Question about IEP for ADD son in High School

[simpilotswife]

Oh boy, you've touched on a sensitive subject with me. My son started meds in 3rd grade. He was on them until 7th when I decided enough is enough. During those years (8 yrs old to 13) we tried too many different meds in different doses to count all prescribed by psychiatrists, not pediatricians. NOTHING worked. Not only did they not work, they altered his personality horribly, appetite, sleep, he got terrible and uncomfortable physical side effects......He actually wound up in a psyche ward of a hospital due to AWFUL side effects that were making him suicidal. I do not think medication is the cure all for ADD in any way shape or form. My son had the most horrendous side effects and I feel guilt to this day that I let doctors basically EXPERIMENT on him for 5 years and let the school push me around into keeping up this experimentation as they wanted a quick and easy fix.

And that's how it is in some cases. Many times children with some type of comorbidity can have difficulties with medication. I'm sorry that medication did not work out for your son.

However I don't believe that you should look at the school as looking for an easy fix. Experienced teachers can tell you that medication can make a lifechanging difference to a child that is struggling.

I would caution all parents to be VERY CAREFUL of medicating their kids. Yes, it can be a great thing for many, but if your kids are on meds and you sense anything is not right, get medical attention, somebody to listen. Do what you feel is right. Don't be pushed around by the schools or the doctors. I still think the drugs he was prescribed have lasting effects on his memory.

I think I speak for many parents who have been able to choose medication therapy when I say that most responsible parents do think very carefully and explore other alternatives before medicating their children.

And absolutely they should have their antenna up when it comes to things going on with their kids while taking meds. Parents are their child's best advocates always.

Those years were nothing short of a NIGHTMARE for us. I could go on into gory detail about what he suffered and we along with him, but it is too personal and will drudge up a lot of bad feelings.

And that is sometimes the case. Some children do respond badly to medication therapy.

Yes, we could win a court case based on the noncompliance of the 504 plan. I have been advised on this, but it still won't help my son get thru HS. I do not think it's too late to get help. He is a smart kid and I won't just give up on him.

The problem for many ADD kids in high school is not their intelligence. It is peer pressure and the hormonally heightened emotions they experience.

Many times HS aged children do not want to be known as or associate with "speds". The last thing that many HS children want to be is different or have attention drawn to themselves. Unfortunately some special ed kids just don't have the capability to get through HS without more extensive and intensive supports. They require a smaller special education classroom which makes them an object of derision. You may find that even if he gets placed, he will resist attending a self-contained (or any type of special education class for that matter).

The other very big problem is that children experience is that they do not want to go to school until they are 19 or 20. The last thing they want is to be the only kid amongst their friends who hasn't graduated yet. They already have a hormonally charged sensitivity about themselves and the last thing that they need is to feel "stupid" or inadequate by not graduating on time.

The very sad part in all of this is that the child who is struggling may begin to act out or become involved with the "wrong" crowd. Drugs (especially if children are unmedicated) can be very problematic as they look to themselves for a "medication solution". In some cases these children develop depression or some other form of emotional disturbance and slowly but surely slip away. I'm not telling you this to alarm you I'm just letting you know what I see when I participate as a parent member on IEP committee. Sadly environment and peer pressure takes its toll on our kids.

I know that you have not had good experiences with medication but you also don't indicate if your son is seeing a therapist or getting some type of counseling. If he's not then you should. It can help to have someone objective to talk to. I know it has helped my son.

I have friends whose children have gone through what your son is going through, I have a friend whose child is still going through what your son is going through. I've been fortunate in that DS doesn't struggle academically (although writing is a big area of weakness for him), his situation is behavioral and social. DD will be another story and I can only hope to apply the lessons that I have learned.

 

[samano]

Samano - your post got to me. SO TRUE. You said it perfectly.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

Thanks for your advice about the rude awakening in middle school. Ironically, her teacher this year is the first ever to make her feel like she isn't trying hard enough, or doing all she can, and this teacher has ADHD herself! But I will say that having this teacher this year was probably the wake up call I needed that there truly is a problem, and the reason I pursued testing on my own for DD.

I am sorry to hear about the heartache you've experienced while trying the various meds. But you are willing to try anything that you believe will help your son, and now you don't have to wonder if the meds would have made a difference if you'd been willing to try. Your DS sounds like a great kid, and I am sure that knowing you are advocating for him at every turn goes a long way. My DD had a state standardized writing test yesterday, these type of tests are SO stressful for her. With her brand new IEP in place, she was able to take the test in a separate room (eliminating the added stress of still working while everyone else is finished), and had extended time to complete it. Last night, she hugged me and thanked me for helping her. It melted my heart, she is such a sweetheart. And it reminded me that each one of these brand new gray hairs on my head is totally worth it.

I wish you the best of luck with your son too, he is lucky to have you in his corner!

 

[LuvN~Travel]

We know only too well this year about the school not doing things if they can help it attitude! Our daughter's school is trying to hide behind some of the NCLB act to keep from accomodating her this year. They even put her in a tenth grade algebra class with no accomodations because they did not have a 'highly qualified' special ed teacher for math there.(And, this is a child with third grade math skills, and pre-K math comprehension!) However, my dh has been dong his homework and is about to hit them hard with their own and federal regulations provided under the IDEA Act. He has already written to Alabama's Child Advocacy group which is already to hop on board with us, and many of our statewide and federal legislators. He has even pointed out to the local Special Ed coordinator where she is wrong in the law, and she has even admitted that they were wrong, but they are still not doing anything to move this kid to a proper math class and have proper accomodations made in her other core classes.
We even had a month and a half this year after the start of the school year when she had no aide to help her out. We were very lucky in that my aunt worked there at the school in the office and would help her between classes.
Fortunately before she retired this spring they finally had the child and aide.
However, we know we have a long fight ahead of us, in getting the school to step up and do their job according to the law.
Definitley look into your state's child advocacy programs, and see what your state also has for provisions on line. Our special ed group is not only ignoring the federal guidelines, but we found out they are violating their own!
Kim

 

[Lives4Disney]

LuvNtravel - Hey! Good luck to you!! It is soooo frustrating. My husband and I are totally stressed out about our situation here in northern IL. We are having our son reevaluated for special services and hopefully by now (this is unfortunate that I have to hope that he is far enough behind to get needed services) he shows a large enough discrepency between his ability and his achievement that he will get help!! I know what you mean about the school breaking it's own rules - in our school it seems the teachers do not even understand 504 plans or take them seriously. I have so many things in writing from them that shows this.

I leave this afternoon for vacation and we are putting this all behind us and letting it rest for almost 2 weeks. Glad to leave the real world behind!

Take care!!! I wish you the best for your daughter.

Lives4Disney

 

[buzz2400]

My ds is 14. He has had problems since Kindergarten. They wanted to retain him saying he was "socially immature". I said no he is to go to 1st grade. The first grade teacher gave up on him only a few months into the school year. They said he is going to be retained in first grade. They did not really give me an option (being a single parent with only this child I did not know better to fight on this issue). He then was tested for learning disability in 3rd grade. Can't find anything "wrong" so they they say if he label if adhd he can get special ed. I say ok. In the meantime they keep telling me his is socially immature. By the way he has all the symptoms of adhd but I hate him being labeled that. Kids made fun of him all through 5th grade for being retained, he feels stupid and tells people that he is stupid. My heart breaks to see this kid struggle so I decide to get him out of special ed when he goes into high school. I made such a big mistake. A month into middle school I see a problem, call a team meeting and tell them there is a problem with his learning. They tell me there is no problem. 7th grade same thing. Now he's in 8th grade. He gave up. He does not retain a thing. He zones out in every class. He loses all papers. His locker is a disaster. The past few tests he did not even answer a question. Just handed in the tests with his name on it. I finally told the school I want him retested. Most teachers put their homework assignments online but most of the school work is based on worksheets and not books so you can't even go over homework or study for tests with him. I won't medicate him. I tried it and hated it. Someone just told me about this natural vitamin, vaxa attend. While doing some research on it I came across another listol. I am going to call his doctor and ask if they know anything about this. The school unfortunately just thinks my son is lazy. They gave me an excuse that they have been following him because of the no child left behind policy. They claim they have been helping him by offering after school, before school and during lunch extra help. Before school is a joke because school starts at 7:30 in the morning. Lunch is another joke because he should be able to eat and he refuses to stay after school because he only has from 3-5 p.m. for himself since when I get home there is fighting to do homework that takes forever because he just does not know what is going on. I have paid for sylvan learning center and that was also a joke. I am just bracing myself for him dropping out of school when he is 16 because the schools do not really care about kids with add/adhd. Sorry for the long post but I am also so frustrated.

 

[Lives4Disney]

My ds is 14. He has had problems since Kindergarten. They wanted to retain him saying he was "socially immature". I said no he is to go to 1st grade. The first grade teacher gave up on him only a few months into the school year. They said he is going to be retained in first grade. They did not really give me an option (being a single parent with only this child I did not know better to fight on this issue). He then was tested for learning disability in 3rd grade. Can't find anything "wrong" so they they say if he label if adhd he can get special ed. I say ok. In the meantime they keep telling me his is socially immature. By the way he has all the symptoms of adhd but I hate him being labeled that. Kids made fun of him all through 5th grade for being retained, he feels stupid and tells people that he is stupid. My heart breaks to see this kid struggle so I decide to get him out of special ed when he goes into high school. I made such a big mistake. A month into middle school I see a problem, call a team meeting and tell them there is a problem with his learning. They tell me there is no problem. 7th grade same thing. Now he's in 8th grade. He gave up. He does not retain a thing. He zones out in every class. He loses all papers. His locker is a disaster. The past few tests he did not even answer a question. Just handed in the tests with his name on it. I finally told the school I want him retested. Most teachers put their homework assignments online but most of the school work is based on worksheets and not books so you can't even go over homework or study for tests with him. I won't medicate him. I tried it and hated it. Someone just told me about this natural vitamin, vaxa attend. While doing some research on it I came across another listol. I am going to call his doctor and ask if they know anything about this. The school unfortunately just thinks my son is lazy. They gave me an excuse that they have been following him because of the no child left behind policy. They claim they have been helping him by offering after school, before school and during lunch extra help. Before school is a joke because school starts at 7:30 in the morning. Lunch is another joke because he should be able to eat and he refuses to stay after school because he only has from 3-5 p.m. for himself since when I get home there is fighting to do homework that takes forever because he just does not know what is going on. I have paid for sylvan learning center and that was also a joke. I am just bracing myself for him dropping out of school when he is 16 because the schools do not really care about kids with add/adhd. Sorry for the long post but I am also so frustrated.

Buzz - your post gave me goosebumps. I can so relate.

For an update on us, my son was tested and there were some discrepancies. His IQ is very high - which I knew it would be - he did well on most of their tests actually, but some were very low scores. My husband sat in a 3 hour meeting and FOUGHT to get him an IEP. This was just April 18. He has another meeting scheduled this week to talk about the IEP itself and the goals and accomodations etc. I am feeling much more positive about the whole thing at this point. He qualified for this help under OHI Other Health Impaired. He has a medical diagnosis of ADD and we had to PUSH that his ADD is effecting his academic progress. The school was still trying to brush his struggles under the table, though. They said "***** *(my son) said he could try harder." OK, well ANYBODY can try harder.... And if my son DID in fact say he could try harder, it is probably only due to the fact that he has heard this from everybody including us since he was 6 yrs old (YOU NEED TO TRY HARDER) is basically our anthem here because we were struggling and really didn't know what else to say......how much harder do they expect a kid to try when he comes home from school EVERYDAY and sits in my DH's office with no TV, no music, no friends....nothing-for 4 to 5 hours every afternoon into evening and tries to complete the work but cannot stay focused to do so. The school did not believe it when my husband told them this is how his life is. They called my son into the meeting and he verified everything my DH told them. THAT is when the tables turned. Also - the social worker's report had some errors on it - like she interviewed my son and he answered a certain way. My husband told them this in incorrect and they also didn't believe this until my son's story coroborated with DH's. My DH said the dirty look across the table from the head of special services to the social worker was priceless.

It was a painful and aggravating process, but you need to write a letter to the principal or dean and explain your concerns and get him retested in order to get him the help he needs. Don't let your son drop out. My DH has 3 nephews and 2 did that. They are suffering now. Going nowhere. They are working on getting their degrees, but it is hard once your life changes and you have been out of school for a while. We are in IL, I don't know the different laws in your state, and I know it gets so tiring trying to beg and plead for help, but take a breather and TRY again.

I keep getting feedback from my son's teachers about what a nice, polite, sweet, bright kid he is. It is worth the fight for him to get the help he needs to succeed and have a better future.

Good luck!! Keep us posted on your decision and what the outcome is.

Lives4Disney

 

[buzz2400]

thanks for your encouragement. I am going to keep fighting for my son because I don't want him to drop out. I know it is hard for someone to go and a ged.

 

[Earstou]

..how much harder do they expect a kid to try when he comes home from school EVERYDAY and sits in my DH's office with no TV, no music, no friends....nothing-for 4 to 5 hours every afternoon into evening and tries to complete the work but cannot stay focused to do so. The school did not believe it when my husband told them this is how his life is. They called my son into the meeting and he verified everything my DH told them. THAT is when the tables turned.

We were going thru the same thing just a few months ago. You end up having no life when you have to work so closely with the child every day after school and weekends. We couldn't go and have fun because the homework was always waiting to get done! We had to wait till after he went to bed to have the tv on, the dishwasher or washing machine running as these ruined what little attention he had. He had a short break right after school, then would work on homework until he went to bed. It was miserable!

My ds has Aspergers and ADHD and is in middle school. He had been on the same med since 1st grade (with dose increases) and the doctor decided it was time for a change. The first med didn't do a thing, even with dose increases. The second med was a horror and caused a meltdown at school. The third med finally worked after we increased it twice. He is now doing much better, isn't doing homework constantly, gets it done much quicker. We still have to monitor that he remembers to do all assignments, and then remembers to hand them in, but he has much more free time now.

Do you have accomodations for reducing his work? The teachers agreed to this once they found out how much time he was spending doing homework. He does well on his tests, so they know he knows the material.
In two classes, they decided he didn't need to write out the definitions for his vocab words. Another class everyone was supposed to copy a question from the board and answer it daily. That teacher started printing the question out and handing it to him so he didn't spend all his time just copying it. So now he actually finishes that assignment during class like the other kids! In math he does fewer problems. Now that he is doing better, he has slowly phased out most of these accomodations on his own!
My son also has writing difficulty, and the school's autism specialist suggesting writing into the IEP that shorter answers be accepted from my ds. Last week was the first time I had seen the specialist, and she was amazed that the school had not contacted her about our problems earlier (she works for more than one school district). She was just hired this year and is much better than the other employee they claimed "knew" about aspergers! I plan on calling her after I draw up a list of questions so I can get some more suggestions!!!!
All but one of our teachers have been very cooperative, but I think they just don't know what to do. The one teacher who isn't happy about cooperating is the english teacher, where he is the weakest! She said he can write just as well as the other kids, even though we have test results showing he completes half as much work in a given amount of time as an average child (add in he's gifted and should be doing more than average). His gifted teacher has been the biggest help, offering suggestions on how to work with him.

 

[Lives4Disney]

OOPS double posted.

Lives4Disney

 

[Lives4Disney]

EARSTOU - WE have our IEP meeting scheduled for early Wednesday morning. Decreasing the daily work is one thing we would like. Unfortunately, my son doesn't often have too much work. It is just more of an issue of him not being able to focus and complete even a simple WS. He also is immature and doesn't use his time wisely. I don't know what the solution is, but at least with an IEP doors WILL open. He is now in a structured study hall with teachers to check up on him, and help with homework, and basically babysit! (not to sound silly, but that is kind of what he needs - somebody to keep him on task so he can complete his work and maybe have less to do at home)

It is so frustrating. I KNOW what you mean about all those little household distractions. We go thru the same thing. Our house is a very open, large all purpose great room style and getting a quiet area to work can be tough - especially with two little sisters around. It is hard on the whole family. We also spend our weekends homebound because of his homework issues. At this point, he is old enough to be left alone, but he will dillydally away the hours and not get the stuff done. Due to his age (15 1/2 yrs) we are freed up a bit, but not as light & easy as I wish we could be!

Good luck to you and your son. It is a long road!!!! But - hey!! It's May 1!!! ONE MORE MONTH!!!! (and then 3 more years.....)

Lives4Disney

 

[Snow Brite]

I skimmed through most of the posts and am so excited to find so many people in the same boat! I have four children with ADD/ADHD. My oldest, and only girl, is ADD and in 6th grade and middle school this year.

She is on a 504 and some of the accodmations made for her are:

Her homeroom is a transitional special ed study hall classroom. This is time for her to do homework while she is focused from her meds, get help with homework she doesn't understand and work on big projects. The teacher also does a daily study skills workshop. And best of all he monitors her overall work. The other teachers post the homework on line and he makes sure she is getting it done. He checks her binder (more on that in a minute) and holds her accountable. I LOVE this system, and it is set up so that even the kids IN the class don't know its a special ed class. There are kids that are English as a Second Language speakers, LD and one other ADD student. There are only 12 in the class and it has been a god-send. You could ask about this type of arrangement for your son.

She has a notebook that the school and I put together. It has 2 envelope pockets for each class and each class is a different clear color and has a zipper that goes all the way around the notebook. The teachers put her homework in the first envelope for the class and after she completes it it goes in the second envelope. The front has a day planner and her teachers and her write in it all due dates. The teachers all sign it daily, she signs it with them as well when the homework goes in. Then I sign it each night and she signs it as well when the homework is done. She still gets an ice cream cone if she gets 2 weeks in a row all days signed 4 times. Ice cream cones probably won't work for a teenager, but you might think of something else.

All big projects are broken down into smaller pieces with individual due dates. Instead of having a newspaper about Ancient Greece due in 4 weeks, the teacher breaks the pieces down into smaller parts and divides the points based on this. So at the end of the first week she must provide the teacher with her rough ideas for the project. At the end of the second week notecards with research from 10 different sources. At the end of the third her articles rough drafts are turned in. And at the original due date she turns in the completed newspaper. This is one of her biggest obstacles, she just CANNOT break things down into manageable pieces and we had more tearful scenes when she started a 4 week project at 9pm the night before. This has helped with this so much and I really think it has helped her learn this skill by rote memorization if nothing else.

When she was younger I had a deal with the teachers that all "busy" work was eliminated. If the purpose of the homework was to teach good study skills then lets not give us all headaches. She is NEVER going to have good study skills. She is very bright and homework that reinforces things and gives new skills practice is fine. But busy work, no. This is harder in high school, but maybe you can discuss this concept with the teachers?

She also has a minimum of teachers. Instead of 6 teachers, she has the homeroom teacher, then goes to Language Arts. The LA teacher is also the Social Studies teacher, so she stays in the same classroom. Then she goes to another classroom and teacher for Math. Then the same teacher teaches Science. Then she goes to PE and the same teacher teaches her PE class as well. This has been AWESOME, as the teachers really get to know her and the system. So much LESS communication!

Any tests that she fails, she gets to retake in the study hall room and the two grades are averaged together. Late homework can get full credit if turned in within one week. Two homework missing in a row gets a phone call to the homeroom teacher. Five in row gets a phone call to me.

She also has an assigned person to monitor her social situation. She used to have a really hard time being...appropriate. She would always raise her hand with an off-the-wall question and the other students would make fun of her. She has not needed this in middle school, but I like that someone is at least watching to see who she is hanging out with and that they are "good" kids. This is the same person that is responsible for her 504.

Anyhooo...hope this gives you some ideas. It has been working alright so far. She has stumbled and I have had to let her some. If you dont give me your PE clothes until 9pm on Sunday, they are probably not going to be ready to go at 7am on Monday. There was a time when I would stay up late to do it, but it doesnt happen very often any more. And her grade in PE has suffered. But I would rather this happened now instead of in high school. She is finally starting to "get it" and has been giving me her PE clothes as soon as she gets home on Friday more times than not. Of course there is only another 5 weeks of school left.

 

[riu girl]

Wow, impressive Snow Brite. The system you and the school have set up for your DD sounds fabulous.

I have an ADHD Grade 3 girl and she sounds very similar to your DD. How did you go about getting someone to monitor your daughter socially?

At this point my DDs academics are very good but her social skills are VERY immature. I (or the teachers) have no idea what she will do or say next. And so much of her behaviour is so immature (talks out in class due to being so excited about the topic, starts talking about a totally unrelated topic etc). She gets so excited/hyper about everyday things that most people would simply take for granted.

 

[Lives4Disney]

Wow, impressive Snow Brite. The system you and the school have set up for your DD sounds fabulous..

I thought the SAME THING!!! WOW!!!

I am constantly faced with "You can't expect the teachers to do that...." "You're lucky they email you....." (well, if I hear from 1/2 of them I am lucky.) "You're lucky the accept late work" - well, if they cannot think of/or do anything else, seems to me the late work issue should just be a given.

Snow Brite has a great system in her DD's school.

Thanks for posting with all those great ideas. I told my DH and it gave him some ideas about what - in a modified way - could help our son. I know for a fact they will not do most of your accomodations. Too many kids, too overworked, too much hassle for them.


WE are in one of the best school districts in IL, and it is still just awful if you have a kid with ADD - and even worse if you have a SMART kid with ADD. My older daughter is visually impaired (and super bright) and it is incredible the services offered to her. They take such good care of her I have no worries.....my son is another story!!!

In my daughter's grade school there is a wonderful social worker that meets with kids and helps them socially. She meets with my daughter weekly just to check up because my daughter feels very comfortable telling her things she needs help with. My daughter was bullied at the bus stop for over a month and the brats wound up breaking her foot (she never told ANYBODY this was going on until I had to take her for Xrays....long awful story) Anyway, the social worker just meets with her to keep her under her wing a bit and give her life strategies if any of these nasty or difficult issues come up again.

Lives4Disney

 

[Snow Brite]

I really pushed for her to get the 504 before she left 5th grade and elementary school. In grade school it is easy for the classroom teacher to monitor her and make on the fly accomodations for them as they get to know them. Emma had an AMAZING teacher in 5th grade, who just won teacher of the year this year. She knew Em was going to need help to thrive in junior high school. She and I worked and worked to get a plan in place before the end of last year. She is not "urgent" so it tended to get pushed aside. But both the teacher and I kept saying that we wanted a plan in place before junior high school so she could succeed. The rest of the school team seemed to think we should see how it went first and then let the junior high do the plan. NO WAY! Why does she have to fail first before a plan is established? We both wanted an IEP, but everyone else on the committee said 504. I was flabbergasted that the two people that know her the best were ignored, so when we went to write the 504 I was super insistent and the teacher and school counselor had good ideas on how to make things work for her. Em was loved and supported at that school and that helped immensely.

When we showed up at the junior high school they looked over the 504, we had a meeting and made a few changes, but for the most part we had written in WHY we were putting things into 504, so they were followed. The low number of teachers was this schools suggestion and it has been super helpful.

The one thing I have learned is that we as parents have to fight, fight, fight. The school system follows the path of least resistance. It likes to go in the same direction all the time and if you want it to change for you child you are going to have to work. I am super insistent about what I think will work and won't take no for an answer. I have everything organized before I go, have good reasons why I want things, and try to get the teachers support before the meeting. I talk and talk and talk until I get what I think will work for her. I am friendly, reasonable and patient and don't create adversaries. I volunteer at the school so that they feel they "owe" me a little and know me well. Its a lot of work!

There is NO reason why the school cannot do any of these accomodations. It takes 30 seconds most days for the teacher and Em to put the homework in her binder. The breaking down projects takes longer, but they usually do it during a study time in the class and then add that to her homework. The school should have some sort of study hall homeroom that would work for him. Re-taking a test that he did not do well on is simple, if he seems to know the information, but bombed on the test, then that seems so obvious to me. And it is not the best, but it is fair to average the two grades together. I was very pleased they agreed to the social monitoring, but truly it doesn't take much effort for the school counselor to watch who she eats lunch with and monitor any trips to the office for misconduct. She also has Em come down and visit with her once a quarter. If Emma hadn't lucked into finding a couple of good friends the counselor was prepared to introduce her to some kids, but it wasn't neccessary. Now if Em was hanging with the wrong kids, making bad choices this might be a little more effort, but everyone involved recognized that it was something we wanted to catch in 6th grade not 11th. Something happened this year and she is suddenly more mature, so it is not as big a worry as it was in 5th grade.

You are not "lucky" they are doing these things! They are supposed to! He deserves to get an education. He needs these types of accomodations just as much as your daughter does. There is no reason why he should be penalized for the way his mind works. All of these things help my daughter to be successful in school as well as in her own view. When things I want to happen for her don't because it is too hard for the school, but response is always that. "So even though you recognize that this is best for Emma, it is too hard for the school to make this change?" This always seems to refocus the spotlight back on her.

Anyhoooo....hope this is helpful. I had some help from an ADD/ADHD parental support group I went to, so its good to be able to pass it along.

 

[playwright]

Hi Lives4Disney,
Hugs to you. We have some of these problems with my DS too - he will be going into hs next year. He has a hard enough time in 8th grade and getting the school to comply, well... I just found out he has to go to summer school, among other things. And the $ for tutoring, I know about that too. Not because he didn't do his work, but because of his standardized test scores. He's such a good kid and he tries so hard. It's tough. A bunch of parents were talking about the sports their kids play and getting scholarships and whatnot, and I kept thinking about all the things he'll never have the opportunity to do like other kids have. (but I'm grateful for what is) My younger DS wants Mom (I should enjoy these years while they last) so I hafta run but I will try to get on the boards next week and respond more. Hang in there. PM me if you want and we can talk.

 

[Tinker*Shell*Bell]

Don'e even get me started on the school's 504 vs. IEP $#!t. It all comes down to cash money.
A 504 plan is nice but it can be changed at any time by the school without consulting the parents. There is no requirement that the student "learn" anything with a 504 plan, the school is just saying they "offer" the education to the student. They guarantee that the student has equal access to school, not maximize their potential. No special services can be guaranteed bya 504 plan, they can be in it but they are still not guaranteed. ARRGH!
An IEP requires a student to be identified (by the school) as a child who has a disability AND because of that disability is not able to learn in a "normal" (whatever that means) way. Usually test scores are used to justify their decisions. Tests are given in a closed environment with very few distractions, one-on-one testing is the standard. Now they would have to pay for any recommended services, aides, counseling ect...
here's my situation: My son has Aspergers Syndrome, an IQ of 132 and is a disaster in class. His current teacher is great, accomodates everything and makes Matt's life at school bearable. Without this teacher he would be failing 5th grade, with accomodations he is an A and B student. Will the school identify him??? NO! He passes all their tests. Of course he does, the distractions are minimal and there is a person there just for him, to keep him working. But, then we're back to the $$. The school simply doesn't have the money to give him an aide. He doesn't need one this year because of that great teacher, but next year he starts middle school. They are already saying that his grades this year indicate he is doing well. I say his teacher is doing well but what happens next year when the teacherS have 150 students a day and not 18?
The school will not budge, so now we go to outside agencies who will come and help the school understand their duties to this child. Usually having someone from outside come to the meetings tells them you are serious, unfortunately it is then my $$ that becomes a problem. (but I digress)
For a student in high school it is extremely unusual to get a new IEP where there was none before, they might change the 504 plan , but IEP's are becoming a thing for only the most needy and all of the rest of us are being left out. Sure, we're probably legally right about the children qualifying for an IEP but the schools say no and most of us are not in a situation to hire a lawyer.
A few states are different (massachusetts comes to mind) but most states interpret the federal sped laws to mean they must educate a child, not educate a child their best potential.
Before my son was given a (flimsy) 504 plan his school's sped director said "Sorry, Maine is not a Best Education state and we are educating him, maybe not to his ability level, but he is getting an education, what more did you expect?"

What more did I expect??? My head could explode. I truly wish you the best of luck, We start next week on plans for middle school.

See why I hang out on the Dis? WDW is so much nicer than reality.

 

[playwright]

The social aspects have gotten worse as DS has gotten older. Ironically, his best buddy is one of the top students in the honors class. His buddy is such a great kid and I'm so happy my son has someone to hang around with, that accepts him as he is. So many of the other kids either make fun of DS or want nothing to do with him.

 

[Lives4Disney]

Hi, Playwright - HUGs to you, too. It is SO TOUGH being a parent. I wish I had the answers......It has been a long down hill road with an uphill struggle with my son. He finally has reached the point where the stress of us pushing him and our being repeatedly disappointed by him has damaged our relationship with him. It is a shame, but I think we have lost a lot of what we had due to the pressures of the @#$%%** school system. That is my only advice, I guess to you, a lesson I have learned too late. Don't let the school and their crap come between you and your kid and don't let their picture of him ruin yours. Keep WHO he is in your heart. Bleep the school. We love our son dearly, but the relationship is definitely strained at this point. Hopefully there is still time for that to heal, but it is an uncomfortable relationship now.

Tinker shell bell- I had pretty much the same situation in my son's grade school. The teachers adored him. They still do - think he's a genius and tell him that whenever they see him (which is so good for him to hear as he is constantly hearing negative crap from the HS and us, too, unfortunately) When he started 6th grade, the calls came in the 3rd day - complaints from teachers that he is unorganized (da) and late for classes (another da) and didn't have his hwork ready to hand in (da - he lost it).......We stayed with that stupid, lame, 504 plan because of the same reasons you posted. My son wasn't far enough behind to warrant more than that. Even though we were busting our a**** at home to get him to get his Cs and Ds!!! That didn't matter. Well, come HS and we sit down in the guidance coun. office for 15 minutes and write up a casual 504 plan with stuff we wanted. That was it. They were so casual about it etc. EXCEPT they let my kid FAIL every class and not one teacher emailed or phoned about it. My husband and I lived in happy lala land for about 6 weeks 'cause they were SUPPOSED to (504 plan) contact us if there were any issues. We thought WOW!!! He must have adapted so well to HS and matured or something!!! What a joke. The bomb hit us and we woke up. My husband is the one that initiated the contact about his progress and we found out the BAD news. He does have an IEP now as of last week. We got it thru the new Other Health IMpaired category. His ADD is definitely effecting his grades. The kid does have an above av high IQ yet his scores on some of their tests wre awful. It is obvious the ADD is causing him troubles in HS. He needs to learn organizational and study skills and that is something that the school will teach him now that he has an IEP. Too bad the kid had to fall this far behind to get the extra help, though. That is the shame of it all. I have this super smart kid that hates school (who wouldn't when you have to go and face a struggle all day and have teachers keep telling you your work is not good enough) THANK GOD he now has an IEP because if they do not follow it, we will be making calls to the state (IL) and we do know thru past experience that the state of IL does follow up with any complaints and calls the school. (we called on a math teacher my son had in JR high that was deliberately not following his 504 plan because he thought my son needed to be held more accountable and taught to be more responsible - real nice guy.....unfortunately now my 6 yr old daughter has his wife for a soccer coach!!!!) I know from somebody that worked at the school at the time that the state DID in fact phone and the teacher was held accountable for his own lazy issues. At least we have the state behind us and now with the IEP I feel much more in control of what the teachers CHOOSE to do/follow.It is a pain in the butt having to babysit a bunch of adults that KNOW it is their job to follow these IEPs and 504 plans. My husband sat thru a 5 hour meeting to discuss the new IEP and accomodations for next year and walked out w/out signing the paperwork because they verbally said all nice/helpful things but did not put it down in writing! We are going over it and making notes of all they said, yet didn't write. It will be included or there will be another ugly meeting.

Take care all!!! I agree WDW is my escape from the reality of this garbage!!!!

Happy trip planning,

Lives4Disney