Rizels Diary of Ups and Downs

[Rizel]

Jaime: Thank you so much again for all the encouragment! I'll ask about it to the payroll manager in a couple days. Now to get the motivation for my exercise!

Karyn: It's winter!! it's so cold and rainy here now ;_; and the school is heated thankfully. Pb and honey is delish! and really filling too cause of all the protein. For some reason when i toast the bread i feel as if i'm eating more.

Keener: I DID THE WALK! lol and i reported about it too. Wow i'm still breathing heavily and i was actually sweating! The paystub this is basically cause, we have lots of managers, and only 1 is in charge of payroll. So half the time, one manager will tell you to work overtime and then not tell him, so he's unaware of it all. But i'm sure it's okay, i vaguely remember taking a couple days off.

Thank you all for visiting my journal!

 

[eeyore25]

Hi Rizel!!!!!

Glad to hear that you did the walk! That is great!!!!!

Hope you are having a wonderful Friday!

Keep up the great work!

 

[lovinaz]

All this talk about heavy coats is making me sweat! I am sitting here in shorts, it is still in the upper 90's. Usually it starts cooling down by Halloween!!!

Congrats on getting that treadmill workout in! Keep it up and you will notice a huge difference in your stamina! You will be able to work out for longer periods of time without getting tired. The exercise challenge is a HUGE motivator for me, I hope it also works for you! I love posting my daily workouts and seeing the number go up and up!!

Keep it up, you're doing great!

 

[frogmommy]

Hi Rizel-

I read your journal for the first time today. Did I read correctly that you have already lost 8 lbs? Wow, you are doing great!!

I thought my life was hectic, but I forgot how crazy busy it can be when combining school, work, AND BF. Good for you for making time to workout.

 

[Rizel]

Today was a blah day, i started off with no menu because i woke up to the phone ringing. It was work. They wanted me to go to work for an extra 2 hours. So i went Blah. The good news is i didn't buy anything from work, bad news is until i calculate now i have no idea how many cals i ate.

Schedule:
2-8pm (work)

Menu:

Breakfast: aw:
12 Iced gem cookies (8x12 = 96cals)
1 corn roll (45cals)
1 cheese string (60cals)

Lunch: aw:
1/2 honeydew melon (175cals)

Dinner: aw:
0.8 cup white rice (193 cals)
4-5 tbps curry sauce (40cals)
1 piece tofu (30cals)
1.5 pot stickers (163 cals)
2/3 cup of green beans (51.33cals)

4-5 tbsp of milk and peanuts (it's a can where they i guess boil the milka nd peanuts together so it's milky and the peanuts are soft. 60cals)

Dessert:
Several scrapes of gelato (60cals)

Total: (973.33cals)

8:56pm
Dinner was so filling and delicious. Been a long time since i had a home cooked meal. I've been relying on lean cuisine for awhile but i feel that i know portion control now and know when to stop. Today breakfast was really more of a "shove food in face" kinda thing instead of a real planning it out. Lunch was really good as well fruit, i havne't had fruit in awhile. Todays' damage wasn't bad at all. Although i got not much exercise done sides the 4 hours of running around work i got which probably works out to be around 1.5 hours of me on my feet constantly.

Tomorrow till be the weekend, and because i would really relaly like to be 180 by this weigh in on sunday. I'm going to continue my diet over the weekend as well.

 

[Rizel]

Saturday:

This weekend is going to be busy at work. Today my second shift as supervisor so since i'll be on the floor i should get lots of exercise in running around and cleaning theatres.

Schedule:

11-5pm Work
10:40am
I'm bringing a sandwich and some fruit to work, so i shouldn't stray too far today at work. The bread is really thick so i counted it as 3 slices of bread instead of two.

5:29pm
Wow, today was such a hectic day of running around. I decided not to have a break today and work. There was a theatre confusion, so basically i had like 60 people in the wrong theatres, so that had to be sorted out etc etc. Surprisingly not one person complained after the show like the normally do so that was great. I drank a bottle of water during the day and then had half my pb and honey sandwich at around 5ish. I'm full and probably going to head out for dinner tonight, if not i'll laze around the house and watch HOCKEY!!

Sunday:

Severly pissed off at having work. I have to go in and work a bloody 7 hour shift cause it's thanksgiving and the original person had to have a dinner. I dont' want to work, and i'm going to do a ****ty job why cause i'm pissed. Apparently because i was sick on tuesday and 2 supervisors had to come in because of that (1 to work, 1 to do the interviews) i owe them my bloody soul. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SORRY I WAS SICK AND HAD TO STAY HOME! so i'm severly pissed off at the entire company and at them for basically going like "well i didn't want to work that day either" Whatever. Oh and on thursday the other supervisor is pissed off at me cause i had to give my shift away. Cause the managers DIDN"T want me to work 7 days in a row, and when i went to get my paystub, they wanted me to come in and said "whatever we'll just pay you" when i told them about my 7th day. Okay so hows this my fault at all? Could i have predicted the future? So now i apparently owe everyone my soul and i have to do everyones bidding because of this. I"m so pissed off right now it's ridiculous.

Schedule:
Work 5-12:38am

Menu:

Breakfast:
1 corn roll (45cals)
12 iced gem biscuits (it's a small round buscuit with a flower of frosting on top in different colors, i'm estimating the calorie count to be around 8 cals each? 96cals)

Dinner:
1 burger king veggie burger (420cals)
1 chicken tender (42cals)
1/3 tcby swirl (43cals)
1 tbsp chocolate syrup (25cals)
1 slices bacon (46cals)
1 slice cheese (45cals)

Total: (762cals)

1:03am
Work wasn't too bad at all, i was really frusterated but then it was fine today. Nothing to major, cept one guest was mad at me and basically wanted me to compensate him etc, but i dont' have the power too. In the end i got him some passes but blah. The truth is, i didn't bring anything to work cause i was in a hurry etc, i was not going to eat but then i got kinda lightheaded and on top of that, cause it's thanksgiving sunday, a manager gave all supervisors a free meal. So i got some ice cream and ate about 1/3rd of it with some chocolate syrup. Then i had a veggie burger with bacon and cheese, i completely forgot to tell them to use mustard instead of mayo. That costed me 60cals. But then again, i did run around alot today. I have to say i did at least 2 hours of solid walking/running around today. so Hurrah!

Weighed in at:
Day: 181 pounds
Night:180-181 pounds. It was about halfway so I'm almost there!!!

This week = -1.5 pounds

 

[lovinaz]

Congrats on the loss! Remember to keep your calories at 1200 or higher - it is not healthy to go below that.

Sorry to hear your work is such a pain, but that is why it is called work...

You are doing great, keep it up!

 

[keenercam]

Keep up the great work, Rizel! Sorry work is sucky, but that's why we get paid to be there, I guess (if it were fun, we'd pay THEM -- like Disney!)

Glad to hear the scale is cooperating. All that hustling around the theatres is certainly burning off calories. Be sure to eat enough or your body will go into starvation mode and hold on to everything you eat.

 

[Rizel]

I know ;-; actually last night i hit probably around 1065cals I ate some butterscotch and caramel topping last night. I've been aiming for a 1200-1500calorie range, sometimes i fall short, and sometimes i go wayyyyy over. I'm going to definatly keep that in mind and put some higher cal foods in. Thanks lovinaz

Froggy: Hiya ^^;; yeah sometimes it gets busy juggling work/school and i get frusterated. But it has to be done and luckily i only have one class this semester.

Schedule:
Work 6-12:30pm

Menu:

Breakfast:
ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI!!!

Lunch:
Enough candy/chocolate bars to kill a horse

Dinner:
Turkey dinner
Cheeseburger w/ bacon
Chocolate!

12:16pm
I'm at an absolute loss as to what to eat today, my house is kinda empty ^^;; well of the foods i like. I think i'll have some cereal, if it hasn't gone all stale by now. I have a habit of buying boxes of cereal, eating half and then never eating them again. Most likely eating lunch outside today, for dinner, i think i'll either have a salad, or a veggie burger from bk. Unless i buy some lean cusine or something when we're out.

I decided that today would be a Free day, i allow myself 2 a week,usually the weekends, since this weekend i was really good i let myself have turkey day free. Which means i dont' count cals and allow myself to eat whatever i want.

 

[pearlieq]

You must be my husband's long lost twin!!!! He does the same thing with cereal, snack, crackers. I have so many half-empty boxes in my pantry!

I hope you have a great day today! My cupboards are bare today as well--I should get to the store one of these days, I suppose... I hope you find something yummy and enjoy your al fresco lunch!

 

[Rizel]

Yesterday was a very very delicious and fattening free day. We went out and went to the dollar store and bought 16 dollars worth of chocolate and candy. Now mind you, that doesn't sound like a lot, but for every dollar i can get 2-3 bars of chocolate/candy. So that was like 30-35 bars of chocolate/candy. Luckily it was shared between three people, and i kinda threw away some, cause it tasted bad, and i'm not going to waste calories on bad tasting chocolate!!

Great news, yesterday i closed, so today i'm switching and hopefully won't have to close tonight!!! I'm sleepy ;_; i'm working 42.5 hours this week approx. i've worked 7 days in a row, this week i'm working 6 and all of the shifts have been around 6-7 hours long. Blah tired ;_;

Work i have to admit, is an awesome calorie burner. When i'm working floor/supervisor. I run around, clean theatres, keep walking constantly, sweep etc. When i'm box i sit there or stand there. So i'm really enjoying floor shifts now. I'm making a point to sprint up stairs now and once in awhile i get this burst of energy and i'm running down the halls for no particular reason. Quite fun!

Schedule:
School 8-10am
Work 5-11ish (hopefully if not 12:30)

Menu:

Breakfasts:
1 cube of diced melon (2-4cals)

Lunch:
0.5 Easy mac extreme cheese (125cals)

Dinner:
1 string cheese (60cals)
1 pack ritz bitz crackers (80cals)
2 slices bread (158cals)
1 tbsp peanut butter (96cals)
1 tbsp honey (34cals)

Afterwork Snack:
1/2 caramel chocolate bar (110cals)

Total: TBA

10:29am
Woke up at 5:30 am today, and did all my hw and headed to school, i had one cube of diced melon cause, just as i finished and was starting to eat, i realized i was going to be late and had to run out the door. When i came back, my daddy ate it all ;_; Oh wellz, b/f promised to take me out to lunch today and he's going to pay I'm going to have a school lunch for dinner today!

Calculating tentative dinner etc, i'm at around 422 cals for the day, that gives me about 788cals to play around with for lunch. I think i'm going to make something, i'm craving green peas w/ butter.

Shopping list:
Green Peas (frozen), Boca burgers, burger buns, mustard, pickles

3:42pm
Lunch with b/f was thrown out the window, as i decided to take a valuable 4 hour nap. I'm feeling so much more energized, still a little sleepy but that's okay. I got my government gst check today, so that's a kinda free 56.75!! i'm going to exchange that into us money as i'm heading to the states tomorrow. My off day!! yeah!! Will definatly be doing a lot of eating out, i'm going to pack a sandwhich tomorrow and bring some snacks, so i can eat my eating in control tomorrow.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi Rizel!!!

You are doing such a great job! Keep up the good work!

Hope you are having a wonderful Tuesday!

 

[frogmommy]

Hey! I see you've lost 1 1/2 lbs since I last came by!! WTG!!

 

[Rizel]

Day 3

Yesterday was awesome, was definatly on target etc. So day 3, wednesday was kind of a bust. I started off with great intentions but it all spiraled downwards from there. We went to the states, headed out bright and early and ended up eating dim sum for breakfast. Then to the states we went, we got through really fast and then headed to costco, bought a ton of chocolate for my aunt to take back to singapore. Then i opened up a bag of chips and munched on them. I ate quite a bit, we then went to bellingham mall and we ordered nachos. OMG the nacho's were so good, with the shredded chicken etc. I'm definatly going to try to copy that. Then i had a couple sips of coffee (NO POP!!) We walked around a bit, bought a couple shirts and then headed back to canada. I munched on more chips on the drive back. Once back we went out to eat!! i had steak/chicken a la king/ french frys/gravy/tofu. Lots of food, i was about to burst though, when i got home we all munched (except for mommy, she's diabetic) on gourmet chocolates (220cals for 3 pieces) and i had at least 6-7 pieces. It was all and all a delicious but fattening day. I will do better tomorrow.

Day 4

Today i woke up feeling full, slightly naseous and bloated. I think my body is spiteing me right now. Not that i blame it at all. 2 more days till the weekend, and 4 more till weigh in. I've been kinda bad with keep up with journaling lately, but that's mostly because, my little bro is online, if not my aunt is. My brother is home everyday now cause the teachers are on strike. They should be back soon though, cause apparently they are getting sued.Anyways back on track for this diet! I must also spend at least one day this week studying my butt off.

Schedule:
8-10am School
12-8pm Work

Menu:

Breakfast:
Non existant, as i ended up digesting last night snacks.

Lunch:
Garlic mashed potatoes
~ 2 medium, 1 small red potatos with skin boiled w/ pinch of salt (355cals)
~ 4 cloves garlic (11.92cals)

1 ear of corn w/ 1 tsp margarine (123 + 35 cals)

Salad w/
~ Fresh romaine lettuce (8cals)
~ 2-3 tbsp italian dressing (10-15cals)

Dinner:
Whatever my dad cooked with portion control! Today is a lazy sleepy day.

10:43am
Today for like one of the first times ever. I made EVERYTHING from scratch! I wanted mashed potatoes, and i had a bag at home, so i boiled them like i saw last night on the food channel (Been watching this religiously every night for some reason, i think i'm infatuated with food) And then i made a salad, and cooked an ear of corn in the microwave (take the raw ear of corn, peel it etc, put some butter, and like 1.5-2 minutes, then turn it over, another 1.5-2 minutes and it's done! In the microwave.) I took the potatoes, and added a pinch of salt and then chopped some garlic and pan fried those and tossed those in. It's really good, and after taking a large portion to work, i think i'll have at least a cup left over for dinner! I'm really liking this cooking thing. And people said i couldn't cook.

I feel kinda bad for ken (b/f). He's been a little frusterated/annoyed with me cause of the lack of time we spend together. He was supposed to see me on tuesday, but as you all know, i chose sleep over him. Yesterday he came over and we spend the 2 hours we had together playing mahjong with my grandparents. I said i would spend today and possibly tomorrow after work with him, but i vaguely recall saying i'd take my aunt to a movie. Oh wellz, so many things to do, so little time.

Other great news, I got approved for my first ever visa card It's a student card and has a limit of 300 dollars but it's CLEAR GREEN!! and oh so pretty. Yes i chose looks of the card, i have no idea what the other stuff means anyways. After a couple months of building credit i'm going to apply for my disney visa!!!

 

[eeyore25]

HI Rizel!!!

Happy Friday!!! Hope you are having a great day!

 

[Rizel]

At this point, i'm going through some emotional baggage now and really dont' have the mood/time to get online to deal with this diet. No i'm not throwing in the towel, i'm still going to try my best, but i've decided to just give myself some time to face facts and figure it all out.

Quick run down, i used to like this guy, who didn't like me. He's friends with my b/f and he told me before that he would date someone if he was interested. Anyways i found out yesterday that, yes he was dating now. Someone 5 years younger. a 20 year old is dating a 15-16 year old. I'm hurt because now i'm wondering "what did i not have" and why did he reject me. I would understand if they were my age, but not someone so much younger than me. I think in a way that i should of gotten over this a long time ago, but i didn't cause i repressed the feelings. I feel hurt whenever i think about it, i've told my b/f that i didnt' want to hear anything about him anymore and told a friend today not to invite him to anymore group gatherings. They all know deep down why, but i guess they don't realy want to bring it up either. I keep seeing in my mind, him coming to the movie theatres with this girl, eating out with this girl etc etc. And i know i should be happy, i have a b/f that loves me very much. But now i'm wondering, why am i so upset over him and how come the love i should have for my b/f isn't exactly countering the hurt i feel. I keep trying to think of the same situations with my b/f thinking about him with someone else, and it doesn't trigger that clenching pain in my chest like it does with the other guy.

If anything i've gotten increasingly annoyed with my b/f. I'm throwing tantrums at him left and right. Right now i'm angry with him cause he never called me.I think part of me wants to throw him out of my life because he's associated with the other guy. It's been 2 years of people telling me to change/move on. My b/f has never been the perfect guy, in fact he was anything but. He would not call you/plan anything/expect me to pay/no gifts even for special occasions/forget important things etc etc etc. The list goes on. He's changed a lot so i can't complain much now. Everything i've wanted so far, he's done his best to do it. I can't blame him, and i know it's hurting him to see me get so upset and angry at something that he doesn't really understand. Truth is, out of the 5-6 guys i've ever had an interest in, that guy was the only one that has ever rejected me. I had basically a 100% success rate before him and perhaps that's why it hurts. Another thing is i'm kinda interested in this guy at work. YES I KNOW HOW BAD THIS IS AND OMG THIS IS SO COMPLICATED but i kinda liked him before but i think he had no interest. Not to say that he's interested now, but he did give me his number and came and talked to me twice yesterday. Life is complicated and i think i'm just doing what i always do when i get upset, i turn to someone else who i think is interested in me or know is interested in me and get showered in their adoration. There a couple guys who are interested in me, that i'm not attracted to enough to ever date. Blahs i'm such a horrible person.

Work has been interesting, i'm working too much for my own good, i'm not really focusing on school anymore. I used to pay attention at school and now i'm paying attention to the clock. I have to do well, and i will do well. Exercise and diet wise, i think i start off the day with good intentions and that's about it. Usually by 7-8 o'clock, i'm muchning on chocolates/chips and drinking coolers/apple juice. I'm going to stop that.

I wish i could shut down my brain/feelings and just go through life like that for a couple days. Darn life and all the drama.

Keep strong and your all doing great. Thank you so much for all the support. I will keep you guys updated on the drama!

 

[frogmommy]

*hug* Hang in there. We'll still be here when you get it all sorted out.

 

[Rizel]

Thanks froggymommy i needed that.

I gained 2.5 pounds in the past 3-4days. I pigged out, i ate chocolates/candy/chips/burgers. I had more food than i needed. I feel gross, and fat now. I hate this. I get upset, i eat and then i realize how making myself fat isn't going to exactly help, then i get even more upset and eat more. I've been drowning my sorrows in ferro rochers. So far all i've done lately is work/eat i've done nothing else. Tomorrow it's back to dieting. No more chocolates (i ate them all...all 36 ferro rochers at 220 cals for 3) I ate an entire costco sized bag of chips, 140cals per ounce. I ate everything. I feel sick just thinking about chocolate now.

I'm still not feeling so great, i just finished throwing a tantrum at the b/f and he just hung up on me saying that once i was ready to tell him what was wrong i could contact him. At this point i really don't know what i want. I've said a couple pretty hurtfull things today to him.

With the other guy, i dont' talk to him. Though at work, i keep imagining him walking in with her. And i hate it and i get upset. I keep thinking every asian girl aged 15 could be her. And him picking her up at school and everything and i hate it all. I hate it so much. Wow i think i just had a revelation of why i hate this. I want to be her, not because of dating him, but because my b/f never did anything like that for me. I never got picked up from school, i never got taken out for a romantic day. I never got anything. I don't like the guy, i like the way he treats people. I want a guy to show up at my door and surprise me with a small gift (chocolates, a card) i want him to hug me and say he loves me. And remember valentines day, and our first month.

I just talked to the b/f and he wants to change, he wants to know what to do to make me happy. Well iunno, i can't change my memories of having a bad b/f.

 

[Rizel]

Been a rough couple of days. Today will be a real toss up. First day back on the diet plan and back to work on eating healthy. I've gained 2 pounds and a half. So now i've got to really focus.

Schedule:
8-10 school

Menu:

Breakfast:
a couple baby carots
1/2 blueberry muffin
5/6ths of a large oatmeal rasin cookie

Lunch:
Ate out had a black pepper minute steak with rice washed it down with some cranberry juice and iced milk tea

Movie snack:
1 small popcorn tray with a small cherry koolaid

Dinner:
Caesar salad to start with the fixings
1/2 chicken quesadilla w/ sour cream
a couple bites of fettuchini alfredo
2 bites of chicken
1/2 piece of garlic bread

Total: Probably around 2500-3000cals

7:20am
This morning i woke up at 5am to do my hw. Boy do i feel backwards, i can understand and get the answers for the harder questions but i can't do the easy ones. Off to school early to consult with collegue (is that what you call someone you know from school?) Anyways today i know i'll get munchie so i packed some baby carrots. They taste pretty good, i do despise veggies quite a bit especially tomato's and cucumbers. I dislike the taste, must be from eating so many before.

Went out with the dear b/f and ate everything under the sun. Got my credit card in the mail, and yes i used it TWICE so now i'm in debt. I hate this feeling of debt already. Feeling a little better about the entire situation and b/f is being really supportive and trying his best. He bought me a Pooky bear! (garfields teddy) it's so adorable and i love it to bits. Watched wallace and gromit as well at work as i was there to make the schedule till the end of november. I think i scheduled myself for about 5 shifts per week. I feel that's enough, i'll get definate rest for sure and i can always just pick up a shift if i wanted it badly. Tomorrow is another day and i want to start FRESH

 

[Rizel]

Yesterday wasn't a good day. There however is a lot of improvement in other areas. Ever since the long chat with the b/f, things have gotten better. I'm still easily upset but i find that i feel less stressed out etc. Midterm is coming up on Monday and i really want to do well. Tomorow i'm going to really focus in on school and start studying. Today i can't guarantee exactly how well i'll do. I don't know if i'm going out to eat today or staying home or what not.
I also have a box of leftovers from yesterday which i can't figure out the calorie count for.

Schedule:
School: 8-10am
Work: 6-10:45

Menu:

Breakfast:
Nothing, feel disgustingly full still

Brunch:
1 boiled red potato
pinch of salt
Maybe a tsp of becel

Lunch:
1/2 of leftover fettuchini alfredo w/ chicken (guesstimate 400cals)

Snack:
Baby carrots or red grapes

Dinner:
1/2 of leftover fettuchini alfredo w/ chicken (400cals)
1/2 piece of garlic bread (??)

Total: TBA

5:57am
I'm feeling confidant that i can stick to todays plan. I have no idea how many cals are in fettuchini alfredo to begin with so i'm going to guesstimate 800cals per plate w/ chicken. I'm really craving something light, i've eaten so many greasy heavy foods lately that i wake up with ridiculous indigestion and bloatyness. I'd really like to catch up with journals today, but alas my brother is still online basically 24/7 as school is still on strike. After my aunt and grandparents leave this weekend i think things will be a lot better.

1:36pm
Just woke up from my nap that i took right after school. Work woke me up, they called to say that they were calling me in for tonight. I was really frusterated at first, cause last night a girl did ask me to take her shift, so at first i assumed that she had called in sick. I called back and they told me that basically the treasurer had called in sick so that had to shuffle. I feel a bit better about that now. Eating 1/2 my fettuchini alfredo and it's really good, even though it's last nights. Going to drop off my dad at work and then go to walmart. They might go out and eat but i doubt it since they all just ate. So far i'm on the plan!