Question for other parents....

[KiminChicago]

The other day my son (10) and daughter (8) had a play date with two brothers who are the same ages (10 and 8). While my children were there, the two brothers were undressing completely and climbing into a 5-gallon tote to "look at each other." They wanted my children to do the same, but my son flat-out refused and my daughter wouldn't take off anything more than her play clothes and kept her underwear on.

I'm still a little upset by this. I called the dad (who was home during the play date) and he apologized for not supervising well enough, but I still feel that my children will not be going to this house again any time soon.

Is this kind of behaviour normal for children this old? I could maybe see it being reasonable behaviour for the second-graders, but am I right in thinking that this is just a little creepy in a 4th grader?

 

[MAKmom]

Very Creepy. Trust your instincts always.

 

[JadenLayne]

At that age I would definitely have a problem with it. They are old enough to know better!!!!! Trust your gut, my children would NOT be going back there.

 

[Hedy]

Very Creepy. Trust your instincts always.

Seconded. Do you knw anything about their home life?

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

I don't think it was appropriate! Not for anyone past preschool age! You are correct in thinking they shouldn't go on another playdate there, not enough supervision!

 

[KikiFan]

Definetely strange for that age.

 

[ilovejack02]

I dont know if its normal or not, but i can say that my oldest stepson 18 now did this when he was about 9-10 ish. He and his girl cousin got naked just to check things out, we didnt learn about it till a few months later, his mom didnt tell us . I think they just didnt let the kids sleep in the same room after that for a while, being close families they were always sleeping at each other houses.
From what a i gather mom and aunt had a freak out on them, but i never heard another thing about it over the years and both kids are well adjusted 18-19 yr olds now.
If it were me, no the kids would NOT be going back over there again to play, in fact the boys wouldnt be at my house either. It may have been innocent and it may not have been. I wouldnt have them around again.
All kids involved should have known and if they didnt they should know now, WE DONT TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF AT PLAYDATES!!

 

[KiminChicago]

Actually, I do know a bit about their home life since the older boy is in my husband's Cub Scout den along with our son.

The father is currently unemployed and is home during the day. The mom is an attorney and occasionally works long hours and travels.

The dad is quite open about the emotional problems his older son is having, but he still doesn't seem to be supervising very well. I see the older boy wandering around the neighborhood on the weekends -- he claims to have a job at the local car wash (I've seen him there with an older gentleman, not a family member, which worries me, but doesn't seem to worry his parents).

I feel that I ought to be doing more to help this boy, but if informing his parents isn't enough, what can I do?

 

[mickeyboat]

That is not normal behavior for that age group. I don't think I would even think to closely supervise kids that age every minute, because I can't believe they would do something like that!

And I don't know if I would have supervised them more closely even knowing the older child had emotional problems - I mean, it would depend on the problems, and if they were severe enough, I might not let the kids play together unless I was doing the supervision.

As far as the car wash thing goes, I would keep my nose out of it unless I knew for almost certain that something fishy was going on.

Denae

 

[Goofyluver]

Gosh! Ummm..no, this is not normal behavior for this age in my opinion. And, I would definitely be wary about sending my children there again. This would have taken some time, and if this was able to occur, then the dad had not checked on them in quite a while. Trust your instincts. As far as what to do, at this point, besides reporting to the dad, I don't think there is much you can do. I wouldn't recommend reporting them at this point. Geez...just be glad that your children were strong enough to say no! I'm not saying anything would have happened, but goodness. What a good mom you are to have instilled this in your children!

 

[ilovejack02]

That is not normal behavior for that age group. I don't think I would even think to closely supervise kids that age every minute, because I can't believe they would do something like that!

And I don't know if I would have supervised them emore closely even knowing the older child had emotional problems - I mean, it would depend on the problems, and if they were sever enough, I might not let the kids play together unless I was doing the supervision.
Denae

I have to say I would be the same way, I would never think to supervise kids that age every minute. My oldest and his friends would play for hours at in the tree fort in the back and i would peek out the window at them during the day, and yell out the door at them if it got to quiet or if i could hear them fighting and maybe ONCE go out there and say hey whats up. But other than them wanting food and drinks and in the house to potty ( and they didnt always come in for that ) I might not see them for a long time.

 

[Kimmumum]

I have a 9yo son and I don't think he would ever think to take his clothes off around his friends. I think I'd keep an eye on his friend. Kinda creepy.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have to say I would be the same way, I would never think to supervise kids that age every minute. My oldest and his friends would play for hours at in the tree fort in the back and i would peek out the window at them during the day, and yell out the door at them if it got to quiet or if i could hear them fighting and maybe ONCE go out there and say hey whats up. But other than them wanting food and drinks and in the house to potty ( and they didnt always come in for that ) I might not see them for a long time.

Well, we should also probably go out there if we see blood flying, too. After all, we aren't bad parents, right?

 

[fan_of_small_world]

This would have taken some time

Not my kids...they can strip nekked in 10 seconds flat.

Seriously, I completely agree with you. I don't think this is normal behavior and I would NOT send my kids there again.

 

[Wishing on a star]

NO, not normal acceptable behaviour at that age, IMHO.

This is the age at which most kids develope a sense of privacy and modesty. Begin close bathoom and bedroom doors, etc.

I just quickly flipped thru the responses. Did you say that the Dad is aware that the one boy may have some problems. That he wanders the neighborhood. And that he seems to spend time with an older man... I might be way off the mark here, but I see so many red flags that my head is spinning!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I feel that I ought to be doing more to help this boy, but if informing his parents isn't enough, what can I do?

Unfortunately not much.

Not unless you have evidence of what would be considered illegal behavior going on.

I would not press the issue.

You informed the parents.
The ball is in their court.

 

[MareQ]

I have a 9yo son and I don't think he would ever think to take his clothes off around his friends. I think I'd keep an eye on his friend. Kinda creepy.

My oldest is 9 and loves to be naked AND is a Special Needs child - not really able to make sound/appropriate decisions sometimes and even HE wouldn't strip naked in front of his friends!

Definitely sounds odd to me and if it were my childre - they DEFINITELY wouldn't be going back....