Question for single people here

[PaulaSB12]

I am single and celebate at the moment. This is because I am not in a relationship and have never been one to sleep with someone who I am not in a committed relationship. So why do people assume that you are either desperate to have sex with just anyone and can not just be happy as a single person without sex? I had someone at work who wanted to have a relationship with me but I didn't have any feeling what so ever for this man. He has now married a woman and is deeply happy with his wife which is wonderful but I was told I should have taken him just to be with someone and that I might have grown to love him. Why is it so necessary for people to try and pair you up when you are happy as a singleton?

 

[ZPT1022]

I'm married and I've been with the same guy since I was 17, so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt, but I guess I couldn't imagine being alone and being okay with it, it's just not my personality. On the other hand, I can't imagine that I would advise someone to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I also realize that not everyone operates the same way I do. If you're happy with what you're doing, who cares what anyone else has to say about it

 

[worm761]

I have a boyfriend. We have been together for the last two and half years. Before that I was single for almost five years. My sister once told me that it is "unnatural" to be single. People didn't understand it but I was happy single. I love my boyfriend. He is the best and I can't imagine life without him now. I think that a lot of people are just afraid to be alone. That they will grow old, be lonely and die all alone. I never had that fear. Just know that you are happy with your life and if love comes along then great and if not then so be it. Personally when people would get too interested in my personal life I would start asking them very personal questions too. Eventually people learned that it really wasn't any of their business. If all else fails, just smile and wink and say that you don't discuss your sex life with people you aren't having sex with. You could add a chuckle in there for good measure. Sorry you are going through this. People always think they know better about your life than you do.

 

[Serena]

Well it's simple to me, I have to have some feelings for the guy or I just don't want it. Now, not that I don't miss all the trimmings, but it doesn't mean anything without the feelings involved.
Some people want anyone just to have someone, I'm not like that and you don't sound that way either. It just means it will take longer to find that someone you want to be with. Now, I'm not sure how commited I will have to be, but it's been 5 years for me. Simply because I don't want just anyone.

But the good news for me, there is finally someone that I am really interested in. I'll just have to see how this plays out.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm not single but I just wanted to say that this is just the beginning. If you should marry, people will then ask when you're having a baby. After that, they'll ask when you're having another--if you answer no, they'll try to convince you it's necessary. If you should have two of the same gender, they'll want to know if you're trying for the other gender. If you have one of each, they'll ask why you would want another if you should get pregnant again. If your spouse should die, they'll want to know if you're getting remarried. (My 76 year old mother gets this all the time--she's not interested but she's good at telling folks to mind their own beeswax.)

It goes on and on and on. Your best bet is to just ignore all unwanted advice and do what's right for you! There is not a thing in the world wrong with being single and enjoying it.

 

[honugirl]

I do kind of have a long term boyfriend, but it's a long distance relationship so 90% of the year I feel single and you know what? I'm OK with it. I don't think right now I'd change a thing about my relationship. The two of us are incredibly strong willed, independent people. We enjoy having our own interests. We do have common ones such as Disney, the zoo, museums, aquariums, etc., but for the most part we really do enjoy our time apart. I know that people think it's weird. But I'm happy and content. We both have our own sets of friends and some common ones too. I think it's just that we like doing our own thing. We love being together and have the best times. I don't know, I can't explain it. But I'm happy and that's all that counts.

I think that some people are just suited to the single lifestyle. I can't really imagine sharing my space with someone else. I don't want children. So, I guess it just works for me. I also like the freedom of being able to go where I want to go, do what I want to do and associate with who I want to associate with without the fear of jealousy or some other emotion. I like being able to pack up and go across the country just for fun or going out in an evening just because I want to.

 

[nephthys43]

honestly, i think people are either so happy that they want you to have the same happiness, or so miserable that they need to share it too.

i'm single too and happy about it. right now i work full-time and go to school full-time. i don't have time for a relationship. my last boyfriend was annoyed with my lack of time for him and that was when i was only attending college part-time.

my close friends know that i don't date. i never really have. i'm selfish and too into my own thing. i'm going to admit that i have had "boytoys" in the past. no strings attached, just fun, but i can't even be bothered now. i'm too busy.

my friend and i were lamenting at a halloween party last night about relationships and babies. she's married and loves kids, but doesn't want any. i love kids, but don't want any. she gets asks constantly about her and her husband having kids. she mentioned that i was lucky that i wasn't married and didn't get that all the time. guess what occurred not 5 minutes later. yup. holding my friend's daughter (i love "baby smell") and my friend christie says, "look what you're missing out on". i told her i wasn't missing it as i got to steal everyone elses kids to squish.

i'm content.

 

[honugirl]

I think what also makes it hard on my end is the fact that I'm not into the bar scene. I'm much more into museums, zoos, and aquariums. Not necessarily great places to meet guys that aren't married already! I play hockey so people either assume I play for the home team, or the guys are married, or wayyyyy too young (I'm 30 and will not date anyone under 35). I also ride horses, which isn't really known for tons of guys. I wish I could date one of my doctors, he's hot, but I think he's married too...

I'm very much a homebody. I've got a good bunch of friends and I'm content with them.

If I'm meant to be married, the right guy will come along eventually....

 

[Joanna71985]

I am currently single, haven't had a boyfriend, and am not planning on getting married. I am happy being single too.

 

[kirbsam]

good for you. i have seen too many young (and older) women go from relationship to relationship just to have someone and they end up more and more miserable. i think people generally mean well, and they want you to be happy. tell them you are very happy this way. joke and say no one ever leaves the toilet seat up, and more than one woman will nod an understanding.

 

[LadyyRedd]

I hear you! I've been single a few years now (never married, was a boyfriend) and everyone always thinks I'm so unhappy being single, which is not true at all.

However, things have recently developed with someone who has been under my nose all along and I never even realized it. I've fallen really hard and I wasn't even looking for anyone!

Kimya

 

[goofyernmost]

I am 60 years old. I was married for 29 years. That means that I have been married and single for about the same length of time.

I enjoyed, for the most part, being married when I was married, but, now that I am single I cannot even imagine being tied in with someone again. I am happily, happily single. I have had and do have ongoing relationships, but, I have no intention of becoming part of a full time couple again. If a physical relationship happens, great, if not...that's great too. It helps being older in that respect, I think, but, regardless, I no longer have the patience and perseverance to make a relationship work. I look at it and think, man this is complicated. Watch what I say, watch what I do, don't accidentally say or do the wrong thing. No! I love my free time and will not give it up.

Don't anyone feel sorry for me for I think the pity should be flowing in the other direction.

 

[teacups]

I'm not usually one to be "innocent"... but this IS a family board. Maybe the "S" words could be changed creatively? Just a peaceful suggestion.

whoopie
tookie tookie
womba zomba
wink-wink
physical relationship
romantic relationship.....

 

[AmericangirlinFrance]

I'm single too, and had sort of recently fallen into the trap of needing someone to complete me, and feeling very lonely (I had a horrible breakup with a man I almost married, and the loss of some other important men in my life, like my dad) - but someone told me once, and I have really taken it to heart, that "happiness depends upon yourself." Before I can be happy WITH someone, I have to be happy with ME. I am a whole person, and my happiness cannot be dependent on someone else. It sounds a little harsh, but I've been burned too badly to think of it any other way.

And besides, being single is FUN! There are definitely times that I miss having a boyfriend, but overall it's good! I like having friends set me up - I meet a new person, who might at least become a friend, and at the worse, well, it's a free dinner Also, it's fun to go to parties and out with friends never knowing who you'll meet. But I like to flirt. And I am learning to be emotionally self-sufficient, which (for me) is a prerequisite to having a healthy relationship! And I am the queen of bad, bad relationship decisions (ahem: don't work out your father issues by dating men 20 years older!), so I'm trying really hard here!

There are definitely some men on my horizon, but I'm not getting hung up on any of them at the moment. So in conclusion, single is a GOOD thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! And be open if people want to set you up or introduce you to friends, cousins, coworkers, because you never know!

 

[MoniqueU]

I am married but the only way that has worked out is my husband is not controlling, clingy, nosey and he works very very long hours. We have kids and if something were to happen to him I would never seek out another relationship. I wouldn't say I am happy go lucky, I am just not lonely for someones company or sex to be honest. I know there are tons of people out there that can't imagine even living with just themselves but I could do it. I do so many things already without my husband due to his work hours that I am fine with it. I never can relate to people that have to ask their spouse before they can do something and I know a ton of them. It's creepy to me.

 

[Seewhatimesdone]

I'm single and i'm so glad that I am! It's so sad when people feel like they always have to be in a relationship. It really just comes off as desperate

 

[aprilgail2]

I'm not usually one to be "innocent"... but this IS a family board. Maybe the "S" words could be changed creatively? Just a peaceful suggestion.

whoopie
tookie tookie
womba zomba
wink-wink
physical relationship
romantic relationship.....

oh please

I am single and celebate at the moment. This is because I am not in a relationship and have never been one to sleep with someone who I am not in a committed relationship. So why do people assume that you are either desperate to have sex with just anyone and can not just be happy as a single person without sex? I had someone at work who wanted to have a relationship with me but I didn't have any feeling what so ever for this man. He has now married a woman and is deeply happy with his wife which is wonderful but I was told I should have taken him just to be with someone and that I might have grown to love him. Why is it so necessary for people to try and pair you up when you are happy as a singleton?

I agree- I am very happy being single. I love kids and decided that I would much prefer to have kids without the hassel of having to deal with a guy living in my space.

 

[kellyg403]

Ignore them. Being single is just as great as being married, if you are married to the right person. I was married for a long time, single after my divorce for a long time and then married again. I love my dh but I have to say the best time of my life for me was when I was single. I am too independent for my own good. I liked being solely responsible for my happiness and my life in general. Did I miss companionship or the "s" word from time to time, sure. But in the general scheme of things, it is much simpler lifestyle I think.

I agree, loving yourself and being happy by yourself makes you a much better partner in the long run. If nothing else, you understand your happiness is not tied into another person "making" you happy. Being single and being married each has its own perks...I wouldn't let anyone tell you you need someone. Ask my current dh, I liked being single so much we were together 9 years, living in separate houses, but together, before I said yes to getting married!

Kelly

 

[L107ANGEL]

I'm not usually one to be "innocent"... but this IS a family board. Maybe the "S" words could be changed creatively? Just a peaceful suggestion.

whoopie
tookie tookie
womba zomba
wink-wink
physical relationship
romantic relationship.....

ok this got me

 

[starrzone]

I am single and celebate at the moment. This is because I am not in a relationship and have never been one to sleep with someone who I am not in a committed relationship. So why do people assume that you are either desperate to have sex with just anyone and can not just be happy as a single person without sex? I had someone at work who wanted to have a relationship with me but I didn't have any feeling what so ever for this man. He has now married a woman and is deeply happy with his wife which is wonderful but I was told I should have taken him just to be with someone and that I might have grown to love him. Why is it so necessary for people to try and pair you up when you are happy as a singleton?

This is a hard one; people these days seem to think that if you're a female 18-40 or so, you're a bit "odd" for NOT being in a relationship in which sex is a regular feature. I think that for a lot of people, stability is something they need. So, if they are with someone, ANYONE, that they have even the smallest feeling for, then that is perfectly fine with them.

I'm single and, spare for a brief, extremely stupid decision I made a few months ago, have never been in any sort of relationship, physical or not. Sure, I go through the "I want a boyfriend" periods, but I have come to realize that any unhappiness I have is a result of ME, not the fact that there is not a man in my life. I've made the mistake of starting a "relationship" with a guy who expressed interest in me (without knowing enough about him), and it was NOT worth it AT ALL. I was crushed, but I promised myself that I would never do something so stupid again. So, I guess you could say that I learned from it!