Robert Blake’s Attorney Quits; Cites Desire Not To Lose Case

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ROBERT BLAKE’S ATTORNEY QUITS; CITES DESIRE NOT TO LOSE CASE

In Winona Ryder Trial, Judge Reports Missing Gavel

Robert Blake’s attorney officially departed the actor's Hollywood murder trial today, citing “a strong desire not to lose a big case.”

“This has nothing to do with me wanting to spend more time with my family, or anything like that,” Mr. Blake’s attorney said. “This is all about me not wanting to lose a big case and hurt my career.”

Meanwhile, in another California courtroom, actress Winona Ryder’s attorney abruptly quit today after the judge in her shoplifting trial revealed that his gavel had suddenly gone missing.

The mounting evidence against Ms. Ryder, as well as the mysteriously disappearing gavel, convinced Ms. Ryder’s attorney to quit representing the actress “because, at the end of the day, there’s nothing I hate more than losing a big case.”

The abrupt departures of the attorneys for Mr. Blake and Ms. Ryder may inspire other attorneys to bail on such high-profile, sure-to-lose defendants as domestic diva Martha Stewart and former General Electric CEO Jack Welch.

Mr. Welch is embroiled in a particular nasty divorce case that, in his lawyer’s words, “I’d rather not stick around for.”

“From the court papers I’ve looked at, Jane Welch really intends to rip Jack a new one,” Mr. Welch’s lawyer said. “I took one look at that stack of documents and said, ‘Whoa, I’m outta here.’”

The trend of high-profile quitters may have been touched off by Senator Robert Torricelli’s recent decision to quit his New Jersey Senate race, and could even spread to the NFL, where the winless Cincinnati Bengals are pondering quitting for the rest of the season and using their stadium for flea markets and monster truck shows.

****Borowitz Reports****

 

[CathyCanada]

btw, did you hear what Winona wore to court yesterday? Someone forgot to tell her that when you wear a sheer dress, your underwear should be the same colour as your bra.
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