Just popped on and thought I would take a stab at a few of the questions... we used Ridemax for the first time in May and loved it and will without a doubt use it again come next trip (which I am trying to talk DH into doing sooner than 2012 or 2013!)
Meals- if you can plan a CS meal BEFORE rush hour... so earlier or later than noon or 6pm, you wont have to stand in line as long. I would plan about 45 min and that was ample time. For TS, we planned about 75 min for non character and 90 min for character. That was usually generous. We had one breakfast it took the full 90 min to see them all, and another we were out in an hour. Most of the time ridemax had us having some break time right after our meals it seemed so we always figured if it took longer we were ok. We never ran over. As for breaks, i think it depends on where you stay. We were at WL so three hours was plenty at MK to take the boat back, swim and nap, and get back. For our DHS day i planned 4 hours and I think we were out 3.5.
MAelstrom in Norway- I have seen waits of 30-40 min for this ride so that may be why they suggest a FP. Our epcot day plan suggested to get a FP and then we had free time and the wait was short so we just rode it then. I found in the plans I ran that the Norway ride was the last FP it suggested collecting, so it didnt take away from getting one for one of the big rides.
HDJA- My DH was nervous about this too and not crazy about being scheduled to the minute. I will say that the first day or two I was watching my watch the first two hours or so of the plan and fretting about staying on time. I quickly learned that we got ahead every single day(sometimes by as much as 45+ minutes!) as we often had less walking time or the wait was shorter than predicted. We were then able to modify it a little and switch up the order of the non bolded attractions. I think the plan is most important the first couple hours of the day before it gets crowded. After that you can go more with the flow.
It will take some cooperation on your families side to follow a specific plan and bypass things you walk by. But mine were believers within a day when they saw how little we waited and how smoothly it all went. I think you can follow the plan without watching your watch and still be very successful so long as you dont get TOO far behind, or the wait times will go up. It will still prioritize your day well. Hopefully your DH will see the benefits though and be on board with you! I hope you have a great time!
He DOES NOT want to be on a schedule, with me checking my watch and checking the schedule every minute. Is this what it would take to follow the plan? I have our MK and AK days planned and they look good to me! 
I think he's a bit upset that I've spent many hours doing this 
as well!
