Retard

[Goofyluver]

So if I choose to believe the word booger is unacceptable (and I actually don't like it much) does that mean I get to say nobody else gets to use it? Of course not. If you don't find a word acceptable, don't use it.

I don't use retard or any racial slurs on a regular basis (or listen to music that does), but I'm not going o freak out when others use them eihter unless they are directed at me.

And again, if they people are not talking to you there is nothing forcing you to listen.

IMO a great example is Howard Stern. He uses the word retard all the time. One character even has/had the word in his name on the show (not sure the character is still on). Do I agree with it? No. Did that one thing keep me from listening when he was on our local station. No. And anybody else who disagrees with the usage isn't forced to listen.

The OP was again speaking of the word "retard" being used in a derogatory way. Of course there are correct uses of this word, which I also choose not to use. My choice. IMO the word "retard" is just as bad as any other word being used in a derogatory manner...whether that be the "N" word, "gay", and any other word on the list of words which are meant to demean and hurt.

It's absolutely not just about if it's being said in my direction or to my son. I could give a flip. It's about the message being sent, and the needless use of words such as this. And for the life of me, it escapes me as to why this word (when used in a derogatory nature) is acceptable. It's not just about believing that the word is unacceptable...because it is just that...unacceptable. And should be for everyone.

For whatever reason, this word IS socially acceptable. How dare someone call a person a "retard" or say something like "that's soooo ********." It's demeaning.

Is it okay for a person to call someone the "N" word? Word it be acceptable for someone to say "that's so 'N'". Absolutely not!

I'll be sure to explain to my son, who is cognitively delayed, that when someone calls him a "retard" that the term is acceptable to some, and he shouldn't take it personally. His tears, which came easily when this was said to him, were then of course ridiculous. Because just because we find this word offensive, others don't.

 

[6TimeMomma]

I understand your POV, but on the other hand, when I apply that to my family situation I guess I just fall back on the fact that part of life is dealing with the knowledge that most other people do not have my specific experience and unless they are trying to attack me or my loved one, I find it best to shrug it off and know they mean no harm.

What I mentioned before it 'psycho/mental/schizo' because they are very commonly used terms used in a derogatory way and I have a sister who has spent the majority of her adult life in those very states. But, do people really mean an attack on my sister when they say those terms? Are they really saying she isn't worthy? I don't think so.

We all say things all of the time that could strike a nerve in someone else, "I would kill myself if..." could sting to someone who has lost a family member to suicide.

I guess that is why I try to not take offense unless it is purposely directed at me.

Well, in that respect, aren't you implying that someone using the n word is okay just as long as it isn't directed at you? In other words, if I am a black person and I am talking to someone about, say Bill Cosby, and they say "That "N" is the funniest comedian" I shouldn't be offended? Because I'm pretty sure I would be.

Well, anyway, I'll agree to disagree with y'all on this one because IMO the r word IS offensive and demeaning to my son when someone uses it in a derogatory manner whether about him specifically or not.

 

[cardaway]

It's absolutely not just about if it's being said in my direction or to my son. I could give a flip. It's about the message being sent, and the needless use of words such as this. And for the life of me, it escapes me as to why this word (when used in a derogatory nature) is acceptable. It's not just about believing that the word is unacceptable...because it is just that...unacceptable. And should be for everyone.

It's pretty obvious what message is being sent, but if two people with no connection with you don't have a problem with using it between themselves, why do you care?

Nobody has said it's OK to say these things to people actually affected or their families and it's about time people stopped trying to imply they did.

 

[cardaway]

Well, in that respect, aren't you implying that someone using the n word is okay just as long as it isn't directed at you? In other words, if I am a black person and I am talking to someone about, say Bill Cosby, and they say "That "N" is the funniest comedian" I shouldn't be offended? Because I'm pretty sure I would be.

I wouldn't be surprised if that actually happened more than a few times since Cosby started doing comedy and back people started commenting to others about him. You may be offended, but if you tell them they shouldn't use the word don't be surprised if they don't do much about it or actually get offended themselves.

 

[Goofyluver]

It's pretty obvious what message is being sent, but if two people with no connection with you don't have a problem with using it between themselves, why do you care?

Nobody has said it's OK to say these things to people actually affected or their families and it's about time people stopped trying to imply they did.

In my home, I teach my child that certain words are unacceptable to say. We don't say retard, gay, stupid, idiot, the "n" word...the list goes on and on. I'm not cognitively delayed, and before my son was born, the word still bothered me. I'm not gay, yet when I hear others say things such as "That's so gay", I am offended because I think the statement itself is offensive. I'm not African American, yet when I hear someone say the "n" word, I'm offended because the word itself is offensive.

I care because I was blessed with a child such as mine. I care because if it's okay for people to put others down for their differences, then what I'm really saying is that it's acceptable for my child to be demeaned as well.

My child, who is cognitively delayed, understands that words hurt. I have taught him to be compassionate and empathetic. If my son can learn lessons such as this, and due to his issues, he frequently has difficulty understanding social and societal rules, then others can learn as well.

I care because if I want my child to be accepted for his differences, then I will accept others for theirs. Race, religion, gay, straight...I could give a flip how you differ from me. I care because I know what it's like to comfort a crying child who has been hurt by people who see this behavior as acceptable. I care because I want my son to care as well.

 

[cardaway]

In my home, I teach my child that certain words are unacceptable to say.

Who here has posted they do any different? If you're trying to imply otherwise it would be nice to see you back it up.

Big difference between psoting that it's not something to overreact to and saying they find it acceptable to say or teach their children. It's possible to teach children not to say things AND say to ignore it when others feel the need to do it anyway.

 

[Sherri]

Got your attention? Good.

Please teach your children (esp. your teenagers) that this is right up there with the N Word

Oh I am SO with you on this. I would be beside myself if my teenagers ever used this word in an inappropriate way.

 

[Goofyluver]

Who here has posted they do any different? If you're trying to imply otherwise it would be nice to see you back it up.

Big difference between psoting that it's not something to overreact to and saying they find it acceptable to say or teach their children. It's possible to teach children not to say things AND say to ignore it when others feel the need to do it anyway.

I never said others don't teach their children that some things are not acceptable to say, I said I DO teach my child that words such as these are unacceptable. If you ignore a problem, it never improves.

SO...again, next time someone says something demeaning to my child, I'll just tell him to ignore it---and not to overreact.

Again, I choose to teach my child that we just don't say these things at all. We don't demean others and use hateful language. And if we hear others use language such as this, we know it's unacceptable. We know those that use words such as this are being inconsiderate.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I never said others don't teach their children that some things are not acceptable to say, I said I DO teach my child that words such as these are unacceptable. If you ignore a problem, it never improves.

SO...again, next time someone says something demeaning to my child, I'll just tell him to ignore it---and not to overreact.

Again, I choose to teach my child that we just don't say these things at all. We don't demean others and use hateful language. And if we hear others use language such as this, we know it's unacceptable. We know those that use words such as this are being inconsiderate.

If they are calling your child a 'tard or retard, well of course you should take offense.....if they are calling each other that, you should ignore it and not overreact.

 

[cardaway]

SO...again, next time someone says something demeaning to my child, I'll just tell him to ignore it---and not to overreact.

I must have missed where anybody was posting about people saying these things TO your child. I too would react pretty badly if somebody did that, but that isn't what I thought people were discussing in this thread. Even the OP is a third party hearing a conversation between two other people.

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

It's pretty obvious what message is being sent, but if two people with no connection with you don't have a problem with using it between themselves, why do you care?

Nobody has said it's OK to say these things to people actually affected or their families and it's about time people stopped trying to imply they did.

I care because my daughter is ********. The struggle for acceptance in the world she lives in is difficult enough without it being ok to use her learning capabilities as an insult for other people.

As long as it is socially acceptable to continue to demean a group of people by using their disability as an insult for others, my daughter's struggle and those like her will continue to be extremely difficult. Because deep down, if you call somebody else a "retard" when they do something stupid, then you do believe that all ******** people are inferior.

It is not the word itself, it is the way it is used and the meaning behind it.

****** comes from the slave era and is derogatory because the meaning behind it implies inferior people. That is why it is such taboo.

Retard is similarly derogatory because the meaning behind it when used as an insult implies inferior people.

And when it is acceptable to label a group of people inferior by using them as the basis of an insult, even in casual conversation, then our children will continue to struggle with the respect and acceptance they deserve as people, not retards.

I just received an e-mail from our local Down syndrome chapter to write an e-mail to the Today show regarding their segment on trophy wives. Apparently Donny Deutsch from CNBC stated that most American men are not "Retards" and thus would never choose much younger wives. This immediately sends out the message that people with mental retardation are somehow not as valued as "typical" people. That they are inferior.

I may be a bit different in that I will shrug off references to my daughter as a retard, mongoloid, etc. Because she is ********. She does have Down syndrome. That is just ignorance.

But when people, especially celebrities, use my daughter's learning capabilities to categorize another's stupidity, then they are telling the world my child is not worth as much as the regular guys who wouldn't do something that stupid.

When it is socially acceptable for two kids to call each other retards when they throw a foul ball or miss a basket, then it is socially acceptable to perpetuate the stereotype that people with mental retardation are stupid and inferior. This mindset stays with these kids subconsciously and makes it that much harder for them to see through a person's disability when they encounter a person with mental retardation. That makes my child's life more difficult. And that is why I care.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I care because my daughter is ********. The struggle for acceptance in the world she lives in is difficult enough without it being ok to use her learning capabilities as an insult for other people.

As long as it is socially acceptable to continue to demean a group of people by using their disability as an insult for others, my daughter's struggle and those like her will continue to be extremely difficult. Because deep down, if you call somebody else a "retard" when they do something stupid, then you do believe that all ******** people are inferior.

It is not the word itself, it is the way it is used and the meaning behind it.

****** comes from the slave era and is derogatory because the meaning behind it implies inferior people. That is why it is such taboo.

Retard is similarly derogatory because the meaning behind it when used as an insult implies inferior people.

And when it is acceptable to label a group of people inferior by using them as the basis of an insult, even in casual conversation, then our children will continue to struggle with the respect and acceptance they deserve as people, not retards.

I just received an e-mail from our local Down syndrome chapter to write an e-mail to the Today show regarding their segment on trophy wives. Apparently Donny Deutsch from CNBC stated that most American men are not "Retards" and thus would never choose much younger wives. This immediately sends out the message that people with mental retardation are somehow not as valued as "typical" people. That they are inferior.

I may be a bit different in that I will shrug off references to my daughter as a retard, mongoloid, etc. Because she is ********. She does have Down syndrome. That is just ignorance.

But when people, especially celebrities, use my daughter's learning capabilities to categorize another's stupidity, then they are telling the world my child is not worth as much as the regular guys who wouldn't do something that stupid.

When it is socially acceptable for two kids to call each other retards when they throw a foul ball or miss a basket, then it is socially acceptable to perpetuate the stereotype that people with mental retardation are stupid and inferior. This mindset stays with these kids subconsciously and makes it that much harder for them to see through a person's disability when they encounter a person with mental retardation. That makes my child's life more difficult. And that is why I care.

Well said.

 

[Goofyluver]

If they are calling your child a 'tard or retard, well of course you should take offense.....if they are calling each other that, you should ignore it and not overreact.

I guess I just disagree. I find it offensive whether they are speaking to my child or not. Because I find the word offensive. And ignoring it is as if I am accepting it.

I must have missed where anybody was posting about people saying these things TO your child. I too would react pretty badly if somebody did that, but that isn't what I thought people were discussing in this thread. Even the OP is a third party hearing a conversation between two other people.

I am just trying to explain why it is offensive to me. I have posted several times how this affects me personally. I'm sorry that I didn't make that clear. My point is, that I feel this way about all derogatory and demeaning language. Even if it's not being said in my direction, the language is still unacceptable to me.

 

[cardaway]

I care because my daughter is ********. The struggle for acceptance in the world she lives in is difficult enough without it being ok to use her learning capabilities as an insult for other people.

We agree. In fact I haven't seen a post that said it was OK.

 

[6TimeMomma]

I care because my daughter is ********. The struggle for acceptance in the world she lives in is difficult enough without it being ok to use her learning capabilities as an insult for other people.

As long as it is socially acceptable to continue to demean a group of people by using their disability as an insult for others, my daughter's struggle and those like her will continue to be extremely difficult. Because deep down, if you call somebody else a "retard" when they do something stupid, then you do believe that all ******** people are inferior.

It is not the word itself, it is the way it is used and the meaning behind it.

****** comes from the slave era and is derogatory because the meaning behind it implies inferior people. That is why it is such taboo.

Retard is similarly derogatory because the meaning behind it when used as an insult implies inferior people.

And when it is acceptable to label a group of people inferior by using them as the basis of an insult, even in casual conversation, then our children will continue to struggle with the respect and acceptance they deserve as people, not retards.

I just received an e-mail from our local Down syndrome chapter to write an e-mail to the Today show regarding their segment on trophy wives. Apparently Donny Deutsch from CNBC stated that most American men are not "Retards" and thus would never choose much younger wives. This immediately sends out the message that people with mental retardation are somehow not as valued as "typical" people. That they are inferior.

I may be a bit different in that I will shrug off references to my daughter as a retard, mongoloid, etc. Because she is ********. She does have Down syndrome. That is just ignorance.

But when people, especially celebrities, use my daughter's learning capabilities to categorize another's stupidity, then they are telling the world my child is not worth as much as the regular guys who wouldn't do something that stupid.

When it is socially acceptable for two kids to call each other retards when they throw a foul ball or miss a basket, then it is socially acceptable to perpetuate the stereotype that people with mental retardation are stupid and inferior. This mindset stays with these kids subconsciously and makes it that much harder for them to see through a person's disability when they encounter a person with mental retardation. That makes my child's life more difficult. And that is why I care.

Excellent, excellent post. Thank you for posting my thoughts so much more eloquently than I have been able to.

 

[cardaway]

I am just trying to explain why it is offensive to me. I have posted several times how this affects me personally. I'm sorry that I didn't make that clear. My point is, that I feel this way about all derogatory and demeaning language. Even if it's not being said in my direction, the language is still unacceptable to me.

Actually you have posted more than once about things people did not post. You seem to be trying real hard to imply you're on some moral high ground when the only thing people disagree about is what to do when perfect strangers listen in on the converstions of other perfect strangers or listen to some mdeia pice from the radio or TV. Nobody ever once said they think the words are OK.

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

We agree. In fact I haven't seen a post that said it was OK.

Actually, I was answering your question on why I would care if two people called each other retards and it was not directed at my child. You implied that one shouldn't care if two people used the word between them and not directed towards a person with retardation. I simply explained why I did care.

It's pretty obvious what message is being sent, but if two people with no connection with you don't have a problem with using it between themselves, why do you care?

That you cannot see the problem proves my point exactly.

 

[Goofyluver]

Actually you have posted more than once about things people did not post. You seem to be trying real hard to imply you're on some moral high ground when the only thing people disagree about is what to do when perfect strangers listen in on the converstions of other perfect strangers or listen to some mdeia pice from the radio or TV. Nobody ever once said they think the words are OK.

Not once have I referred to anyone's posts on this thread. I have quoted a post and then responded. I never said anyone said it was "okay"...I have only responded to other's posts. I'm not speaking either from any "moral high ground." I'm speaking from my personal opinion, which as I have stated many times before, is that I find this language inappropriate and demeaning. I don't care if you do or not. I'm saying I DO. My opinion is that if I hear others using language such as this, it is offensive, whether it be directed to me or not. I have attacked no one or their words in this thread. I have only stated my opinion.

Look back at the OP. It had nothing to do with TV or radio. It said that the word "retard" should be up there with other derogatory terms. And I agree that it should.

I care because my son is cognitively delayed. I choose not to refer to him as mentally ********, which is also my choice. I don't like the word. My choice again. It's not "moral high ground," it's my life.

Please quote where I have misquoted anyone here on this thread. I have not done so once. I have not attacked you for your opinion, no matter how much I have disagreed with you. And, I would expect the same in return.

 

[6TimeMomma]

Actually you have posted more than once about things people did not post. You seem to be trying real hard to imply you're on some moral high ground when the only thing people disagree about is what to do when perfect strangers listen in on the converstions of other perfect strangers or listen to some mdeia pice from the radio or TV. Nobody ever once said they think the words are OK.

You saying that it was no big deal for people to use the word leads me to believe that you think it is acceptable for them to use it.

 

[cardaway]

Actually, I was answering your question on why I would care if two people called each other retards and it was not directed at my child. You implied that one shouldn't care if two people used the word between them and not directed towards a person with retardation. I simply explained why I did care.

You left out the part where anybody said it was OK. Guess you couldn't find anything.

As for proving a point, you're doing quite well there yourself.