Question for the moms of boys...

[PatsGirl]

I think early teens if they are comfortable with being alone. I think my son was either 12 or 13 when he started having a physical without me being there. But..I did give the doctor some things I wanted him to talk to him about such as STD, bike helmets, dangers of binge drinking, that sort of thing. Of course, I also talked to him about it but figured the reinforcement from his doctor couldn't hurt

 

[MushyMushy]

I must be a complete whackadoodle because I even went back into the exam room with my 18 year old last time he was sick! I promise I'm not a helicopter parent, honest! That's just the environment of my doctor's office -- he treats the whole family and people routinely go back into the exam rooms together. Parents/teens, elderly/adult children, husbands/wives, etc. When the nurse comes to the waiting room to get people, she'll call the patient's name, then smile at the companion and invite them back too. Not sure if it makes a difference, but he's an osteopath, not a pediatrician or MD, and just has a different attitude than most doctors.

The few times DS has gotten a physical I've left the room, but there is typically no undressing or wearing a gown, or even lying on a table.

Anyway, it's not that I feel I have to be there in the exam room, that's just the way it's always been done for all patients!

 

[Shmily1]

DS19 and DD18 both usually say they want me to go with them. I always ask and they say "come on!" when the nurse calls them back. If they don't want me in there with them, they know I'm close by if they need something and I'm there for support.

 

[Belle2667]

My boys never minded me being there. We've always been very open with talking about all matters of human anatomy, so it never seemed weird.

Just this past yea, when DS18 (then 17) had a checkup and I went in with him. I asked him first, but he didn't care. When it was time for the "turn your head & cough", I stepped into the hall. I also know that was the point in which the doc asked the "are you sexually active" questions and showed him how to perform a self-exam.

I don't think there is a right or wrong. It really depends on what is comfortable for you and your sons. Of course, I don't plan on going to any other physicals past age 18. To me, that's the line between child and adult and they need to be responsible for themselves. If it is an appointment other than a physical, if asked, I would join them.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm the mom of a ds6 and ds11, but this year, dd13 was examined without me. Granted, I also had ds6 with me, because he happened to be having a bad asthma attack that morning, and needed steroids, but I think 13 is an age when 1/2 the visit might not include mom. I don't think ds11 would even want to change in front of me anymore.

 

[debbi801]

Our peds office requires the parent to walk back for the initial portion of the visit. The doctor talks with both the parent and child regarding the health issue, and the the doctor asks the parent to leave at the start of the physical exam. My son is 14 and this has been going on since he was about 9 or 10.

This is the way it is at our pediatrician's office too, only the parent portion of the exam is at the end. Both my older DS and my DD started going back alone around 12 years old. We do this whether they are sick or for check ups. Once they hit puberty, it would never occur to me to be there for their exams. They deserve privacy just like I do. And, if I am back there, that could prevent my kids from talking honestly with their doctors.

 

[VillageMama]

The only time I take my oldest children is if they are sick, so I always go back with them.

I would be very uncomfortable if the doctor asked me to leave so that he could discuss things of an intimate nature with my teen. Our value system is different than the prevailing culture's value system.

So I chose a pediatrician who is coming from the same perspective that we are. That way if they do discuss sensitive topics, I can be confident that we have the same outlooks and goals.

 

[Sleepy]

I think it depends on the child as to when they are ready. Not all kids are able to comprehend and communicate well with medical staff. My son is one of them. If it is an appt involving a cold or something simple, I allow him to go in alone. If it involves a medication refill, he goes alone, but I usually have to step in because the military if funny about ADHD meds and teens. Dental appts have never been a problem. Since he was 8, he has gone in alone and they bring him out and review his results with me. Dental appts are different than general medicine though.

I feel it is important for an extra person to be in the office during a visit. Not everyone comprehends or remembers symptoms, etc. The doc office can be intimidating to many. I know if I don't write down things, I will forget half of it. Another problem is that sometimes medical staff does not believe a symptom you are experiencing. It is good when you have someone to back up your complaints.

 

[Becky2005]

I go with it depends. So far, I have always gone in but my oldest DS is only 12. I go in because 90% of the time the answers he gives to the the doctor for the questions are "I don't know". Even when I'm in there, I try to be quiet and let the doctor ask my son but when all the answers are "I don't know" to questions. I have to speak up for him for things. We usually go in for medication checks to see if those are still working properly or if we need to tweak anything, etc... and I know my DS would come out and tell me "I don't rememer/I don't know" as to what the doctor said.

I still go in with DD too but she asks me to at least so far. She hasn't had a regular physical though this year as she isn't in sports. She sees a specialist and that is basically a party in the room, it's expected the parent will be in there & you never know if you are going to see 1 doctor or 10 coming in at once (it's also a teaching hospital, so we've been known to have 5 - 6 people in the exam room at one time!)

 

[wdwfan16]

I would stop being in the room at the onset of puberty. I would tell the nurse if I wanted to talk to the Dr..

 

[Sleepy]

I go with it depends. So far, I have always gone in but my oldest DS is only 12. I go in because 90% of the time the answers he gives to the the doctor for the questions are "I don't know". Even when I'm in there, I try to be quiet and let the doctor ask my son but when all the answers are "I don't know" to questions. I have to speak up for him for things. We usually go in for medication checks to see if those are still working properly or if we need to tweak anything, etc... and I know my DS would come out and tell me "I don't rememer/I don't know" as to what the doctor said.

Good luck. It might not get any better.

 

[Becky2005]

Good luck. It might not get any better.

I could see that! DS is in the 10% for weight & if you went by his answers...he didn't even know if he ate last time! The doctor asked him what kinds of things he liked to eat & he literally answered "I don't know" (he was much more interested in the fake hand/foot/spine display the doctor had than answering questions).

I do ask but usually my kids want me back there. My DD was practically dragging me back there at 14. *I* was the one asking her if she was really sure she wanted me to go you would have thought I asked her to walk through fire or something. In her case, I think it's because she gets so bored waiting in the exam room for the doctor that she likes me back there just to chit-chat.

If they didn't want me to, that would be fine. They pretty much go to the dentist on their own, except for when the 9 year old got teeth knocked out, I was back there for that one. He usually does better when I'm NOT back there though.

 

[Planogirl]

I'll typically go back if there's no checkup or undress involved or if it's treatment with a specialist for an injury or the like. For example when DS broke his collar bone I went back to get the report from the doctor but I didn't go with DS for x-ray or say anything while the doctor checked DS.

I would not be in the room for a check up ever since DS turned 11 or so. I would leave after telling the doctor what was up and I'd let DS have some privacy.

 

[Chelley00]

Just this past yea, when DS18 (then 17) had a checkup and I went in with him. I asked him first, but he didn't care. When it was time for the "turn your head & cough", I stepped into the hall. I also know that was the point in which the doc asked the "are you sexually active" questions and showed him how to perform a self-exam..

This is what I do with DS16 and DS13. I go in for the questions at the beginning, leave for the exam and "those questions" and then our doctor has me come back in for the after exam discussion.

 

[npmommie]

My son was 12 in July. His last visit, I was told to wait outside and the doctor would come for me when they were done.

The only time I take my oldest children is if they are sick, so I always go back with them.

I would be very uncomfortable if the doctor asked me to leave so that he could discuss things of an intimate nature with my teen. Our value system is different than the prevailing culture's value system.

So I chose a pediatrician who is coming from the same perspective that we are. That way if they do discuss sensitive topics, I can be confident that we have the same outlooks and goals.

I agree i would be very uncomfortable if the doctor told me I had to leave, I believe that should be left up to the child. if they want me there i am there, when they don't want me there i will wait outside so they have privacy,
mine are too young yet for this but my dd is approaching the age when she could possibly want to go alone.
i still go in for the dentist too. but because i bring them together and my youngest wants me there, and its one big room with 2 chairs so they both go at the same time.

just curious moms of daughters, if you have a male pediatrician, how do you feel about your dd going alone? not that I believe a doc would do anything inappropriate, i am more coming from the stance of uncomfortable feelings for a girl in puberty.
our pedi is a female now, but she is leaving the practice and the other pedi is a male in the practice, we can switch over to him, and i like him as we have seen him for sick visits, but not sure if it would make my dd uncomfortable at this age where she is approaching puberty, to have a male doc.
does that make sense? or am i over thinking?

 

[NHdisneylover]

just curious moms of daughters, if you have a male pediatrician, how do you feel about your dd going alone? not that I believe a doc would do anything inappropriate, i am more coming from the stance of uncomfortable feelings for a girl in puberty.
our pedi is a female now, but she is leaving the practice and the other pedi is a male in the practice, we can switch over to him, and i like him as we have seen him for sick visits, but not sure if it would make my dd uncomfortable at this age where she is approaching puberty, to have a male doc.
does that make sense? or am i over thinking?

DD (almost 13) went alone a few times to see our male family physician in New Hampshire (she is very curvy and absolutely went through all the body changes from little girl to young woman while he was her doctor). I never thought about her being uncomfortable around him because he is a man and never was. I guess if I were uncomfortable with it she might have picked up on that vibe and followed suit

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

DS is 16 and I still go with him for the initial discussion (he's had sports injuries in the last few months, and recently had Lyme Disease, and I need to be there to discuss those), but when it comes time for the actual exam (and all the "personal" questions), I leave and sit in the waiting room. When they're done, the Dr comes out and talks to me, while DS gets dressed.

Not sure when this started. Years ago, for a couple of years, I had DH take him...figured DS didn't want Mom around anymore. But when I started taking him again (because it was usually inconvenient for DH and work), I guess that was when the Dr said at the appropriate time for me to step out and he'd touch base with me in the waiting room.

My DDs started seeing a female pediatrician when they were 10 and 8, because we were leaving one pediatric group at the time and my GYN recommended a female in another group. (DS (5 at the time) also went to her for one appt, but at that appt, we discovered our original (and current) male pediatrician was in that group, and I switched DS over to him at the next checkup. (He was our original pediatrician and then joined an HMO when DS was 6 mo old, and we couldn't see him anymore, but a few years later went back into private practice.)) ANYWAY...yes, I did the same thing with those appts...stayed to talk in the beginning, left for the exam and their talk.

The purpose of leaving the room isn't so that the Dr can impose their value system on your child...it's so the child can feel comfortable speaking up without a parent there. If your family values are one way, believe it or not, your child MAY not be following them. And if they're not, they should hopefully feel comfortable telling someone. It actually COULD be a matter of life and death.

At my oldest DD's appt with her Rheumatologist when she was 17, he asked her if she planned to start drinking (because she was on a medication that couldn't be mixed with alcohol). Very awkward moment. She laughed and said, "No". And I chimed in "Well, she's only 17, and legally she can't start drinking until she's 21." And then I realized how STUPID I sounded. And I said "I guess that doesn't mean she WON'T drink." So I told DD that of course I don't want her to drink, but if she did, she needed to contact the doctor for a change in medication...that I'd rather have her alive and healthy than have liver damage.

 

[Acklander]

I stopped going in the room around puberty and would be called in at the end of the exam to go over whatever the dr. wanted to go over.
Around the age of 13 or 14 I also started involving my son with the paperwork that needs to be filled out before hand. I felt it was important that he understood which conditions run in the family, what childhood illnesses he's had, what insurance he has etc.... That way he'd be better prepared if he ever needed medical help when I wasn't there or once he was on his own.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Starting at age 13, our pediatrician does part of the exam with the parent in the room and part of the exam privately. I like it that way. I have a chance to talk to the dr. and hear what he has to say, and my ds has some privacy with the doctor too.

 

[aprilgail2]

just curious moms of daughters, if you have a male pediatrician, how do you feel about your dd going alone? not that I believe a doc would do anything inappropriate, i am more coming from the stance of uncomfortable feelings for a girl in puberty.
our pedi is a female now, but she is leaving the practice and the other pedi is a male in the practice, we can switch over to him, and i like him as we have seen him for sick visits, but not sure if it would make my dd uncomfortable at this age where she is approaching puberty, to have a male doc.
does that make sense? or am i over thinking?

I don't send my daughter to a male for this reason! I had a male ped. growing up and I was always uncomfortable with him examing me (he never did anything inappropriate!) so I made sure to get a all female practice for my daughter.