"Retard" and "Retarded"

[Kendra17]

I agree that when kids use the term "retard" or say "you're retarded", they should be told how horrible that is.

However, I used to work with those that had mental retardation and were also developmentally disabled. Mentally retarded is not a "bad term". It's a condition and that is the term used to describe the condition.

Unfortunately, it can be used in a derogatory manner, but it's not always a derogatory term and using the term isn't always incorrect.

 

[LVSWL]

 

[kdibattista]

I agree that when kids use the term "retard" or say "you're retarded", they should be told how horrible that is.

However, I used to work with those that had mental retardation and were also developmentally disabled. Mentally retarded is not a "bad term". It's a condition and that is the term used to describe the condition.

Unfortunately, it can be used in a derogatory manner, but it's not always a derogatory term and using the term isn't always incorrect.

We are discussing the derogatory form.

 

[goofy!]

like a Down's child versus a child with diabetes.

Just a gentle, good natured chiding...
As pointed out in several threads from parents with kids with Down syndrome, there is no such thing as a Down's child. There are children with Down syndrome, but no Down's children, except, of course, for Dr. Down's own kids, those kids could be called Down's kids.

Just wanted to point out that all of us, even those of us completely involved in the world of disabilities, step on toes without realizing it. I know I probably have said the wrong thing many, many times. Most of us try our hardest not to offend, as I know Lindsay was not trying to offend, but sometimes we just don't know all the correct language.

But, as pointed out in the post above, when retarded, sped or any of the others, is said in mean-spiritedness or used as an insulting adjective to imply that a person with a disability is a lower person on the totem pole, that is never ok.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Just a gentle, good natured chiding...
As pointed out in several threads from parents with kids with Down syndrome, there is no such thing as a Down's child. There are children with Down syndrome, but no Down's children, except, of course, for Dr. Down's own kids, those kids could be called Down's kids.

Just wanted to point out that all of us, even those of us completely involved in the world of disabilities, step on toes without realizing it. I know I probably have said the wrong thing many, many times. Most of us try our hardest not to offend, as I know Lindsay was not trying to offend, but sometimes we just don't know all the correct language.

But, as pointed out in the post above, when retarded, sped or any of the others, is said in mean-spiritedness or used as an insulting adjective to imply that a person with a disability is a lower person on the totem pole, that is never ok.

I am truly sorry. I was typing fast and totally not thinking. I'm sorry, you are so right

 

[milkabum]

THANK YOU!
I'm sick of guys who think they're 'hardcore gangtsta' (and other people who think they're 'wicked cool') and use those terms as regular words. Not even thinking about the impact it has on other people.

To all you 'gangstas' pull up your pants and learn some respect.
I bet if we put them in bad parts of Detroit they'll be weeping like a 3 year old calling for their Mommy to pick them up.

 

[Kendra17]

We are discussing the derogatory form.

Thank you for making me aware of this since I didn't read the entire thread. However, I have noticed that a lot of places are using different terms, such as exceptional children, children with special needs, etc., as if the term "mental retardation" itself is a bad term. And, it's not. All terms can become derogatory when they are used with that intent.

So, my point is, I don't think that we should necessarily change the terminology because some people use it in a derogatory manner. Any term-- be it "exceptional", "special", etc., can wind up becoming derogatory. It's more important to teach kids (and insensitive non-thinking adults) to understand that some children are mentally retarded and that they should never be made fun of because of this, and that we don't use these terms in an insulting manner to those that ARE mentally retarded or not.

 

[goofy!]

I am truly sorry. I was typing fast and totally not thinking. I'm sorry, you are so right

Absolutely no apologies necessary!!

It doesn't bother me, as I am sure it doesn't bother most people with kids with Down syndrome. I apologize for using it as an example that the word is usually not what is important when a person is genuinely interested, it is the intent that matters. There are so many different words to describe so many different conditions, that it is hard to keep track of all of them. So, most people won't be offended if it is said during a conversation without intending malice.

It is the calling somebody by a name that is widely known to be derrogatory, such as racial slur or sexual slurs that is not acceptable.

Or using a word to that is usually meant describe a condition, race or sexual preference as an insult, that is not acceptable.

So, for those of you confused - just ask. Most of us will just tell you what we prefer to hear.

But if we hear a kid telling another kid "hey, you retard", there are no holds barred, at least with this mother.

 

[mamajoan]

I have to tell you that there are several words that my kids are not allowed to use in our home and one of them is to call someone/something "retarded"..
over the years they have talked and reprimanded many of their friends for using that term... by saying "not allowed in our house". Most kids will ask why? and it is a good way of discussing derogatory use of words. These are teens-btw. All of the newcomers learn the rule quick... and tend to stop using the word in a demeaning manner. Yee Haa!

Score one for the mom!

another term banned in our house "that's so gay", drives me crazy to hear the teen age kids saying it....

 

[JoyG]

THANK YOU!
I'm sick of guys who think they're 'hardcore gangtsta' (and other people who think they're 'wicked cool') and use those terms as regular words. Not even thinking about the impact it has on other people.

To all you 'gangstas' pull up your pants and learn some respect.
I bet if we put them in bad parts of Detroit they'll be weeping like a 3 year old calling for their Mommy to pick them up.

What does telling "gangstas" to "pull up their pants" have anything to do with using respectful terms to identify children with Down syndrom, or those that are disabled or those that have cognitive delays? Am I missing the point you are trying to make?

 

[TheBellhop]

I hate people who misuse words like that. It's along the lines of "OMG! That's soooo gay!"

 

[JRawkSteady]

Wow, just found that Black Eyed Peas song on iTunes.

Don't know if these lyrics are the same as on the censored 'Let's Get It Started' version:
Bob your head like epilepsy, up inside your club or in your bentley.
Get messy, loud and sick.

I'm really shocked [and disappointed] at BEP.

I really agreed with everyone until I came across this post and I just have to say...

It's just a song people... Every hear of the first Amendment? It bothers me that the song is edited in the first place!! If people didn't get so strung up on little things, then maybe we wouldn't have to be so PC. I have friends of all races, genders, capabilities, etc etc, but in my comedy music, I take shots at just abut anyone and anything. It's for pure entertainment. I wish people wouldn't get so crazy about lyrics to music.

 

[kdibattista]

I really agreed with everyone until I came across this post and I just have to say...

It's just a song people... Every hear of the first Amendment? It bothers me that the song is edited in the first place!! If people didn't get so strung up on little things, then maybe we wouldn't have to be so PC. I have friends of all races, genders, capabilities, etc etc, but in my comedy music, I take shots at just abut anyone and anything. It's for pure entertainment. I wish people wouldn't get so crazy about lyrics to music.

You find that "entertaining"

Just because you have the "right" to say something, doesn't mean you "should".

 

[missypie]

It's just a song people... Every hear of the first Amendment? It bothers me that the song is edited in the first place!! If people didn't get so strung up on little things, then maybe we wouldn't have to be so PC. I have friends of all races, genders, capabilities, etc etc, but in my comedy music, I take shots at just abut anyone and anything. It's for pure entertainment. I wish people wouldn't get so crazy about lyrics to music.

Are you serious? Okay, I can see "comedy music" aimed at adults poking fun at Republicans, Democrats, "red-necks", socialites, blondes, lawyers, doctors, moms, dads, gays, etc. etc. But are you really saying that one of your comedy songs would "take a shot at" a person with mental retardation or epilepsy? How drunk does the audience have to be before they laugh at THAT material?

 

[poohandwendy]

So someone who is African American shouldn't cringe inwardly when someone of an older generation refers to them as "colored?"

Actually, I was talking about these terms. Of which there is obvious disparity in what is and is not considered offensive.

 

[MareQ]

Are you serious? Okay, I can see "comedy music" aimed at adults poking fun at Republicans, Democrats, "red-necks", socialites, blondes, lawyers, doctors, moms, dads, gays, etc. etc. But are you really saying that one of your comedy songs would "take a shot at" a person with mental retardation or epilepsy? How drunk does the audience have to be before they laugh at THAT material?

Yup - there's some things that shouldn't be mocked and some people that definitely shouldn't be made fun of. Just because you CAN say something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

 

[Maryr1]

My DD8 is developmentally delayed. Our lovely neighbor (who is 13) refers to her as "that retard". Right to her face, my face ,the nannies face, my mothers face....etc. My brother and his family have become friendly with this family and don't see why we are a bit reserved about these people. They swear they have never seen this behavior. My daughter will cry and ask "Why is .......... so mean to me? I love her-she is my best friend...."DD has no idea what the heck is going on or why someone would be like that to her. This girl justifies her behavior by saying "it's true, so why shouldn't I say it?" I feel like saying "just because your ugly,fat and mean doesn't I should run around yelling that at the top of my lungs, does it?????" We have spoken to her mother about it and she just shrugs and says "kids are kid's-what can you do?" It's frustrating, painful and sad. My heart breaks to see my daughter treated like this.

 

[Cool-Beans]

My kids are brats!

I heard that song, "Let's Get Retarded in Here," playing and when DS came down I asked him what the hell he'd been listening to. He looked puzzled, so I sang it. He said Nooo, that's not what they were saying! They were saying, "Let's get it started in here." Told me to come listen, which I did...and he was right, it was Started and not Retarded. Every time I heard it after that, it was "started."

NOW I find out there are two different versions of this song. He's flippin lucky he's moving out.

 

[TheBellhop]

My DD8 is developmentally delayed. Our lovely neighbor (who is 13) refers to her as "that retard". Right to her face, my face ,the nannies face, my mothers face....etc. My brother and his family have become friendly with this family and don't see why we are a bit reserved about these people. They swear they have never seen this behavior. My daughter will cry and ask "Why is .......... so mean to me? I love her-she is my best friend...."DD has no idea what the heck is going on or why someone would be like that to her. This girl justifies her behavior by saying "it's true, so why shouldn't I say it?" I feel like saying "just because your ugly,fat and mean doesn't I should run around yelling that at the top of my lungs, does it?????" We have spoken to her mother about it and she just shrugs and says "kids are kid's-what can you do?" It's frustrating, painful and sad. My heart breaks to see my daughter treated like this.

Why on earth don't you call that brat out on it?

 

[Scutapipig]

Just because you CAN say something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Applauding this statement.

And as far as the Black Eyed Peas go, the original lyrics were written using the word "retarded" and whether they changed the lyrics or not, the original intent stands. I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate having the tables turned on them if someone wrote a song using derogatory words describing their ethnic backgrounds.

And please don't even get me talking about the Democratic National Convention using this song as their "theme song".