Random question/vent

[ozarkmom]

I'm not sure what the answer is to prevent it because young people can lie about their age on social networking sites. My question is should 14, 15, 16 yr.old girls be talking to 20 something yr. old men on these sites? A friend of mine was checking out one of the sites and this one is creepy and has lots of kids that claim their parents hate them etc. and found a 25 yr. old man we know and he once again has young teen girls on his friends lists and they tell each other how hot they are. He's NOT the only one this is all over the place grown ups chatting and commenting of pictures of jr. high age girls!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What kind of social networking sites? Are you talking sites like Match.com or Facebook or message boards?

Kids are on sites with adults. Hopefully they are monitored and/or have been taught how to surf the web safely.

Now if you have a kid with a bad homelife, I am sure they are going to seek out companions and lie. While it is sad, I can't say I blame them.

 

[ozarkmom]

What kind of social networking sites? Are you talking sites like Match.com or Facebook or message boards?

Kids are on sites with adults. Hopefully they are monitored and/or have been taught how to surf the web safely.

Now if you have a kid with a bad homelife, I am sure they are going to seek out companions and lie. While it is sad, I can't say I blame them.

Well it happens alot on myspace but the site I'm referring to is Vampirefreaks.com. 25 yr. old men shouldn't be able to tell a 14 yr. old girl she's sexy/hot and stuff but I also know there's really nothing that can be done about it I'm just venting.

 

[Darsa]

I think my answer would have to be No, never, evereverever. I don't care WHAT kind of site it is, unless you're talking to your uncle about an upcoming graduation party or something along those lines, a 14YO girl should NOT be corresponding with a 20-somethingYO man. Or vice-versa!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well it happens alot on myspace but the site I'm referring to is Vampirefreaks.com. 25 yr. old men shouldn't be able to tell a 14 yr. old girl she's sexy/hot and stuff but I also know there's really nothing that can be done about it I'm just venting.

Yea, that is pretty icky...however since it is a vampire site, I suppose they are trying to go for a "look" and get comments on their appearance.

 

[ozarkmom]

Yea, that is pretty icky...however since it is a vampire site, I suppose they are trying to go for a "look" and get comments on their appearance.

Actually the name can be somewhat misleading. While some of the people and it's just like myspace etc they range in age 14 to infinity may be punk, emo, indie, goth etc. There are preps, cheerleader, skaters etc. Not everyone on there "looks" like a vampire. This particular man that I know puts his shirtless muscle flexing pictures everywhere. It just grosses me out when a young girl tells him or any grown man how "hot" they are and vice versa.

 

[FireDancer]

Should adults be telling any tween or teen how "hot" they are...probably not. I am 31 and if a teen were to message me on Facebook or try to friend me I would ignore them (unless they were one of my friend's kids).

However, there are creeps out there and the responsibility is to teach your child how to be smart and safe online. Back in the day kids were taught about not taking candy from strangers or that if they are approached and don't feel comfortable to scream until another adult intervenes. It is not all that different online. If your child is prepared for the real dangers online they will have the tools to react accordingly. It isn't easy but very little in parenting is.

I would be much more concerned with my teenage daughter telling a 25 year old they look hot than the other way around. She can ignore him, initiating the contact means the choice is taken out of her hands and put into his.

It astonishes me how parents know so little about what happens online. I know of people with tween or teen kids who don't know anything about social media. If you don't educate yourself on the medium you can't prepare your kids for it. I am in Information Technology and follow a lot of blogs and podcasts that bring up what you are talking about. Education is the best form of prevention. It is a cliche but it is true.

 

[ozarkmom]

Should adults be telling any tween or teen how "hot" they are...probably not. I am 31 and if a teen were to message me on Facebook or try to friend me I would ignore them (unless they were one of my friend's kids).

However, there are creeps out there and the responsibility is to teach your child how to be smart and safe online. Back in the day kids were taught about not taking candy from strangers or that if they are approached and don't feel comfortable to scream until another adult intervenes. It is not all that different online. If your child is prepared for the real dangers online they will have the tools to react accordingly. It isn't easy but very little in parenting is.

I would be much more concerned with my teenage daughter telling a 25 year old they look hot than the other way around. She can ignore him, initiating the contact means the choice is taken out of her hands and put into his.

It astonishes me how parents know so little about what happens online. I know of people with tween or teen kids who don't know anything about social media. If you don't educate yourself on the medium you can't prepare your kids for it. I am in Information Technology and follow a lot of blogs and podcasts that bring up what you are talking about. Education is the best form of prevention. It is a cliche but it is true.

I agree I am astonished how many really young teens are on these sites half dressed and having very mature conversations with adults. It is very obvious that many parents really have no clue what is going on. When my children were younger I was pretty naive at first. Now I tell all my friends check what they're doing. The sad thing is some of these girls sound so depressed and unloved that they could easily fall prey to creeps.

 

[FireDancer]

I agree I am astonished how many really young teens are on these sites half dressed and having very mature conversations with adults. It is very obvious that many parents really have no clue what is going on. When my children were younger I was pretty naive at first. Now I tell all my friends check what they're doing. The sad thing is some of these girls sound so depressed and unloved that they could easily fall prey to creeps.

The half dressed issue is just stupid. Everyone needs to realize that everything online will be out there forever. Stop and think "would I want a potential employer or my future child to see this"? If the answer is no don't put it online. You are never too young to think long term!

The part I bolded is the real issue. The seeking affection online is a symptom of a deeper problem. Instead of looking at the symptom it is more important to look at the underlying cause and address it.