Reporting Someone on Facebook

[luvsJack]

Does anyone know what actually happens when you report someone on Facebook?

I never thought I would need to do this but found it necessary to do for dd and her friend.

Its a long story but basically, dd and her bff had a falling out. Another girl was with the bff when it all happened (they say she instigated it, but you know how kids can be about saying who is and isn't to blame for something, so who really knows). Anyway, a day or so later they talked, both admitted what they did wrong and apologized to each other and are bff's again. The other girl is mad and started saying things to them in text and on facebook. Dd showed me the things she said, we removed her from dd's friend list and blocked her from dd's page. I didn't remove her sister, not really thinking her sister would get involved.

Yesterday the older sister started in. First she was posting little digs at the bff and her obsession with Justin Beiber. Just stupid little stuff. I told them to just ignore it. So then she started saying some really nasty, personal attack kind of stuff, I guess trying to get a response. The bff's grandmother saw it and called her mother and now the bff's mother is calling the sisters' mother plus the sister was warned by several of the girls' friends and relatives on facebook that she would be reported if anything else was posted about dd or bff.

I was in the process of going on both their pages (the bff was at my house) and removing the girl from their friend list and blocking her from their pages when another post came up on dd's page from her. Very disturbing, something completely untrue but something that seriously upset dd to be posted about her and to know that other friends will read it. I deleted the post from dd's wall and reported the girl.

I don't know who is to blame for the intial argument nor do I care. If this was just normal preteen drama, I wouldn't get involved or would just tell them to just "stay away from her and ignore it". I just didn't feel that ignoring it was good enough this time.

Was I wrong?

 

[Bren's Mom]

Is this still your 'not 13 yet so she's in violation of Facebook's rules' daughter? If so, yes. I think you're wrong.

Delete your daughter's FB account. She shouldn't be on it if she's not 13.

If she IS 13, then when this started she should have unfriended any of these girls right away, at the first sign of trouble. If she IS 13, that's how I would handle it in the future. Someone is saying nasty things, she should unfriend them and move on.

You have no business being on her bff's FB page, that's for HER mother to handle.

 

[FireDancer]

Unless something libelous or criminal (like nude photos) are posted I don't know what you are looking for Facebook to do. Saying not nice things about someone on the Internet is a part of free speech. If they are no longer friends the other person's posts won't appear in her news feed anymore anyway.

 

[luvsJack]

I was on her bff's page because her mother asked me to go on there and make sure the girl was deleted and blocked from the page, I was at the computer with both dd and the bff. They were actually doing the blocking, I was just making sure it was done. The bff's mother does not work at a computer and doesn't know anything about one so was not able to handle the problem herself. We are all friends and the bff is at my house most of the time, her mom is pretty secure in knowing that I will look out for her dd just like I will my own.

This could just have easily happened if they were 14 or 15. Their age does not matter at this point. There has been no other problem with no other friend on there, they all just talk back and forth about whatever it is that is going on in their day. All innocent stuff (I read dd's page constantly) until now. Their entire grade at school is friends with one another and there hasn't been one problem with any of them until now.

The first girl was taken off the friend list right away, I told dd to do that as soon as things started happening. She was also blocked from the page.

I didn't exactly ask if dd should be on facebook. I asked if I was wrong for reporting someone that was basically trying to start some cyber bullying. These were not just normal nasty remarks. These were some very hurtful, very demeaning things that she was saying. It upset both girls very much and as I said other friends and family were warning the girl that they would report her (I am really thinking I probably was not the only one that reported her)

So are you saying that I should not have reported her and allowed her to go ahead and bully someone else?

 

[Carnie]

No Facebook page = No Drama.

Math seems easy here.

 

[kwelch10377]

The only thing you can do is block the person and delete what they wrote. Reporting them really won't do anything. It rare cases I think FB will ban the person, but it will be unlikely. If they are doing something illegal then you need to contact the authorities.

If you look under "Safety" in FB it answers questions about this.

 

[Scurvy]

From Facebook's Terms of Service, the following are not permitted:
You will not bully, intimidate, or harass any user.
You will not post content that: is hateful, threatening, or pornographic; incites violence; or contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence.

Later in the Terms it says:
If you violate the letter or spirit of this Statement, or otherwise create risk or possible legal exposure for us, we can stop providing all or part of Facebook to you. We will notify you by email or at the next time you attempt to access your account.

So in theory, if you report someone and they are found to have violated the terms, they could be banned from Facebook. I haven't heard of it happening to anyone except over really serious infractions, though.

Personally, I do think you were somewhat wrong, unless whatever she posted was actually illegal. I think it would be better to just block the person and be done with it. If these are people your daughter will see in her normal life, and your report gets one of them kicked off of Facebook, I suspect it's going to make her real life interactions with them much worse.

If your daughter is under the age of 13 then I think you are completely in the wrong. It isn't Facebook's job to protect preteens from all that drama. If she's 12 or under, then the obvious solution is for you to get your daughter off of Facebook until she's old enough to be permitted on there without lying about her age, and then you won't have to worry about any of this.

By the way, didn't someone else post recently that they wanted to report someone because they used foul language on their daughter's page and it was because of a disagreement over Justin Bieber? And then the mom actually upped the drama by sending the other girl a message demanding she unfriend the daughter? I know I remember a thread like that. I swear, that Justin Bieber - he's nothing but trouble, always causing drama on Facebook.

ETA - Here are two other helpful bits of information from Facebook's Terms of Service:
You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook
You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.
In my opinion, if you aren't going to follow Facebook's Terms of Service, you shouldn't expect to be protected by them, either.

 

[AshleyW]

I was on her bff's page because her mother asked me to go on there and make sure the girl was deleted and blocked from the page, I was at the computer with both dd and the bff. They were actually doing the blocking, I was just making sure it was done. The bff's mother does not work at a computer and doesn't know anything about one so was not able to handle the problem herself. We are all friends and the bff is at my house most of the time, her mom is pretty secure in knowing that I will look out for her dd just like I will my own.

This could just have easily happened if they were 14 or 15. Their age does not matter at this point. There has been no other problem with no other friend on there, they all just talk back and forth about whatever it is that is going on in their day. All innocent stuff (I read dd's page constantly) until now. Their entire grade at school is friends with one another and there hasn't been one problem with any of them until now.

The first girl was taken off the friend list right away, I told dd to do that as soon as things started happening. She was also blocked from the page.

I didn't exactly ask if dd should be on facebook. I asked if I was wrong for reporting someone that was basically trying to start some cyber bullying. These were not just normal nasty remarks. These were some very hurtful, very demeaning things that she was saying. It upset both girls very much and as I said other friends and family were warning the girl that they would report her (I am really thinking I probably was not the only one that reported her)

So are you saying that I should not have reported her and allowed her to go ahead and bully someone else?

That's my opinion. If your DD is old enough to have a Facebook, then she's old enough to learn that there are mean people in the world and mommy can't fix everything.

 

[luvsJack]

Unless something libelous or criminal (like nude photos) are posted I don't know what you are looking for Facebook to do. Saying not nice things about someone on the Internet is a part of free speech. If they are no longer friends the other person's posts won't appear in her news feed anymore anyway.

I really didn't know what they would do or could do so don't really have any expectations.

Just my first expereince with the evilness of young girls.

 

[jazzielady]

Good luck! I posted a similar type story and question a few weeks ago and got flamed from here until tomorrow b/c my dd in question is only 12.

 

[FireDancer]

That's my opinion. If your DD is old enough to have a Facebook, then she's old enough to learn that there are mean people in the world and mommy can't fix everything.

^^ Yup.

Cyber bullying is BS IMO anyway. All you have to do is not go to the page and you won't be bullied. All it really is then is is the 21st century version of talking about someone behind their back and, while not nice, it is just a part of life and free speech. If someone wants to say mean things about me somewhere (online or IRL) let them, I really don't care.

 

[luvsJack]

The only thing you can do is block the person and delete what they wrote. Reporting them really won't do anything. It rare cases I think FB will ban the person, but it will be unlikely. If they are doing something illegal then you need to contact the authorities.

If you look under "Safety" in FB it answers questions about this.

Thank you. Hopefully most of the kids have her deleted from their friend list by now so it will stop.

 

[Kathi OD]

Reporting the incident to facebook is not a big deal. As her parent, you thought it the posts crossed the line, so you did what any parent might be expected to do. Believe me, there are people who get reported for much less. Now whether or not FB decides that the issue is important enough to do something is another thing. My guess is that DD and her BFF will get a message from FB telling them to do exactly what you've already done, remove the offenders from their friend list and block them. They will probably also give the girls some tips on how to avoid this kind of situation in the future and what to do if the problem spreads to the pages of other mutual friends.

To answer your first question...the worst that will happen is that the "bully" girls will have their FB privileges suspended.

 

[jazzielady]

By the way, didn't someone else post recently that they wanted to report someone because they used foul language on their daughter's page and it was because of a disagreement over Justin Bieber? And then the mom actually upped the drama by sending the other girl a message demanding she unfriend the daughter? I know I remember a thread like that. I swear, that Justin Bieber - he's nothing but trouble, always causing drama on Facebook.
QUOTE]

YUP! That was me. And gosh, no negative repercussions from it at all!

 

[shirleyb]

I know you're not asking about whether or not she should have a FB page, however, against my better judgment I let my 13 yo DD have a page on a trial basis. She didn't know I was able to read her inbox. I read a few things that I really wasn't happy with - similar to the situation you mentioned, where a friend of a friend was making nasty comments to her, and I just decided that she doesn't need that drama in her life.

At 13 she's already got plenty of drama, why add to it? I locked her out of her FB page and even though she wasn't happy with me, she survived. I didn't do it to punish her, because she didn't do anything wrong, I did it because I think it was the best thing for her.

Just something to consider.

 

[Scurvy]

I really didn't know what they would do or could do so don't really have any expectations.

Just my first expereince with the evilness of young girls.

For future reference, this link to the Facebook Terms of Service might be useful. It spells out what you can expect. It's always best for parents to familiarize themselves with the terms of a website before letting their children participate in the site.

 

[KAMLEM]

You have no business being on her bff's FB page, that's for HER mother to handle.

You cannot tell someone they have no "right" to be on a public website. She has as much right to be there as anyone else. Whether she handled the situation appropriately is another issue but it's not a matter of having a right to be there or not. When you set up a website such as a Facebook page you need to be prepared for anyone to see it. I keep trying to drill that into my my kids' brains.

 

[luvsJack]

That's my opinion. If your DD is old enough to have a Facebook, then she's old enough to learn that there are mean people in the world and mommy can't fix everything.

honey, I have dealt with mean people in my life and so has dd. The entire grade had a bully this past year. The girl did "mean" things and the school dealt with it. I didn't fix anything.

This is NOT normal drama, normal "mean" girl stuff. This girl was mad for some unknown reason and was saying some nasty and evil things to my daughter and her friend. If she had said these things in school, she would have been sent home suspended. Why should she be allowed to say these things to them anywhere else? (and she is well over the age to be on facebook and well over the age to know better)

 

[AshleyW]

You cannot tell someone they have no "right" to be on a public website. She has as much right to be there as anyone else. Whether she handled the situation appropriately is another issue but it's not a matter of having a right to be there or not. When you set up a website such as a Facebook page you need to be prepared for anyone to see it. I keep trying to drill that into my my kids' brains.

I think the PP meant that the OP had no right signing into the BFF's Facebook and removing the bully as a friend and deleting the posts, and not just simply looking at the BFF's page.

 

[Kathi OD]

^^ Yup.

Cyber bullying is BS IMO anyway. All you have to do is not go to the page and you won't be bullied. All it really is then is is the 21st century version of talking about someone behind their back and, while not nice, it is just a part of life and free speech. If someone wants to say mean things about me somewhere (online or IRL) let them, I really don't care.

While I don't think the OP's case is true case of cyber bullying, cyber bullying is a whole lot more than the old-fashioned "talking behind someone's back" that you seem to think it is.

Just like with a real life bully, the cyber bully's intent is to cause harm to the victim, whether emotional or physical. Even worse than with a real-life bully, a cyber bully can hide behind the anonymity of the cyber world and be more difficult to avoid than a real life bully.