Question for single people here

[just4today]

I think it's just human nature to assume whatever makes us happy will also please the people who we care about.

Personally, there is a lot I like about being single, but overall I would rather be in a relationship. But I can definitely see how staying single would be a great lifestyle for others so I wouldn't try to pressure anybody into changing.

 

[Feralpeg]

Well, I'm 56 years old and have never been married. It doesn't bother me at all. I've had a great relationship for awhile, but in the end it didn't work out. Looking back, it would never have succeeded long term. It took me a little while, but I realized that I am not defined by the presence or lack of a man in my life. I have male friends that I am close to. We have fun together, but I don't see them as any more than friends. My life is defined by my relationship with my daughter. We have a great life.

I see so many threads on this board of people having problems with their spouses, significant others, in-laws, etc. At those times, I can only think how lucky I am. I answer to no one but myself. I am not sad. I am not lonely. I go about my life as I want. That being said, should the day ever come that I meet a man that I want to spend time with, I won't shy away. I can't see myself marrying anyone, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't spend meaningful time with him. I just consider myself an independent person. I like it that way.

 

[ZPT1022]

I never can relate to people that have to ask their spouse before they can do something and I know a ton of them. It's creepy to me.

I sometimes check in with DH before committing to something but generally it has more to do with double checking that we don't already have other plans (our weekends tend to be hectic) or it's more from a childcare point of view since our kids are still little. I've even used it before when I just didn't want to commit to something but I'm trying to spare someone's feelings. It's not necessarily about asking for permission. I had a friend who literally had to ask her DH for permission for EVERYTHING. Needless to say, that friendship didn't last, mostly because her DH didn't like her having friends with minds of their own.

 

[wdwgirl03]

I am 23, single, and have been pretty much my whole life. It's sort of frustrating right now because it seems like everyone I know is either engaged or already married. Sure, some day I'd like to get married but right now I can't even imagine being tied down. Maybe I'm strange or something but having a boyfriend/being in a relationship has just never been a priority of mine. Like someone else said, I'm not a big fan of going to bars/the whole partying scene. I figure whatever happens, happens.

 

[Feralpeg]

I am 23, single, and have been pretty much my whole life. It's sort of frustrating right now because it seems like everyone I know is either engaged or already married. Sure, some day I'd like to get married but right now I can't even imagine being tied down. Maybe I'm strange or something but having a boyfriend/being in a relationship has just never been a priority of mine. Like someone else said, I'm not a big fan of going to bars/the whole partying scene. I figure whatever happens, happens.

Goodness! You're only 23 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Stop worrying about what others are doing and enjoy your freedom!!!

 

[Joanna71985]

I am 23, single, and have been pretty much my whole life. It's sort of frustrating right now because it seems like everyone I know is either engaged or already married. Sure, some day I'd like to get married but right now I can't even imagine being tied down. Maybe I'm strange or something but having a boyfriend/being in a relationship has just never been a priority of mine. Like someone else said, I'm not a big fan of going to bars/the whole partying scene. I figure whatever happens, happens.

I know how you feel. My parents were married at 20 years old (after dating through HS). Everyone I know has had a girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

[goofyernmost]

I am 23, single, and have been pretty much my whole life.

Not quite sure I understand that...you have been single pretty much your whole life. What does pretty much mean...have you been married before?

23? Good grief, I have socks older than that.

 

[tennvalgirl]

I'm 29 and not being married doesn't bother me, but my Aunts/Uncles who have grandchildren tease my Mom about not having any.( Which I think is wrong)

Honestly, they used to be on my back about getting married, but now its just about grandchildren... however they can get them they will take them!

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I been single forever, and at my age (40ish), it isn't going to change. I always been pragmatic about such things - I admit I am simply not attractive and certainly didn't win the genetic lottery, and I knew dating and marriage were almost an impossibility for someone like me. We can act like "it's what's on the inside that matters", but appearances are what opens the door. I know that and accept it, and plan my life accordingly. Not bitter at all - just practical and matter-of-fact.

And I admit I must be so unattractive that my family really doesn't bother me about finding a man! In fact, my sister has been encouraging my dad to spend the money he theoretically saved for my wedding, since it's obvious I won't need it. I just take it in stride at this point.

 

[PlainJane]

Goodness! You're only 23 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Stop worrying about what others are doing and enjoy your freedom!!!

I'm 18, and people are putting the pressure on. I'm single and I'm happy. It would be great to meet "the one", but until then I have no desire to be in a relationship for the heck of it. Relationships take time and effort, being single is easy in comparison, and I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

 

[starrzone]

I am 23, single, and have been pretty much my whole life. It's sort of frustrating right now because it seems like everyone I know is either engaged or already married. Sure, some day I'd like to get married but right now I can't even imagine being tied down. Maybe I'm strange or something but having a boyfriend/being in a relationship has just never been a priority of mine. Like someone else said, I'm not a big fan of going to bars/the whole partying scene. I figure whatever happens, happens.

Yup, that's pretty well me except I'm 26. I get so tired of people saying "Well, you need to do XYZ in order to meet people". I don't stay in my house and watch TV all day; I go to the gym, am part of several clubs and am a member of an international organization. I meet plenty of men of different ages and backgrounds, but I have not met "the one". I don't plan on changing myself to meet a man, and if he doesn't like me for who I am anyway, why would I want him?

 

[Feralpeg]

I been single forever, and at my age (40ish), it isn't going to change. I always been pragmatic about such things - I admit I am simply not attractive and certainly didn't win the genetic lottery, and I knew dating and marriage were almost an impossibility for someone like me. We can act like "it's what's on the inside that matters", but appearances are what opens the door. I know that and accept it, and plan my life accordingly. Not bitter at all - just practical and matter-of-fact.

And I admit I must be so unattractive that my family really doesn't bother me about finding a man! In fact, my sister has been encouraging my dad to spend the money he theoretically saved for my wedding, since it's obvious I won't need it. I just take it in stride at this point.

Oh dear! Honey, I've seen married couples that just amaze me. I've seen guys married to girls that look like they've blocked a kick. I've seen gorgeous girls married to totally ugly men. It really isn't about the outside. Of course, that may initially get the interest started, but it isn't what counts. Don't give up on yourself. It is so sad to hear that you feel you are an unattractive person. Everybody is attractive in their own way. I've never considered myself as unattractive, yet I never married.

A lot of it really has to do with how bad you want it. I never wanted it that bad. I didn't go looking for a man. I didn't set out to get married. I know many girls that did. They went out with the sole purpose of finding someone. Once they found a guy, they changed their focus to marriage. In several cases, the guys really never seemed to have an idea what was happening until it was too late. I remember one guy telling me that one day he realized that he was about to get married. He never remember asking her. She just started making plans.

If you want it go for it. If not, don't beat yourself up and don't downgrade yourself. I'm sure you are a nice, attractive person. It's okay to want to be single.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Just turned 30 this year and I am currently single. Did I date this year yes but nothing came of it.

I am a bit bitter about certain things because I find it to be very difficult to meet a "good man". You can meet many different kinds of men and I would very much love to be in a good relationship with someone who is honest and upfront and wants to spend time getting to know me and vice versa.

Looks also have EVERYTHING to do with finding someone. Most men want a certain looking woman no matter WHAT they look like. I may not look like Britney Spears but I am happy with myself and I have that confidence but you know what men want what they want.

I would love to have children someday but I fear that in the next few years I won't have any children because I won't find the man that I am looking for.

I also feel that men don't want to commit because they don't have to nowadays. They can just go online and find someone for a date and whatever else and there will be women that will do that as well. Good for them if that is what they want in life, but that is not me.

Sorry for the rant but I am just so burnt on men, they love to lie and cheat. It makes me sorry for the good guys out there.

 

[goofyernmost]

Want to know one of the reasons why it is difficult to find a good man? It's because women are as bad as men are when it comes to looking for a mate. They may want to look for a good man, but, they inevitably get attracted by a man that looks good.

I know I'm being general here, but, it is doubtful that looks alone are the reason. I think someone hit it when they said that they really aren't trying. The fear of rejection makes all of us act strangely sometimes. We unconsciously protect ourselves from harm by conveniently not being in the right place at the right time.

JMHO! There is nothing wrong with being single, as I stated earlier, however, my life's experience tells me that one's physical looks has very little to do with it.

 

[DMickey28]

I am married but the only way that has worked out is my husband is not controlling, clingy, nosey and he works very very long hours. We have kids and if something were to happen to him I would never seek out another relationship. I wouldn't say I am happy go lucky, I am just not lonely for someones company or sex to be honest. I know there are tons of people out there that can't imagine even living with just themselves but I could do it. I do so many things already without my husband due to his work hours that I am fine with it. I never can relate to people that have to ask their spouse before they can do something and I know a ton of them. It's creepy to me.

DH and I are similar. Sometimes the weekends drive me nuts because I like my routine with DS and he gets in the way sometimes!! He might be traveling this week, at the end of the week, and I look forward to it!! We have a routine and I love it!

I been single forever, and at my age (40ish), it isn't going to change. I always been pragmatic about such things - I admit I am simply not attractive and certainly didn't win the genetic lottery, and I knew dating and marriage were almost an impossibility for someone like me. We can act like "it's what's on the inside that matters", but appearances are what opens the door. I know that and accept it, and plan my life accordingly. Not bitter at all - just practical and matter-of-fact.

And I admit I must be so unattractive that my family really doesn't bother me about finding a man! In fact, my sister has been encouraging my dad to spend the money he theoretically saved for my wedding, since it's obvious I won't need it. I just take it in stride at this point.

This might be the saddest thing I have read. I am sorry that you feel that way. Obviously you are probably ok with it but it should not be that way. It is true that in most circumstances the outside is what starts inital conversations but the inside is what causes love to grow. There are so many other ways to meet people that allow for the inside to shine through.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I have a lot to say on this topic but don't have enough time. Short version: being single is a wonderful time to get to know yourself and become a whole person. Oftentimes this cannot be achieved while you are in a relationship. So being single is really a gift to prepare you for the day you fall in true love, if it happens. (something we cannot control). I am single (not by choice) and I am learning some wonderful little things about myself in this world. The Universe/ God is showing me things I would have never seen if I was married.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

As for being single. I travel quite a bit and would love to take someone with me to enjoy the world. However many times the gentlemen that I was seeing at the time, always bailed out because he got worried I wanted to get serious and these men were not young. I had always dated older men. Even now most men that I date are divorced and don't want anything serious.

They just want to "have fun" as they say. I like to have fun too but I meant going out, concerts, dining, hiking even the golf range for goodness sake.

How about going to wedding alone, I really dislike that or how about New Years Eve, going out with your friends who are married or just a couple and then at midnight...oh yeah real fun.

I put myself out there many times and in my line of work I meet alot of great and interesting people.

In today's world especially with the internet being "single" is not how it used to be. You can't trust anyone and if you are open and upfront with a man that you are looking for a relationship - they never are.

I find it to be very discouraging.

 

[ZPT1022]

I been single forever, and at my age (40ish), it isn't going to change. I always been pragmatic about such things - I admit I am simply not attractive and certainly didn't win the genetic lottery, and I knew dating and marriage were almost an impossibility for someone like me. We can act like "it's what's on the inside that matters", but appearances are what opens the door. I know that and accept it, and plan my life accordingly. Not bitter at all - just practical and matter-of-fact.

And I admit I must be so unattractive that my family really doesn't bother me about finding a man! In fact, my sister has been encouraging my dad to spend the money he theoretically saved for my wedding, since it's obvious I won't need it. I just take it in stride at this point.

Goodness, no one is that bad. Even if you're not drop dead gorgeous (I certainly don't fall into that category either!), there are plenty of ugly men out there. Heck, there are pretty girls with ugly guys and ugly girls with good looking guys. There's a girl I went to school with, she is not attractive but she thought she was and she always had dates. Put yourself out there a little bit more, even if only from a friend standpoint and I think you might be surprised what happens.

anyhoo, I think you need one of these