Question about attending a funeral/wake

[Strawberry Lemonade]

A coworker's father has recently passed away. We work in a really small office - less than 20 people - so everyone knows everyone else pretty well. What is the etiquette regarding attending the funeral and wake? Should everyone go, if they can? Will sending a card suffice? I'm inexperienced at this and appreciate any advice.

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

I personally really appreciated everyone who showed up at my dad's wake & funeral, even if I didn't know them well. Maybe you could stop by the wake for a few minutes, if you're not comfortable going to the funeral. A quick hello and sympathy mean a lot!

 

[luvwinnie]

I think it depends on how close you are...I can tell you though that I was VERY touched that many of my co-workers came to my mom's wake.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would also suggest going to the wake, especially if it is held outside of working hours. That is the norm here. If you were particularly close to the person, you would also attend the funeral. I would also send a card.

Denae

 

[spb999]

My opinion is for everyone to chip in and send flowers to the wake or make a donation to a charity in memory of the man who passed away. You can ask that the family be notified when you make your donation, providing their address for the notification.
I think it is everyone's own personal decision as to whether they want to attend the wake and/or funeral service or not

 

[mommytotwo]

The way that those are done here is that the wake is for closer family and friends and the funeral service is where other people can go and offer their condolences. If there are a few of you that could go to represent your office and if you could bring a card and maybe some type of offering, I'm sure they would appreciate it.

 

[Lynn CC]

I've made up my mind to NEVER go to another wake again. I don't want to have one for myself either. I'd rather remember the person when they were alive and just attend the funeral burial mass. That's all I want to have as well.
I just find it way too upsetting to go to wakes. I do send a card.

How was your weekend here? Where did you go, eat etc....

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by mommytotwo
The way that those are done here is that the wake is for closer family and friends and the funeral service is where other people can go and offer their condolences. If there are a few of you that could go to represent your office and if you could bring a card and maybe some type of offering, I'm sure they would appreciate it.

That's interesting, because here it's the exact opposite. At least among the people I know. Usually there's a viewing at night. That would probably be the most appropriate one to go to. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your coworker if you went but most people understand if that's not possible. If everyone is unable then at least a few should go and send condolences for the group.

 

[Hillbeans]

I agree with CED mom. Here we usually go to the wake, but not the funeral. If it's a very close co-worker a few people would take off to go to the funeral during working hours.

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

Around here, the wake is more open to the "public" and the funeral is usually a little more private - close friends and family. I'm sure the bosses will be attending the funeral and we're not expected to go (especially since we can't close the office and we're so small to begin with). I'm still trying to decide what to do. I'm definitely going to send a card regardless of whether I go to the wake or not. Wakes are uncomfortable for me, but I may go because I do know the coworker's wife pretty well.

Thanks for the advice, keep it coming!

(Lynn CC, I started a new thread detailing my Cape Cod trip. Thanks for asking!)

 

[Pin Wizard]

Firsthand, I'll give you my experience when my husband died. Yes, people in his company, coworkers and management, came to the wake. Management also visited me at home!! There were plenty of people there that I never met before. But each one told me how they knew him and gave me some sweet story about him. To this day I appreciate it! I never knew my husband came in contact with so many people. Even customers of his came! Pleasantly surprising. I knew he was a good guy, but to hear each of their stories just floored me.

 

[Missy1961]

When my mom died, a few people I worked with came to the wake. None of them knew her, but they came to be a comfort to me. It was so appreciated--3 of them live in NJ, and came to LI! (not an easy trip). My boss and 2 close co-workers came to the funeral. The whole department sent flowers. All of it made a hard time a little easier.

 

[Keli]

I have always found it very hard to attend a funeral when I was not personally close to the deseased. For that reason I usually opt to either just send flowers or to attend the wake.

Last night I was required to attend the funeral of someone I didn't know personally as our choir was asked to sing. The funeral was for an elderly woman that several members of our choir had close ties to. I'm sure it seemed odd to many of those in attendance though to have a pentecostal choir singing "Dancing Around the Throne" at a catholic funeral. Although I noticed a couple of people that seemed uncomfortable it did appear that most of them enjoyed our song. A lot of hand clapping and toe tapping was going on before we were done. And I saw three girls over on the side that may have watched "Sister Act" a few times too many, lol. They were really going to town and it made me smile.

 

[mrsstats]

The wake is for everyone to atten, the funeral is for close friends and family. It was a great comfort when my Dad died to have people come to the wake. It didn't matter if it was someone I knew or just someone that knew a member of my family. It helps you get thru the grief and to have closeure.