question about school parties..

[delilah]

I'm not sure why this is directed to stay at home moms. Can't working mom's pick something up at the grocery store or something? I'm not even sure how this is relevent to staying home or not?

At the school where my DS attended 6th grade the parental participation was low. I was the room mom and it was pretty much a one woman show. I never really minded because I looked at like I was doing it for the kids. It does seem frustrating but just keep in mind it's for the kids. Some of the kids didn't have a whole lot or a great home life so I felt like I might be able to bring a bit of joy into thier day- maybe even life. I was always cheerful and joked around with them and really made the parties fun so they would feel good about their school. Just try not to get bogged down with the other issues.

Good luck with the Valentine's day party! [/QUOT

I guess the point is, maybe, a person who isn't working outside the home might possibly be available to volunteer for doing something inside the classroom. I work fulltime outside the home as a family physician. Today was my day off from work. All of the doctors get a day off, and Thursday is mine. This afternoon, I worked at the book sale. Tomorrow night, I have Blue and Gold dinner, for which my husband and I were co-chairmen for the cub scout pack. I cannot volunteer to be room mom, because that might require coming in some day between 7:30 am and 5:30 pm on a weekday other than Thursday, but I try to do whatever time and finances allow. I feel guilty that I don't have the flexibility in my work situation to do things like cook for the Chili supper, or go to the PTA meetings, which are on my night on-call (Tuesday). I kind of understand the statement, but, I am always trying to find ways that I might be able to contribute more to the school.

 

[corie161]

Our school has a rule about no homemade snacks or treats can be brought in. They have to be prepackaged or bought at a bakery. Generally for parties such as Valentines each child is asked to bring their own treat and beverage. Seems to work well.

 

[RitaZ.]

Another thing to consider about SAHMs not being able to volunteer during the day... Our schools don't allow parents to bring any children when we volunteer in the classroom, no exceptions. While there may be moms that are home, it doesn't automatically mean that they can volunteer and are simply choosing not to.

Corrine- Our district has the same policy, only pre-packaged foods are allowed.

 

[disykat]

I think alot of times the Room Parent waits till the last minute and then gets stuck and calls on a few people they know they can count on.
Seen that too many times.

This is what I see too. I can't even count how many times I've heard people complaining that no one helped them and I had never heard there was a need - and I'm a very involved volunteer. Some people just like to play martyr.

I don't get the whole phone call thing. I hate making phone calls. I've always felt you get a better response for class parties with a note home with a tear-off response form. You just need to do it far enough in advance, not last minute.

 

[Southern4sure]

This was happening to a friend of mine. She was always asked to bring food/snack items for the entire class. The list could be extensive for 1 parent but she always did it. Turns out when she finally questioned why so much for 1 parent, she was told because they (teacher and room mom) knew they could always count on her. They never asked other parents. The generosity came to a screeching hault. This could be the case with your room mom.

 

[rt2dz]

OK, first being a SAHM does not mean sitting around watching tv all day. Some SAHM I know are much, much busier than working moms. So, I don't know why that was pointed out.

Now, on to the real question. I was asked to donate to DS's party (today), yesterday afternoon. Sorry, I don't have time. I have younger children also and other obligations. I can't take the time to drop everything at the last minute. If you had asked me 3 days ago, sure! I'd love to. But I do need time. Even running to the store takes some effort when you have an infant and a 2 year old to boot.

Plus, just by living in a middle to upper class neighborhood doesn't mean there are a ton of extra funds around. DH is in sales. He gets quarterly commissions and due to screw ups at the companies end, we haven't had a paycheck since Dec. 1. We get paid (generously) on the 15th and this shouldn't happen again, but until that time, if it isn't a neccesity, it isn't getting $$ spent on it. Themed plates, napkins & cups just aren't a neccesity. But, yes, the Valentines were sent.

 

[mickeyboat]

Our teachers plan and run the parties, and ask the room parent to call for donations from the other parents. I have gotten a call for the Christmas party and for the Valentine's party, and I have contributed to both. After talking to the room parent it looks like there is pretty good parental participation.

There was one party that the teachers asked each child to bring a specific item - a pancake breakfast, and also asked for parents to cook, serve and clean up after the meal. I think out of the 12 or so parents who attended, 10 were working parents, there were even several fathers in attendance.

At first I thought it was strange that there were so few stay at home parents there, but it is probably easier for working parents with more flexible schedules to take a little bit of time off than it is for stay at home parents who have other children at home to find a sitter for a party. I have a lot of flexibility in my job, and attend whatever events / field trips / parties I can.

I have been asked to chair the PTA's staff appreciation committee, and I have no idea how I am going to be able to pull that one off. I guess I will start asking for volunteers early!

Denae

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

I'm a SAHM and would love to help with the parties at my kid's classes, but I also have two little ones at home and I don't have a babysitter. All the mothers I have talked with at school fully understand why I can't help out in person. I do of course help out by sending things to the parties if it is needed. What has happen now in our classes is that at the start of the school year at open house there are forms for each party of the year and parents sign up to either help out in person or to bring in drinks, food or goody bags. The teachers also makes an announcement about the forms so evey parent knows about it. I think it's a better way than for the room mother to cold call parents to see if they can help out. For the most part for our classes, there isn't enough things to do for everyone who wants to help out.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't get the whole phone call thing. I hate making phone calls. I've always felt you get a better response for class parties with a note home with a tear-off response form. You just need to do it far enough in advance, not last minute.

You proved my point, some parents prefer one way of being contacted over another. My experience with notes has been the same as with making phone calls, some parents respond and others don't. Not every parent checks their child's backpack on a daily basis and kids lose stuff. There is really no perfect way to do it, someone will always be disappointed.

 

[cats mom]

I really like the way our elementary school is doing the parties this year. The district went to a no home baked/prepared treats rule anyway, so the room mom's ask for a $$ donation from each child and then they pick everything up.
That way we don't have a mis-mash of stuff, or end up with way too much, or get to the party only to find out that little Suzy's mom forgot to send in the plates etc.

For Valentine's day it was $5 for 1st grade and $3 for 4th grade.

I do have to admit that as a room mom in the past I was probably guilty of overusing the parents I knew were reliable and willing to help.

I did try to at least give everyone a chance - but after a few rounds of phone tag, or unreturned calls, or promised items not showing up, or the parents who were divorced and wanted to make sure if I used mom for one party I would use dad the next time... and be sure to stick it to him and give him a much more difficult or costly assignment (yep, really happened) it was just easier to go with the parents I knew I could count on.

 

[chris1gill]

I feel your pain Stitchfans... I was the room mother for my son's grade when he was in k-3 at the school in town... when he was in grade 3, I was also room mother for my daughter who was then in K...

Believe me when I tell you, I had more than my fair share of insults when I would call around for the parties... Actual insults! What did I want now, why am I calling, do they ACTUALLY have to send something in... these people were horrible.... We had a few parents that would help, that was IT...

I've since moved the kids to a new school & we don't have those similar problems anymore.... I still remember what it was like at the old school though!

 

[mickeyboat]

I feel your pain Stitchfans... I was the room mother for my son's grade when he was in k-3 at the school in town... when he was in grade 3, I was also room mother for my daughter who was then in K...

Believe me when I tell you, I had more than my fair share of insults when I would call around for the parties... Actual insults! What did I want now, why am I calling, do they ACTUALLY have to send something in... these people were horrible.... We had a few parents that would help, that was IT...

I've since moved the kids to a new school & we don't have those similar problems anymore.... I still remember what it was like at the old school though!

Thanks for this thread. After I posted, I called the room mother to make sure she had everything she needed for Tuesday. I wasn't willing to take on the responsibility myself, so the least I can do is offer to help.

Denae

Denae

 

[m&m's mom]

I have the opposite problem with my DD's classes! It's always the same mothers hogging the spotlight, never allowing anyone else the chance to chip in once in a while.

I got to help out quite a bit with my DS when he was in school, but now that DD is at the elementary school, I rarely get to go in because the same assertive (i.e. pushy) mothers take over. The teachers are too nice (i.e. wimpy) to tell them to back off. I really feel like I've missed out on a good bit with DD.

I left 10 mins ago from my DD's kindergarten VALENTINES(yes, a real VALENTINES Day party) - see Papa Deuce's thread - and I can completely agree! It is just unbelievable how some Mom's just assume they are in charge! GRRR!!!