Question for parents who spank...Updated further down

[snoopy]

I think using a belt on someone and a spanking are two different things. To me a spanking is a swat on the behind.

My parents spanked me a few times, and I deserved it, don't hate them for it at all.

I agree.....there is such a difference between a swat on the butt in a moment of anger and a parent who makes a conscience decision to pull out a belt and start whipping a child. The former is understandable, the latter is abuse, imo.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I try and NEVER spank DS only because I was spanked as a child and I think my parents went overboard (i.e., pulling my hair and pulling it out as I was running away, spanked with the wood heel of a slipper which left marks and spanked with the cord of my curling iron - I was a teen but it still hurt!!)

I don't think most people would consider these examples of "spankings" but rather "abuse".

 

[snoopy]

I don't think most people would consider these examples of "spankings" but rather "abuse".

But isn't hitting with a belt also abuse? I always thought so, but once when we had this discussion on the DIS boards, many people who got hit with a belt growing up disagreed with me.

DH got hit with a belt and does resent his father for it. And I honestly can't say I blame him. I think his father was using the method that many people used back in those days, but that still doesn't make it right.

 

[tiggersmom2]

But isn't hitting with a belt also abuse? I always thought so, but once when we had this discussion on the DIS boards, many people who got hit with a belt growing up disagreed with me.

DH got hit with a belt and does resent his father for it. And I honestly can't say I blame him. I think his father was using the method that many people used back in those days, but that still doesn't make it right.

Yes, I do believe hitting with a belt is abuse. I consider a "spanking" to be firm swats with your HAND on the BUTT.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I agree. I honestly don't know many people who spank their children routinely. I can't think of many times that my older children were spanked. I can remember one though -- I think he was about 4 years old.

We were at a restaurant and the waitress brought out his meal. He was apparently expecting Dinosaur shaped fries with his burger and just got regular fries. Major Major tantrum which he then topped by throwing his fork at the poor waitress. Daddy had him outside for a butt spanking within about 20 seconds. Once the tears stopped he was marched back inside and made to apologize.

Wwhatever else his faults and there are plenty, today as a 14yo he says Please and Thank You to waitresses and treats them with respect.

When I was growing up the Teachers didn't need to spank. All it took was a phone call to your parents and you knew the punishment received at school was only secondary to what was going to happen at home. And as offensive as it might be to some, I'm not incredibly impressed with the behavior of many children raised during the "Time Out and a Hug" years of parenting.

I guess somebody is going to have to pass me the Flame Retardent Clothing.

 

[Southern4sure]

I try and NEVER spank DS only because I was spanked as a child and I think my parents went overboard (i.e., pulling my hair and pulling it out as I was running away, spanked with the wood heel of a slipper which left marks and spanked with the cord of my curling iron - I was a teen but it still hurt!!)

This is not a spanking....this is abuse! There is a difference.

Southern4sure

 

[bananiem]

I was a toddler teacher for many years before I had kids and was a darn good one. I had the BEST class in the center by far and obviously never hit or spanked any of the kids.

I taught PreK for 6 years in a child care center. There were 2 classrooms of PreK and the director always gave me the "handfuls" and the kids on Ritalin (some who needed it and some who didn't- That's a debate for another day. ) I got a new class at Labor Day and by Halloween they were a piece of cake! I stayed to our schedule so the kids knew what would happen next each day. I gave warnings before transitions so nobody was surprised. And by being consistent with my discipline the kids knew what I expected and behaved really well. They also knew that when I said I'd take something away I meant it.
I've raised my own kids the way I raised my kids in my classes. Both teachers at conferences this fall wanted to know if we had more at home like them so they could have them in class too! My kids also know that when I say "If you do X, then Y will happen" Y's gonna happen! Generally something gets taken away- toy, playtime or extracurricular activity.
My sister says I just got lcuky which in part may be true. However, if she'd been consistent with her discipline her dd might have turned out different too.

 

[KristiKelly]

But isn't hitting with a belt also abuse? I always thought so, but once when we had this discussion on the DIS boards, many people who got hit with a belt growing up disagreed with me.

I was "whipped" as my mom called it with a belt & I do resent her for it (& yes I would consider it abuse, anything that leaves a mark & a belt will). Once DS was acting up & my mom said "maybe he needs a whipping" I responded back very short "I don't whip my kids!!!" I know that she wasn't referring to me using a belt but I HATE HATE HATE the term whip or whipping. I have never used anything other than my hand on my kids, I'm not that strong so I'm sure it doesn't hurt much but it sure gets there attention when I need it to.

 

[dturner]

DTurner, I'm sorry that happened & I don't mean to start anything but to me that doesn't sound like spanking but more on the lines of abuse or beating. I hope you've gotten past it & let it be an example of how NOT to raise your kids. That's what I've tried to do. It's what I'm trying to do also!
I remember watching Oprah once & a lady who had not had the happiest childhood said "The best way to get back at my mom is to be the mother that I always wanted". I try to do that for my kids.

AMEN!!!

Yea, I agree with you. I will never forget it, that's for sure. I had the Mother from *ell! She screamed about everything (still does at 85), hit with anything she could lay her hands on and usually it was because I asked a question like "can you help me with my sticker book?" Yes, even at 42, I still remember word for word some of these times - YUK!!

 

[bananiem]

When I was growing up the Teachers didn't need to spank. All it took was a phone call to your parents and you knew the punishment received at school was only secondary to what was going to happen at home. And as offensive as it might be to some, I'm not incredibly impressed with the behavior of many children raised during the "Time Out and a Hug" years of parenting.
I guess somebody is going to have to pass me the Flame Retardent Clothing.

I need that suit too, I think.
I was always a goody-two-shoes at school becasue my Dad had been in charge of the school busses for the district for several years and knew all the prinicpals. I knew if I did something bad he'd know before I got home! But I still wouldn't have been spanked. My parents figured out what worked for me...No roller skating for me and the look on their face when they said they were disappointed.

 

[dturner]

I don't think most people would consider these examples of "spankings" but rather "abuse".

I agree but when you don't know anything else like I did growing up I thought I was being spanked not abused - in the 60's no one ever said a parent abused their child by spanking them, even when using an instrument to spank/hit.

 

[dturner]

When I was growing up the Teachers didn't need to spank. All it took was a phone call to your parents and you knew the punishment received at school was only secondary to what was going to happen at home. And as offensive as it might be to some, I'm not incredibly impressed with the behavior of many children raised during the "Time Out and a Hug" years of parenting.

I went to a Baptist private school in Fla during 6th grade, in class one day when the teacher was outside the room, several students started talking and cutting up, when the teacher came back in the room she lined all of us up and gave everyone a spanking with a paddle!!!

 

[Lynn CC]

I can't stand it when people spank their kids. It cannot be justified in any sense or in any situation. I just don't think it's right even if it's only "a little swat"

 

[Pete's Mom]

Since I have mastered the "LOOK" I have not had to swat Pete in a long, long time.

 

[jgmklmhem]

I can't stand it when people spank their kids. It cannot be justified in any sense or in any situation. I just don't think it's right even if it's only "a little swat"

Then why open the thread?????

 

[bananiem]

Since I have mastered the "LOOK" I have not had to swat Pete in a long, long time.

My dd has mastered my "look" and it works when she uses it on her younger brother.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I can't stand it when people spank their kids. It cannot be justified in any sense or in any situation. I just don't think it's right even if it's only "a little swat"

 

[snoopy]

Since I have mastered the "LOOK" I have not had to swat Pete in a long, long time.

LOL! I have too mastered the LOOK, lovingly passed down to me by my dear mother. Hers was one that legends were made from.

 

[crz4mm2]

SPanking was much more frequent with DS (he is the oldest) than DD. But we did use spanking when needed.
I have to laugh now when DD and I are out to eat and there are children who are misbehaving... She will say "that little kid needs to go to the bathroom".
When they were little and if they misbehaved, I would take them to the bathroom for talk or a swat if necessary. As they got a bit bigger, if they misbehaved, all that was necessary was for me to say "Do you NEED to go to the BATHROOM?" That was all it took.
I think there are well mannered kids who have probably never been swatted. THat's wonderful.
I also firmly believe that some kids would be much more well behaved if they got an occassional swat.

I agree about the teachers. When I was in school I knew that if I got in trouble in school I was in double the trouble at home. All the teachers I had in grade school had a paddle and used it. We even had some in JR High that used them too. (that was in the 70s.). Most of my teachers didn't have problems keeping the peace

I was rarely spanked when I was a child. I remember being switched by my grandmother (two times when growing up). I don't think of this as abuse. Maybe it was? I just know I really pi**** her off for some reason (probably my sister and I fighting). and I know for a fact it hurt her as badly as it did me

 

[KristiKelly]

Since I have mastered the "LOOK" I have not had to swat Pete in a long, long time.

I once gave DS "the look" and he gave it right back