Realistically - how much help should I be expecting from DD, 16

[barkley]

i'm of the cut her some slack mindset as well, but i also think it's important for her to know that you are, and what operations of keeping up the house/household are being carried out absent a contribution from her.

time managment is an important skill to develop-and it's allot easier to manage classes, a job and extracurriculars when someone else is taking on the day to day tasks of making sure you live in a clean environment, either doing your laundry (clothes or linens/towels) or making sure there's laundry supplies on hand, planning/shopping/putting away (and with food-preparing) all of the items of necessity...to that end it can be a valuable life lesson if she has some chores (the reality is, when she's on her own, she will have to learn to balance what she wants to do (extra curriculars/volunteering), what she has to do (job and or school), and what she needs to do (laundry, mantain her own living situation).

maybe figure out a couple of chores that just need to be done within a certain timespan like on a weekly basis-then explain to her that she is responsible for looking to her schedual/demands and time managing when they can get done. better she finds out now if her lifestyle is such that it would be impossible to maintain it without "household help" that way she can make choices in the areas where she has options.


p.s.-i do all the laundry in the household, but in large part that's b/c it's much more cost effective vs. everyone running their stuff on their schedual (i would rather run their full loads vs. seeing them run constant mini loads or the worst-just one item that they do truly need for job/activity but have'nt had the time to run until they absolutly needed it).

 

[golfgal]

During the school year we don't expect the kids to do much around the house-keep their rooms and bathrooms clean and that is about it. Depending on how much homework they have or what their activity schedule is we will have them do dishes after dinner but that doesn't happen all that often. In the summer they pretty much do all of the cleaning/upkeep/laundry. Today they will come home, get their homework done, eat dinner, go to marching band practice, come home, go to bed. I certainly wouldn't expect them to scrub the kitchen floor inbetween all of that. They are sophomores and have a pretty heavy classload-AP History, AP Am Lit, AP Biology, Honors Algebra II, Spanish III, band and PE and have a lot of homework.

 

[eliza61]

Pretty much in our house school is always #1 priority. We do make our sons clean their rooms. Since they are not home for dinner a lot, it would be pretty hard to get them to do dishes. LOL.
they clean their tub after showering/bathing and their sinks pretty routinely so I have to admit that cleaning it for them is pretty easy.

Every thing else is gravy.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was expected to keep my room tidy. Mom did laundry back then, she was a SAHM and I had a school/sports/extracurricular schedule much like your DD's.

I was also expected to help out with a "special project" (ie-leaf raking) when necessary.

I was also expected to be polite and relatively pleasant to live with most of the time. There was not a lot of drama and carrying on tolerated at my parents house, even with teenagers present!

When I started driving, I was expected to keep the car tidy too...clean the windows, wash & vacuum it when necessary.

I was expected to notice if something needed doing and do it...ie-if I got home from school on garbage day and the can was still in front of the house, I was expected to bring into the back yard into its appropriate area and not leave it sitting in front of the house.

All in all, I had it pretty good!

 

[rszdtrvl]

I have already seen the crazy homework starting with my DD in jr high, so I can't imagine high school!

It sounds like your DD is really busy with studies and everything else. So I would definately cut her some slack.

If you notice her laying around the house for hours everyday then you should change your mind, but it sounds like she doesn't have much free time.

I agree with this. My son is in junior high, and his homework, especially in Algebra, is insane!

My son is active in travel club, plus takes guitar lessons once a week. He mentioned joining wrestling, and I cringed. He barely has enough time in the day to squeeze in homework and his guitar lesson. I cannot imagine bringing another extracurricular activity in on top of even that.

His chores around the house (simple stuff : cleaning room, bringing me dirty laundry, etc.) are getting done by me, simply because I feel as a parent he does not have any time for himself.

 

[DebD4T]

I was expected to keep my room tidy. Mom did laundry back then, she was a SAHM and I had a school/sports/extracurricular schedule much like your DD's.

I was also expected to help out with a "special project" (ie-leaf raking) when necessary.

I was also expected to be polite and relatively pleasant to live with most of the time. There was not a lot of drama and carrying on tolerated at my parents house, even with teenagers present!

When I started driving, I was expected to keep the car tidy too...clean the windows, wash & vacuum it when necessary.

I was expected to notice if something needed doing and do it...ie-if I got home from school on garbage day and the can was still in front of the house, I was expected to bring into the back yard into its appropriate area and not leave it sitting in front of the house.

All in all, I had it pretty good!

We have the same expectations in our house.

DH or myself do the laundry and cook. If DD's are home, they clear the table after dinner.

IF DD#1 is home while we are doing laundry, and she is not doing homework, she is expected to fold the clothes.

Our mindset is that school is their job right now. Both DD's have honor classes and then dance 4 nights a week. They are well behaved, pleasant (for the most part LOL!) young women, so I try to cut them some slack in the chores department.

But if I ask them to help out, I expect them to help.

When DS was home, he always took out the garbage. Now he is away at college so DH does it.

 

[Planogirl]

DS is in amateur wrestling and the kids are being worked HARD right now. He is wiped out in the evenings and still has to get homework done.

I'm not making him do anything lately except take care of his own room and make his lunch every day. I'll adjust that later on.

 

[punkin]

DS is in amateur wrestling and the kids are being worked HARD right now. He is wiped out in the evenings and still has to get homework done.

I'm not making him do anything lately except take care of his own room and make his lunch every day. I'll adjust that later on.

I think this is key. You need to be flexible based on your child's needs and responsibilities at the time.

 

[Robinrs]

My son is a junior in high school, also and I give him as much slack as possible so he can concentrate on his grades. My only thing is if he makes a mess, he must clean up his mess.

I don't concern myself with arguments. In my house, that's not an option. He may not be in agreement with me but there has to be hierarchy.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Is she making a mess around the house and then not picking it up?

If not I would just let her continue doing what she is doing. Doing your laundry and picking up after yourself is plenty with a schedule like that.