RONALD McDONALD GETS THE AXE; REPLACED BY CALISTA FLOCKHART
McDonalds Opts For New, Skinnier Image
Its ring out the old, ring in the new at McDonalds.
Just moments after the ball dropped in Times Square signaling the dawn of a new year, the axe fell on longtime McDonalds commercial spokesman Ronald McDonald, as fast food giant McDonalds announced that it was replacing the beloved clown with former Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart.
While weve enjoyed our association with Ronald over the years, Calista better represents the direction in which were currently headed, said McDonalds spokesman Paul Taggart.
McDonalds, hit with lawsuits in 2002 from customers who claimed that the restaurants fat-laden food had made them obese, is clearly hoping that hiring the wafer-thin Flockhart will do much to revamp its image.
In addition to retaining the services of the barely-there actress, McDonalds is introducing a new so-called McSkinny menu that the company claims verges on being calorie-free.
McDonalds new McLettuce burger, for example, is a burger-shaped chunk of iceberg lettuce sandwiched between two bun-shaped pieces of industrial upholstery foam.
While initial taste tests of the McLettuce burger have reportedly been disappointing, McDonalds has downplayed those reports, saying merely that the McSkinny menu is very much a work in progress.
As for Ronald McDonald, the recently terminated clown spoke to reporters today from his home in Sarasota, Florida today, saying that he had no bitterness about his association with the restaurant chain ending so abruptly.
While Mr. McDonald said he had no firm plans for the future, friends say he is pondering a variety of options including making commercials in Japan and seeking the Democratic nomination for President in 2004.
***Borowitz Reports****
McDonalds Opts For New, Skinnier Image
Its ring out the old, ring in the new at McDonalds.
Just moments after the ball dropped in Times Square signaling the dawn of a new year, the axe fell on longtime McDonalds commercial spokesman Ronald McDonald, as fast food giant McDonalds announced that it was replacing the beloved clown with former Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart.
While weve enjoyed our association with Ronald over the years, Calista better represents the direction in which were currently headed, said McDonalds spokesman Paul Taggart.
McDonalds, hit with lawsuits in 2002 from customers who claimed that the restaurants fat-laden food had made them obese, is clearly hoping that hiring the wafer-thin Flockhart will do much to revamp its image.
In addition to retaining the services of the barely-there actress, McDonalds is introducing a new so-called McSkinny menu that the company claims verges on being calorie-free.
McDonalds new McLettuce burger, for example, is a burger-shaped chunk of iceberg lettuce sandwiched between two bun-shaped pieces of industrial upholstery foam.
While initial taste tests of the McLettuce burger have reportedly been disappointing, McDonalds has downplayed those reports, saying merely that the McSkinny menu is very much a work in progress.
As for Ronald McDonald, the recently terminated clown spoke to reporters today from his home in Sarasota, Florida today, saying that he had no bitterness about his association with the restaurant chain ending so abruptly.
While Mr. McDonald said he had no firm plans for the future, friends say he is pondering a variety of options including making commercials in Japan and seeking the Democratic nomination for President in 2004.
***Borowitz Reports****
