We settled on Hotel Riu Palace Peninsula
A lot of the reason was for the view of the room we ended up booking which was the suite jacuzzi. There's a jacuzzi on the extremely large balcony (the room itself is over 750 sq feet and the balcony is over 300 sq feet). There is an adults only portion of the hotel property (3 or 4 separated multi-room but called villas) but their views from the balconies are low since it's only 3 IIRC levels high and obstructed so we opted to not stay in that section. My sister-in-law and her bf however will be because the room category we booked sold out (there's only like 20 or so).
But other parts were no dining reservations needed, no limit to number of dining in a la carte restaurants per week (I believe Iberostar for the most part had that for example), is large enough but also small enough and has access to a sister property next door during the day (those people do not have access to the place we're staying at) some of the resorts we looked at were mega ones with 4-5 large portions of the hotel on the same property so that's what I mean by large enough but also small enough. It has easy access to the ferry to Isla Mujeres (10-15 min walk on the beach). Although like many hotels in Cancun far away from Xcaret Park however we know we'll be going there and they do have transportation to get us there and we'll probably do a tour with them as well. The hotel offers free transportation to and from the airport.
It is a lot to go through TBH so I completely understand being intimidated. We spent multiple weekends looking and countless
YouTube videos. The property is a tad less tropical feeling than I wanted (it's modern in style) but other things worked well for our situation.