question about school parties..

[Stitchfans]

I just got a phone call from DDs classroom head room mother. She is in 6th grade now. I have been a room mother since she was in 1st grade. This year and last each party I get a phone call telling me that no other mother will participate or send in a crumb for the parties. I don't want the kids last year at the school to be a bad memory of the holiday parties so I agreed to send the food items since I can't get the time off from work to be there at the party. So I send in cupcakes, cookies, and some candy. The head room mother brings in the beverages, plans and runs the games. I don't understand why moms especially ones who don't work outside of the home won't help out and send something.

There are a lot of moms in DDs class who do not work outside of the home. They are SAHMs. Maybe someone is going to flame me for this, but I don't understand why no one else will help out. This is for the kids. Like I said I don't mind, but I don't think it should be left to the same moms all the time.

ok end of vent. flame away.

 

[golfgal]

I don't get it either. At our kids' school parties there is usually too MUCH stuff sent in. Must just be your school. It is pretty sad.

 

[lilostitch]

That is a weird one. Can they all afford to send something?

I'm like the previous poster. At our school, we have an abudance of food for celebrations.

 

[clh2]

Maybe the person who called you just didn't want to make 25 phone calls...she went with the "sure bet"

 

[minniecarousel]

Ya know - it was always the same parents at Little League Board meetings, Cub Scouts, PTA etc. We'd ask for help from the other parents, but it was always the same families doing everything. We had it a little easier - this was back in the day of class lists - you could call and ask for specific contributions. Not sure if class lists even exist anymore!

 

[Marseeya]

I have the opposite problem with my DD's classes! It's always the same mothers hogging the spotlight, never allowing anyone else the chance to chip in once in a while.

I got to help out quite a bit with my DS when he was in school, but now that DD is at the elementary school, I rarely get to go in because the same assertive (i.e. pushy) mothers take over. The teachers are too nice (i.e. wimpy) to tell them to back off. I really feel like I've missed out on a good bit with DD.

 

[ginna74]

I send things when I can. I can be out in public just fine but I just don't feel comfortable being in that kind of setting. I tried it once and had an anxiety attack. I have been there to pick up the kids, and be in the room for a small amount of time but I just can't do the party thing lol. That is my choice. When I was growing up there was a set of parents that were there all the time and I thought that was nice. Even in high school they were there. I remember them and even though I wasn't in the "in crowd" (their son was) they were really nice and left a good impression.
I have known people to think there shouldn't be "parties" and don't participate. And just because people are SAHMs doesn't mean they have all kinds of free time. It is really great that you are doing this for the class. Not everyone I am sure feels the same about the parties though. If I can send something I do. But if I can't then I can't. I will not "flame" you, just let you know that it might not be a big priority to some.

For our school there normally is a paper sent home to get people to chip in.

oh on holloween my son's teacher told us that she was putting on the party lol.

 

[Stitchfans]

We live in a middle class to upper middle class neighborhood so my guess is money isn't a problem.

Last year for Valentines day not even half of the class gave out Valentines and only two attached a piece of candy to their Valentine. I am curious to see what the outcome will be this year.

Maybe they think 5th and 6th grade is too old.

If you don't like baking they can pick it up at the grocery store like I do since I don't have the time to bake. I enjoy it just don't have the time.

 

[cstraub]

I just got a phone call from DDs classroom head room mother. She is in 6th grade now. I have been a room mother since she was in 1st grade. This year and last each party I get a phone call telling me that no other mother will participate or send in a crumb for the parties. I don't want the kids last year at the school to be a bad memory of the holiday parties so I agreed to send the food items since I can't get the time off from work to be there at the party. So I send in cupcakes, cookies, and some candy. The head room mother brings in the beverages, plans and runs the games. I don't understand why moms especially ones who don't work outside of the home won't help out and send something.

There are a lot of moms in DDs class who do not work outside of the home. They are SAHMs. Maybe someone is going to flame me for this, but I don't understand why no one else will help out. This is for the kids. Like I said I don't mind, but I don't think it should be left to the same moms all the time.

ok end of vent. flame away.

I'm not sure why this is directed to stay at home moms. Can't working mom's pick something up at the grocery store or something? I'm not even sure how this is relevent to staying home or not?

At the school where my DS attended 6th grade the parental participation was low. I was the room mom and it was pretty much a one woman show. I never really minded because I looked at like I was doing it for the kids. It does seem frustrating but just keep in mind it's for the kids. Some of the kids didn't have a whole lot or a great home life so I felt like I might be able to bring a bit of joy into thier day- maybe even life. I was always cheerful and joked around with them and really made the parties fun so they would feel good about their school. Just try not to get bogged down with the other issues.

Good luck with the Valentine's day party!

 

[disykat]

Were they asked? I hear this sometimes and wonder "why didn't anyone ask me?" I read every newsletter or piece of paper that comes home from school, but often don't hear about events until I hear people complaining that no one helped. I ask my children if their teachers have said anything about parties - they say no. I don't want to step on any toes by sending things in unsolicited, so if I'm not asked - I don't send.

When my kids were younger, sometimes the teachers had a hard time getting someone to volunteer to PLAN a party - so I planned quite a few. However, I never had any difficulty when I sent a note home asking people to send in something.

 

[PooohBear]

I've gone through this with each kid !! I volunteer for everything since nobody else will bother, we ( DH & I ) also offer to coach for the same reasons

 

[Stitchfans]

Were they asked? I hear this sometimes and wonder "why didn't anyone ask me?" I read every newsletter or piece of paper that comes home from school, but often don't hear about events until I hear people complaining that no one helped. I ask my children if their teachers have said anything about parties - they say no. I don't want to step on any toes by sending things in unsolicited, so if I'm not asked - I don't send.

When my kids were younger, sometimes the teachers had a hard time getting someone to volunteer to PLAN a party - so I planned quite a few. However, I never had any difficulty when I sent a note home asking people to send in something.

For the last party (winter party, can't call it Christmas) I was told she made many phone calls. Who knows what many is to some people though.

I didn't mean anything about the SAHMs if I stepped on any toes. I just thought maybe some of one of them would have the time and it might be easier for them to attend the party. When DD25 was little and I wasn't working outside of the home I had more time than I do now to go to the parties. And sure anyone can stop at the store. Working outside of the home or not. I agree and understand that.

 

[mrsgus06]

I always send something in and most of the time go to the party myself to help out. I am by no means a pushy mother, hate being in the spot light. I just kind of stand there until someone asks for my help. I am, however, the first one to pitch in and help clean up (hubby says I anal about cleaning). I also have secrets stashed in my car in case they need more. Now field trips.....that's a totally different story! I HATE going on field trips and try to bow out gracefully. I have tried it and hated every minute of it. It never fails, the teacher thinks that just because I have so many at home, they will always stick the "trouble" ones with me and it makes my trip and my child's trip a nightmare! Now they just say, "Please don't go, if you do, they will stick Johnny in our group and no one wants to be around him!".

 

[mommaU4]

I have the opposite problem with my DD's classes! It's always the same mothers hogging the spotlight, never allowing anyone else the chance to chip in once in a while.

I got to help out quite a bit with my DS when he was in school, but now that DD is at the elementary school, I rarely get to go in because the same assertive (i.e. pushy) mothers take over. The teachers are too nice (i.e. wimpy) to tell them to back off. I really feel like I've missed out on a good bit with DD.

This is what I've usually come across. There are a few moms who seem to be "in charge" and they have usually all known each other for awhile or through some other venue and if you try to join in, well, let's just say you really can't join in. You always feel like an outsider and they make all the plans.

I always send a note to the teacher personally asking her if there is anything she wants or needs for an upcoming party, or for the classroom in general.

 

[TinkInPink]

I'm wondering about the phone calls to. It is a pain to call all those parents. -let's not just blame the moms, DAD can buy juice boxes too!. What seems to work in my experience is if the teacher sends home a very specific list and asks it to be sent back circled ie cupcakes, forks, juice. Then she sends it back ok'd. This really cuts down on the calls.(usually can only reach about 1/2 anyway) At our school there is usually a lot of parents volunteering for fun things like parties or field trips but not so many to just read with the kids or help with writing. I don't blame you for being discouraged but think about the impression you are making for your child and all the other kids

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have been a party helper, room parent, PTA, girl scout leader (still help there in dd's troop), and on the neighborhood board HOA.

I have not received ANY info about donations for my 3rd grade dd's Valentine party.

I think alot of times the Room Parent waits till the last minute and then gets stuck and calls on a few people they know they can count on.
Seen that too many times.

 

[KAMLEM]

Last year for Valentines day not even half of the class gave out Valentines and only two attached a piece of candy to their Valentine. I am curious to see what the outcome will be this year.

Maybe they think 5th and 6th grade is too old.

Since when are kids expected to give candy to every kid in their class on Valentine's Day? That's new to me. My oldest daughter is in the 6th grade and they don't have holiday parties anymore. I definitely think that 6th grade is too old for valentines. My daughter would be mortified if she had to give a valentine to every kid in her homeroom.

 

[Stacerita]

I found this to be a problem with sweetpea's class as well. It seems like the same parents are the ones who seem to do everything. There is usually two room parents, this year it is a husband and wife, but they only run the party. All the other parents are supposed to help out. Im am the sweetpea's only parent so all of her share falls to me. I normally can't take off for the parties (I can only take off for awards, field trips, vacations, her sick days and such so for parties I just can't). Each student is sent home with a list of items that are needed for the party. Sometimes we circle or fill in what we plan to donate, other times it is picked out for us ahead of time. Since I know I wont be helping to set up, run or clean up the party, I always donate what I am asked to and then some. But I know that is not the case for the rest of the parents. Most times I get another note asking for more since the others chose not to help out. I dont mind doing it since its for the kids, but it does tick me off some just like the OP. There seems to be the same parents who participate for everything. Then there are those who dont. And these are some who dont work outside the home and only have the one child. So if money was an issue, then donate your time. In our district we can't bring in home baked goodies and such, it all has to be store bought. I dont think the OP was picking on SAHM's, but from those of us who work outside the home and have to be the full time parent, it seems like an easy enough thing to help out with the class party. I know a SAHM has a full time job but I dont see how "everyone" else in the class couldn't help out but the OP. It seems like maybe they just got used to letting someone else do it and dont want to be bothered.

 

[liamandcaili]

I am a SAHM, and I always make sure I send something in for the parties...especially since DS has an egg allergy. However, I don't get into the classroom as often as I would like because I have DD at home and the school does not allow younger siblings to be in the classrooms. When DS was in Pre-K and DD was allowed to accompany me, I volunteered regularly. Now that she is not invited, I rarely visit the class. It's not that I wouldn't like to be more involved, it is just that DD doesn't like babysitters or feeling excluded. It's bad enough that she can't go to school like her older brother, but if I go too, that is just adding insult to injury. I perfectly understand why the school wouldn't want a four year-old in a first-grade classroom, but it does limit my school involvement.

 

[RitaZ.]

I was Room Parent for my DD's class last year and I always gave every parent the opportunity to participate. However, there are some RPs that prefer to just do it all by themselves or with a few other moms that they already know. This is how my DD's RP is doing it this year, she is a quiet and shy person. During Open House, I approached her, introduced myself and gave her my number to call me whenever she needs help. She doesn't call me, but she'll send me a note asking for items/help. Some people don't like to ask strangers for help, some just don't like to deal with the social aspect of making calls.

Last year, whenever we had a party or event, I called every parent on my list. BTW, I could only contact those parents that agreed to donate items or to volunteer their time. I would write a list of the items needed and divide that by the number of parents on my list. It was really discouraging when I would call, leave messages and I never heard from the parent. I mean, how many times can one call without becoming a nuisance? Maybe not returning my calls was their way of telling me they didn't want to participate. The biggest disappointment came when parents chose to donate an item and they never sent it in. I would always ask the parents to please send the items the day before the party, just in case there were "missing items". I remember having to leave the school to run to the store to get whatever item wasn't sent in. BTW, this was all at my expense.

After a while, you get to know which parents you can count on. There was one single father that I could always count on. All I had to do was call him and he always came through. As for me "running the show", I volunteered for a teacher that told me what to do. Some teachers like things done their way and others just let you take over the planning and the party.

One thing I learned is that someone will always be disappointed, no matter how equitable one tries to be. My reward was seeing the kids having fun with their classmates and feeling their excitement.