Relationship problems...UPDATE PG4

[ziggystardust]

I never really post personal stuff on these boards. Don't know why - just don't. But I just am really confused right now and I'm thinking maybe posting will help with that.

My DBF and I have been dating for 6 years and I've loved every minute of it. Last week, kind of out of the blue, he "sort of" breaks up with me. I say sort of b/c I'm not sure if it was his original intention but it got to that point thru the conversation and he also kept saying how he wasn't sure. And I say kind of out of the blue b/c I knew he had been upset about some other things going on but never thought that we would end b/c of them. We spoke again the next day and it was over (but again - he kept saying that he didn't know). I was concerned for him, so I called him on Sat, trying to make every effort I could to save this relationship so I wouldn't regret anything in the future. Well we talked some more for the next few days, and we were still broken up. But we were talking yesterday like nothing happened. I was actually helping him out with something and we were just talking like normal. I spoke to him last night, saying that by us talking like that it was giving me this false sense of hope about the relationship and I can't keep doing that to myself. Its kind of making me go thru the breakup again every day.

One of the main problems here is that even thru all of this I don't hate him. If I did it would be easy. But my question I guess is, am I wrong for me to cut off talking to him? He is my best friend in addition to being my DBF. And its so hard not to pick up the phone. But maybe he should also learn what it is he lost with this whole thing. I don't know, I'm obviously rambling.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Hercules10]

Can I ask ya'lls age?

 

[mickeyboat]

I think you are right that you need some space and time to come to terms with the breakup. I am sorry you are hurting.

Denae

 

[Melisa1]

for you!!!!
Sorry that you are hurting. I hope things work out for you.

 

[lg3]

So, are you absolutely certain you want the BF/GF relationship to continue as such? I'm not sure after reading your post what you really want. You said he is not sure - not sure of what, if he wants it all to be over, or of what he thinks in general for your relationship or perhaps something else? I can't tell how you left it with him when this all came up. Were you so surprised that it wasn't left any certain way? I can't make a suggestion without understanding these details. Hope this makes sense!

 

[LoraJ]

I know it's hard, but I would definitely cut him off. That's the only way you will be able to heal and move on.

Sorry you are hurting.

 

[CheshireVal]

Are you the one who asked if exes could still be friends? I can't remember-- I didn't post in that thread, but I can tell you now that during the early stages of a breakup, it's too hard to try to stay in contact and keep a "close friend" relationship.

It sounds to me like you do need to cut off ties. The day may come when you can be close again, but now's not the time.

 

[ziggystardust]

Can I ask ya'lls age?

I'm 26 - he's 30

So, are you absolutely certain you want the BF/GF relationship to continue as such? I'm not sure after reading your post what you really want. You said he is not sure - not sure of what, if he wants it all to be over, or of what he thinks in general for your relationship or perhaps something else? I can't tell how you left it with him when this all came up. Were you so surprised that it wasn't left any certain way? I can't make a suggestion without understanding these details. Hope this makes sense!

I have this problem of getting over things really quickly. And honestly - yesterday before I spoke to him about the whole "friend" thing - if he said he made a mistake I probably would have taken him back. Don't know if it would have ever been the same or if it would even be smart. Today though - I think I've smartened up a bit and I know it won't be that easy.

As it stands right now, I told him during the whole friend convo that I could really never be friends with him and that I wish him the best on whatever it is that he has to do. Its just so hard to not call or email. Thats going to be the hardest adjustment

 

[ziggystardust]

Are you the one who asked if exes could still be friends? I can't remember-- .

yup - that was me

 

[Sandy V.]

Are you the one initiating all of the contact? If so, I would cool it for awhile and see how HE reacts and if he contacts you.

I also agree with the other posters that some time and space may be what you both need to figure out what kind of relationship (if any) you two want to have.

I'm sorry.

 

[ziggystardust]

Are you the one initiating all of the contact?

No I wasn't.

 

[RickinNYC]

Hey Ziggy. Sorry you're going through with this kiddo. Really sucks.

You and I have "spoken" on the DIS in the past and have gotten along so here's a thought. You live in NYC. I live in NYC. We ought to meet up sometime and have some drinks. I'll be sure you have a grand ol' time, let you vent your heart out, and make certain you get a cab home!

We'll paint the Village red!

 

[rkrivas]

I believe that exes can be friends, but it may mean that you need your space first to come to terms/become accustomed to the 'end' of the BF/GF relationship and the start of your relationship as friends.

I agree with the other posters who suggest that you hold off on contacting him for a few days and see how he reacts.

Hang in there!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I hope things get better for you soon. Sometimes relationships just suck. I would not take his calls and leave his emails unanswered. Try hard not to call or have any contact with him. Go out with the girls(Hi Rick )and just have your sorrow time then in sometime see if you want to be friends without the hurt feelings.

 

[ziggystardust]

Hey Ziggy. Sorry you're going through with this kiddo. Really sucks.

You and I have "spoken" on the DIS in the past and have gotten along so here's a thought. You live in NYC. I live in NYC. We ought to meet up sometime and have some drinks. I'll be sure you have a grand ol' time, let you vent your heart out, and make certain you get a cab home!

We'll paint the Village red!

I might have to take you up on that offer!

 

[RickinNYC]

I might have to take you up on that offer!

It'd be fun! A super mini DIS meet, with a few drinks, lots of venting, followed up with some oggling.

 

[java]

I am in the cut it off camp. He needs to get a taste of what it is really like with you out of his life. For a breakup to stick... I think contact needs to be cut off. Now if you want to maybe get back together(although I advise against it---- there is a reason that he sort of broke up with you and unless that is resolved it will crop up again...)you could keep talking. But I think you deserve better than that.

 

[Hercules10]

I'm 26 - he's 30

Gonna take a stab here and say he's not sure you're the 'one' for him, but he's also doesn't want to let you go until he's positively sure.

Meantime you shouldn't have to wait on him to make up his mind ('specially after 6 years!). Maybe it's time to cut bait and move on.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Gonna take a stab here and say he's not sure you're the 'one' for him, but he's also doesn't want to let you go until he's positively sure.

Meantime you shouldn't have to wait on him to make up his mind ('specially after 6 years!). Maybe it's time to cut bait and move on.

I agree.

(I know... twice in one day...weird, huh, Herc. )

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

Gonna take a stab here and say he's not sure you're the 'one' for him, but he's also doesn't want to let you go until he's positively sure.

Meantime you shouldn't have to wait on him to make up his mind ('specially after 6 years!). Maybe it's time to cut bait and move on.

I tend to agree. I know it's hard to just cut ties ... there's always that glimmer of hope that things will be as they were before. But can you really move on if there's a chance somewhere down the line? I'm not sure that's exactly fair to anyone you might date in the future.