Question for moms of boys

[LuvOrlando]

The original post was "Question for Moms of boys", was it not? Why exactly are there Moms of girls telling us what we should do with our sons?

Oh, and I'll take inconsiderate over being neglectful any day of the week.

 

[Mkrop]

At least not in a crowded well-lit, well- staffed venue like the Disney parks. Perhaps a dark, deserted reststop in the middle of the night might be different.

So the guy at Blizzard Beach that got arrested doesnt count? http://www.wesh.com/news/13836417/detail.html

I am glad this teenager had the smarts to report this creep, I am not sure if my 9 yr old would have understood what was going on (not that I would have him shower there) but even though we explain things to him and the school has lectures you are never truly sure how your child is going to react in these situations. We have roleplayed but in a confusing, scary situation we dont always have the right thing to do pop in our head. Plus if you have hung out with enough 9 year old boys common sense and being 9 do not always go hand in hand.

Like I said these creeps use manipulative tactics to get at kids "oh your mommy is hurt outside, you need to come with me", kids have been killed in bathrooms etc.

Like I said I am struggling with this every time I go out with DS9 about to be 10 every time we are out somewhere without DH. But I base this on a case by case basis bc I am trying to take into account another people's feeling in the restroom, and his need for independence, it is a balancing act,but I need to protect my child and if the scenario warrants me to be concerned and bring him then I think I need to do what is best. I know I could never forgive myself if my moment of discomfort caused a child to be at risk and hurt in some way.

 

[Hannathy]

The original post was "Question for Moms of boys", was it not? Why exactly are there Moms of girls telling us what we should do with our sons?

Oh, and I'll take inconsiderate over being neglectful any day of the week.

Because many of us are the Mothers of both! Are you?

It isn't neglectful to allow a pre-teen to grow up.

 

[Mkrop]

It isn't neglectful to allow a pre-teen to grow up.

So you are calling us neglectful if we dont abide by your timetable that you have deemed appropriate? Then do I have the right to say you are neglectful or underprotective and dont care about you kids because you allow them to do things too young according to my timetable... Please, give me a break. This is your opionion!!!!!

I dont start my day saying let me use my son to make as many women and girls as I can feel uncomfortable today. I anlayze each situation and I balance safety with growing up, most parents agree that this is an everday struggle. Most parents differ in when they allow their kids to do certain things, some allow their kids to go to the movies alone at a certain age, some say no way, some allow their kids to drive other kids when they get their license, some parents say you are not stepping foot in that kids car. I dont critizce, I try my best to think each parent is doing what they think is best for thier child, I am not about to impose my timetable on any one else but my family.

 

[Mkrop]

At least not in a crowded well-lit, well- staffed venue like the Disney parks. Perhaps a dark, deserted reststop in the middle of the night might be different.

I dont know why people think that places like Disney are insulated from these criminals. I am sure there are more but since I joined this board in Feb I have read about this Blizzard Beach thing, the creep at the Swan or Dolphin that lured a little girl away(to me close enough to be called Disney) and the fact that no one noticed a little girl frying in the sun bc her parents were idiots and went into POTC and left her there in her stroller. And there could have been more that I have not read about. Now I am not saying that Disney has the people running rampant at the parks but I dont feel they are any safer than my local mall. These creeps have been profiled to go where the kids are, they can buy a ticket like you and me. And it is not the CMs jobs to protect my kids, that is mine and mine alone! Why didnt the CMS noticed that girl in the stroller, I dont blame them it is not their job to try and figure out every family situation, it is the parents.

And for the poster who said that these boy have the coginitve ability, so therefore all the kids who are that age that have been molested or abducted must have been incredibly stupid Ah no they were manipulated by adults who are criminals. Was Elizabeth Smart the dumbest girl in the world when she was abducted, NO! Are women who walk in the parking lot and get mugged, are they to blame or do we blame the mugger? One false move, one moment of not being fully on your guard, that is a lot to ask of a young boy.

Now I am also not of the mindset that I need to live my life in fear that this creep is following me and my family around but I think and hope that if I take some necessary precautions then I can keep my family safe. Theyare out there!

 

[SGMCO]

Whenever my DS was about 6 he refused to go in the
Womens Bathroom because he knew he was not a girl.
Whenever this happens this is hard for a Mom to
deal with but they do grow up and we have to allow this.
He goes into the Mens room and I have instructed him to go
into a stall and to pay attention to his surroundings.
He first goes in and sees who in in there and if anything
should go wrong to scream as loud as he can and I will be
going into that Mens room (I don't care who is in there).
That is how I have came to grip with the reality that my
DS is Growing up and I cannot do anything to change this.

 

[antmaril]

He would come with me. I would have him stand in front of the stall where you can see his feet.

No woman in the ladies room will give it a second thought - especially the moms!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

What is everyone doing in a public bathroom that is so top secret anyway? Who cares who is using the next stall?

 

[Mkrop]

What is everyone doing in a public bathroom that is so top secret anyway? Who cares who is using the next stall?

I have no idea. Dont forget moms are woman and were once little girls! I am a pretty modest, conservative person but I dont know what the big deal is, I assume the mom does this to keep her kid safe, plain and simple!

 

[lisalonglash]

I would bring him with you and not worry about what other people think.

This is about your young son (almost 5yo is still too young to go to the mens' room by himself in my opinion) - we're not talking about a 13yo boy here! LOL

Never mind the naysayers, just do whatever is in your comfort zone. After all, NOBODY knows your son and his abilities like you do. I'm sure you'll do what's right for him and you

Have a great time at Disney!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have no idea. Dont forget moms are woman and were once little girls! I am a pretty modest, conservative person but I dont know what the big deal is, I assume the mom does this to keep her kid safe, plain and simple!

That's my point. I don't care if a circus animal is in the next stall. It will have no effect on me.

 

[Mkrop]

That's my point. I don't care if a circus animal is in the next stall. It will have no effect on me.

I agree!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I dont know why people think that places like Disney are insulated from these criminals.

Of course not. But, statistically speaking the chances of a child being stolen/assaulted in this environment are miniscule. There is the chance anywhere. Church, school, Boys and Girls club, etc. I've spent 20 years working in the field of emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children, with children who I've know as assaulted children through the years of them being imprisoned for the same behavior. I know this field.

You can't protect your children (you in general, not specifically mkrop) from every possible bad thing that might happen to them. So, instead, it is my job as a mom to teach my three sons to behave responsibly, think, and make good choices. A place like Disney that is well-attended, and well-lit is the perfect opportunity for my child to be a young man rather than an extension of me.

We have guys/gals coming to college who have never lived their own lives. They wind up in my office with issues related to this, whether they be alcohol/drug or the inability to function on their own.

My boys are not going to be kept on leashes and under my guard. They deserve the same joy that I had in discovering life thru adventure and independence, regardless of the media and the fear mongering.

 

[Mkrop]

Of course not. But, statistically speaking the chances of a child being stolen/assaulted in this environment are miniscule. There is the chance anywhere. Church, school, Boys and Girls club, etc. I've spent 20 years working in the field of emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children, with children who I've know as assaulted children through the years of them being imprisoned for the same behavior. I know this field.

You can't protect your children (you in general, not specifically mkrop) from every possible bad thing that might happen to them. So, instead, it is my job as a mom to teach my three sons to behave responsibly, think, and make good choices. A place like Disney that is well-attended, and well-lit is the perfect opportunity for my child to be a young man rather than an extension of me.

We have guys/gals coming to college who have never lived their own lives. They wind up in my office with issues related to this, whether they be alcohol/drug or the inability to function on their own.

My boys are not going to be kept on leashes and under my guard. They deserve the same joy that I had in discovering life thru adventure and independence, regardless of the media and the fear mongering.

I respect your expertise in this area and just say wow that you can work in the field you do bc that is a hard thing to have to see kids hurt like that but I just think that some people get a feeling like this could not happen in WDW at all and I think you need to treat WDW and any other place the same, it can and does happen anywhere, do you need to look over your shoulder or not live life NO but you need to take the necessary precautions and train our kids to deal with that situation, I think there we agree, I just think that maybe we might have different timetables than each other in acommplishing the same goal. I too want my boys to be independent and I do want to let go, I just fell certain ages for certain things is too young. Now some other area in my kids life I may be the first mom to say sure go for it, this is my area(bathrooms) that I proceed with caution.

I too saw kids arrive in college like that too, they had never lived life, and that was many moons ago, so I think that is a fact of life too, not something unqiue.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I studied Economics. Lots of statistics there. Above and beyond the math I learned my greatest lesson through simply living my life. No matter how un-likely statistics say an event may be, someone somewhere 'IS' that event. Knowing it is unlikely doesn't not make it less painful or tragic if you are on the wrong side of that statistic.... If the numbers show 98% for a perfect outcome and 2% for a traumatic outcome it still stinks for those 2%. More to the point when it comes to kids being hurt anything less than 100% on my watch is unacceptable.... at least its unacceptable to me.

 

[meandtheguys2]

But if you base your life choices on the .0002% that something bad might happen, you can miss one hell of a lot of the good in life.

I was raped in college. I could use that piece of information and that small percent to say my boys would never have any freedoms, I choose not to do that. Had I changed my life to focus on that devestating night, I would have missed a million good things.

I guess it depends on whether one looks at the positive or the negative.

mkrop, I suspect you are right about our outlook!

 

[powellrj]

I'm sorry, but its always the same posters that post they don't understand why we don't want their older sons in the restrooms with our daughters.

I will try once again to be as delicate as possible.

Our daugters are starting to become women. Read the many post from mothers whose daughters are becoming women at age 9 and 10.

When you are a young girl, you enter a restroom with idea that it will contain other women and if there are any boys, they will be young boys, not boys that are their peers. You are unsure of your body and think that all eyes are on you and everyone knows what you are doing. You don't need to added stress of having a boy WHO IS YOUR PEER, standing right outside the stall door. We are talking stalls that have large cracks that you can see through. If she can see your DS through the crack in her stall, what is she suppose to do. She needs to change. She is where she is suppose to be, doing what she is suppose to be doing. Your sons have their own restrooms to go to so that may daughter can change in private without worrying about who is outside your door.

The next time you need to go into a public restroom when you are on your period, think about how you would feel about having a person of the opposite sex who is your age outside your stall. Its the samething for them. While you see your son as a child, once they are old enough to be in classes with girls who are old enough to become women, they make those girls just as uncomfortable as you would be having a man outside your stall.

Its always the same people who tell us that girls will just have to understand. I think you really need to take a long hard look about how your actions are affecting young girls and their body images and their feeling of safety. Why should they feel any less safe and secure when they are where they are suppose to be and your son is NOT.

You keep saying we would understand if we had sons. The point you are missing is that most of us do have sons. I have 2 sons who once they reached 7, were able to go into a mens restroom. I taught them the skills they needed to use the restroom and didn't take the easy way out by just bringing them in with me and telling the rest of the world to deal with it.

If you had a daughter the same age as your son and your daughter was having her period, you better believe you would not be happy to have a boy her age standing outside of the door.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm sorry, but its always the same posters that post they don't understand why we don't want their older sons in the restrooms with our daughters.

I will try once again to be as delicate as possible.

Our daugters are starting to become women. Read the many post from mothers whose daughters are becoming women at age 9 and 10.

When you are a young girl, you enter a restroom with idea that it will contain other women and if there are any boys, they will be young boys, not boys that are their peers. You are unsure of your body and think that all eyes are on you and everyone knows what you are doing. You don't need to added stress of having a boy WHO IS YOUR PEER, standing right outside the stall door. We are talking stalls that have large cracks that you can see through. If she can see your DS through the crack in her stall, what is she suppose to do. She needs to change. She is where she is suppose to be, doing what she is suppose to be doing. Your sons have their own restrooms to go to so that may daughter can change in private without worrying about who is outside your door.

The next time you need to go into a public restroom when you are on your period, think about how you would feel about having a person of the opposite sex who is your age outside your stall. Its the samething for them. While you see your son as a child, once they are old enough to be in classes with girls who are old enough to become women, they make those girls just as uncomfortable as you would be having a man outside your stall.

Its always the same people who tell us that girls will just have to understand. I think you really need to take a long hard look about how your actions are affecting young girls and their body images and their feeling of safety. Why should they feel any less safe and secure when they are where they are suppose to be and your son is NOT.

You keep saying we would understand if we had sons. The point you are missing is that most of us do have sons. I have 2 sons who once they reached 7, were able to go into a mens restroom. I taught them the skills they needed to use the restroom and didn't take the easy way out by just bringing them in with me and telling the rest of the world to deal with it.

If you had a daughter the same age as your son and your daughter was having her period, you better believe you would not be happy to have a boy her age standing outside of the door.

I get what you are saying and I have boys and girls. Of course nobody wants anyone -boy or girl- staring at them in a stall. But I have to say that from my experience, boys that have been in the restrooms have been so preoccupied with their own family (hurry up, wash hands etc.) that I have barely noticed them. The bathrooms are usually so busy you don't know who is coming or going. I really think people who are so stressed about a 7 year old in a bathroom need to re-evaluate what they do in public. JMHO. I have never in my life had a problem with parents bringing their kids into a bathroom. I like to think that parents teach their kids manners the same way that I do.

 

[powellrj]

I get what you are saying and I have boys and girls. Of course nobody wants anyone -boy or girl- staring at them in a stall. But I have to say that from my experience, boys that have been in the restrooms have been so preoccupied with their own family (hurry up, wash hands etc.) that I have barely noticed them. The bathrooms are usually so busy you don't know who is coming or going. I really think people who are so stressed about a 7 year old in a bathroom need to re-evaluate what they do in public. JMHO. I have never in my life had a problem with parents bringing their kids into a bathroom. I like to think that parents teach their kids manners the same way that I do.

Nobody is worried about a 7 year old in the restroom. Its the people that insist they will take their boys that are 9+. There are people that have posted on other threads, not this one that they will continue to take older boys until they feel ready.

I was the second poster on the tread, I told the OP that nobody would think anything about taking a 5 year old into the restroom with her. Its when the same posters insist they will be taking their preteen boys into the restroom with them that it becomes an issue. Taking a 5, 6 or even 7 year old isn't the same as a 10, 11 or 12 year old in. Once your child is old enought to be in class with girls who are becoming women, they need to respect their privacy and use the proper restroom.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm sorry, but its always the same posters that post they don't understand why we don't want their older sons in the restrooms with our daughters.

I will try once again to be as delicate as possible.

Our daugters are starting to become women. Read the many post from mothers whose daughters are becoming women at age 9 and 10.

When you are a young girl, you enter a restroom with idea that it will contain other women and if there are any boys, they will be young boys, not boys that are their peers. You are unsure of your body and think that all eyes are on you and everyone knows what you are doing. You don't need to added stress of having a boy WHO IS YOUR PEER, standing right outside the stall door. We are talking stalls that have large cracks that you can see through. If she can see your DS through the crack in her stall, what is she suppose to do. She needs to change. She is where she is suppose to be, doing what she is suppose to be doing. Your sons have their own restrooms to go to so that may daughter can change in private without worrying about who is outside your door.

The next time you need to go into a public restroom when you are on your period, think about how you would feel about having a person of the opposite sex who is your age outside your stall. Its the samething for them. While you see your son as a child, once they are old enough to be in classes with girls who are old enough to become women, they make those girls just as uncomfortable as you would be having a man outside your stall.

Its always the same people who tell us that girls will just have to understand. I think you really need to take a long hard look about how your actions are affecting young girls and their body images and their feeling of safety. Why should they feel any less safe and secure when they are where they are suppose to be and your son is NOT.

You keep saying we would understand if we had sons. The point you are missing is that most of us do have sons. I have 2 sons who once they reached 7, were able to go into a mens restroom. I taught them the skills they needed to use the restroom and didn't take the easy way out by just bringing them in with me and telling the rest of the world to deal with it.

If you had a daughter the same age as your son and your daughter was having her period, you better believe you would not be happy to have a boy her age standing outside of the door.

I am trying to be understanding of this exact issue which is why I have started to allow my older son to go in on his onw on a case by case basis but even up until this point I have taught him the utmost repect and behavior.

I am a woman and was a young girl too. I dealt with those same issues that your daughter is going through and I dont remember being freaked out if a boy was in the rest room. Now you will probably say they werent in their when I was that age but I do remember them being there and I didnt really think too much about it. Now maybe it is bc my brothers are so much younger than me (10 and 14 yrs) that I have been dealing with this issue A LOT longer than some. My dad died when my brothers were young and my mom didnt drive so there were many occasions where I had young boys in my care and had no other choice. I would have my "friend" when I had them somewhere and I would have to deal with it but I never jeopardized myself over their safety.

I am sorry we dont see eye to eye on what age. Maybe your kids were the utmost in maturity and common sense at age 7, but mine and most of the boys that I have dealt with in my sons class, couldnt find their way out of a paper bag let alone deal with the bathroom issues presented here. I am just not sure each child reaches that same level at the same age.

But I am and I hope other moms who dont feel safe sending their children in learn from moms like you that we do need to teach our boys no matter what age they are the respect and proper behavior.