Question for Stay at Home Moms

[dogluva]

I honestly dont understand the SAHM concept-when your kids are in school

I was a SAHM-but worked out of an office in my home. When the kids went to school-I went to the office a couple days a week. But I always worked.

I cant imagine being home-without kids-and doing nothing but housework all day. Isnt it boring?

I agree. This sounds horrible.

 

[ZuZugal]

I am a new SAHM. I have worked for the past 23 years and now find myself at home.

My question is... how do you motivate yourself to work around the house?? My kids went back to school on Wed. (8-11) and for the past 3 days I have had the best plans to get SOOO much done... nothing has gotten done except all of the laundry is caught up on (which has NEVER happened)... I guess that is good, but I had planned on my house sparkling by today and I just have no eumf to get off my butt. HELP!!

I have been a SAHM for 17 years. I have also been a preschool teacher and a sub at close-by elementary school (still do that) but I consider my main job to be a SAHM.

My take on it has been to TREAT IT AS A FULL TIME JOB!! When you work outside of the home you have projects, deadlines, everyday tasks - but with a boss who checks up on you and you get paid for it. Use a daytimer, make lists, do whatever you need to do to plan your day and reach your goals. Sometimes it is tough to find the motivation...i am the first to admit that. That's why having those to-do lists is important.

MOST IMPORTANTLY - make sure to make time for you!! Take a walk every day, take a class of some sort, you know the list! I like to exercise in some form every day so I feel like I have done something for myself.

EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY - don't listen to the negative replies! Guess some people have more time on their hands than they know what to do with.

 

[dogluva]

Being a SAHM is a HUGE job, and THE BEST for your children, so don't ever let others say anything to take away from that! You are raising your child, with your values and NOT a day care worker-your children will love and appreciate all you do for them and not some stranger. All that being said, school just started and I find that adjustment period where things are out of sorts a bit-you miss them, you worry about their days, and look forward to that carpool line! So, give yourself a break to adjust to the new school beginning.
Someone else suggested a list- and that is SUCH a good idea! I make a list of things I must get done each day, put on my IPOD and get to it. And soon as your children are home, you are done with chores, errands, dinner, etc. and can devote ALL your time to them-what a gift it is!

This post is the reason why I usually stay away from SAHM and WOHM debates. My kids were never raised by STRANGERS. How incredibly rude.
I am not even going to explain to you how my day care provider was certainly not a stranger, it will be a waste of time.

Also, her kids (and yours) are in school all day. Are they being taught by STRANGERS? Just wondering.

Gotta go back to my kids now who don't love or appreciate or have any values me because I work.

 

[monkeybug]

I agree. This sounds horrible.

I think it just depends on personality! My aunt never had kids, but has never worked outside the home. She makes breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my uncle, spends lots of time volunteering, works on quilts or other projects, visits family members, and travels with my uncle. She is certainly not lazy, and seems to have a very happy and full life. She works as much as most people I know, she just doesn't get paid.
I waffle between working when my kids are all in school and continuing to stay home, I'm not sure which I'll choose when the time comes. My husband would actually prefer me to stay home.

 

[grafxgirl]

It always took me about 3 weeks to settle into a new routine when the kids went back to school. I pretty much tried to get most of the cleaning done in the morning before I showered so it wasn't as easy to find something more fun to do I would do one "big" thing each day, laundry, scrub floors, etc. and do general picking up each day. On Friday I did most of my dusting/vacuuming/bathroom cleaning so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the weekends. I also did a lot of volunteer work so that worked into the schedule as well. I was pretty much done doing stuff by the time the kids got home, then I would help with homework, get diner ready, etc. As the kids got older a lot of afternoons were spend taking them to various practices, etc. too.

I know the feeling. I've worked a full-time career my entire life, then was let go from my job a few years ago and had to figure out how to adjust. Give it time. I work part-time and go to college part-time, so on my days home while the kids are in school I get up, put on a pot of coffee and turn on the iPod docking station. I start with the general stuff like making beds and cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Next I pick one or two big things to accomplish that day, like scrubbing all the bathroom floors, kitchen floor and laundry room floor or dusting all the furniture. Then I would finally shower and get dressed around lunch time and have the rest of the afternoon to run errands or just relax.

I do, however, watch TV while I'm ironing and folding up laundry. This is the chore I hate the most, even more than cleaning toilets!

 

[momto2girls]

This is me as well. Yes, I could get a part time job, but when I am the one who has to stay home when the kids are sick or leave work to pick them up early, that will put my employer in a bad spot. Every employer deserves employees who can put 100% into their job and I can't do that. If my DH didn't make enough money and I had to work, that would be a different story. But since I don't need to work outside of the home, I think those people who do would make better employees than me. And why waste my time (or theirs) if I can't put 100% into it?

Despite what a lot of people think, being a SAHM is more than cleaning.

I'm in the same situation. My husband makes a fabulous living. He does have meetings, conference calls, and travel though. One of us needs to be available for the kids at all times. It can't be him. Even with my master's degree, I could never ever make as much as he does. Not even close. Plus, due to the tax rate I would have to pay on my piddly income, it really doesn't make any sense for me to take a job. I also feel like I shouldn't take a job from someone who could really use one.

 

[acename]

I'm a list maker too. I find actually crossing items off a list motivating. Some days the whole list doesn't get done and some days I get a bit extra done. With a three year old (she's three today I can't believe it!) and a six month old, I've got to be flexible.

My husband is very supportive. My main job is taking care of the kids. He helps with the cleaning, although he has a much higher tolerance for mess than I do.

As long as we have clean clothes, food to eat, clean dishes to eat off and everyone survived, I consider it a good day

 

[jodifla]

OP, it is a big adjustment to go from a job where everything is busy and scheduled to a sea of open time. One I'm still making, LOL. I actually did end up going back to work a few nights a week.

I hate housework....what helps me is Books on Tape I get from my library.

I haven't done a schedule yet, but this school year, I plan to!

 

[Bethenny]

I just dont find Housework enough to fill my days.

The beauty of being my own self-contractor when my kids were younger in school-is I determined my work day-it ended at 3-to get the kids-drive to practices etc.So I was still mentally stimulated & had the freedom of a SAHM.

Do you have a job to offer me where I can work 9am-3pm? Where I get all half-days off, all holidays off, all school breaks off, all summer off? If so, sign me up.

And no, housework doesn't fill my day. So I can do other things like work out, go out to lunch, go shopping, get my hair cut.

OP, I second what most other people have said. Turn on some music and make lists. And invite people over! That really is the best motivator!

 

[ajk912]

Do you have a job to offer me where I can work 9am-3pm? Where I get all half-days off, all holidays off, all school breaks off, all summer off? If so, sign me up.

And no, housework doesn't fill my day. So I can do other things like work out, go out to lunch, go shopping, get my hair cut.

OP, I second what most other people have said. Turn on some music and make lists. And invite people over! That really is the best motivator!

Many places will be hiring for the Christmas season soon. Last year when my dd started kindergarten I was able to get that exact job at Ross..9:30-3 Monday through Friday, holidays off and half days off. There are jobs who want someone older than 18 working the day, but they can only pay about minimum wage, so that's where the momjob comes in!

I decided to go back to college instead, so I just pick my courses based on my kids' schedule. Still fills my days and I am learning a lot and hope to have my degree before too long.

Everyone I know who is a SAHM when the kids are in school are either kind of unhappy OR they find some way to fulfill themselves either through volunteering through the PTA or another organization, or they become gungho gymrats. lol I couldn't do the gymrat thing (though I tried, I don't know how they do it!) so I decided to get a job instead.

 

[kpm76]

Being a SAHM is a HUGE job, and THE BEST for your children, so don't ever let others say anything to take away from that! You are raising your child, with your values and NOT a day care worker-your children will love and appreciate all you do for them and not some stranger.

I am not trying to attack you, but it is inflammatory language like this that does nothing to more the discussion forward. I have been home with my DD (and soon to be DS any day now) for 3 years. I left a career I loved but have been able to do contract work in the same field so I feel truly blessed. It works for us and our situation but being home can be isolating and it is not for everyone. I happen to love my set up right now and look forward to a day when I can grow my business while also volunteering at school etc. I had a career, not just a job and I think that can make a difference. Certainly no offense to those that left jobs and not careers to stay home, but I really loved what I was doing, liked working in an office, going to meetings etc.

I think it is so important to respect each other. I also try to remember that I am very fortunate to have the options I do and for some, the decisions they make are not necessarily the ones they want to make but are made out of necessity. I know plenty of women who could stay home financially but still choose to work. My best friend from college has a Ph.D and is home on maternity leave right now. While she loves her DD, she is looking forward to getting back to work. It does not make her a bad mom at all. In fact, going back to work will make her a better mom because she will be happy. She's worked hard to get where she is and she should do what is best for her and her family.

It would be so nice if we could support one another instead of tearing each other down. I have learned though in my 3 short years of being home that most of the mud slinging from both sides stems from insecurities about the decision that was made (either to stay home or work) and lack of true happiness with that decision.

 

[okeydokey]

Being a SAHM is a HUGE job, and THE BEST for your children, so don't ever let others say anything to take away from that! You are raising your child, with your values and NOT a day care worker-your children will love and appreciate all you do for them and not some stranger. All that being said, school just started and I find that adjustment period where things are out of sorts a bit-you miss them, you worry about their days, and look forward to that carpool line! So, give yourself a break to adjust to the new school beginning.
Someone else suggested a list- and that is SUCH a good idea! I make a list of things I must get done each day, put on my IPOD and get to it. And soon as your children are home, you are done with chores, errands, dinner, etc. and can devote ALL your time to them-what a gift it is!

I love how people state their opinions as if they are facts.

 

[luvmy3]

Thank you sooo much to everyone with the kind replies!! I am getting some GREAT ideas... I will rock this house shortly!!

I honestly do not think I am lazy... getting up a 4am to work a full time job for the past 9 years and working "normal" hours the other 14 years plus keeping a household with two busy kids in every sport and a hubby with a crazy schedule... to me proves I'm not lazy... I just need to learn the ropes of my new position... SAHM.

THANK YOU!!

One thing you need to adjust to is the fact that there will be those out there who believe that being a SAHM is an easy job and that if you aren't doing it all then you are lazy. You will learn that they have no idea what they are talking about, and not to take it personally. Maybe they are lashing out because they feel inadequate about their own mothering/household abilities, who knows

Get dressed. If I stay in my PJs I am in lounge-mode.

I don't know what the psychology of this is, but it works.
I also would suggest not getting on teh computer first thing in the AM, I find that sometimes I can't tear myself away from the discussions here even though there is a pile of laundry in front of the washer and a pile on the chair next to me waiting to be put away

I honestly dont understand the SAHM concept-when your kids are in school

I was a SAHM-but worked out of an office in my home. When the kids went to school-I went to the office a couple days a week. But I always worked.

I cant imagine being home-without kids-and doing nothing but housework all day. Isnt it boring?

I find that now that my kids are in school full time I am able to volunteer more at the school, and while its not a full time job it does keep me occupied. I have been a SAHM for 13 years and do want to do something more, but without a college degree and a recent work history there aren't many options. I am considering something but its a huge financial decision and one I'm not quite sure will work.

I'm in the same situation. My husband makes a fabulous living. He does have meetings, conference calls, and travel though. One of us needs to be available for the kids at all times. It can't be him. Even with my master's degree, I could never ever make as much as he does. Not even close. Plus, due to the tax rate I would have to pay on my piddly income, it really doesn't make any sense for me to take a job. I also feel like I shouldn't take a job from someone who could really use one.

This is one thing we have talked about too, and I am fortunate we are in a situation where I don't need to take a job.

 

[MooGooGai]

I honestly dont understand the SAHM concept-when your kids are in school

I was a SAHM-but worked out of an office in my home. When the kids went to school-I went to the office a couple days a week. But I always worked.

I cant imagine being home-without kids-and doing nothing but housework all day. Isnt it boring?

I agree. This sounds horrible.

That does sound horrible if you are doing housework all day.

I clean a bit, go to the gym, get my nails done, meet up with friends, etc.

I really like being a SAHM while my children are in school

edited-I now work with a 60 yr old SAHM-who never worked. 5 years ago her DH left her, She insisted on keeping the house-somost of the extra $$ she was owed went to pay off herDH's half. She now answers the phone where i work and really is struggling. Thats the reason SAHM need to get back in the work force when their kids go to school-IMO

The woman that you speak of really put herself in a bad position. First she married an unstable man. No Roth IRA? No savings of her own? I don’t think she is a good example as to why SAHMs need to get back into the workforce.

There are SAHMs that have retirements/savings funded by their husband’s income over the years. I know many SAHMs whose husbands find them invaluable and have no problem setting them up for the future.

Not all SAHMs are poor and needy women void of funds they can call their own. You just have to find the right (loving) man to spend the rest of your life with.

 

[castleview]

I'm going on my eleventh year as a SAHM and the youngest actually heads to Kindergarten this year. I guess you could say I do a modified Flylady - some routines stuck some didn't.

I totally understand where you are coming from, though. I went from hardly ever being home to always being home and it was a huge adjustment. Everything that needed paint retouching, extra scrubbing, or just needed to be completely replaced GLARED at me and now we were on half our usual income.

I always say that having a cleaning lady come twice a month for deep cleaning is well worth it and deserved if you are a working mom…but my kids had eight more hours a day to trash the house than kids who were in daycare, so SAHM's deserve one too. (DH still hasn't bought that though )

 

[Mimi1965]

The woman that you speak of really put herself in a bad position. First she married an unstable man. No Roth IRA? No savings of her own? I don’t think she is a good example as to why SAHMs need to get back into the workforce.

There are SAHMs that have retirements/savings funded by their husband’s income over the years. I know many SAHMs whose husbands find them invaluable and have no problem setting them up for the future.

Not all SAHMs are poor and needy women void of funds they can call their own. You just have to find the right (loving) man to spend the rest of your life with.

Nope-she was married to him for 30 years-he was a high school coach-so no big savings. She volunteered, played tennis daily-and was able never to work. When they divied up their savings, retirement etc-she chose to use most of her "half" to buy out his half of their paid for home (which I think was a big mistake)-so she has a house she lives in alone and now that its 35 years old it needs lots of maintenance.

My point is she never worked-except a desk job 35 years ago-before her kids were born-never went to college, has no computer skills. She was a classic SAHM.

 

[MooGooGai]

I always say that having a cleaning lady come twice a month for deep cleaning is well worth it and deserved if you are a working mom…but my kids had eight more hours a day to trash the house than kids who were in daycare, so SAHM's deserve one too. (DH still hasn't bought that tough )

I will have to agree with this. I have a very good friend who would say her house was spotless and she had 2 kids. She wanted to know why was I always picking up and cleaning? Hello. My children were here in our house all day creating and learning and playing. Making joyful messes while mommy cleans up after them

She worked 8 hours a day and it took an hour each way for her to commute to work. Her child was out of the house 10 hours a day. No wonder it looked fabulous all of the time Home, dinner, small playtime, bed. No messes during the week.

So I think it is unfair for parents that work outside the home to say they clean the same amount of junk that the SAHMs do. No they do not.

 

[MooGooGai]

My point is she never worked-except a desk job 35 years ago-before her kids were born-never went to college, has no computer skills. She was a classic SAHM.

Classic SAHMs don't think they can play tennis all day when their husband is only working as a high school coach She just didn't seem too bright to think she could do so with those kind of wages coming into the home.

I don't think she was a classic SAHM at all

 

[Mimi1965]

Well then please define YOUR definition of a SAHM!

Is it-you only can
be a SAHM if your DH makes 6 figures with stock options and fully funded 401k?

 

[MooGooGai]

Well then please define YOUR definition of a SAHM!

Is it-you only can
be a SAHM if your DH makes 6 figures with stock options and fully funded 401k?

I was addressing the SAHMs that are home after the kids are in school. Which is what you were talking about, right? A 60 y/o lady who is still at home, playing tennis with a hubby that is a school coach. It doesn’t seem like a SAHM issue. It seems like a very poor decision maker issue. Yet you said she was a “classic” SAHM and she is the reason all SAHMs should go back to work after the children go to school. Not true. There are many "homemakers" that are financially secure.

Some people should not be SAHMs. It could be dangerous for their future. If you are at home with your children and you have to ask your DH for money or get permission to spend, you might have to put baby in daycare and go to work. That man does not support your decision to stay at home.