"Retard" and "Retarded"

[JVL1018]

A lot of older folks still use the word "cripple." I am not crippled, please don't call me a cripple.


I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability. Special needs just sounds so ridiculous to me and if you call me "special needs" I will correct you and tell you not to EVER call me that.



I am a paraplegic. Like my other post, I don't care for handicapped either. It's like crippled. I say "accessible space" as well. I don't mind disabled because that's what I am. Less abled? Sorry, that's just so sacharine-y for me.

My grandmother used to say crippled and lame..of course she was talking about herself-she had polio as a toddler and her foot was misshapen and her calf was very very thin and weak making a brace and a cane a necessity(not until her later years 70+ or so, I guess it got progressively worse?).
She died at age 98 in 2000 still using those terms.

I never used either term that I can recall, I always just said my Gram uses a cane, or if asked what was wrong with her, I just said she had polio as a child, never felt the need to describe her by her disability.

 

[missypie]

I think a lot of us now think a lot less of the Black Eyed Peas!

 

[Cool-Beans]

A lot of older folks still use the word "cripple." I am not crippled, please don't call me a cripple.

And the old guys at the VA and an old neighbor of mine get upset that you are sugar-coating it if you don't say "handicapped", "cripple" or "crip." One old guy said, I could call him a (poop)head if I want, just don't give him that bull(cookie) anymore. I'll use whatever word that particular person prefers - I don't care - but please remember that you'll have to tell everyone what YOU prefer, since there is no one "acceptable" term.

I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability. Special needs just sounds so ridiculous to me and if you call me "special needs" I will correct you and tell you not to EVER call me that.

But for a while, that was one of the PC terms. This is the first I've heard that it is on the way out. Or maybe some people prefer still DO prefer that term. Again, you just have to tell people how you want them to refer to you.

I am a paraplegic. Like my other post, I don't care for handicapped either. It's like crippled. I say "accessible space" as well. I don't mind disabled because that's what I am. Less abled? Sorry, that's just so sacharine-y for me.

No need to apologize. You prefer what you prefer. But, on the flip side, someone else thinks of themselves as less abled, and NOT disabled.

Please don't take offense. Since there is never one "correct" term and the terms keep changing, if you are offended by something, you just have to let well-intentioned folks know that you prefer a different term.

If all people who were disabled felt the way you do, it'd be easy. But everyone is different. I can't look at you and know that you will be ticked off by "less abled" and prefer "disabled" anymore than I can look at someone else and know she'll be bent out of shape by "disabled" and prefers "handicapped."

 

[VSL]

Wow, just found that Black Eyed Peas song on iTunes.

Don't know if these lyrics are the same as on the censored 'Let's Get It Started' version:
Bob your head like epilepsy, up inside your club or in your bentley.
Get messy, loud and sick.

I'm really shocked [and disappointed] at BEP.

 

[goofy!]

I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability. Special needs just sounds so ridiculous to me and if you call me "special needs" I will correct you and tell you not to EVER call me that..

No need to apologize. This is exactly why, in my previous post, I said everybody has different tolerance levels with the way words are used.

Myself, I tend not to be bothered. I would much rather have somebody come and talk to my daughter and get to know what a great young lady she is, than let myself be bothered by how somebody referred to her condition. Getting to know people with Down syndrome is the best way to get rid of those old stereotypes. Just changing the word for flavor of the day is not going to change old perceptions. Heck, I sat on the board of directors of the Down syndrome association and I still can't keep current with what is PC.

And thanks for proving my point that every condition, syndrome, illness or disability has its own language that people may or may not find offensive.

In my little world, special needs is completely acceptable. Although, I don't know many people who would use it for somebody that had a physical disability that was not paired with a cognitive one. Most people in this part of the woods only use special needs for cognitive disabilities.

 

[4cruisin]

You know, the more I read this the more I think that Special Needs is a great term. It fits everyone since EVERYONE has some kind of special need (s). I'm fat. I need to have roomier chairs and larger clothes. My dsis has a bil that is a dwarf, yes, dwarf. He has special needs. He needs a step stool to reach his cabinets. Regular size chairs are uncomfortable for him because his legs are so short. My aunt is almost deaf and uses a hearing aide. Etc.

There is no bad connotation to the term Special Needs. I really don't understand why people get so bent out of shape. People are labeled, red head, blonde, fat, skinny, tall, short.

Special needs is just another way of describing someone.

 

[hpsauce]

Please don't take offense. Since there is never one "correct" term and the terms keep changing, if you are offended by something, you just have to let well-intentioned folks know that you prefer a different term.

If all people who were disabled felt the way you do, it'd be easy. But everyone is different. I can't look at you and know that you will be ticked off by "less abled" and prefer "disabled" anymore than I can look at someone else and know she'll be bent out of shape by "disabled" and prefers "handicapped."

This thread is not about people preferring "disabled" to "less abled" or vice versa. It's also not about people who use the term "retarded" to refer to people with cognitive disabilities because it's a term that used to be acceptable. It's about insensitive people who know better saying "retarded" when making fun of people or things. Do you think that some kid who says "that's so retarded!" means "that's like a cognitively impaired person"? Or some kid that says "that's so gay!" means "that's so happy!" or "that's so homosexual!"? No. They mean it to be insulting and derogatory. And I can guarantee you that they know better.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

For the most part, I do not believe people use terms in a derogatory way. They just don't know better. Acceptable phrases change about as often as fashion does. To correct someone and tell them to NEVER call you that would be very hurtful to someone that did not what term YOU prefer.

To me, education along with understanding, compassion and tolerance would go a lot further than telling me to NEVER call you something.

BTW, the term accessible space means nothing to me. Accessible to whom or what? It has always been "Handicapped Parking" in my vocabulary. Sometimes people take PC to far extemes.

I wouldn't be rude about it. I would probably just say, "No disrespect, but I am not special needs. I'm just a paraplegic, I really hate the other one," and smile. Sorry I came across militant. I don't "flip them additude."

Oh, FYI, the accessible parking was for myself only. I didn't say I hate it when others call it that.

There is no bad connotation to the term Special Needs. I really don't understand why people get so bent out of shape. People are labeled, red head, blonde, fat, skinny, tall, short.

Special needs is just another way of describing someone.

I don't like it, you don't mind it. To each his own.

Oh and another thing, I would NEVER correct an elderly person for calling me crippled. I would just let it go. I was just saying I didn't care for the word.

 

[MareQ]

When people use terms that they know offend other people without regard to their feelings, they are being careless and insensitive, regardless of their "intent".

EXACTLY!

 

[4cruisin]

I wouldn't be rude about it. I would probably just say, "No disrespect, but I am not special needs. I'm just a paraplegic, I really hate the other one," and smile. Sorry I came across militant. I don't "flip them additude."

Oh, FYI, the accessible parking was for myself only. I didn't say I hate it when others call it that.


I don't like it, you don't mind it. To each his own.

Lindsay,
I think (at least for me) that people are sometimes so afraid of hurting or insulting someone that is paraplegic or Down syndrome or other wise "different" that they either ignore the person or fall all over themselves trying to act like we understand and know what to say.

Case in point:
During the last few years of my mom's life, she had several strokes, was legally blind and hooked up to oxygen and had to use a wheelchair most of the time. I would take her out shopping, out to eat and to the hair salon etc. One time at Walmart, the older cashier looked at my mom and then at me and said "oh, are you her caretaker, it's so good of you to take her out. It must be so much trouble.(meaning I do that type of work for a living) It took me a minute to understand what she was asking. I very politely told the cashier that I was her daughter. The woman said "oh, she is so lucky to have a daughter like you to which I replied that I was the lucky one to have a mom like her and it was no trouble to take my mom shopping.

So, you see, I could have been very offended but I know the woman did not mean to be hurtful, she just did not know any better. I hope that by giving her my response, maybe she will think differently the next time she comes across a similar situation.

 

[poohandwendy]

To be honest, this thread has just completely confused me as to what is and is not acceptable. It seems to vary greatly.

While I totally disagree with using these terms in a hurtful way, I think it is also wrong to find offense when none is being intended. I think most people can tell the difference.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Lindsay,
I think (at least for me) that people are sometimes so afraid of hurting or insulting someone that is paraplegic or Down syndrome or other wise "different" that they either ignore the person or fall all over themselves trying to act like we understand and know what to say.

Case in point:
During the last few years of my mom's life, she had several strokes, was legally blind and hooked up to oxygen and had to use a wheelchair most of the time. I would take her out shopping, out to eat and to the hair salon etc. One time at Walmart, the older cashier looked at my mom and then at me and said "oh, are you her caretaker, it's so good of you to take her out. It must be so much trouble.(meaning I do that type of work for a living) It took me a minute to understand what she was asking. I very politely told the cashier that I was her daughter. The woman said "oh, she is so lucky to have a daughter like you to which I replied that I was the lucky one to have a mom like her and it was no trouble to take my mom shopping.

So, you see, I could have been very offended but I know the woman did not mean to be hurtful, she just did not know any better. I hope that by giving her my response, maybe she will think differently the next time she comes across a similar situation.

For what it's worth, I think you handled the situation with your mother well.

Bold emphasis mine:

I do understand what you mean. And you know what I tell people who say that to me? I simply say relax. Forget the disability and talk to me like you would any other stranger you were making small talk with, or getting to know. I have certainly never ripped someone a new one for calling me crippled.

If someone asks why I'm in a wheelchair, I'm happy to tell them. It gives me an opportunity to share the dangers of drunk driving. I don't mind people asking me, or even just approaching me to chat.

On the other hand (and yes, this has happened), if you bend down, get in my face, and ask me very slowly, "Hi, hon. Do you go to a special school somewhere?" You will see the biggest eyeroll in history and a little lesson in assuming. (this situation happened to me a few times when I was in high school and college. It's quite an insulting thing to be asked).

I know I come across *meow* on this board, but I am really a nice person It's kinda funny knowing I'm great material to laugh about on *ahem* other sites

 

[LindsayDunn228]

To be honest, this thread has just completely confused me as to what is and is not acceptable. It seems to vary greatly.

While I totally disagree with using these terms in a hurtful way, I think it is also wrong to find offense when none is being intended. I think most people can tell the difference.

So someone who is African American shouldn't cringe inwardly when someone of an older generation refers to them as "colored?"

 

[Bob Slydell]

When people use terms that they know offend other people without regard to their feelings, they are being careless and insensitive, regardless of their "intent".

ITA, but on the other hand, if I'm using terms that is seemingly unoffensive and non-malicious, I can't concern myself that I might be offending a few people that dislike that terminology.

 

[SandrainNC]

I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability.

I usually only hear this phrase when talking about children. Children with special needs. I know our school system uses the term "exceptional children".

I don't get mad when people use the terms correctly (even if they may use something that isn't PC anymore). I might say, that isn't said anymore or something like that. Or you should really use people first language. I told my friend once that I don't call her son an asthma child, so I don't want my son called a Down's child. I also did fuss at my boss for saying mongoloid and told him that was not said anymore, but in a lighthearted sort of way. But when people are saying the slang versions of those words, that is when I get angry.

Sandra

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I usually only hear this phrase when talking about children. Children with special needs. I know our school system uses the term "exceptional children".

Same here too. I would have been mortified if I had been called that in school. I wasn't exceptional in any form, well, except for the fact I could ride a wheely in my wheechair all the way down the hall

I just think special needs has a "mental" connotation to it and that doesn't apply to every disabled kid, like a Down's child versus a child with diabetes.

 

[kdibattista]

Being, as I am, of advanced age, I did not realize that "retarded" or "mentally retarded" was offensive. Now I do. However, we never, ever, made fun of anyone.

I haven't used that term in many years. I also once said "deaf and dumb" and was corrected to "mute." That's a biggie too.

Haven't read all the responses yet but wanted to address this. Using it properly is one thing.... using is like:

"Stop being retarded"
"That's so retarded"
"You're such a retard"

Those are the cirumstances I am talking about. Unfortunately, I hear it more and more often these days... including adults.

 

[kdibattista]

Sorry to be ignorant, but of all these posts I don't recall anyone indicating
the proper term for some who is &^%^*(

What are we to say? He's "different", he's "slow"? You can see Downs and know what it is. What about all of the other things. Should we ask "what's wrong"

I don't want to start a debate about political correctness, but mentally retarded does not seem offensive to me. Tard and retard I can understand as offensive. Everyone has said what not to say, how bout telling me what is proper non-offensive?

See my post above. I am not complaining about people using those terms in the correct way... my sister is mentally retarded. What I don't like is using those terms to describe something totally unrelated and usually in a negative way. It's normally kids trying to be cool or whatever.

 

[JoyG]

well, except for the fact I could ride a wheely in my wheechair all the way down the hall

Now that does sound exceptional!!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Now that does sound exceptional!!

LOL, I was quite a popular gal for awhile, then everyone got used to me and I was back to being Lindsay again. I was in 1st grade when I was injured so doing wheelies was a really cool thing to do. I'll be 28 in 2 weeks and I think if I tried to ride a wheely I would bust my head open!

ETA: Going back to school was so easy. All of my friends were still my friends when I came back (I was injured in another state and my hospital stay was there too, so no visits from my friends). I know this sounds hard to believe, but children can be so accepting of things like this. I guess I should add at least they were when I was in school.