Road side memorials for accident victims

[Cantw8]

I don't need to have lost someone in car accident to have an opinion.
It bothers me because I think that they are a major distraction. Rather than "remind" drivers of driving conditions, they take their attention. Why does someone's method of "dealing with grief" have to extend into public areas that we all use and in the case of one memorial near us, on Olive Garden's property? That is what cemeteries are for! That's what tomb stones and grave markers are for.
I

I don't recall saying that anyone had to have lost someone in a car accident to have an opinion, don't assume rolleyes: My point is, until it happens to you (general you, I have no idea of knowing what your situation is)...how do you know how you would act? If you have lost someone and choose not to immortalize them this way, fine. Others may handle things differently. Instead of driving by and viewing the memorial as an eyesore or potential distraction, how about thinking about the reason it is there in the first place and having some sort of compassion? Just a thoughtl

 

[hugsquared]

But a case could be made that such memorials are likely to cause more accidents; being distracting to other drivers and dangerous to the pedestrian that goes out in the road or on the median or shoulder to put them up.

Thats my thoughts. They serve more of a distraction to me.

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't recall saying that anyone had to have lost someone in a car accident to have an opinion, don't assume rolleyes: My point is, until it happens to you (general you, I have no idea of knowing what your situation is)...how do you know how you would act? If you have lost someone and choose not to immortalize them this way, fine. Others may handle things differently. Instead of driving by and viewing the memorial as an eyesore or potential distraction, how about thinking about the reason it is there in the first place and having some sort of compassion? Just a thoughtl

How do I know how I would act?? Because I am familiar with my own behavior. I would not erect a road side memorial and perpetuate it for months. I do have compassion but having compassion doesn't mean that we have to foster something that is actually inappropriate.

 

[L107ANGEL]

But what you find inappropriate may not be what I find inappropiate. Agreed? I was taking my DD and niece for pratice one night and was stopped due to a horrible accident on the highway. To make a long story short the mother who was driving was dead at the scene. Her 11 year old son and 3 year old Daughter were life flighted. The next morning it was reported that the 3 YO did not make it. My 10 yo DD asked if we could buy flowers and place them at that tree. We of course did. Many did! I am sorry if that distracted anyone but it was a very emotional and necessary thing for us to do.

 

[DawnCt1]

But what you find inappropriate may not be what I find inappropiate. Agreed? I was taking my DD and niece for pratice one night and was stopped due to a horrible accident on the highway. To make a long story short the mother who was driving was dead at the scene. Her 11 year old son and 3 year old Daughter were life flighted. The next morning it was reported that the 3 YO did not make it. My 10 yo DD asked if we could buy flowers and place them at that tree. We of course did. Many did! I am sorry if that distracted anyone but it was a very emotional and necessary thing for us to do.

But how long would you perpetuate that? Would it be that one time or would you continue to provide flowers week after week. That is what typically happens, as was the case with the year old memorial that was finally taken down. It must have been a town decision because the latest addition to the memorial was a permanent, self standing sign with a baseball bat, and soccer ball. I don't think that anyone resents a memorial of a day or two or even a week. Its the permanent ones that I find objectionable and they do have a way of becoming permanent.

 

[Spinning]

I think I hate them because of the road I live on. It is a residental 4 lane highway road. What should I do if someone drives drunk or like a speed nut and crashes at my driveway and then someone feels the need to make a shrine by my mail box?
I do realize people need to grieve and it may bring them comfort. But to me...no and yes I lost a dear cousin in a horrible car crash. Never once felt something needed to be put there or the need to go.
I think it is one thing when they have just a simple white cross. But around here it becomes a small funeral patch. SOrry if I sound harsh. Believe me my heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones. I didn't know the 4 girls who died but for about a year when I would drive by I would get teary eyed because I felt the pain of the loss.

 

[eclectics]

They don't actually bother me. There are quite a few where I live. As someone posted, they are kind of sad if anything. Some, however are a little on the large side and are actually distracting. I would hate to see another accident at the same place. Also, most are on public land but some are set up on private property. If you have the homeowners permission, fine, but if it was my property and someone set one up without asking me first, it would bother me.

 

[Marseeya]

I try not to let them distract me, but they really do.

 

[pattyT]

HATE them

how is it good to remember someone three years later by looking at nasty old moldy teddy bears hanging from the telephone pole that they wrapped the car around when drag raising down a residential street???

I understand the immediate closer for temporary memorials - til say after the funeral when the love ones have somewhere else to go... but long term - nah

 

[Dare2Wish]

I've only had a problem with these memorials one time. I work in an urban area. A car was stolen nearby and a police chase ensued. One thing led to another and the thief crashed into a store. He got out and showed a gun. A police officer shot him. He died. The next few days a "memorial" popped up in front of the store. Teddy Bears, balloons, flowers, etc. I thought that was sickening. Why give a tribute to someone who put lives in danger?

 

[ckret01]

They don't bother me at all. I pass a few of them depending on where I am going and I always get sad and feel bad for the family. I completely understand that people grieve differently and if it makes them feel closer to their loved ones they lost then I have no problem with it.

 

[Laurajean1014]

I think it's a beautiful reminder on how to drive safely and to remember loved ones.

 

[Feralpeg]

I think a lot of them are put up by high school age kids when they lose a friend. Perhaps they have no other way to express their feelings over the loss. I don't think they should be permanent. They are actually a hazard, IMHO. Some states are planning on outlawing them. In their place, a standard sign bearing the individuals name can be purchased. It makes it easier on the crews that keep up the roadsides.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It depends...there is a new one near where we live. I saw the rescue vehicles there one day and then a few days later we saw the memorial. I did some investigating and found out that a motorcyclist died while trying to pass a car in a right turn lane. The cyclist tried to pass, but came to the end of the turn lane, hit the curb and was thrown. His passenger was injured. I'm glad that the memorial was there because wouldn't have otherwise realized that someone had died. My kids (one will have his permit soon) saw firsthand how someones impatience led directly to their death. It's an important lesson for them to learn.

There was a memorial near the high school this spring when a teenage boy hit a tree and died. I think it comforts the friends and family to have these memorials and, as a driver, it reminds me to take the extra time to get where I'm going safely and to drive carefully.

Some states do not allow the memorials since it can be unsafe erecting the memorials and can draw drivers attention off the road.

 

[Cantw8]

How do I know how I would act?? Because I am familiar with my own behavior. I would not erect a road side memorial and perpetuate it for months. I do have compassion but having compassion doesn't mean that we have to foster something that is actually inappropriate.[/QUOTE]


I'll respect your opinion to find them distracting or unnecessary, that is your opinion and you are entitled to it but how is it that you deem them inappropriate... by your above quote, it does not seem to be your opinion but you have stated it as a matter of fact. I have never lost anyone in a car accident, hopefully I never will. I have no idea how I would feel in that situation. I would suppose it would depend on circumstances. Thinking about it now, I can't imagine that I would want the scene of a loved ones death immortalized, something that I would have to look at everyday and be reminded of, but I would certainly not deny anyone else that right. Who am I to say how you can grieve? As far as them being distracting, are you also distracted by roadside fruit stands? Newspaper sellers? Signs to Eat At Joe's?

 

[L107ANGEL]

Ok, the question was posed as to how long they should be there. I don't know, I hope to never have first hand knowledge. If it were my child or other loved one, I don't honestly know. I can not bring my self to go to cemeteries for any reason other that a funeral. I visit specific places for various loved ones though. I am not looking to argue, all I am saying is I would hope if I lost a loved one that way and I felt some peace in visiting that area it would not be upon as an annoyance. Just my two cents.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I really don't like them and I have also called the DOT to remove one. It was in a congested traffic area and the mourners hung a basket from the tree with bright yellow flowers on it. The next day there was even more stuff including pinwheels. This continued on for months. Every time a car went by the basket would swing like mad and the pinwheels would reflect the sun. No matter how hard I tried my eyes would divert to looking at it. It was very distracting. The mourners replaced it within a few days and then the DOT removed it and the tree. Now they are widening the road so all the trees are gone.
I really don't understand memorializing where someone has died and yes I did lose a dear friend in an automobile accident, he was hit by a drunk driver. I also had survivors guilt for a long time because I was supposed to be with him. I refuse to put so much emphasis on his death, I would rather put my focus on how he lived, that is the best way to remember him.

 

[Michelina]

There was a terrible accident in front of my in-laws home where a 16 year old driver hit a man on a motorcycle because the sun was in her eyes and the motorcyclist died.
His relatives called and asked my MIL if they could erect a little cross with flowers on the spot where he died.
They felt really sorry for them but the road is a very busy highway and they thought about that girl having to drive by their house every day on her way to work or school. That cross would be a daily reminder of what happened and they said no.

 

[mommaU4]

For those of you who don't like it, how do you feel about the memorials that were at the World Trade Center?
Or what about the ones at the Oklahoma City Federal building that was bombed? Those are still up. We saw them last year when we drove through OK city.
Or what about when a person is killed on a sidewalk and people bring stuffed animals and light those candles and leave them on the sidewalk?
Or when a celeb dies and they put flowers at their star in Hollywood?
Do those things bother you too? Or is it only the ones by the side of the road? I'm just asking. Don't get mad or nothin.

 

[va32h]

For those of you who don't like it, how do you feel about the memorials that were at the World Trade Center? Or what about the ones at the Oklahoma City Federal building that was bombed? Those are still up. We saw them last year when we drove through OK city.
Or what about when a person is killed on a sidewalk and people bring stuffed animals and light those candles and leave them on the sidewalk?
Or when a celeb dies and they put flowers at their star in Hollywood?
Do those things bother you too? Or is it only the ones by the side of the road?

I don't know if "bother" is the right word, but I will admit that I neither possess nor understand the desire to do such things, particularly in cases where the person bringing the bears or flowers has no personal or direct connection to anyone who died in the event.

I remember watching the news coverage of all of those events, and thinking that perhaps some children's ward or nursing home would get some enjoyment out of the bears and flowers. And wondering who has to pay to clean up all the dead flowers and ragged bears and ribbons and signs that get wet in the rain.

I suppose it comes from a feeling of helplessness, and a feeling of wanting to "do something".