Question to mothers:

[beautybelle]

I need some advice or input or whatever. Im 33 and I have a son whos 8, well Ive been tossing around the idea of having another baby for some time now it took a while for me to decide because of medical problems but I mentioned that in another thread a little while back. But anyway, is there any mothers out there who can give me input on having kids so far apart? Are they close? Is the oldest jealous? Im a little concerned over the age difference. (I have got to be the biggest worry wart ever!)

 

[tiff211]

My oldest DD is 14 and my two youngest are 4 and 2. I am pregnant with another girl. She has a sister in age closer to her on her father's side but she lives with me. I think it is really the best of both worlds. She can be a big help, although she has entered that selfish teen phase. When DD4 was born, DD14 was not jealous at all but now I see resentment. Although alot of it is due to the fact I was 19 when I had her and not married. Now I am happily married and have money to do things with/for the other two that I couldn't wasn't in a position to with her. DD14 and DD4 argue like they are closer in age. DD4 is a little fresh and DD14 can be a little immature so they balance out. DD2 is more enthralled with big sis. It is hard to plan outings and vacations with the three of them since their interest vary so much. It's tough, because I don't want to make Dd14 feel left out but a lot of the things that I'd like to do with DD4 and 2 don't appeal to her, ie: sesame place, storyland, the zoo, childrens museum. When we take DD14, she kinda mopes like we are forcing her but then complains we we don't take her. I try to do things with just the two of us when I can.

One thing that I am battling now is that her name starts with an "M". DD4 starts with an "S'. DH found the name and I loved it. We had three other names on the list 2 that started with "S" as well. So when we found out we were having another girl, we gave her one of the "s" names on the list. Now I am pregnant with another girl, and we have decided that we want the other "s" name. So, needless to say, DD14 felt left out. I explained to her that when I named her, her name had a special meaning and that I was at a different time and place in my life and as a single parent making decisions on my own. Now I am married and DH is a part of decision making process and really likes the "s" names. SHe seemed to deal with it better after that talk but as much as I try to include her, I know she feels left out. She also spends summers and every other Christmas and Spring Break with her dad so when she hears we did something without her or sees pictures, she gets upset.

All in all, it took me 9+ years to be in a place where having another child made sense. I am overall pleased with the dymanics of our family and think more of the hardships that we go through are based on her having a different dad.

One thing that I was say when DD14 and DD4 is "I waited 9 years to have another kid so I wouldn't have to hear you two bickering!" The bickering immediately stops!

 

[sprite]

I have three dd's 16, 8 and 4. The difference in ages can be challenging because they are in different phases. When my oldest graduates from highschool, my youngest will "graduate" from kindergarten.

But, I also think it is rewarding because they all learn from each other's experiences at different ages. The oldest gets to see how things are with little ones in the house. She was old enough to remember what it is like having a newborn. She learned about potty training. My younger children will learn how to say goodbye when the oldest goes to college, they have experienced her having a boyfriend and dating and going to homecoming.

I would say don't hesitate having another child because you think your first child is too old. They will both benefit from the experience.

 

[eeyore45]

I have a 19, 17 DS, and an 8 yr DD. My Dad comes from a family with a large age spread, my dh comes from a family with a large age spread... It all works out!

My dd keeps asking why she doesnt have a sister, I explain how sisters fight etc, and she thinks about it. I will say my oldest and her fight constantly in a battle for being the "oldest". My middle son sits comfortably as the quientessential "middle" child... I cant tell you how many times I tell my oldest "she's 2" etc of course its now "SHE's 8 - you're 19!!!" In the end I raise them to love each other, to have the family values that are important to us, to remind them how important family is to each other....

Also, when my oldest was in 6th grade when dd was born, and he was a travel hockey player, and I nursed, sometimes in the stands at hockey games (lots of blankets naturally) I was concerned how ds would react, so we talked lots about it during the pregnancy... I also checked out some videos from the library about having a new sibling... DS was fine with it, he understood the food element of nursing, as well as the health benifits, that helped. Communication, knowledge - very powerful!!

 

[hannah03]

This is my honest opinion and I am speaking from personal experience. I don't know what your medical condition is but I also have one. My children are 9 years apart, due to RH DISEASE. My son had to experience along with my husband and I, losing 2 babies (1 stillbirth at fullterm and the other at 6 months along and both are buried side by side). It took 4 years after my second loss and many, many questions from my son about having another baby to decide to try. We got pregnant just before Christmas of 2002 and had Hannah in July 2003. She was born with NO LUNGS and had to be in the NICU for 32 days. It was a heart wrenching experience for all of us and my son asked a million questions, but it paid off in the end. Hannah is healthy and happy.
As for my son, there was some jealousy and still is from time to time. But it's nothing that is MAJOR. I love, love, love the fact that my kids are far apart, b/c it's much easier on me if I need help with something or want to take a bath ALONE. My DS is there to help out. And when they are NOT FIGHTING(b/c they are siblings YOU KNOW), they are very loving toward each other.

 

[4greatboys]

My 2 oldest boys (who are almost 3 years apart) were 10 and 12 when ds #3 was born and 12 and 14 when ds #4 was born. They have both been great with the little ones. Of course now that the 2 little ones are bigger (3 and 5) the older 2 do get mad if the little ones keep getting into their stuff or want to bug them when they are on the comp or doing whatever with their friends but really they are just great with their little brothers.

 

[minkydog]

My first two kids are 7 yrs apart (18-1/2,12, & 10) and the youngest is severely mentally retarded, so he's like a 2yo. Developmentally speaking, it is a challenge. But it's also wonderful because they don't fight. Ever. and they really love and take care of one another. My DS18 will tell you in a second that his best friends is his DSD12. And she is utterly lost without him. DS10 adores them both and seeks them out to cuddle and play, and they drop whatever they're doing to see to his needs.

Having kids several years apart has been a benefit to our family. For one thing, we have more money now. We're older and more experienced. And there is definitely a benefit to not having more than one kid going through puberty at a time!

 

[MazdaUK]

My two sons are 11 and 5, and in many ways get on very well. There are sometimes conflicts, but my sister and I were only 4 years apart and fought at least as much (if not more!). I don't think there is a right or wrong age gap for siblings, but there is for parents and that's dependant on your own health and how your first (or subsequent) pregnancies went.

we've just had our first holiday to WDW and made a decision from the start that younger DS (and me!) were not going to spend all day waiting for older DS and DH to do huge rides. We did as many shows as we could (because we could all enjoy those) and rides which suited us all. However, if there were certain big (or wet!) rides the other two wanted to do then DS(5) and I would find a play area or do a bit of retail therapy

I wouldn't worry about the gap - when my elder DS was at a childminder when he was still pre-school, he spent most of the time playing with her 11-year old son, even though she also had one of 7 as well.

 

[shakespeare]

I have a 13 yr.old and a 2 1/2 year old. I love it! I had my far apart for several reasons but wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. They both enjoy each other and to be honest can't imagine life without both my kids. Go for it!

 

[gracey712]

Although my girls are close in age...6, 6, and 9, I have two older siblings who are 7 and 8 yrs older than I am. Growing up we we're not close because of the age difference but as we got older, probablly starting around 18 or so we got close. Now I can't go a day without speaking with my sister and miss my brother terribly since he moved to NC. Naturally as we get older we get closer to our siblings (usually) but growing up we were just in two different groups. They always tell me now how they hated keeping me amused and babysitting me, jokkingly of course. You only have 1 child so to do it all over again could be fun, for you and your son.

 

[belleandthebeast]

My nieces are 8 years apart. I think the most beneficial (according to my sister) is that both girls won't be in college at the same time. Unless of course, they go for their Masters or it takes a little longer. Still 4 years is enough time to save!

 

[The Sorrentino's]

My oldest will be almost 11 years older than the baby that is on the way. My youngest is 6 and she's the one having the problem. She's not going to be the baby anymore! I had her brother to talk her about being a big sibling and right away she apologized for being mad at the baby. She is trying to get over her sudden move in seniority, but hey, I think she'll do fine.

Since your son is the only child maybe you can talk to him about being a big brother and its rewards or get other children in similar situations to talk to him about it. I find that boys are more accepting of change more than the girls. Is he hinting at not wanting a younger sibling?

Cadence

 

[txgirl]

I have had this discussion (debate ) with friends and family soooo many times. My girls are 10 & 8. We planned them close together and they have a typical love/hate relationship -ya know the competition girls tend to feel when they are close. Anyway, I wanted two children close together and when they started school I wanted two more; so........

My youngest is 2 (a boy ) and his sisters absolutely adore him. NO fighting really and tons of help. I am very careful to not ask too much of them but from the day I brought him home (and they were only 6 & 8 then) they have been wonderful little momma's !

Now the great debate? Do we have another to pair up with little brother? That was always the plan but the running is killing me. My oldest plays fast-pitch softball and basketball and her sister does gymnastics twice a week. Add in church, school, friends and piano lessons and my little guy is on the move ALOT

But this is all he knows. His first year I took a year off of everything and gave to him what I gave the girls. Sweet nursing sessions in the afternoon while they were at school. Naps when he needed them and so on. Now he has to go with the flow and he does for the most part. Boys are so very different as all you mom's know and I am absolutely thrilled to experience this but boy they can disappear quick on a ball field when there are frogs or mud piles nearby!

I am WAY more mellow with him and there has been sort of a redemption process to having him later. ( I was a tad anal with my first two, ya know matching paci's, matching hair bows, followed a pretty tight schedule) and with my son, my dh and I both have really relished each stage and also greatly appreciated how beautiful our girls are turning out.

Long winded, but I say GO FOR IT

 

[Jessd]

Hi!

I had my first two close together, one is now 10 and one is 8 (both boys). My daughter was born last year and we all love it. The boys are old enough to help and can learn some responsibility along the way. They love their baby sister to pieces and we finally got our girl. The boys aren't really jealous of her, they were a little for the baby shower because she was getting all this "stuff", but I explained that when they were born they got all kinds of stuff too, they were just too young to remember.

But the boys love her and she loves to play with them. As a matter of fact, by 8 year old got into an argument with someone at school over who had the cutest baby sister. It was hilarious!


Jess

 

[lulugirl]

My children are 5 years apart (Dd 5.5 yrs, Ds 7 months) and I absolutely love the age difference! Dd did have an adjustment period, but she is now very much in love w/ her baby brother! Having them 5 years apart has certainly made it easier on Dh and myself!

 

[la79al]

The two here are only 4 years apart. The biggest problem is that it is really hard to find things to do that they both are into. One more year apart and we probably would not be leaving for Disney in 19 days cause the little one would be too little or the big one would be too big. There are lots of things the older one can't do because the little one is not big enough. And there are lots of times when he is forced to do things below his age. Then there are times too when they are inseparable and the big one is the little ones hero. You should talk to your son about it, in a hypothetical way and see what he says. You shouldn't have to give up having another child but keep in mind you will deal with the two living together for another 9 years or so.

 

[beautybelle]

My son says that he would love a little sister (but not a brother)LOL I cant figure that one out. But anyway heres another question for ya. Have any of you after having your first child thought to yourself "How in the world could I love another baby as much as I love this one?" This is something else Ive had running through my head.

 

[The Sorrentino's]

I didn't think or say that at all. I wanted another one badly! I wanted another set of 10 little toes...then after that it became a cycle. LOL! I love children!

Cadence

 

[beautybelle]

I love children too. Its just that Ive had soooo many obsticles to face such as my medical problem and you arent gonna believe this being as how its "the new millinium" but I was told in no uncertain terms that if I had another baby I'd have to find myself another job. So Ive had a lot on my plate. The only reason I've now decided to put all that aside is im 33 now and I just feel like my biological clock is ticking away and I go to chuch and shopping and I see those little babies and I just feel like crying I want another so bad. We have 3 women at our church that just had little baby boys and I have asked each if they wanted to just give me one of them and can you believe it, they said no. LOL Oh well I'll just have to have my own. I know im wearing out my welcome but when I had my first little boy I had zero insurance and now I have Anthem but no maternity. How will that affect me? I mean will my reg insurance cover anything at all? or will I have to pay everything again?

 

[txgirl]

But anyway heres another question for ya. Have any of you after having your first child thought to yourself "How in the world could I love another baby as much as I love this one?" This is something else Ive had running through my head.

Actually I do remember being pregnant with my 2nd and not being able to "wrap my brain" around what this second baby would be like. Who would she look like. How would Hannah be affected? Poor baby Hannah was only 18 months old when I was pregnant with Emma and I worried terribly that she would be neglected. The day we brought "baby Memma" home Hannah grew up right then. It was who she was destined to be...big sister to all who came after her. And Baby Memma? She was (and is) the most precious thing! The love that fills your heart for each of your babies seems almost too much sometimes After our two girls we have been blessed with baby boy Samuel who is the in our life! Boys have such a strong emotional hold on mothers. I had heard this my whole life and never understood it until I held that little man.

No doubt I think you wonder about the love because you are so overwhelmed with it you can't fathom that there is more.... but there is and it makes stopping so difficult! I still tear up when I hold a newborn and often times find myself at their bedside long after they are asleep wishing I could scoop them up again and rock them Such Blessings!

You can't go wrong if you have the hearts desire to grow your family! Prayers and best wishes. Sorry for the sappy post. This is where my heart is.