Question re: discipline/ parenting at WDW

[AJ1983]

This may be an odd question, especially since I don't have children yet (but already planning ahead to a first WDW vacation with kids lol). But my question is how to you handle discipline in a park with kids ages, say 5-9? (We have already decided we are not bringing children there before age 5-no diapers, no strollers is our rule).

What is your discipline routine if your child requires discipline in the park? Are your standards more relaxed because you are on vacation (ie: more infractions required before intervention), do you immediately remove them from the situation, etc?

I ask because on a bus ride this past year, a 3 year old was screaming his head off, and I mean SCREAMING. Now I know the child COULD have been sick,but the Dad was loudly telling everyone around him how "He's 3...used to be the Terrible Two's now its the Terrible Threes". The kid would scream and Dad was say "Stop it" and they would repeat, each one getting more forceful each time. Then Dad would alternate using soothing tones saying "Dad knows you're hungry buddy, and we're going to eat now I promise, okayyyyyy?". Eventually the Mom came up and took him and he stopped screaming immediately. My husband asked me "Why didn't she just take the kid in the beginning, before he screamed for 20 minutes?".

I know what was a different situation, since we were on a bus, and its obvious the Dad didn't have a solid discipline routine (not kids fault), but what is the appropriate way to discipline your child in a scenario like that? Do you take the extreme measure of removing them for a tantrum that could last 5 minutes, or do you consider others and not have them be screamed at by a 3 year old for 15/20 minutes?

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Our discipline is the same no matter where we are. Our kids don't get a free pass to be little punks just because we're not at home.

I am a parent of 3, and I have a backbone. I don't care if I'm at the White House, Disney world, or my own home, they know good and plenty, loud and clear that they will behave.

My favorite tactic was : time out to go, anywhere you go, time out can go with you. I had a large bandana I carried in my purse or bag and it was our time out. Anywhere I could open it was time out. Time out was with us no matter where we went, and I used the heck out of that thing.

Suddenly my kids realized time out could be held anywhere. On a bench, in a fitting room, on the floor, in the car, etc.

We as parents have to be consistent !

 

[kmb584]

I discipline my daughter the same way I do at home. I don't want her thinking that just because we're on vacation she can get away with more than she can at home. If we're waiting in a line and she starts acting up, she gets a warning, "if you do that one more time you're going in a time out, not on this ride". If she repeats her behavior we leave the line, find a bench, and start a 5 minute time out.

 

[Airship Ariadne]

Since you are not a parent yet, then you don't know first hand that all kids are different and the best advice might be a complete bust on 1 out of every 5 kids.

BUT my thoughts are your idea of waiting until they are post toddler age is great, much easier to enjoy the vacation if you don't have the additional issues of diapers, naptimes (honestly, that is the majority of the causes of bad kid behavior at WDW, not being on their regular sleep schedule).

Plus, they will have the memory of the trip...think about it...how when do your most vivid memories start? first or second grade...my mom was so proud of herself taking me to WDW, when we were planning our trip with our daughter she kep saying , "Remember how much you enjoyed it?" to which I said, "No, I enjoyed looking at the pictures of the trip, but I was THREE! I don't remember any of it."

With our DD (she was 7 on our first trip) there was never any real issues...she was just so thrilled to be there...slight grumpiness when we would all get tired, but par for the course.

Now a lot of that had to do with always setting expectations for behavior beforehand everywhere. So it was habit for her not to be mad if she asked for something and we said "no"...it wasn't part of the plan.

And she seemed to enjoy joining in our game of spotting the parents that tried too hard...listening for the tale-tell phrases like "we spent a ton of money to be here, so you better stop crying and enjoy yourself!" or "We are never going to be able to come back, stop ruining the trip for everyone!"

She's 13 now...I think I'm going to ask her to make bingo cards of those for our trip this month.

 

[Susiequsie60]

That's a tough situation because you were on a bus. Can't really remove the kid from the situation. Personally, in that case I would have never let either of my children have a tantrum for 20 minutes before I intervened . . . and that's not a dis to my husband. It just appears that the dad was not very effective at that moment. I'm not sure that my stepping in would have quelled the situation, but I would have definitely given it a try.

I am not (or I guess I should say I was not) one for letting my kids act out in public - I'm the type who would leave a full cart of groceries or physically remove them from a restaurant if necessary. Kids having tantrums in public is a personal pet peeve of mine.

If something like this happened at WDW, I wouldn't hesitate to take the screaming child and return to our hotel room. That might sound drastic, but I'm a huge believer in consequences and absolutely NEVER threatening something I won't then carry through. Ask my kids - now 23 and 24. I honestly don't think we ever faced this during any of the early years we went to Disney. As evidence of my Tough Love parenting style however, my son's 5th birthday party was cancelled because I (perhaps foolishly) used it as a "threat" when he was in the middle of a temper tantrum. Probably not my best parenting moment, but I had to stick to my guns. And all these years later, I'm happy with my style because both of my now-grown kids understand consequences and disappointment and all those things in life you want (need) your kids to learn.

So to answer your question, I don't think really lightening up on your children at WDW is the right thing to do. Yes, it's their vacation too. But I think as a parent you are responsible 100% of the time to teach them about getting along in life.

(And by the way, just for the record, I've continued to hold on to this Tough Love parenting style until this day. It especially came in handy during my daughter's very difficult teen years. I stand by the fact that it was those early years of "learning" that really made it possible to get us through those hard years later on.) Weren't expecting a speech on my personal views of parenting were you? Sorry ~

 

[msmama]

I think a lot of parenting at WDW is staying on top of your childs needs before they become a problem. Small children (say, under 3 like the one in your example) often can't tell you that they are tired/hungry/cranky/etc. As a parent, it's up to you to watch their cues and make sure they are fed/napped/etc before it gets out of control.

I will say that I don't think there is anything that Dad could have done except maybe distraction. And perhaps they should have taken care of his needs before getting on the bus (whether it was feeding him or maybe they should've left earlier). Hindsight is 20/20.

An older child though, yes, we have the same consequences we'd have at home. My son has had plenty of "time outs" at WDW for things that he knows better not to do (which is the difference between an older child and a toddler throwing a tantrum).

 

[Mousemommy1]

We have same discipline standards at home as on vacation. If one of our kids is misbehaving, they sure as heck will be spoken to and brought back to the hotel as needed.

Luckily, our kids tend to be very well behaved on vacation, so it hasn't been much of an issue. But they know "the look" and if they get it on vacation, they chill out real quick because they don't want to spend their time in the hotel room.

 

[Spunky946]

We have the same discipline technique on vacation as at home, but to be honest my kids love being on vacation, so are usually really good. We don't usually have too many problems, but if we did we would take care of the problem immediately.


To be honest you as a non parent are really in no position to judge how we as parents discipline or deal with our children. You have never been there and never been stuck on a bus with a young child screaming and no place to go. You are seeing only a snapshot of a brief period of time. It's really hard to be that parent and know that what you are doing is not working and you want your child to be quiet as much as the other people on the bus.

The mom could have picked up the child and the child still could not have calmed down. Sometimes a child can not be calmed down no matter what and just needs to let it out so to speak. Unfortunately on a bus, there is no place to go.

In other places I've removed a child and let them go to town where they are not bothering other people. Generally a few minutes of being ignored gets the job done.

I say that parenting is not for the faint of heart all of the time. I love being a parent and I love my kids so much I can't stand it, but sometimes being their parent is very trying. In the heat of the moment we have all done and said things that we regret, I know I have. As my kids have gotten older, they are now 10 and 6, it's easier and harder in a lot of ways, but each age brings their own challenges.

Anyway, sorry this has gotten so long, but it's one of my big pet peeves, you can't really judge it unless you have been there. Ok, I"ll hop off my soap box now.

 

[Gracie09]

I wouldn't judge how someone disciplines their child based on an encounter on a bus. The child could have been motion sick. Maybe he couldn't see his mother and they didn't realize that would be an issue until they were in that situation. There are 100 reasons why a child would act that way on a bus, even if they don't act that way in general. My dd2 once started crying hysterically in a line at disney. It took us 10 minutes to figure out the reason (a beep from a game a kid was playing on line). The oddest things can throw off kids when you least expect it so assuming the parents didn't discipline or even that discipline was the problem is likely to be wrong.

 

[StirlingSilver83]

I try and have the same discipline tactics on vacation as we do at home. Although sometimes it's tough. My oldest son is on the spectrum so sometimes he just gets overwhelmed and has meltdowns. I am pretty good at reading his signs and can tell if he's getting overloaded and can usually stop a meltdown before it happens. My husband on the other hand not so much. We usually try the split routine my husband takes the little 1 and I take my older 1. But it does happen sometimes if my husband wants to do a ride with my older son and then brings my son back on the verge on meltdown mode. We try not to discipline in front of a crowd of people. We try and go some place quiet and that also helps the meltdowns as well. It's difficult but we make it work last vacation we did manage to get a DAS which helped A LOT! We only had like 2 or 3 meltdowns the whole trip. Anyways I guess it all depends on the situation.

 

[SEA333]

This may be an odd question, especially since I don't have children yet (but already planning ahead to a first WDW vacation with kids lol). But my question is how to you handle discipline in a park with kids ages, say 5-9? (We have already decided we are not bringing children there before age 5-no diapers, no strollers is our rule).

What is your discipline routine if your child requires discipline in the park? Are your standards more relaxed because you are on vacation (ie: more infractions required before intervention), do you immediately remove them from the situation, etc?

I ask because on a bus ride this past year, a 3 year old was screaming his head off, and I mean SCREAMING. Now I know the child COULD have been sick,but the Dad was loudly telling everyone around him how "He's 3...used to be the Terrible Two's now its the Terrible Threes". The kid would scream and Dad was say "Stop it" and they would repeat, each one getting more forceful each time. Then Dad would alternate using soothing tones saying "Dad knows you're hungry buddy, and we're going to eat now I promise, okayyyyyy?". Eventually the Mom came up and took him and he stopped screaming immediately. My husband asked me "Why didn't she just take the kid in the beginning, before he screamed for 20 minutes?".

I know what was a different situation, since we were on a bus, and its obvious the Dad didn't have a solid discipline routine (not kids fault), but what is the appropriate way to discipline your child in a scenario like that? Do you take the extreme measure of removing them for a tantrum that could last 5 minutes, or do you consider others and not have them be screamed at by a 3 year old for 15/20 minutes?

We didn't take our kids the first time until the youngest was in kindergarten, for the same reasons - I want to enjoy myself on such an expensive vacation and changing diapers, dealing with naps, strollers, bottles, etc, just doesn't sound very relaxing or fun to me. I spent the better part of 10 years dealing with babies/toddlers/preschoolers (5 1/2 year age gap between the oldest and the youngest, with a sister in between) and on a side note, I LOVE that my kids are now 14, 10, and almost 9. They are sooo much fun these days and all three LOVED WDW even more last year when they were 13, 9, and 7.

Anyway, we pretty much abided by the parenting/discipline philosophy of "We will teach our children to behave at home first so when we go somewhere else, they will already know what to do". This means that we expected them to be respectful to their toys/belongings/each other at home as well as away, they weren't allowed to scream and throw fits at home, rummage through cabinets and refrigerators home or away, or talk back anywhere (although that is STILL an ongoing battle with the 14 year old....but that's another whole story). Since the rules are pretty much the same no matter where we are, we never had to discipline differently. The 2 year old screamed in a restaurant? they were disciplined immediately. They screamed at home? Same thing...*I* don't want to listen to that horrible noise, so what makes them think anyone else does??!! And that is how we talked to them even as babies: "No screaming. No. Nobody wants to hear you scream. No." (as I tapped their mouth - not hard, mind you, but only so they would know what I meant). And we did it every single time until they stopped doing it altogether. No matter if it was at home or out in public.

****Not everyone has the same parenting philosophy as I do, and a lot of people come on here saying that that their special needs kid is different or needs different parenting - I agree that a special needs child needs different things - that is why they are special. So I am not talking about them here.****

But, a mainstream child can be taught to behave themselves in public with no excuses. Tired or not, it really is never appropriate to be screaming ones head off on a crowded bus as a preschooler. Given the fact that the parent was obviously giving the child chance after chance and the child still didn't stop, tells me that he probably screams his head off at home, too. So you can only expect to see the same sort of parenting in public that the kid is getting at home. It's very telling. For example, if that was my kid at age 3, it would have gone something like this:

Kid: "Wahhh"
Me: "Stop. We are almost there, and then we will have dinner. are you hungry?"
Kid: "Yessss!!!! WAHHH!"
Me: "Don't even start throwing a fit. If you scream or cry, I will take you off this bus at the next stop and it will be a LONG time before you eat. Do you want to have to wait longer?"
Kid: "No" (pout)
Me: "Ok, then. Just settle down and we will be there soon. I love you. Oh, hey! Look at Mickey on that girl's shirt! What color is he?" (distraction always worked wonders!)
Crisis avoided. Again.

But it only works if that is what is expected All The Time. And I have three kids with vastly different personalities, and they all react to things differently, but the one common factor is that they ALL have had consistent discipline since they were babies and know what DH and I expect from them. No matter where we are.

 

[marmalade]

My kids are 8 and 9 and by 5 they had a good idea what was expected of them as far as behavior goes. While we are out in public they get "the look" which signals they need to change their behavior now or else they will face consequences. The consequences can change based on the incident, we could leave where we are, they could lose TV/Electronic time when we get home, they could lose playtime with the neighborhood kids etc......

I am a firm believer that actions and consequences go hand in hand. I will establish what they will lose if their behavior continues. When at Disney, I may be a little more lenient and remind them more then once what will happen if their behavior continues.

 

[MandiC]

Up until two months ago my 3 year old would scream if he was separated from me. Some kids have varying levels of separation anxiety. Punishing him for being scared would be the exact opposite of the right thing to do if that were the situation. Sounds like maybe the dad was trying to distract him? I do agree with him though, 3 is a tough age, has been for all 4 of my kids on varying levels.
We discipline our kids no matter where we are, the discipline depends on the child and the offense. I'll tell you what, I thought I had this parenting thing down pat and then I had my 4th baby he is so completely different than any of his big siblings. All of my kids have obviously been different but he has made me reevaluate a lot of things. The truth is no matter what people will tell you, you can't plan ahead for what discipline you will use. Can you get ideas? Sure, but it may or may not work for your unique child.

When we went to Disney in particular we didn't need to discipline. We only brought our 7 and 9 (at the time) year olds and they are pretty easy going, go with the flow kind of kids. We did several open to close park days with no resort breaks and we didn't think twice about it...because we know our kids. Would that have worked with our youngest, most definitely not.

Sorry if this post is all over the place, I've been stopped several times moral of the post in one sentence. Discipline is really something you have to figure out once you have kids, everyone will feel strongly that their way is the right way but it usually is just right for *them*. The funny thing is, kids (older, not toddlers/preschoolers) tend to mimic their parents more than their parents would care to admit. The most whiney difficult kids I've met tend to come from parents with those same traits
As far as kids under the age of 5, I've learned to not judge those parents but rather look upon them as parents just trying to do the right thing. Often times when kids under the age of 5 are screaming it is because they aren't getting their way, and if those parents are consistent those very kids will be the best behaved 5+ year olds...

 

[SEA333]

That's a tough situation because you were on a bus. Can't really remove the kid from the situation. Personally, in that case I would have never let either of my children have a tantrum for 20 minutes before I intervened . . . and that's not a dis to my husband. It just appears that the dad was not very effective at that moment. I'm not sure that my stepping in would have quelled the situation, but I would have definitely given it a try.

I am not (or I guess I should say I was not) one for letting my kids act out in public - I'm the type who would leave a full cart of groceries or physically remove them from a restaurant if necessary. Kids having tantrums in public is a personal pet peeve of mine.

If something like this happened at WDW, I wouldn't hesitate to take the screaming child and return to our hotel room. That might sound drastic, but I'm a huge believer in consequences and absolutely NEVER threatening something I won't then carry through. Ask my kids - now 23 and 24. I honestly don't think we ever faced this during any of the early years we went to Disney. As evidence of my Tough Love parenting style however, my son's 5th birthday party was cancelled because I (perhaps foolishly) used it as a "threat" when he was in the middle of a temper tantrum. Probably not my best parenting moment, but I had to stick to my guns. And all these years later, I'm happy with my style because both of my now-grown kids understand consequences and disappointment and all those things in life you want (need) your kids to learn.

So to answer your question, I don't think really lightening up on your children at WDW is the right thing to do. Yes, it's their vacation too. But I think as a parent you are responsible 100% of the time to teach them about getting along in life.

(And by the way, just for the record, I've continued to hold on to this Tough Love parenting style until this day. It especially came in handy during my daughter's very difficult teen years. I stand by the fact that it was those early years of "learning" that really made it possible to get us through those hard years later on.) Weren't expecting a speech on my personal views of parenting were you? Sorry ~

hah... I love it.

We are tough love parents, too, and boy is it a good thing now that the oldest is 14. All I have to do is hold out my hand and say "one more word, and you will give me your phone" and it's amazing how fast he straightens up!

And I agree - it is our responsibility as a parent to raise our kids to become adults who are productive, contributing members of society. Our moral compass has always revolved around three things: Kindness, Honor, and Integrity. Pretty much all good things fall under these criteria in some way, and when we talk to the kids, we can explain: "you are not allowed to scream on a bus because it isn't kind to make other people listen to you crying and screaming. Be respectful to those around you". They "got it" even at age three.

My biggest challenge wasn't toddlerhood - it's now at age 14 1/2! I use the "honor and integrity" speech more now than I ever have before! LOL

 

[mrsbicewdw]

This may be an odd question, especially since I don't have children yet (but already planning ahead to a first WDW vacation with kids lol). But my question is how to you handle discipline in a park with kids ages, say 5-9? (We have already decided we are not bringing children there before age 5-no diapers, no strollers is our rule).

What is your discipline routine if your child requires discipline in the park? Are your standards more relaxed because you are on vacation (ie: more infractions required before intervention), do you immediately remove them from the situation, etc?

I ask because on a bus ride this past year, a 3 year old was screaming his head off, and I mean SCREAMING. Now I know the child COULD have been sick,but the Dad was loudly telling everyone around him how "He's 3...used to be the Terrible Two's now its the Terrible Threes". The kid would scream and Dad was say "Stop it" and they would repeat, each one getting more forceful each time. Then Dad would alternate using soothing tones saying "Dad knows you're hungry buddy, and we're going to eat now I promise, okayyyyyy?". Eventually the Mom came up and took him and he stopped screaming immediately. My husband asked me "Why didn't she just take the kid in the beginning, before he screamed for 20 minutes?".

I know what was a different situation, since we were on a bus, and its obvious the Dad didn't have a solid discipline routine (not kids fault), but what is the appropriate way to discipline your child in a scenario like that? Do you take the extreme measure of removing them for a tantrum that could last 5 minutes, or do you consider others and not have them be screamed at by a 3 year old for 15/20 minutes?

You don't have a kiddo yet, so I assume you just have no idea what these parents were going through. 1) - the kid is three, not twenty, and heck when I get hungry I can get "hangry" too and not be so nice. It happens to all of us. 2) If you know your kid is at their limit and that is the reason they are crying/etc then you are generally going to go a bit lighter on them. Why? Because they have reached their limit for stimulation/hunger/etc for the day - just like big people, little people have a limit. As adults, we have a limit of how many times we can be bothered before getting upset, how many times we can see bright flashing lights before getting a headache, or how long we can go without eating before feeling very ill. 3) Mom was probably at her limit just as much as the kid and didn't want to run to stop the screaming for what may have been not the first time today. The family could have been late getting to dinner for one reason or another. Maybe the kid needed a nap but due to being overstimulated, didn't get one. Maybe they ran out of snacks at the park, thought they could get back to the hotel before a meltdown, only to find out that wasn't the case. Maybe the kid was feeling sick, but being three years old, couldn't articulate that.

I don't say any of that with attitude or malice. Before I had kids, I thought the same as you. Now that I have two small children, one of whom has Sensory Processing Processing Disorder, I see things differently. I see that kids are not perfect, nor are they tiny adults. I see that parents do the best they can and that we are flying by the seat of our pants. I know that what I thought I would be like as a parent is far from what the reality is. I know that having a child with Sensory issues has made me revaluate how I look at "typical" child behaviors and to look deeper at how I can help my child succeed, versus forcing him to conform to standards he just can't understand or meet right now. Things change when you have kids. My best advice is that next time you see that sort of situation, give a kind smile and just send the family a little love/prayer. I can't tell you how many times I saw parents screaming at their kids on the return to the hotel at night when I worked at WDW, and ya know, I really doubt that it helped anyone. The kids already feel stressed or sick, the parents are tired and stressed...what is the point of screaming? I once walked into to clean up a vomit episode in a room at night...the entire time I cleaned the dad was lecturing the kid about how rude it was to get sick and make me clean it up. Yeah, because that really helped anything, right?

As for how we handle behavior on vacations - it all depends on the situation and the behavior. One-size-fits-all isn't usually the way to go for most kids. Understanding goes a long way to growing a caring and understanding person in the long run.

 

[puffkin]

I think there is a HUGE difference in "judging" a parent in a situation where the child can be removed and an environment where they cannot (like a bus/plane). My DS2 is one of those kids when something sets him off, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, is going to stop him until he wants to. Hindsight is definitely 20/20. The vast majority of parents try there best to anticipate the needs, but when you are in a vacation environment where lots of things are out of your control, it isn't always easy.

Trust me, as a parent, you are MORTIFIED when this happens. The last thing you need is people judging you or your parenting skills at that moment. Especially people who don't have children or have never been through one of these tantrums. My DS8 didn't throw tantrums. He had quite a mouth on him and wasn't the best listener, but did not throw tantrums. My DS2 is a a piece of work though, and can drop into a tantrum at the drop of the hat. And the more you try to stop him, the worse and louder he gets. I know sometimes it may seem that we are not dealing with him, but in actuality if we tried to intervene it would just make it worse.

Please don't judge. Until you have a kid that does this, you just don't understand. We didn't understand even with DS8 who is a handful, in a different way. DS2 was a huge wake up call.

 

[AJ1983]

Thanks everyone for your honest input. I am not judging how the man parents his child, as I said, we were on a bus-what could he REALLY do?

My mom was is, and I will be, the parent who will immediately remove my kid from the situation if they act up. However, on my last trip I saw a lot of children being disrespectful to parents, hitting siblings,etc that I was jut wondering if the general consensus is to give them a break.

I can see I'll be in good company if I ever have to remove one of my kids if they misbehave

 

[Mommyof2Boos]

If I pass a parent who looks overwhelmed I try to smile and say "oh don't we all have these days" which helps the parent relax and realize they are not alone.

For my children, well time out goes anywhere, there are walls and corners everywhere to stare at, even in line. But preventing the melt downs with snacks, drinks, breaks, naps, and quiet line activities is the key to keeping them in check.

 

[laughinplace199]

This may be an odd question, especially since I don't have children yet (but already planning ahead to a first WDW vacation with kids lol). But my question is how to you handle discipline in a park with kids ages, say 5-9? (We have already decided we are not bringing children there before age 5-no diapers, no strollers is our rule).

What is your discipline routine if your child requires discipline in the park? Are your standards more relaxed because you are on vacation (ie: more infractions required before intervention), do you immediately remove them from the situation, etc?

I ask because on a bus ride this past year, a 3 year old was screaming his head off, and I mean SCREAMING. Now I know the child COULD have been sick,but the Dad was loudly telling everyone around him how "He's 3...used to be the Terrible Two's now its the Terrible Threes". The kid would scream and Dad was say "Stop it" and they would repeat, each one getting more forceful each time. Then Dad would alternate using soothing tones saying "Dad knows you're hungry buddy, and we're going to eat now I promise, okayyyyyy?". Eventually the Mom came up and took him and he stopped screaming immediately. My husband asked me "Why didn't she just take the kid in the beginning, before he screamed for 20 minutes?".

I know what was a different situation, since we were on a bus, and its obvious the Dad didn't have a solid discipline routine (not kids fault), but what is the appropriate way to discipline your child in a scenario like that? Do you take the extreme measure of removing them for a tantrum that could last 5 minutes, or do you consider others and not have them be screamed at by a 3 year old for 15/20 minutes?

We discipline the same at WDW as we do at home or anywhere else. There are plenty of spots to have a time out or to be removed from the action if necessary.

As many other posters have said, trying to keep on top of the kids' needs is huge. We tried to keep to our regular routine for meals and bedtime when our kids were smaller. Now that they're older, we don't have to worry about that.

Don't be surprised if you rethink your age requirement for a WDW trip once you have kids. If you have 3 or 4 kids and they're each 2-3 yrs apart, you'll have to wait about 10 years to go back to WDW! I don't know about you, but I couldn't do that!

 

[BubblyTrip]

My mom was is, and I will be, the parent who will immediately remove my kid from the situation if they act up. However, on my last trip I saw a lot of children being disrespectful to parents, hitting siblings,etc that I was jut wondering if the general consensus is to give them a break.

With all due respect (and I mean that, I'm not being snarky), no one knows exactly what kind of parent they will be until they are there, and even then it is constantly evolving.

Ask any parent, say one thing you swear you will never do or tolerate , and those words will come back to haunt you (probably at Disney World).