HI all, been a few days! A few long crazy days! I may as well cut to the chase with my confession........ I am smoking again! I know I feel like such a failure and I wont make excuses but I really had a minor breakdown about 10 days ago! I did fine for about 20 days then I just lost it! One night, as I was trying on my work clothes which I hadnt wore in a month (restaurant was closed from jan. 1 till feb 3)Soooooooo, the clothes I wore on new years eve did not fit! I mean really not even close. Shirt and pants. This totally freaked me out! I convince myself that it was because I quit smoking and I had ONE! Next day turned into 2! and so on and so on! However, i did just buy a 3 week patch system I plan on started soon.
I just dont think I can tackle two things at once, and I can't, I can't I just can''t gain anymore weight! I am smart enough to know whats more important really, but, losing weight is not easy either so I think I am just gonna tackle the weight loss first. I really do feel horrible, I know so many of you were rooting for me. Ok so my past few days.
Craziness, began on wednesday night, my daughter ( bean 6 ) woke up about 4in the am screaming like crazy that her stomach hurt. I rushed her to the ER.At first, they thought Urinary infection but urine was fine so because she had a touch of asthma ( which I had under control) and her white blood cells were high fever, etc, they took a chest xray and determined she had nomonia. So they admitted her. I knew though somthing was not right. She was not sick not like that anyway. I know my daughter better than anyone, And I have been dealing with her asthma for a long time, no way she had this. I called her pediatricain and insisted he come that evening to see her and look at the xray! He confirmed, I was right! and we left late thursday night. During all this, i ate pretty bad, I hit the vending machine a few times both for her sake and mine. Howver, when the cafeteria opened in the am I did good and made good choices. I had tuna on a whole wheat wrap. and later that evening a ham and cheese on a spinach wrap. but then had mickey dees on the way home.
Today is sunday, I have been so good since friday, no cheating at all! This evening however, I will have ahouse ful and I am making lazagna! so I will probably go with that but I will not have nayway sweets after ward. In other words, just becuase the lazagna is not in myplan, I will not just say ah the hell with it lets do it up good!
Anywa, I have to go, I have to go shovel and hit the supermarket!
till tomorrow
renee