Question for parents who spank...Updated further down

disneyjunkie said:
Maybe you need to realize that no matter what you're told, you'll never understand, or agree. You may not mean to judgmental but your post sure are coming across that way.
QUOTE]
Honestly, I am sorry. I do want to understand, even though I know I probably won't agree. I know I won't be swayed by anything anyone has to say to suddenly start spanking my kids.
On the other hand, those in favor of spanking are not ready to admit that perhaps taking away a privilege or grounding or time-outs, or any other behavior modification might work as well or better either.
I think we are at an impasse and we should stop before it gets ugly. :)
Have a great day everyone, and hug your kids.
 
QUOTE]On the other hand, those in favor of spanking are not ready to admit that perhaps taking away a privilege or grounding or time-outs, or any other behavior modification might work as well or better either.
QUOTE]


You can't assume that those who spank do not use anyother methods also. Now that my boys are older I do not have to swat, but they do know I can and I will if necassary. But when they were younger, in addition to what I use now, there were times I did swat, granted it was a only a few times.

Have a Blessed day!

Southern4sure
 
Southern4sure said:
I have worked at my kids school for many years and yes there are kids who need a swat. The school facility is stuck with putting up with the child's behavior because their hands are tied.

I have worked with children from ages 2 through teen/adult for well over 20 years & I have never felt the need to swat a child even though many misbehave continually. I have withheld treats, I have sent them to our "office", I have even carried one child out of the room as he was trying to hit me, but it has never even crossed my mind that a child should be swatted by anyone - not even their own parent.
 
bananiem said:
disneyjunkie said:
Maybe you need to realize that no matter what you're told, you'll never understand, or agree. You may not mean to judgmental but your post sure are coming across that way.
QUOTE]
Honestly, I am sorry. I do want to understand, even though I know I probably won't agree. I know I won't be swayed by anything anyone has to say to suddenly start spanking my kids.
On the other hand, those in favor of spanking are not ready to admit that perhaps taking away a privilege or grounding or time-outs, or any other behavior modification might work as well or better either.
I think we are at an impasse and we should stop before it gets ugly. :)
Have a great day everyone, and hug your kids.

Had you read my post - you would have seen that I said that a swat only comes after EVERY other method I have thought of doesn't work - and I think most everyone else on this thread said the same thing

I don't care what you say - there are some kids who have a little devil streak in them and nothing else is going to work

Julia is the sweetest most loving best behaved child in the world - my parents often tell me that I have the best natured and well behaved of their 7 grandchildren - but when Julia decides she isn't going to do something - there is very little that will change her mind - she comes from two VERY stubborn parents and no matter how hard I stand my ground with her - she can stand hers just as well.
 

bananiem said:
I know I won't be swayed by anything anyone has to say to suddenly start spanking my kids.

Is anyone telling you to suddenly start spanking your kids? If your current methods of discipline are satisfactory then why on earth would you start spanking them? People who spank don't do it "just because", they do it because after trying other methods they determined that this is the best method for dealing with the personality of their particular child. I was NEVER spanked as a kid because I was a pretty good kid. The old "we're disappointed in you" speech was enough to make me never do whatever I'd done again. My sister on the otherhand was headstrong and defiant and challenged my parents every step of the way. Totally different kid. You can bet she got spanked every so often. We both grew up to be well adjusted adults, grateful that our parents cared enough about us to do what it took to get us here.

So I guess if you're looking for people to convince you that you SHOULD BE spanking your kids when current methods work, you're going to have to look long and hard to find that in this day and age. If you're looking to figure out who has the Best method of disciplining, good luck. Different methods work on different kids. Raising children is not an absolute where if you do x, y and z you are guaranteed to get a, b and c results. Different children respond to different methods. My sister and I are evidence of that. Two kids raised in the same home, COMPLETELY different personalities, my parents had to employ completely different tactics in order to raise good kids.

It might be nice to be up on your high horse and say that you would never ever spank no matter what your kid did but until you have lived 24/7/365 with a kid who doesn't respond to anything else, you just don't know what you would do to be honest. The fact that taking away the game cube does the trick for your kids has more to do with their personalities and the fact that they care about such a thing than it does with the fact that you are a far superior parent to anyone who spanks.
 
Now my words are being taken out of context. Re-read what I said directly before that quote Lisa F.
Also, many of you have reminded me that you use all kinds of methods first. May I remind you that I stated in several posts that I was asking this of parents who routinely used spanking as their FIRST form of discipline.
 
MELSMICE said:
I have worked with children from ages 2 through teen/adult for well over 20 years & I have never felt the need to swat a child even though many misbehave continually. I have withheld treats, I have sent them to our "office", I have even carried one child out of the room as he was trying to hit me, but it has never even crossed my mind that a child should be swatted by anyone - not even their own parent.


Mel, I did not say I wanted to swat the child, I said the child needed a swat and the parents are no help with the their child's behavior in school. There are those parents who leave discipline up to the schools but yet say..."Don't touch my child" These are the kids Im talking about.

Southern4sure
 
Wow everyone tiptoes around this subject! I wonder what would happen if everyone took off the gloves and told what they honestly thought?

WHat people who are against spanking think of parents who do spank and vice versa. Oh, I'm not suggesting we do. But it's a little hard to debate when (I believe) people aren't saying <i>exactly</i> what's on their minds. :scratchin
 
Southern4sure said:
There are those parents who leave discipline up to the schools

I'm getting off topic here, but parents that leave discipline up to schools, coaches, etc. are in a whole different "arena" IMO! I see many of these children & my heart goes out to the child. They get the feeling that their parents don't care & they don't have much of a role model to form their lives after.

Okay - sorry for getting off topic with that one!!! I'll get off my soapbox now! :blush:
 
I think that some kids listen at school not just because the teachers know how to handle them, but because they know what their parents will do when they get home if they get in trouble. ;) I would have gladly taken a 10 paddlings at school than to have one from my mother! :eek:
 
auntpolly said:
Wow everyone tiptoes around this subject! I wonder what would happen if everyone took off the gloves and told what they honestly thought?

WHat people who are against spanking think of parents who do spank and vice versa. Oh, I'm not suggesting we do. But it's a little hard to debate when (I believe) people aren't saying <i>exactly</i> what's on their minds. :scratchin
Oh my! Can you imagine if there was a thread (just one, maybe sticky on the top of the page) where people really said what they felt! There have been many threads that I've typed up a really biting response and then thought better of it and hit that back button. Maybe there should be one thread where anything goes and everyone promises no hard feelings or resentments. Now THAT would be interesting.
 
kasar said:
Oh my! Can you imagine if there was a thread (just one, maybe sticky on the top of the page) where people really said what they felt! There have been many threads that I've typed up a really biting response and then thought better of it and hit that back button. Maybe there should be one thread where anything goes and everyone promises no hard feelings or resentments. Now THAT would be interesting.

I don't know...I think we would need a "cat fight" smilie!
 
auntpolly said:
We really don't know this, though do we? And even still, my big concern is not that spanking will lead to a life of crime -- it's that it propagates the idea of hurting someone to achieve an end.

No, a person might not end up in jail because of a few swats on the butt, but we really don't have a way to measure what damage is done.

If you hit a child, you can't help but be giving him the message that inflicting pain is an acceptable way to get them to do what you want them to do.

Dear Auntpolly, if you did hit your children to cause pain, I would agree that was abuse. However, when I hit my children (very rare, usually a quick swat on a fully clothed butt, haven't done it in over a year now), I do that to get their undivided attention. I want full, focused thought on myself and the words that are about to flow. (Don't ever run from Dad into the street, a car could hit and hurt you, what would Dad do without you.....etc). I never want to hurt my children, but to be a good parent I sometimes must. (Not driving with a friend who is an unsafe driver, embarrising my 12 year old, but asking for a phone number, or insisting I meet her friend's parents before she goes over. Or not letting her sit in the front seat because of an airbag/safety issue. Ask my DS9, I am the worlds worst Dad because I made him turn off his gameboy and do his homework, or made him go to karate class today when he wanted to watch TV) Funny, but they remember those incidents (when they complain about me or DW) far more than the 7 or so smakings they have gotten in their young lives. But guess what, my DD4 never ran into the street again, or between parked cars, and now warns her little daycare friends not to run into the street.

I try to base all of my decisions on my love of my children, and my respect for the individual they are becoming, but in my house copreal punsihment is a sucessful part of raising polite, intelligent, respectful and happy children. I personally find timeout useless on children over three, and also dismiss much of the psycho-babble, fad-of-the-week child rearing techniques as harmful, feel good crap!

I gotta go hug my kids now!

-Tony

P.S. In direct contact with felons and ex-cons, It is *MY BELIEF* (YMMV) that if many of them had, had a copreal punishing parent (or better yet two parents) they would have had much more respect for the law, and for others as well, and may have never broken the law, or callously hurt their victims. And we all would have been better off. In my experience, far more fellons come from 1 or no parent families, and any abuse they recieved was not from a parent and probably because of the abscence of parental concern.
 
kasar said:
Oh my! Can you imagine if there was a thread (just one, maybe sticky on the top of the page) where people really said what they felt! There have been many threads that I've typed up a really biting response and then thought better of it and hit that back button. Maybe there should be one thread where anything goes and everyone promises no hard feelings or resentments. Now THAT would be interesting.

Oh, I'd love it! I'm not kidding. But every time you get into a subject like this and get even close to saying what you really think, people accuse you of being judgemental or attacking their parenting.

Really? I think spanking is really wrong. Unequivocally wrong.I am not judging the person, but the act. I think that parents are making a huge mistake when they do it even just a little, even just as an attention getter. How can striking someone send a good message? That just doesn't make sense no matter how you describe it to me.

There I did it -- no flame suit even! This is one of these ones that I wish I could change peoples' minds but know I can't.
 
There I did it -- no flame suit even! This is one of these ones that I wish I could change peoples' minds but know I can't.[/QUOTE said:
Agree to disagree!...... :flower:

Southern4sure
 
auntpolly said:
Oh, I'd love it! I'm not kidding. But every time you get into a subject like this and get even close to saying what you really think, people accuse you of being judgemental or attacking their parenting.
I agree. I've discovered that the one subject people freak out about is their parenting skills (or lack thereof).

auntpolly said:
Really? I think spanking is really wrong. Unequivocally wrong.I am not judging the person, but the act. I think that parents are making a huge mistake when they do it even just a little, even just as an attention getter. How can striking someone send a good message? That just doesn't make sense no matter how you describe it to me..
I agree with this also.
 
auntpolly said:
I think spanking is really wrong. Unequivocally wrong.I am not judging the person, but the act. I think that parents are making a huge mistake when they do it even just a little, even just as an attention getter. How can striking someone send a good message? That just doesn't make sense no matter how you describe it to me.

I agree with you, so I guess I'll agree to disagree with others on this subject. :)
 
I haven't read this whole thread but here is my opinion. I have raised 3children to adults and 2 grandkids to shool age. There is no way you can reason with a 1yr old. if they reach for something they shouldn't you can do a couple of things to get their attention - shout at them 'stop'or you can slap your hand over theirs never touching them or you can tap their hand causing a sting. however at 2yrs maybe that doesn't work you have to progress to time out and maybe a swat on their diaperpadded bottom. by the time a child is 3 or 4 you can reason with them not that they will like that but it is possible if you use reward also. by the time they reach school age you have to trust that you have taught your children right from wrong because they will try all the things that they hear about from there classmates and friends . Spanking beyond potty training should be used only for certain times -life threating ar if they try to injure themselves or others .
 
J/T Gramdma said:
There is no way you can reason with a 1yr old. if they reach for something they shouldn't you can do a couple of things to get their attention - shout at them 'stop'or you can slap your hand over theirs never touching them or you can tap their hand causing a sting. however at 2yrs maybe that doesn't work you have to progress to time out and maybe a swat on their diaperpadded bottom.

I agree you can't reason with a 1-yr. old, however, instead of reverting to slapping a hand or even swatting their bottom (diapered or not) what about a firm "NO" & removing them from the situation - as many times as it takes. JMO - but outlasting them to show who is the boss instead of swatting to show who is the boss has worked in our household.

As I said in a previous post - I am not judging anyone that disciplines differently than DH & I do, I just don't see the need to spank - there is nothing positive about it.
 














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