her daughter when she is out of hand or breaks rules or what have you. She doesnt get that dd is emotionally on the same level as her dd. And basicly thinks that my dd is over reacting to somethings when they happen. I have tried MANY times to explain to her about Autism, but doesnt get it. and surely doesn't help when it comes to her daughter taking Georgia's "special" items..... things that nobody can tough (i.e. rock collection, or Elvis or Disneyland items ) We have them up and put away but Georgia knows when they have been touched or out of place.

Does anyone know of a good website that would be helpful to show my room mate and explain to her (to a person that doesn't have a child with autism) what its about and how they might curb their frustrations...

Thanks

 

[LMC]

I see no one has replied so I'll go ahead and give you my opinion. In my experience people who "don't get" autism, usually never will until they personally have to deal with it. If I were in your situation, I would have to move or have the room mate move. I would not subject my child to a hostile environment (my DS is on the spectrum). Also, I am a preschool teacher and I have a student that I believe is autistic and some of the comments that the other teachers I work with make about this student are disheartening. They obviously don't get it and never will either as their opinion about this student has not changed since the school year started 8 months ago. I hope you can find a resolution for your child and your peace of mind.

 

[Schmeck]

You also have to realize that those 'special things' are limiting your child's growth. To allow fixation on certain objects having been touched by someone else or moved by someone else is very crippling. While it is a good start to solving your issues by politely educating your roommate, it's also important to start working with your daughter on the issues that upset her as well, instead of feeding into her issues. I know it's difficult to balance on that fine line between supporting and enabling. I spend all my time at work doing that balancing act.

 

[Brightsy]

My younger DS (7) used to have a real problem w/ others touching/playing with his favorite toys. It too a long time to get him used to others "messing" w/ his things. One thing that helped my DS was that certain more-favorite items we declared off limits to others while the rest of his things were labeled "for use by all" toys. His classic Mickey plush and a fe of the beanies were made off-limits to others, for example, while the rest of the Mickey's were available to others. We also made sure that other people asked for permission before touching his things. We also taught him to ask first...niw w're working on getting him to actually wait for a response before touching some one elses thngs.

 

[KirstenB]

Autismspeaks.org gives a decent description of what autism is in laymen's terms.

I hesitated to post, because I totally agree with LMC about the need to move out, or move your roommate out. However, it's easy for me to sit here and say that. It may not be feasible for you to do that. However, if you need to have a roommate, at a minimum, they need to have a similar parenting philosophy to your own. Sort of like if dh and I fundamentally disagreed on how to raise our children, kwim? It would be confusing for the kids.

I love Brightsy's idea about separating out the toys. That would be a great way to start toward what Schmeck is stating. Long term, our kids need to learn flexibility, sharing, etc.

 

[BeckyScott]

I didn't want to say anything either, but I'd be looking for a new place to live.

 

[mechurchlady]

I didn't want to say anything either, but I'd be looking for a new place to live.

What the she said goes for me too.

 

[PrincessKell]

We actually do have items and toys and such that are "ok to play with toys" for all, and we are still learning how to handle that even though they are Georgia's toys she doesn't totally get it sometimes but most she is ok with. We talk alot about how my roomies dd shares her toys and Georgia needs to do the same and be respectful as should everyone who is playing with them type stuff. Its the important off limits things that really get her going.

As for the moving thing....I would love to live by ourselves, but that is just out of the question right now. We did live alone after her dad left for about six months and the first four were tough, but once we got things calmed down and settled I lost both jobs I had due to budget cuts from the state ( I worked for non profits for people with developmental disabilities) So....things got really tight which called for a room mate. I didn't want to move her from her school after just dealing with the major change of her dad moving out. If I was able to afford it, we wouldn't have this issue at all.

My room mate is starting to get a little better, its just getting her to get a grip on her childs behaviors. I actually talked about this tonight with my ex and we agreed on a few things and are going to try a different evening routine for Georgia. not too far off from what we do now, but just trying a little less interaction with roomies dd specially on already difficult days.

Thanks for your input!

 

[LMC]

I can understand the sharing thing. I have a student I teach in preschool that I think is on the spectrum and the student has a "sharing" problem. As long as everyone is sharing with said student it's PERFECT! But to try and get said student to share with another child, forget it. This is ONLY with said students most favorite type of toy. I have 4 or 5 of these special toys and that is pretty much the only thing said student will play with. Like I said, sharing in this students mind is everyone gives the toy(s) to him/her but he/she does not reciprocate.