Question for moms or moms to be

[pixiegoose]

We knew we wanted kids but weren't sure when. When we'd been married almost 3 years, I went off the pill after being on it for 6 years due to scheduling problems getting in to see the doctor for a refill. We decided that whatever happens happens in the 3 months between the last pill and my appointment. Well, surprise surprise- positive test after a month! I completely freaked out and bawled my eyes out- I didn't think it would actually happen that easily as before the pill I always had horribly irregular periods and thought I would have a hard time getting pregnant. We both finally came to terms with it and started to get excited but unfortunately lost that pregnancy at 12 weeks. But losing it made us realize that yes, we really did want kids sooner rather than later. And we once again managed to get pregnant on the first cycle possible (once again not really planning on it, just taking the whatever happens happens approach) after my d&c/miscarriage cycle.

I'm now 32 weeks pregnant with a little girl and there are days (and nights like last night!) when I freak out that "omg, I'm not ready!" but then calm down and remind myself that no one is ever really as ready as they think they are anyway. We have financial security and a nice place to live (granted it's an apartment but if we waited until we could afford a house around here, I'd probably be a pregnant 50 year old!) and family support, all things that are important to me when bringing a baby into the world.

Wow, that was long. Sorry!

 

[SaraJayne]

Well, we weren't ready with our first, but it still worked out just fine. With our second we were ready when we were financially secure and our lives had become less hectic.

Same here.

 

[Pomlover2586]

Thank you all for your responses- please keep them coming

Reading these makes me feel more comfortable with the idea of "never being ready". I'm a meticulous planner and I know realistically you can't plan everything for a baby.....there are always going to be what-ifs.....It's nice to know others out there feel the same.

 

[Maleficient]

Thank you all for your responses- please keep them coming

Reading these makes me feel more comfortable with the idea of "never being ready". I'm a meticulous planner and I know realistically you can't plan everything for a baby.....there are always going to be what-ifs.....It's nice to know others out there feel the same.

I'm just the same....and I have 3 kids who are 14, 12 and 7. I'll let you know when I'm ready to have children..... I still can't believe some days that they are mine - and I am 42, so I didn't start young. I really don't believe that you would ever truly feel that you were all set and ready to start having children - at least not being the type of person that you describe yourself as (and the type I am). I think it comes down to either wanting, or not wanting, to procreate. Everything that comes after is really not in your control anyway! Good luck with what you decide

 

[PollyannaMom]

....We finally decided we were ready when we just wanted more out of life. We had the discussion that the child might not be "perfect", and we were ready to deal with that. I hope that doesn't come out wrong. I just mean that we weren't going into it thinking "it can't happen to us"...

First highlight (bolding mine) - Exactly! I believe we grow and have a happy life by getting all we need out of a particular stage, and then moving on to the next one. ---- I suspected I was ready when I'd gotten my share from the "married, no kids" stage, and wasn't going to seriously miss it.

Second highlight (bolding mine, also) - No, that didn't come out wrong at all! I completely agree. ---- I knew I was ready when I stopped being afraid that I might not get exactly what I expected.

I can actually picture the specific evening very clearly. We were at a fair, people were spreading blankets, waiting to see the fireworks. DH and I watched a family a little ways in front of us that included a child with Down's Syndrome...just sat and watched them be happy. That's when I let go of the worry that I wouldn't be a good enough parent if things didn't go "perfectly"...and I was ready.

 

[focusondisney]

Ok, I'm so old not only do I not remember how we actually decided it was "time", I couldn't figure out what "TTC" was!!!!

 

[lspst8]

Well, I'm only 6 weeks along with my first, and I'm still not ready! I figure I have a few months to adjust, and I'll be fine by February.

We approached TTC the same way we approach our Disney vacations -- with charts, schedules, planning binders, websites, etc. (I highly recommend Fertilityfriend.com.) We're not the spontaneous sort. Okay, we're a little nutty.

This is how we were too, and I'm still a little freaked out! It only took us 3 months, which was a little faster than I thought it would.

Anyways, I'm sure it will be great. My DH and I always wanted kids and got married knowing we would have kids someday, so that wasn't an issue at all. I'm just preoccupied with the lifestyle changes that will be coming once the baby is here. BUt I'm sure my love for the baby will outweigh the changes

 

[WDWorBUST]

Well, I'm only 6 weeks along with my first, and I'm still not ready! I figure I have a few months to adjust, and I'll be fine by February.



This is how we were too, and I'm still a little freaked out! It only took us 3 months, which was a little faster than I thought it would.

Anyways, I'm sure it will be great. My DH and I always wanted kids and got married knowing we would have kids someday, so that wasn't an issue at all. I'm just preoccupied with the lifestyle changes that will be coming once the baby is here. BUt I'm sure my love for the baby will outweigh the changes

It really depends on your current lifestyle how much it will change. Yes, if you still enjoy frequenting clubs, etc. then yes it will be a big change. Other than that though you'd be amazed at how well a baby travels, etc.

 

[pigletgirl]

I'm not even married yet, however in our marital counseling this topic is what we're discussing so your question is relavent!

I'm wanting to wait 5+ years, only due to the fact that I will hopefully be a full time student in med school and a baby doesn't mix well with that. DF on the other hand is super excited about being a father and having a family. I'm a bit more hesitant as I have very young siblings and have a very good grasp of how time consuming a baby is! Will i ever be ready? Probably not. However my worst fear is having a honeymoon baby. Praying the mini pill works!

But as I always say, ignorance in bliss and therefore, go for it! You will never regret it. GL in your endeavors.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

DH and I are going through this same issue right now. My plan was to start next year, but I just turned 31...and that suddenly seems very old to me. I'm not sure I want to waste more time.

DH says it's my choice when we start TTC and though he doesn't really think he'll ever be ready, he'll be ready when I am. Well, just the other day, and out of the blue, he said to me, "Hey, when we have kids can I start working 4 days a week and then the 5th from home?" Well, yeah, of course he can, but that's not the point. The point is that this is the first time that he, unprompted by me, has put thought into a future with kids and made plans for them in his own life.

So I think he's as ready as he's going to be.

 

[NHdisneylover]

We didn't know we were ready. We knew we wanted kids, and so we decided to "not do anything to prevent it". Wham. Bam. We were pregnant 2 weeks later. That was 8 years ago... Wasn't quite so easy the second time around. (And I still don't know if I'm ready for baby #2 and he's only 3 weeks away)

I don't think you can know that you're ready... If you're waiting to be financially ready then you'll never have kids is what my parents and grandparents always said. Good luck with your decision.

This was our approach too. DD was due nine months to the day after our wedding (she was 11 days late though) and her brother was born just over 9 months after DD quit nursing (though I would NEVER suggest someone rely on that for birth control is seems to have done it for us). We both knew all along we wanted two (and only two) kids so after that we DID do something to prevent anymore

 

[MizTink]

i think that if we wait for the "right time", we would never have kids!!!
there will always be something that you think isn't right yet. it could be your job, income, house, want a little more single time, etc.......i could go on and on.
my middle child was the only one of my three kids that we really "planned", and, looking back, it turned out to be the WORST timing!!!

NOW GO MAKE THAT BABY!!!!!!!

 

[MizTink]

Ok, I'm so old not only do I not remember how we actually decided it was "time", I couldn't figure out what "TTC" was!!!!

Me too! i actually googled it. i knew right away it wasn't the first one, Toronto Transit Commission, so i just kept looking a little further down the page until i saw trying to conceive!!

 

[MarilIncredible]

At first, we just didn't feel old enough yet (he was 29 and I was 27 when we got married) and we wanted to travel and settle into careers before thinking about kids, although we both wanted children.
Then, we were waiting for all of the stars to align. They seemed to be doing so for DH for a while, but then career-wise things fell through for him and really picked up for me.
Late last year, we decided to hell with waiting for things to be perfect. Got pregnant 2 months after making the decision to go for it, and we're expecting our first son in October. We still don't feel entirely ready, but I don't think anyone ever really is.