RE: my dev. delayed teen dd???

[tinkslite]

Ok, so we've been doing disney vacations for years and years. My younger DS has multiple immunity and food allergy issues so it has been a wonderful getaway spot for our family.
My 14 year old adopted gorgeous (yea, i'm biased) daughter has always loved disney BUT.....Her special needs are unlabeled (undiagnosed), or more accurately OVERdiagnosed. Four or Five different psychs over the years came up with four or five different diagnoses and we finally got disgusted and stopped taking her to psychs! So......She has not been in mental/emotional health treatment for at least 3 years. She is NOT currently medicated. She is about 3 years behind her peers in all aspects of development barring physical (she absolutely is the size and shape of a 14 year old). On a really Great Day she: is about the maturity level of a 10-11 year old. She handles 4th-5th grade academic materials, plays with other girl scouts/homeschoolers who are 10 or 11, enjoys Hannah Montana, Suite Life of Zac and Cody, and High School Musical..........ON A BAD DAY: She is regressive (any dev range from 4 to 8 yrs, depending on severity of routine upset, flashback trigger, or sleep deprivation). She is alternately clingy and prickly to parents, given to loud raging LONG tantrums (they can be 30 minutes or 3 hours), loses the ability to process cause and affect, points passive-aggressive or agressive behaviors at odd target people (I am mad at my brother for throwing my teddy bear, so I am going to yell at Mom). She still has magical thinking when it comes to Mom. She expects me to know what she is upset about without her saying anything!
Well, vacations have always wreaked havoc with her moods, because routines are so important to her. She loves WDW, but we always expect a meltdown.
THIS YEAR...She has started her period, back in January......She was sexually abused as a little one, and the whole experience has her in the throes of worsening behavior (PMS FROM HELL!). I have been toying with the idea of speaking to our family doc re. the worsened symptoms, but do not want to put her through yet another battery of psychs and tests (she hates even the word test) and etc.........Her "disability" is invisible until she acts out..........Then it looks like a teenager has lost her mind!
ANY SUGGESTIONS, THOUGHTS, PRAYERS, HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED!

 

[ireland_nicole]

I can't help; dd has similar symptoms, but does see a psych once a month and a behavioral therapist weekly, she also has a host of other medical issues, too. and does take meds.

I think at the end of the day there's no one "right" way, we all do what we think and hope are best for our kiddos.

I do think that now might be a good time to speak w/ a psychologist/psychiatrist about the issues stemming from the previous abuse.

I don't have much useful advice, but I am sending prayers your way.

 

[bookwormde]

Welcome,

Quote honestly it does not seem like what you are dealing with is all that much different to what most of us with children on the Autism spectrum are experiencing to one extent or another. One thing is that the PTSD adds to the anxiety so that makes things a little harder, with her circumstances especially with the onset of puberty.

I have 2 boys (younger than your daughter) so am not facing some of the contributing factors that you are but If you dig though some of the Aspergers/HFA threads you will find a lot of suggestions which you might find helpful with your daughter (particularly ones on meltdowns, preparation and transitions).

We also have a very active community of parents with children with neurological variations on the disabilities community board so for non WDW specific ideas you might want to come and “visit”.

I always recommend that parents, of children who are medium for high functioning, and have neurological variations read Tony Attwood’s “The Complete Guide To Aspergers C2007 (available on Amazon for about $25). Even if none of your daughter’s issues arise from Austim genetics, it provides a good perspective and practical ideas as to how to understand and help children with neurological variations.

Again welcome

bookwormde

 

[jphilhower]

Our oldest son is mentally disable to look at him he is "normal". Until he has a melt down and we argue which at times people give us strange looks but we just shrug it off.
We've had melt downs at the World but you know what who cares. He's one big lovable kid. I've always wondered what it's like for other people with mentally disable kids to travel the world.

 

[blondietink]

Both of my teenage sons are disabled; one is 19 and is mentally retarded and the other is 17 and has Classic Autism with significant learning disabilities. Anyway, I know puberty can be the pits as far as changes in behavior, but it will get better once your daughter learns this new routine in her life. I have no experience with daughters, but perhaps a trip to the MD would be in order to see if she would benefit from being on the pill to even out those hormones. Just a thought. Good luck.

 

[Libbyt]

When my developmentally disabled daughter started her period, her moods actually got better - I think her hormones were just at a fever pitch for many months building up to it! She handled the whole thing better than I expected, but had heavy, uncomfortable periods. We started her on the birth control patch in 3-month cycles (1 period every 3 months) and it was helpful for the periods, her anxiety/moods, and her acne. You might ask your daughter's pediatrician about it!

Libby

PS: Hugs to you for dealing with all that you do - I know from experience that it can be overwhelming!