Question to mothers:

[DOINGDISNEY05]

You all will have to show me that last post when you see me on here complaining about tossing my cookies every morning, noon, and night and Im saying "Tell me again why I did this?" LOL

LOL... YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT

 

[HappyLawyer]

I need some advice or input or whatever. Im 33 and I have a son whos 8, well Ive been tossing around the idea of having another baby for some time now it took a while for me to decide because of medical problems but I mentioned that in another thread a little while back. But anyway, is there any mothers out there who can give me input on having kids so far apart? Are they close? Is the oldest jealous? Im a little concerned over the age difference. (I have got to be the biggest worry wart ever!)

My dtr will be 9 next saturday and i am planning a pregnancy for later this year, you can never predict how the two will get along because everyone is different base your decision on what you want, everything cannot always be about our children
good luck

 

[Piglet]

Wow - great thread. DH and I have an 8 yr old DD and are hoping to start trying for another soon. We waited so long because of some medical problems. Not sure how DD will react if things go as planned, she has always said she didn't want any siblings, but I am sure she will adjust.

 

[tn_disney_addict]

Okay, I have perspective in two directions! I am 35....I was TEN before my first sibling came along...now I have (from Mom and Dad's seperate families)...DSis25, DSis 24, DSis 21, DSis 19, Dbro 18 and DSis16. I love them all dearly and wouldn't trade any of the time I have had with any of them, although, granted that I was grown and out of the house before they were out of gradeschool! The two sisters that Mom gave me came to visit every summer and I adore them...can't believe they are all grown up!! The others grew up in my town, so I saw them alot. As a matter of fact...they are all my siblings and even like eachother although they come from seperate families!

Now, my son is 19 (and on the Iraqi border... ) and DD is 7. They absolutely adore eachother. As a matter of fact...DS19 has been in and out of trouble growing up and DD7 is and always was his greatest advocate no matter how much of a terd he was being!!

 

[beautybelle]

tn disney addict: What a beautiful photo. Its sweet. I have a pic of my son with MM messing his hair up, I'd love to put in on here but I dont know how.

 

[Eeyoreloverforever]

This was the phrase that convinced me to have my second baby. My DD was 5.5 when her baby sister was born.

There are days where I wish they were closer together for activity purposes (like Disney trips), but other than that, I certainly wouldn't change it.

I was very sick for the first 4 months of my second pregnancy and it was great that dd could play by herself while I rested. I had so much fun buying all new baby stuff. I so enjoyed taking the time to experience my second dd being a "baby", which I wouldn't have been able to do if they were close in age. Older dd adores her baby sister. There are moments of jealousy, but they are just moments.

My sister and I are 8.5 yrs apart. We are not close, but it is because of our different personalities and beliefs. As kids she treated me as if I was a real baby doll.

There is no perfect age gap and every age gap has its challenges, just different.

People should have children to share their love, not because they want a playmate for their other child. You cannot predict they will be friends.

Good luck with your decision and conseption.

And as for the insurance. It may be tough to come up with the money, but you should never make the decision to bring a human being into this world on money alone. It takes money to have and raise a child, but what is needed more is love and support.

 

[tn_disney_addict]

tn disney addict: What a beautiful photo. Its sweet. I have a pic of my son with MM messing his hair up, I'd love to put in on here but I dont know how.

Thanks! She is my princess!!

I went over to the technical board and followed their instructions...I was afraid it would be difficult, but it wasn't.

Give it a try, I would LOVE to see your photo!!

 

[marcyinPA]

My boys are 4 years apart...6 and 10. They were both born in May, so they are almost EXACTLY 4 years apart!

The age difference has it's rewards and challenges. It was much easier not having 2 in diapers, and it will be nice not to have 2 in college at the same time. The older one was able to entertain himself when the younger one came along. When the older one went to school, I was able to have nice one on one time with the younger one.

That being said, the younger one is growing up much faster than the older one did. He wants to do everything his 10 year old brother does. T.V. shows, movies, toys, can be challenging.

I wouldn't change a thing though...I love'em both and they are the best thing (aside from my dh) that ever happened to me!

 

[etmom]

Hi all. This us such an interesting topic and I'm glad it has been brought up. My two boys are 11 years apart (20 and 9 !!) First off my oldest is able to give my youngest a lot of good advice such as knowing right from wrong and even social skills tips. 20yr. old is very sensitive and probably immature enough to still relate to the 9yr. old (LOL) The only downside which is hard for me is that older brother is in college and always with his friends or at his dad's house (this is my second marraige) Sooo it takes some extra work on my part to help them spend time together. I am sure that sometime down the road they will get together on their own and hopefully be very close. FYI I am one of nine and I am closest to my sister who is 12 years older than me. We became very close as adults and I can't imagine life without her.

I miss mickey

 

[lillygator]

I can give you my perspective on the child's part, I was 10 when my mom had my sister.

One of the first things someone said to her at the hospital was "oh, you have a built in babysitter" - I was crushed. And that is what I became over the years....of course my mom was a single parent and once I could drive I had to pick my sister up after school etc...I vowed I would never do something like this to my children no matter what the age range is.

Now I am 30 have two girls of my own and my sister is 20. We are closer now than we were. I mean I went away to college at 17 so we weren't real close back then and plus she was always into my makeup or my room in general. My DH and his sister are 7 years apart and are not close at all. I guess my experience with it wasn't one of the greatest and that is why we chose to have our children close together.


ETA - good luck with your decision and +++pixie dust for you!

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

I just found this thread and it is quite interesting. My husband and I are thinking of adding one more child to the mix. My girls are almost 6 and 10. I am 36. The problem I am having with this decision is when I look up pregnancy after 35 on the internet, I have to read how old I am. Now I am extremely paranoid about having another child. I really don't want to do pre-natal testing because there seem to be so many false-positives or negatives and risks involved. Anyone else feel like this? Thanks!!

 

[txgirl]

I just found this thread and it is quite interesting. My husband and I are thinking of adding one more child to the mix. My girls are almost 6 and 10. I am 36. The problem I am having with this decision is when I look up pregnancy after 35 on the internet, I have to read how old I am. Now I am extremely paranoid about having another child. I really don't want to do pre-natal testing because there seem to be so many false-positives or negatives and risks involved. Anyone else feel like this? Thanks!!

I absolutely know how you feel even though we had our third when I was in my early thirties. My girls were 6 & 8 when baby boy Samuel was born. (what a joy ) but I was much more worried in that pregnancy than in the previous two. I have heard this is very common . We are wiser than before and that is sometimes not good We have heard more "stories" and then there is the whole "odds" thing which plays all kinds of tricks on your mind! It seems that with all of my friends they seemed to worry more with their last pregnancy than with their first! I completely agree with you about the testing. The false positives can also ruin a perfectly healthy pregnancy! Usually anything that needs to be treated at birth (heart or organ issue) is found in ultrasound. I wasn't one that could have prepared any better if I had known "something" was wrong. I would have just worried myself into a mess!

In the end I really regret letting those fears rob me of the joy of being pregnant. I was so convinced of something being wrong I forgot to enjoy the blessing of being pregnant! He of course was and is a very healthy little boy.

If you have that hearts desire to grow your family remember this: God doesn't use "odds" to bless our life. What will be-will be. A baby that comes later is the sweetest reminder to slow down and appreciate every single moment especially as the older ones are growing up soooooo fast!

Blessings!

 

[loriandmatt]

we had a similar situation to OP.

i now have a 10 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. would never have done it differently. Although others have thought we were crazy (mostly folks who had their kids one right after the other - by the way we think they are nuts in return), we love the situation. It was perfect for us.

- lori

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

I absolutely know how you feel even though we had our third when I was in my early thirties. My girls were 6 & 8 when baby boy Samuel was born. (what a joy ) but I was much more worried in that pregnancy than in the previous two. I have heard this is very common . We are wiser than before and that is sometimes not good We have heard more "stories" and then there is the whole "odds" thing which plays all kinds of tricks on your mind! It seems that with all of my friends they seemed to worry more with their last pregnancy than with their first! I completely agree with you about the testing. The false positives can also ruin a perfectly healthy pregnancy! Usually anything that needs to be treated at birth (heart or organ issue) is found in ultrasound. I wasn't one that could have prepared any better if I had known "something" was wrong. I would have just worried myself into a mess!

In the end I really regret letting those fears rob me of the joy of being pregnant. I was so convinced of something being wrong I forgot to enjoy the blessing of being pregnant! He of course was and is a very healthy little boy.

If you have that hearts desire to grow your family remember this: God doesn't use "odds" to bless our life. What will be-will be. A baby that comes later is the sweetest reminder to slow down and appreciate every single moment especially as the older ones are growing up soooooo fast!

Blessings!

Thank you so much for the kind thoughts! I am a worrier by nature. If I took a pre-natal test and it came back negative, we wouldn't terminate anyhow. I think I need to get off the internet! Thanks again!

 

[mickeymousemom]

I have 3 DD's...the oldest is almost 16(from my first marriage), then I have an 11 yo and a 2 yo. The 2 older girls absolutely love my youngest. They help quite a bit and even though they complain sometimes they wouldn't have it any other way. I was 37 when I was pregnant for DD2...I was considered high risk mostly because of my age, but also because I had a problem with excess bleeding after my second pregnancy(I ended up having trouble with platelet count with DD2, but everything worked out fine). I'd have another one if it weren't for the platelet count thing again. It could have been a dangerous situation....but it had nothing to do with my age. My 2 oldest don't get along very well, but with 2 girls their ages i expect that. I don't regret the way I had my kids. With DD2 I am so much more patient, mature, and wise than with the first 2. Yes, I am more tired....but so what. I love my girls!

 

[Sheaboys]

Our first 3 boys are exactly 2 yrs apart, they are 7, 5 and 3. We are now expecting #4, our oldest keeps asking for a sister, they don't even know we are expecting yet, the other 2 never mention it. I was concerned about age, I just turned 34, but had very easy (other than 4 months of morning sickness) pregnancies. I was concerned about the age gap, but after reading this it has reassured me.

 

[rt2dz]

I just found this thread and it is quite interesting. My husband and I are thinking of adding one more child to the mix. My girls are almost 6 and 10. I am 36. The problem I am having with this decision is when I look up pregnancy after 35 on the internet, I have to read how old I am. Now I am extremely paranoid about having another child. I really don't want to do pre-natal testing because there seem to be so many false-positives or negatives and risks involved. Anyone else feel like this? Thanks!!

36 is just starting the "high risk" based on age pregnancy, so I wouldn't worry about it too dramatically. Even my OB says that it is more worrisome for women after the age of 35 having their first. History of previous healthy pregnancies is more important--although the risk does keep going up. And something could go wrong with any pregnacy at any age despite a healthy history.

I also don't worry too much about the testing. When you do your quad-screen (for those who had a baby last year, it's a new and improved triple-screen), you can get false positives easily. My OB says it isn't very accurate, but it does not give false negatives (or very rarely) so it pulls 75% of women out of further testing. That test is really a minor test to see if you need to bother with the riskier, more expensive, more accurate test if you get a positive. Otherwise, we'd all need to start with amnio's--not good. In other words, you shouldn't worry about a positive with that test, but think of it more on a pass on other tests.

I personally think it is good to know about potential problems. Not to terminate, but to find a pedi who is an expert in the field. To make sure the right medical care is on hand in the labor & delivery room. I don't want the hospital delaying any care for the simple fact they have to get it to the room instead of having it there before the baby is born. Also, so many things can be fixed in uterio now that might not be able to be fixed after birth, or as easily. I want to know what I'm in for, to be up-to-date on all treatments. To know if anything special is needed around the house.

But that is just me, and I know not everyone feels that way. When I was pg with #2, I had a lot of friends who were also pg and skipping the prenatal testing. They were more worried about it than I before the tests. After the tests, I was totally able to put it aside and they continued to worry for months until their babies were born. Another reason I go for the testing--save myself unnecessary worry.

You could also have genetic testing done prior to getting pregnant again to see how elevated your risks are.

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

Thank you all for the quick replies. I am just driving myself crazy thinking too much. I need to think positively, right?? I miss having a baby, esp now that my 'baby' will be starting Kindergarten soon. Thanks again!