questions regarding showers

[mishtb]

I was just wondering how everyone else feels about this subject. We're getting married this December at Sunset Pointe in Disney..intimate wedding with about 12-15 people. Now since we don't have the money we are not having a reception back home, my family is giving us nothing towards the wedding. I was told by my mother dont expect a shower cuz we already live together, but most people today already live together. Then the rest of my family said that we're not getting one because we're not having a reception so its not proper to have a shower. Is this is right, or is it still okay to have a shower...? My family doesnt want to help us with the wedding and we can not afford a big wedding... I thought a shower was to help a new couple get on the feet and get their home started??

 

[hmgolden]

We had a custom wedding (about 76 people came) so our situation was a bit differnt, but we also lived together before the wedding. My MOH still through us a shower. Technically, immediate family isn't supposed to throw you the shower, but that's ignored a lot now. If you have someone willing to throw you a shower, than by all means you should have one, and I think its perfectly ok. I know that there are several intimate brides on this board who have still had bridal showers, I'm sure they'll chime in too.

 

[WithDisneySpirit]

I certainly think you should be allowed to have a shower. I hope a family member or friend will be kind enough to do that If showers are only for people who aren't living together, then there wouldn't be many

Good luck and happy wedding

 

[Merandab4]

We did not live together before we were married and we were given a shower.
I felt bad though because only half the people that were invited to the shower were invited to the wedding. But these were family members who knew that we were having a destination wedding and couldn't have made it anyway. These same guests then came to our "open house" when we returned from our wedding.

I don't think it should matter what your situation is, I think every bride deserves a shower of some sort! Are you having a Maid of honor or a real close friend attend your wedding? Maybe she will host a shower for you.
I really do hope someone hosts something for you. It is all apart of the wedding planning process/ tradition. By having a destination wedding, so much tradition gets lost, but I do hope something happens for you sweetie!

 

[christineangel]

I don't think that whether you are living together matters anymore. We weren't living together (we weren't even living in the same state!) But I know couples on their second marriage and/or who've had an established household for years who've gotten showers. We also had an intimate wedding with 9 guests total and we did not have an at home reception either. Still, i had plenty of friends and family members- those coming and those who were not- offer to give me a shower. Due to some family problems, I did not have one, but i wouldn't be surprised if someone offers to throw you a shower.

 

[novemberbride]

I totally agree you should have a shower. I am getting married in November at the Yacht Club Gazebo, I am not having a reception at home, and I am still having showers in my hometown.... and we have lived together for 3 years. When I got engagement, it seems like immediately my friends and family were getting a shower together, and my fiance is having a honey-do shower given by my brother and sister-in-law.

 

[rosiejo]

Ok silly question alert... what's a shower?

I'm from the UK and we have stag and hen parties here, where the girls and boys get together seperately for their "last night of freedom" and just party! I'm going out for a meal and then clubbing with friends - and my DH2B is going paintballing and then clubbing with his...

Is a shower like an egagement party where people bring you gifts? We have a gift registry for people to buy us presents becasue we're getting married - which are usually given at the wedding reception - but ours is two months after the wedding so not sure when we'll get any!

 

[mishtb]

rosiejo - stag & hen parties are called bachelor and bachelorette parties.... "last night of freedom is right"

Here some have both or just one: an engagment party where close family and friends get together usually you get money towards your wedding..
And shower is usually gifts for your home/ sometimes also money towards wedding/shower also...

Its just frusterating for me cuz I got engaged 2 yrs ago and I originally planned on a big wedding... I never got an engagment party and my entire family said no way I should have a shower since not all of my family and friends are coming to our Disney wedding... Its just been hard on us cuz my family has helped out my cousins out with their weddings and gave them an engagment party and they have done nothing for me - and they wonder why we're having a small wedding.....
My best friend said she was going to throw one for us - but I guess my mother told her not to... I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.... thanks everyone for your thoughts..

 

[rosiejo]

Ahh thanks for clearing up the confusion.

I can't believe your family are being so harsh though - I hope everything works out for you.

RJ

 

[tinkerrn]

I totally understand what you are going through!!! Except I don't even want a shower, too much drama. My family seems to be alot like yours. We have very limited fianances, and our families not offering to help out. So,we have decided to just 'go away' without inviting friends or family. Neither side is happy about it, but we simply could not afford to have a wedding and reception here. Plus, our families are from very different backgrounds and religions, so it would be a little uncomfortable. We would just as well not have all the drama from our families. We have also decided to not have a reception or open house when we get back, still would cost quite a bit. No one has offered to help, even though they have done this in the past with other family members. We aren't registering; I might be weird, but I don't think its proper to ask for gifts if there is no reception or party. It is depressing to think that you have these ideas of what your wedding should be like and it is so far from what you are having. So, I figure why bother with a shower! We are very much in love and will have a beautiful intimate wedding by ourselves! I wish you the best of luck and remember that it will be you and your FDHs day!