Rethinking our room plan

[Disneypubgal]

Is there anyway your DH and his brother could speak about this and keep you out of it?? Seems like you aren't the problem but you are making all the effort!!

 

[daisyduck123]

I would just keep the GV & if she leaves....so what? That's her decision - and it will just mean more room for the rest of you!

 

[Princess&CowboyMommy]

The main reason for this is that my SIL does not seem to be able to handle being around that many people for long periods of time. I did not know this at the time we booked the room, but after spending a day with her recently, I found she is going to be a PITA. Long story short, we visited their home and she made it so uncomfortable for us that we ended up leaving after one day. Well, she recently went to visit her OWN family for a week and ended up leaving early because it was to many people in to close of quarters. There were 6 adults and 3 kids in a 1400 sq foot home.

In your SIL's defense, who I have no idea who she is, but I am kinda a "loner" at family functions myself, I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Being with more extended family all day long, without being out and about (ie, stuck in the house all day) has always been more trying on me than if we were outside and doing things. Some people (albeit a small minority) are just not "people"/social persons. It doesn't mean that they are mean and miserable or cruel people - they just may prefer/like to be alone or in smaller groups sometimes.

For me - I *know* this is *my* issue - no one else's. I have *always* been this way, even as a kid. At family functions, I'd go off and read a book, or go garden, walk, etc as a break, even as young as 7-8 years old. I was never a trouble kid and never made scenes, but I just have always liked alone time to think, read, etc. So when you call her a "PITA", unless she's being verbally rude or treating others poorly, I'm hoping that maybe you'll be just a little more understanding that perhaps she's just not as social as you or others in your family. She's an adult and if she's feeling socially uncomfortable, she's fully capable of going to her room, outside, to a park, pool, or some where else. You are not responsible for her happiness.

Also, if this SIL was in a different room, does she and BIL have kids that would be separated from the other cousins? If so, I'd definitely think this wouldn't be ok to her kids (unless they happen to be less social like she is). I'd think the kids would want to all be together??

My thinking is that this is family and sometimes you just gotta bucker up and let people be who they are - warts (or not) and all...for the good of everyone. You just can't worry if someone is happy or makes a stinker of himself or herself because inevitably it will happen in all families.

 

[Lynne M]

What the PP said. Absolutely spot on.

Why do you need to do anything at all in this situation? She's an adult, she knows what she signed up for. She may feel she can deal with it, this may be something she wants to do. She may just be uncomfortable having guests in her home, and you don't know what the dynamics are with her own family. There may be other reasons she felt the need to cut that visit short.

The worst thing you can do on one of these big family trips is to try to micromanage it. Don't mess up your reservations because you think you know what she'll be thinking half a year from now. Just step back and let everyone have the vacation they want to have. If she's not comfortable in the GV, she'll either get her own room, or leave early.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Oh boy do I agree with both of you. I will be emailing her this week and kind of putting it on her. I will very nicely explain to her that while this is a larger room, it is by no means a place where you are going to get away from other people. That it seems like she needs a little more privacy and I don't want her to be miserable the whole time, then suggest that maybe her and her family would be happier in their own room (at their own cost) and see what she says.

That is the right decision. It shouldn't be on your bill if she's the one with the issues. I'd probably just very casually give her the information about the villa and then tell her that if she feels that is too much togetherness, she might like to book a seperate room for them. Then give her the reservation number for AKL and wash your hands of the whole thing.

 

[ilovesugar]

Did she agree to this trip? Gosh, if I didn't want to be around people I sure as heck wouldn't go to WDW....talk about miserable. That is like making my DH who hates the confinement of an airplane...fly to Australia with no Ativan to take on the trip and making him sit the whole way. Maybe she wants you to give her an out and that is why she is acting stuffy? Maybe she is beginning to worry about the trip herself and knows she has this problem and sees no way out of it due to her DH and kids being excited.

You could even offer to make the reservations for their room one night over dinner like it is no big deal---show them the other accomodations that THEY can pay for at WDW--she might would get excited at that prospect.

Yep - she agreed. When we brought it up she was super excited about it and jumped at the chance.

at this point you may have to check with MS if you will have all those rooms available for the new setup in December for all the nights of the original reservation. I wouldn't want to lose the GV. GV's are beautiful. Why does every family have to have a PITA?

Oh I will not go cancelling anything unless I can secure something else. I would be desivstated if I lost the GV only to find out there were no other rooms.

 

[ilovesugar]

I totally agree - they're her issues, and ones you apparently didn't know about when planning. But I bet she knew about them! I think my concern would be how to deal with her if she starts showing her...bad attitude during the vacation. Good luck!!

That is my concern too. How to deal with her if she starts acting like a spaz because she cannot handle it.

Is there anyway your DH and his brother could speak about this and keep you out of it?? Seems like you aren't the problem but you are making all the effort!!

Yes, my DH was supposed to talk to her brother about it last weekend, but did not. My DH hates to make waves with his family.

I would just keep the GV & if she leaves....so what? That's her decision - and it will just mean more room for the rest of you!

The problem with that is that if she left early, I have a room that costs a lot of points that I don't need. Therefore, I am wasting points that I could be using on other vacations. Does that make sense? The way I see it, each night there is costing me 75 points. That is a lot of points and even if they leave 2 nights early, that is a whole weeks vacation for my DH and I at another time this year. If they were not coming, we would be getting smaller accomodations.

In your SIL's defense, who I have no idea who she is, but I am kinda a "loner" at family functions myself, I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Being with more extended family all day long, without being out and about (ie, stuck in the house all day) has always been more trying on me than if we were outside and doing things. Some people (albeit a small minority) are just not "people"/social persons. It doesn't mean that they are mean and miserable or cruel people - they just may prefer/like to be alone or in smaller groups sometimes.

For me - I *know* this is *my* issue - no one else's. I have *always* been this way, even as a kid. At family functions, I'd go off and read a book, or go garden, walk, etc as a break, even as young as 7-8 years old. I was never a trouble kid and never made scenes, but I just have always liked alone time to think, read, etc. So when you call her a "PITA", unless she's being verbally rude or treating others poorly, I'm hoping that maybe you'll be just a little more understanding that perhaps she's just not as social as you or others in your family. She's an adult and if she's feeling socially uncomfortable, she's fully capable of going to her room, outside, to a park, pool, or some where else. You are not responsible for her happiness.

Also, if this SIL was in a different room, does she and BIL have kids that would be separated from the other cousins? If so, I'd definitely think this wouldn't be ok to her kids (unless they happen to be less social like she is). I'd think the kids would want to all be together??

My thinking is that this is family and sometimes you just gotta bucker up and let people be who they are - warts (or not) and all...for the good of everyone. You just can't worry if someone is happy or makes a stinker of himself or herself because inevitably it will happen in all families.

What you are describing is not her. She does not quietly go in a different room and relax. She frets about looking like she is about to have a mental breakdown, making everyone around her uncomfortable. She makes it very known that she is not having a good time. She also expects that when her son is taking a nap, that everyone tip-toe around so as not to wake him up.

What the PP said. Absolutely spot on.

Why do you need to do anything at all in this situation? She's an adult, she knows what she signed up for. She may feel she can deal with it, this may be something she wants to do. She may just be uncomfortable having guests in her home, and you don't know what the dynamics are with her own family. There may be other reasons she felt the need to cut that visit short.

The worst thing you can do on one of these big family trips is to try to micromanage it. Don't mess up your reservations because you think you know what she'll be thinking half a year from now. Just step back and let everyone have the vacation they want to have. If she's not comfortable in the GV, she'll either get her own room, or leave early.

She made it very clear to me last time I saw her that she does not like any noise, at all. She likes everything nice and quiet and calm. Hmmmm not going to happen at Disney. Which is why I think I need to explain to her how exactly it is down there and that while you can escape somewhat, you are never going to escape all people and all noise.

That is the right decision. It shouldn't be on your bill if she's the one with the issues. I'd probably just very casually give her the information about the villa and then tell her that if she feels that is too much togetherness, she might like to book a seperate room for them. Then give her the reservation number for AKL and wash your hands of the whole thing.

That is what I think I am going to do. I have given her a lot of information about the trip, none of which she has responded to. Hell, they have not even bought their airline tickets yet and we are leaving in 4 months! It makes me think that she does not want to go, which is fine. But then TELL ME so that I can make other arrangements!

 

[Disneypubgal]

That is my concern too. How to deal with her if she starts acting like a spaz because she cannot handle it.



Yes, my DH was supposed to talk to her brother about it last weekend, but did not. My DH hates to make waves with his family.



The problem with that is that if she left early, I have a room that costs a lot of points that I don't need. Therefore, I am wasting points that I could be using on other vacations. Does that make sense? The way I see it, each night there is costing me 75 points. That is a lot of points and even if they leave 2 nights early, that is a whole weeks vacation for my DH and I at another time this year. If they were not coming, we would be getting smaller accomodations.



What you are describing is not her. She does not quietly go in a different room and relax. She frets about looking like she is about to have a mental breakdown, making everyone around her uncomfortable. She makes it very known that she is not having a good time. She also expects that when her son is taking a nap, that everyone tip-toe around so as not to wake him up.



She made it very clear to me last time I saw her that she does not like any noise, at all. She likes everything nice and quiet and calm. Hmmmm not going to happen at Disney. Which is why I think I need to explain to her how exactly it is down there and that while you can escape somewhat, you are never going to escape all people and all noise.



That is what I think I am going to do. I have given her a lot of information about the trip, none of which she has responded to. Hell, they have not even bought their airline tickets yet and we are leaving in 4 months! It makes me think that she does not want to go, which is fine. But then TELL ME so that I can make other arrangements!

The only downside for you... is you may not be able to get a smaller room this late in the game...

 

[ilovesugar]

The only downside for you... is you may not be able to get a smaller room this late in the game...

I know. But it would at least be nice to know so that I could at least give it a shot.

 

[Disneypubgal]

I know. But it would at least be nice to know so that I could at least give it a shot.

Good luck whatever you decide... and just remember you will still be at Disney World!!

 

[daisyduck123]

In my earlier response I suggested just keeping the GV, but after rereading through everything here I think you should book a:

2BR...for you & the brother & SIL that you don't have issues with
Studio...for the brother & SIL that do have noise issues

This way, if she backs out...then you are only out the 105 points for that studio and if they do decide they are not going at all (and don't even purchase plane tickets), maybe you could rent that room out here on the DIS.

 

[dianeschlicht]

In my earlier response I suggested just keeping the GV, but after rereading through everything here I think you should book a:

2BR...for you & the brother & SIL that you don't have issues with
Studio...for the brother & SIL that do have noise issues

This way, if she backs out...then you are only out the 105 points for that studio and if they do decide they are not going at all (and don't even purchase plane tickets), maybe you could rent that room out here on the DIS.

That's not likely to happen at this late date. There is likely NOTHING available of any specific room catagory for December by now. I'd keep what you have and let the SIL be the one to punt.

 

[ilovesugar]

Good luck whatever you decide... and just remember you will still be at Disney World!!

Yep! And I will be eating my favorite flatbread pizza and vanilla cupcakes at Mara!

In my earlier response I suggested just keeping the GV, but after rereading through everything here I think you should book a:

2BR...for you & the brother & SIL that you don't have issues with
Studio...for the brother & SIL that do have noise issues

This way, if she backs out...then you are only out the 105 points for that studio and if they do decide they are not going at all (and don't even purchase plane tickets), maybe you could rent that room out here on the DIS.

That is what I think too. I don't know that I like the 2 bedrooms at Jambo though. They don't have two "real" beds in the second bedroom. But between that and losing a bunch of points because they leave early, I think I would take the 2 bedroom.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Yep! And I will be eating my favorite flatbread pizza and vanilla cupcakes at Mara!




That is what I think too. I don't know that I like the 2 bedrooms at Jambo though. They don't have two "real" beds in the second bedroom. But between that and losing a bunch of points because they leave early, I think I would take the 2 bedroom.

I'm confused. Why would you lose a bunch of points if they left early???? You will have already spent the points on the ressie as soon as you check in. It would just mean the rest of you could spread out a bit. Just because you cancel a reservation for a GV at Jambo does not mean you have to rebook a 2 bedroom at Jambo....YOu can book that anywhere as long as you cancel more than 31 days ahead.

It would bother me that they didn't have airfare yet either. They will be more invested in the trip once they have that airfare purchased.

 

[Wigit12]

Good luck whatever you decide... and just remember you will still be at Disney World!!

Second that.
Remember you're treating YOUR family to the GV too. Regardless of whether they go, stay, leave, etc. Enjoy it for YOU! Don't give up that beautiful space no matter what.

 

[ilovesugar]

That's not likely to happen at this late date. There is likely NOTHING available of any specific room catagory for December by now. I'd keep what you have and let the SIL be the one to punt.

Your right, I know there is nothing left, but if I had the perfect scenario, there would be rooms left.

I'm confused. Why would you lose a bunch of points if they left early???? You will have already spent the points on the ressie as soon as you check in. It would just mean the rest of you could spread out a bit. Just because you cancel a reservation for a GV at Jambo does not mean you have to rebook a 2 bedroom at Jambo....YOu can book that anywhere as long as you cancel more than 31 days ahead.

It would bother me that they didn't have airfare yet either. They will be more invested in the trip once they have that airfare purchased.

Because if we were able to book two different rooms, it would be less points than a GV. Or even better, if they decided not to come we would book a 2 bedroom for a lot less points for the GV. Thus, saving points for a different trip.

If they leave 1/2 way through the trip, then I am out points that I would have for something else because the room is booked and paid for upon check-in. Does that make sense?

I know we don't have to be at Jambo, but that is my favorite place to be and this is my vacation too. I want to be at Jambo and I am not about to let her issues change were I have my heart set on staying. That would make me even more angry than staying in the GV.

It probably does not matter anyway anymore. There is probably nothing left to change to. But it would be really nice if people would at least put some skin in the game as the other family has not bought their air tickets either. We gave them until Aug 31st to get them, or we are cancelling the room completely and just doing a vacation with the 4 of us.

 

[thepops]

I've often thought about finding a way to "charge" family members to come along. Not that they'd be paying me for points, I'd give them the $ back when they showed up. But if they dumped out on me, well, then I've got something to show for spending the extra points when I didn't really need to. If I happen to be able to get something smaller, at that point I'll decide if I give them the cash back or put it towards another trip.
Somehow you've got to get them to make a comittment one way or the other.

hmm.. Want a quiet place at Disney? Let her camp over at Fort wilderness.

 

[Disneypubgal]

thepops" I've often thought about finding a way to "charge" family members to come along. Not that they'd be paying me for points, I'd give them the $ back when they showed up. But if they dumped out on me, well, then I've got something to show for spending the extra points when I didn't really need to. If I happen to be able to get something smaller, at that point I'll decide if I give them the cash back or put it towards another trip."

Not a bad idea... the going rate is $10 per pt.... you could then take that money and "transfer" in pts from another member or rent pts from another member thus not losing the pts per se should they decide to bail on you... if they come you just give them the $$ back! I really like that idea!!!

 

[BEASLYBOO]

I guess leaving her at home is not an option? She would get all the time to herself she apparantly requires!

We've loved every family reunion we've had in the GV's, my family however is more easygoing than most. If you leave things as is, she may leave or opt for alone time all to herself anyway.

In the end it's your family and you know them best, but it's your gift of accomodations, so please yourselves first and maybe lay down the law for your SIL and let her choose to come or stay home!

 

[dianeschlicht]

It probably does not matter anyway anymore. There is probably nothing left to change to. But it would be really nice if people would at least put some skin in the game as the other family has not bought their air tickets either. We gave them until Aug 31st to get them, or we are cancelling the room completely and just doing a vacation with the 4 of us.

I like that idea best! Giving them a deadline for having airline reservations is an excellent idea!