Retirement is months away...tips? Advice?

[Hisgirl]

Husband is retiring soon.

We should be okay financially, but's it's scary as all get-out, not having a paycheck coming in. I intend to up my search for a way to earn a bit. I've been so busy caring for my elderly parents I've had to put my own business on complete hold.

He has no hobbies, only one friend, doesn't play golf.

I've shared how important it is to have goals, volunteer ideas, new sports or hobbies or even a part time flexible job...but he just wants to be done. (but don't worry, I don't nag or even bring it up, I know better. )

What advice can you share when you and your significant other retired?

What expectations changed? What would you do different?

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Husband is retiring soon.

We should be okay financially, but's it's scary as all get-out, not having a paycheck coming in. I intend to up my search for a way to earn a bit. I've been so busy caring for my elderly parents I've had to put my own business on complete hold.

He has no hobbies, only one friend, doesn't play golf.

I've shared how important it is to have goals, volunteer ideas, new sports or hobbies or even a part time flexible job...but he just wants to be done. (but don't worry, I don't nag or even bring it up, I know better. )

What advice can you share when you and your significant other retired?

What expectations changed? What would you do different?

From my own husbands experience *( and MINE) all he really wanted to do from the start was sleep in. I would joke with him all the time that I was up 1 to 2 hrs earlier than him everyday and finally he said "I've had to live by an alarm clock for 40 years and I'm done" Point taken. !!!
I've also been attune to the fact that his schedule is not like mine. I like doing all my busy work early, getting errands done and pretty much leaving afternoons and evenings free except for meal prep and clean up. My husband enjoys relaxing for hours in the morning, He watches a morning tv program, reads our daily paper, might go online etc. He then starts errands or tinkering well into the afternoon. It's a major adjustment. Hopefully he'll figure out what he likes doing and enjoy his earned retirement.

 

[Darcy03231]

DH retired 7 years ago, I'm still working. He keeps busy with projects around the house, yardwork, cooking, cleaning, doing all the errands, etc. Like a PP his schedule has changed a lot. He used to get up at 4 am and was in bed by 8 pm. Now he stays up late, usually until at least midnight, and sleeps in in the morning. He also walks about 5 miles a day.

 

[lifesavacation]

Thanks for posting, OP. I’m interested in reading the replies. My husband has about three years to retirement and he can’t even wrap his mind around what that looks like. I can’t even get him to tell me what kind of celebratory trip he wants to take. It’s like he can’t envision what he’ll do with any free time.

 

[Christine]

My DH retired this past June at the age of 59. I was definitely not in the "for it" camp, I felt he should have worked for a few more years. But he's in the trades, getting older, and tolerating the physicality of the work less and less every year (even though he's in great health and shape). Financially we can swing it. I am the larger earner of the two of us, but I still just lost almost half our income. He has a pension but we get it in waves; with the bigger part right now, then two more that come in at ages 62 and 65. I'm still trying to get my brain around it, especially since I am having to ideally work another 10 years. Trying so hard not to be bitter. In some ways, for me, it has been good. He's taking care of all the chores I had and that's nice.

Now my DH is very active and keeps himself busy all day. He is an avid biker, runner, swimmer, etc so something like that goes on every day. He also does stuff around the yard and house. He is not a "sitter" at all so very little of that going on which is good I guess.

It's a real adjustment. If he was a different person and just languishing around, it would be problematic for me.

 

[Marrila]

Thanks for posting, OP. I’m interested in reading the replies. My husband has about three years to retirement and he can’t even wrap his mind around what that looks like. I can’t even get him to tell me what kind of celebratory trip he wants to take. It’s like he can’t envision what he’ll do with any free time.

He might not be able to envision trips or retirement yet. I don't think that is unusual.
At the three year point before retirement we were busy saving, planning a move. One we were retired, settled, we were ready to plan a trip together.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

My husband turned 66 last August and plans on retiring in May. His alarm has gone off at 4:45am for 40 years. He’s on his feet moving all day long, averaging 20,000 steps a day. I’m 7 years younger and have never had my own health care, hence the reason he has kept working. He has also, for the past 2 years, had to help his siblings care for their parents 24/7. His father passed last August but his mother who is 92 is a nightmare to care for. She absolutely refuses to have any outside care and it has taken it’s toll on them all. Unfortunately my husband, although he is burned out from his job and wants to retire will now have to take on even more responsibility with his mother (he is the only one still working) and he definitely isn’t looking forward to that. At times he actually feels like he’d rather keep working then take care of her more. That’s how bad it is. He’ll have lots of projects to keep him busy around the house and hopefully we’ll be able to do a little traveling. It’s just hard with his mother and taking time away because it puts a burden on his brother and sister who have to pick up the slack. We’re all just waiting for the nightmare to end. I feel so bad for him. He should be looking forward to retiring.

 

[penn19]

Thanks for posting. My husband is thinking about retiring in the next few years and I’m dreading it. I see what he does when he’s off from work and it scares me he will be doing that everyday. Sleeping in. Watching tv and at an “acceptable “ time cracking open a bottle of wine. And no physical activity. It’s frightening for me to be honest.

 

[neverlandsky]

When we had 7 months off for work we did everything together: slept-in, cooking, cleaning, errands, working out, traveled, prepped house to sell, relocated, etc. It was bliss. We loved it. Truly didn't want it to end. Would of been longer if networking didn't reach out for DH to come back and work for them. Truly can't wait for our retirement in 20 years! Me & DH are pretty much on the same wavelength. With that being said, retirement is going to look different for couples who have different ideas/goals for retirement. There's travel, homebodies, part-time work, volunteering, Senior activities/sports, taking care of grandkids, caregiving for an elder parent/parents, etc.

 

[gncntry]

I disagree with having to immediately have a plan, a schedule, a hobby right away. Retirement isn’t work so some people might choose not to schedule themselves like they did when they were working, and that’s ok.

I retired in May after 40 years of work. I decided that I wasn’t going to commit to anything for at least 6 months. No volunteer work, no schedule, nada, basically one long vacation. I’m someone who has always needed a schedule so this was a challenge, but for me, well worth it.
I have come to realize that whatever I decided to do now I don’t have to do it forever. I’ll be volunteering at a local elementary school after the first of the year.

 

[tvguy]

My wife and I retired four months ago today. Just now getting all the 401k Rollovers, medical insurance etc handled, things you can't do until after your retire. Frankly, we wonder how we ever had time to work!. Before we retired we thought about hobbies and volunteering, but no time at this point. Until the pandemic eases no travel. But as I recall it took my mom 3 years after she retired to get everything caught up at home and started to want to find things to do.

 

[kdonnel]

Thanks for posting. My husband is thinking about retiring in the next few years and I’m dreading it. I see what he does when he’s off from work and it scares me he will be doing that everyday. Sleeping in. Watching tv and at an “acceptable “ time cracking open a bottle of wine. And no physical activity. It’s frightening for me to be honest.

Sprinkle in some travel and that sounds ideal!

Sleeping in, I hope you mean until noon at the earliest.

Watching TV, I hope at least 8 hours a day.

Drinking and no physical activity, amazing!

I’m jealous!

 

[penn19]

Sprinkle in some travel and that sounds ideal!

Sleeping in, I hope you mean until noon at the earliest.

Watching TV, I hope at least 8 hours a day.

Drinking and no physical activity, amazing!

I’m jealous!

Cool. PM me and I’ll give you my address and you guys can be roomies.

 

[barkley]

if your /his health insurance will change at all with his retirement-educate yourself NOW on the new coverage. will you have to change providers? is it a different structure (hmo vs ppo)? is your current pharmacy still in network? will premiums/copays/deductibles increase such you need to budget for it now? will it take awhile to hook up with a new primary care provider? find out the answers NOW b/c you may want to take advantage of your remaining time on an existing plan to get things taken care that will be more costly on another (and retiring mid year with a new plan means the $$$$ you've paid toward a deductible on one plan tends not to transfer to a different plan so that's something to consider budget wise).

this was honestly one of the most difficult things to deal with initially in my retirement.

 

[kdonnel]

Make sure you actually talk to your spouse about retirement expectations, don’t just make assumptions.

My parents were married for almost 50 years. They apparantly never talked about retirement.

My mom lived her life thinking my dad would retire and sit at home with her. Go the the grocery store with her and run errands with her.

My dad lived his life thinking they would travel when he retired. Rarely at home, living the life of nomads or traveling Gypsies.

The first couple years of retirement and they were both miserable. They were heading down the path of divorce. Then my mom died and my dad was miserable for a different reason. It wasn’t until his fourth or fifth year of retirement that he was able to fulfill his travel goals. Then he died.

Which brings me to my second bit of advice. Don’t die soon after retirement. Several family members and friends of family members died within a year of retirement.

 

[Colleen27]

Maybe give him a bit of time to decompress and get used to not having the demands of working before you try planning anything. We're still a ways from retirement but I know that when my mom retired, she spent the first six months or so just relaxing because work was so exhausting at the end that she had no interest in immediately jumping into any new activities or commitments. Only when that "honeymoon" of having nothing to do but watch TV, read, and knit wore off did she start looking for ways to volunteer and socialize to stay active.

 

[kingston]

How much traveling are we talking about?

If you have a big house, I wonder if you can rent out a room or 2. Then you have 2 benefits, additional bonus travel income and someone to look after your house when you are gone for months at a time.

 

[focusondisney]

My DH retired in February. I am an RN consultant working part time 12 hour shifts. DH spent 44 years working up the ladder in the food production industry. He pretty much worked 50-60+ hours every week. And spent more time on emails & reports while he was home. The company he retired form offered him part time work as a project coordinator. Since I‘m still working, DH decided to try the part time work his company offered. He was able to tell them how many hours & which days he would work. He is enjoying the things he is doing now & says he is learning some new things with the projects he is working on.

Unfortunately, the day after he retired, my 88 year old mother‘s health deteriorated drastically. We expected to lose her that week, but she recovered somewhat. However, she still has multiple health issues, including worsening dementia. She is at home but can not be alone. My siblings & I are caring for her around the clock.

Of course, the last year & a half have been extremely difficult for me as a health care worker. I will retire in April. I have always enjoyed my work & been a happy, relaxed person who can handle stress & crisis situations. But between caring for my mom & working during a pandemic, I have been “on the edge” of losing it several times. Because he’s only working 2 days a week, DH has been able to help me much more than he ever did before.

This is not the way we expected retirement to start out, but it’s what we have. For now. While I don’t want to lose my mom, my siblings & our families are ready to let her go. We are concerned about the toll caring for her is taking on our own families. Most of us are in our 60’s, so we also have our own health issues to deal with too. I can say when mom passes & DH I finally get to fully retire, we will spend a lot of time just decompressing. After that, we have a full slate of downsizing & projects around the house we’ll tackle. That & spur of the moment traveling.

 

[georgina]

Something about this thread reminds me of the dog park/man park snl sketch from Saturday. Pretty hilarious!

My mom got started working later in life after having 6 kids, had no hobbies, and sold real estate until she was 80. My dad retired at 62 and wanted to go to Florida in the winter to golf. She was not happy there, so he ended up going to FL by himself a few times. After he died she didn't have much to do except talk on the phone. It was rough.

My DH retired at 63 and is happy to putter around. He also goes on several scuba trips a year, starting back up now after covid shutdowns. We just moved and are finding new social groups. It takes time. My advice is look for volunteer groups, shared interest groups, church groups.

 

[Skippy918]

My DH retired in February. I am an RN consultant working part time 12 hour shifts. DH spent 44 years working up the ladder in the food production industry. He pretty much worked 50-60+ hours every week. And spent more time on emails & reports while he was home. The company he retired form offered him part time work as a project coordinator. Since I‘m still working, DH decided to try the part time work his company offered. He was able to tell them how many hours & which days he would work. He is enjoying the things he is doing now & says he is learning some new things with the projects he is working on.

Unfortunately, the day after he retired, my 88 year old mother‘s health deteriorated drastically. We expected to lose her that week, but she recovered somewhat. However, she still has multiple health issues, including worsening dementia. She is at home but can not be alone. My siblings & I are caring for her around the clock.

Of course, the last year & a half have been extremely difficult for me as a health care worker. I will retire in April. I have always enjoyed my work & been a happy, relaxed person who can handle stress & crisis situations. But between caring for my mom & working during a pandemic, I have been “on the edge” of losing it several times. Because he’s only working 2 days a week, DH has been able to help me much more than he ever did before.

This is not the way we expected retirement to start out, but it’s what we have. For now. While I don’t want to lose my mom, my siblings & our families are ready to let her go. We are concerned about the toll caring for her is taking on our own families. Most of us are in our 60’s, so we also have our own health issues to deal with too. I can say when mom passes & DH I finally get to fully retire, we will spend a lot of time just decompressing. After that, we have a full slate of downsizing & projects around the house we’ll tackle. That & spur of the moment traveling.

My parents are in this boat right now. They are caring for grandma who’s 98. They have a caretaker during the day, but have to help her in the evening and overnight. They did retire on the early side (late 50s) but now at almost 70, they are struggling to enjoy retirement because of grandma. At this point, they probably have to wait till she goes to a nursing home or passes before they can come visit us again. We visited over the summer. They can’t go on vacation either. My aunt’s in bad shape with MS so she can’t even cover care for my mom.