Quarantine and chill and kindness chatty clubhouse: Jump in and join the conversation! All is welcome!

[Bianca and Bernard]

B&B nice to see you! Happy Birthday to your husband! Every birthday of his must be special after his kidney transplant. Where are you going?

First to Nebraska to spend a week with DD#1, then a week in Cali with DD#2. I miss the grandkids. And every day is special, since the transplant. I thank the person who gave him his 'new used part' and their family, for that gift.
Lynn, I hate to say it but it sounds like there is a lot of dysfunction in that household. I hope Summer can get some of her problems squared away and life can get back to normal for her.
Sounds like she needs to get away from normal for them, and enact a new plan.

@Bianca and Bernard --said
I agree..it's ridiculous she doesn't get any help. Her kids are a bit older, right, like early teens?

oldest boy is 22 (full time job, never finished high school, next is 17 year old boy (never finished school, part time job), next is 16 year old girl (she's doing online school, part time job), and the youngest girl is 15 (only one going to school). The boyfriend of the 16 year old is 17 (his mother took him out of school at 16. The girlfriend of the younger boy is 16 (not going to school). So they are all more than old enough to get off their butts and help her.
I don't know how the state lets the boyfriend and girlfriend live there. They should both be in the system. All they do is sit there and play video games.

Sick me or not, my kids had chores to do daily, and if they didn't do them, they didn't get to have any fun. The kids did their own laundry from about age 16, unless I had half a load or something or they just had a couple things to wash, then they'd throw them in with mine. (I did all the towels together, but they had to do their own bedding!) They also had to maintain their rooms to at least a minimum of crud + cook one meal a week (from age 10ish on, with help from DH until they could do it on their own...and I mean it all, from planning and shopping to cooking and cleaning up). Weekly cleaning the bathroom they used most often (not the master bath); taking out trash; cleaning the kitchen every day. Vacuuming or sweep/mop if needed. Punishment for not doing their chores meant more chores, including washing windows and wiping down baseboards or the fridge. I was the mean mom, but all of the kids came out of the house able to clean and cook for themselves.

I had chores when I was younger too. She has never made them do anything, which is why they refuse to do it now. But I don't understand how they can refuse to help her when they all know how sick she is. I told her this morning, that if she keeps this up, she will die, and they will get a really fast, tough lesson in life.

ETA: my eldest sister was married to an OTR driver (our dad was one too for a time). She had the same issues with her kids that Summer has...they just wouldn't listen to her or help her. They didn't listen to dad/stepdad either, when he was home; but he was too busy doing drugs and drinking to care. They are all grown now; one has passed of a drug related heart attack; one is in and out of jail and psychiatric hospitals; one is an alcoholic and struggles daily; one is so flighty, she can't keep a job more than a month; one is so straight laced and tightly wound, she says to make up for her lazy life childhood, she has struggled to get her life toghether; and one floats from place to place. They all say they wish their mom (or stepmom, in the case of 3 of them), had got them on the right path when they were kids/teens.

He is just as bad as the kids. He is the father of the 17, 16, and 15 year old. The oldest boy is Summer's first husband, but is in jail on drug charges, once again. When he's home he sleeps most of the day, and plays video games all night. Even though he has come here and helped us out with things occasionally, I have never heard her say that he's done anything around their house to help her. It's just insane to me.

Wow. So much to unpack here. The 22 year old is absolutely old enough to be booted from the house. The rest of them...school, working or not,...need to be sat down and be handed a harsh reality check.

They aren't little, so a tree is 100% not a necessity; neither are gifts to go under it or stockings to be filled or anything else. Clean clothes? Guess they better learn quickly how to use a washer and dryer! We only have Raisin Bran or GrapeNuts for breakfast; and PB&J with carrot sticks and milk for lunch and dinner? Too bad, so sad!

No sodas, no candy, no dessert. All the video game cords should disappear until they start showing her respect and start caring for their home. I've been known to change the internet password, and put a passcode on the cable box, when my kids started acting up. Those kids should be bending over backwards to help her, since she is so sick. They should be doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry, and driving her around. The 22 year old can absolutely drive to get his stepfather, and let his mom rest!

As far as her spouse, she needs to put her foot up his behind. He needs to be making things easier for her when he's home, not harder! I wouldn't stand for that....two of my sisters did, as did my brother's first wife, and my mom too. I learned from their mistakes...and taught my girls and my son to do it better than I did. My girls and their husbands both share the household and children duties (although it took DD#1 a little longer to get her spouse on board with the kid thing, but part of that was her being so OCD about doing things, she couldn't let him do baby duties 'his way', even if they worked better than hers!). Marine SoIL is exempt from home duties when he's on deployment or when there is something serious going on with work, but the rest of the time? He does the dinner dishes every night, alternates bedtime and school/daycare dropoffs and pickups, and washes his own uniforms, plus the yard work. When either girl is sick, their spouses step in to care for the kids and the house; things don't always get done the way the girls like them, but they don't fret about it.

 

[Snowysmom]

Good morning. I agree with what everyone is saying about Summer and her family. The kids are old enough to help out and her husband needs to make things easier for her too. They can see she is ill and struggling so their first priority should be making it easier for her and letting her rest. Also the older kids need to be responsible adults and get jobs. My sons learned to help out growing up and do their share around the house. In fact Kenny was the one who did most of the work around the house when married and of course now. Jeff does his share. He and DDIL truly work as a team. Chris always helped out and took over some chores when I had my knees replaced. He said he didn't realize how much I did so he was taking over some of the tasks. He always took care of the kids. We worked as a team too.

Carol Lovely pictures of the White House trees.

It is another cold morning here, 29. I will wait to walk until the sun comes up. I start working a bit early so I can take a break and walk around 8. I am making sugar cookies today. I made the dough yesterday so it is chilling in the fridge. I will bake them after work and separate them out for each family and save just a few for me. I have enough treats in the house so don't need any more.

Have a good day.

 

[lynxstch]

Wow. So much to unpack here. The 22 year old is absolutely old enough to be booted from the house. The rest of them...school, working or not,...need to be sat down and be handed a harsh reality check.

They aren't little, so a tree is 100% not a necessity; neither are gifts to go under it or stockings to be filled or anything else. Clean clothes? Guess they better learn quickly how to use a washer and dryer! We only have Raisin Bran or GrapeNuts for breakfast; and PB&J with carrot sticks and milk for lunch and dinner? Too bad, so sad!

No sodas, no candy, no dessert. All the video game cords should disappear until they start showing her respect and start caring for their home. I've been known to change the internet password, and put a passcode on the cable box, when my kids started acting up. Those kids should be bending over backwards to help her, since she is so sick. They should be doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry, and driving her around. The 22 year old can absolutely drive to get his stepfather, and let his mom rest!

As far as her spouse, she needs to put her foot up his behind. He needs to be making things easier for her when he's home, not harder! I wouldn't stand for that....two of my sisters did, as did my brother's first wife, and my mom too. I learned from their mistakes...and taught my girls and my son to do it better than I did. My girls and their husbands both share the household and children duties (although it took DD#1 a little longer to get her spouse on board with the kid thing, but part of that was her being so OCD about doing things, she couldn't let him do baby duties 'his way', even if they worked better than hers!). Marine SoIL is exempt from home duties when he's on deployment or when there is something serious going on with work, but the rest of the time? He does the dinner dishes every night, alternates bedtime and school/daycare dropoffs and pickups, and washes his own uniforms, plus the yard work. When either girl is sick, their spouses step in to care for the kids and the house; things don't always get done the way the girls like them, but they don't fret about it.

Thank you--so very well said! My feelings exactly. But since she's treated them like royalty, waiting on their every desire forever, it's going to be hard to get her to change, never mind them! I may say some of this to her someday when we have some alone time. She really needs to get her priorities straigher nowt, especially with her health as bad as it is. If something happens to her, they are going to be in a world of learning very quickly to do it themselves!

 

[lynxstch]

Good morning. Another very cold one, but at least going above freezing today. We both have pcp appt's this morning for the yearly thing insurance says we must have. Just a pain in the butt, and wasted time, lol.

@Breezy_Carol --Thank you for sharing all those pictures. Looks like it was a very lovely evening!

I agree with everything all of you have said about Summer, but how do I try and get that all through her head? Don just keeps telling her 'everything will be fine' which is what he says to everything, even when we know it won't be all fine. He has taken lately to get on her more about the kids, but I don't think that it's getting through to her yet.

Going to do errands and grocery shopping today, since we will be more than 1/2 way to the stores. I should be able to miss all the middle/end of the week crowds by doing it. And nothing I have to get will go bad before Sunday. I am going to put extra milk and bread in the new freezer, just in case it's needed. I have almost everything for Christmas dinner already, just need to pick up some potato skins (TGIF) for Christmas Eve. I could make them, but these are so much less work.

Have a nice morning all, stay warm

 

[easyas123]

I agree with everything all of you have said about Summer, but how do I try and get that all through her head?

Might be time to be brutally honest, perhaps it has come to the time your husband needs to have a very stern conversation with her children & her husband? Unfortunately the phrase 'Can't Help Those who Won't Help Themselves' exists for a reason, and if Summer will not stand up for herself, will no demand some respect & assistance around the house then the children and husband are not liable to give it to her. Some professionals might argue that people don't really want the change because it would affect their ability to be a Martyr, and to use the situation to get attention for themselves as the only way to generate it. It would seem the disfunction is deep, given that there are underage children not attending school & underage girl/boyfriends residing in the house. If she wants the help it is up to her to put her foot down and demand it. I'd start with cleaning house of the extraneous people and go from there.

We had a wonderful lunch yesterday with youngest's new in-laws. He is getting married next month (courthouse followed by a dinner for the small group in attendance to be followed up by a more formal ceremony/reception later in the year). I gotta figure out what I'm going to wear...

Busy week ahead, late afternoon jobsite meetings this afternoon & tomorrow afternoon. Office Christmas lunch Wednesday & Thursday. I need to take a afternoon off Wednesday or Thursday after as well. Friday the foster pup has a vet appt. mid-day., and I've got to hit the farmers market first thing that morning. Gotta squeeze in a bit of last minute grocery shopping and gift shopping at some point as well. Looks like both kids & significant others will be over for the day on Christmas Day, so that's a nice treat that everyone can be over at the same time.

 

[Judique]

Thank you--so very well said! My feelings exactly. But since she's treated them like royalty, waiting on their every desire forever, it's going to be hard to get her to change, never mind them! I may say some of this to her someday when we have some alone time. She really needs to get her priorities straigher nowt, especially with her health as bad as it is. If something happens to her, they are going to be in a world of learning very quickly to do it themselves!

I think she already knows her situation and doesn't see a way out that she feels capable of accomplishing.

In one sense she's made her bed and is now lying in it, reaping the rewards of her decisions.

People don't really change but they do adapt to situations.

If Summer couldn't function with this crew when she was more healthy than she is now, I see a snowball's chance in hockeysticks that she can manage it now.

Might be time to be brutally honest, perhaps it has come to the time your husband needs to have a very stern conversation with her children & her husband? Unfortunately the phrase 'Can't Help Those who Won't Help Themselves' exists for a reason, and if Summer will not stand up for herself, will no demand some respect & assistance around the house then the children and husband are not liable to give it to her. Some professionals might argue that people don't really want the change because it would affect their ability to be a Martyr, and to use the situation to get attention for themselves as the only way to generate it. It would seem the disfunction is deep, given that there are underage children not attending school & underage girl/boyfriends residing in the house. If she wants the help it is up to her to put her foot down and demand it. I'd start with cleaning house of the extraneous people and go from there.

The Martyr complex is a real thing. Part of it is thinking she's been doing the right things, such as accommodating other people's kids living in her home. Chasing them away would undermine whatever self-worth she gets from having them there. Plus having other young people that are non-achievers around her own non-achievers again probably reinforces her idea that her home is somewhat normal. After all, everybody can't be a rocket scientist, she may think. The part she's missing is that people work for what they deserve and her pod is not really doing enough to merit respect in society, or in her extended family.

I guess the bottom line is her illness is now real and diagnosed - but none of the players leapt into action. Lynn and Don would be wasting their breath on most of these people. That's just my opinion. Some people won't help themselves.

Anyway, I agree that clearing the house should happen. Could CPS make it happen for the under 18's that are NOT family members? I've lost track other than at least one is 15 and another is 22. Maybe. Summer is not going to act. She risks losing the people she 'loves'. The whole thing definitely needs a shakeup.

 

[Judique]

double post

 

[Judique]

Some more White House pictures from yesterday.

The East Colonnade entry hall.

View attachment 726098

In the East Room.

View attachment 726099

All of us at the Cross Hallway.

View attachment 726100

The Blue Room.

View attachment 726101


The gingerbread house in the State Dining Room.

View attachment 726102

Cross Hallway.

View attachment 726103

National Christmas Tree.

View attachment 726104

Just wanted to say Thank You for taking the time to share your evening with us. The pictures are amazing! I especially loved the Birch trees and the snow covered trees.

I haven't been down to the Ellipse in many years - keep saying I'm going but get worried about walking and parking. And it's harder to just see some stuff from the car anymore. Back when we lived on Bolling (late 80ties) stuff was a lot simpler. We never missed the opportunity to go to see the decorations, and it just was not as crowded or sought after. I always bought the White House ornament each year and have a box of them somewhere. Now I don't even know if they still do that?

 

[easyas123]

If Judique doesn't mind, I'm going to piggy back on her comments regarding Carols photos of the White House Christmas. Thanks for sharing them, looks like it was an amazing experience.

 

[lynxstch]

I think she already knows her situation and doesn't see a way out that she feels capable of accomplishing.

In one sense she's made her bed and is now lying in it, reaping the rewards of her decisions.

People don't really change but they do adapt to situations.

If Summer couldn't function with this crew when she was more healthy than she is now, I see a snowball's chance in hockeysticks that she can manage it now.

The Martyr complex is a real thing. Part of it is thinking she's been doing the right things, such as accommodating other people's kids living in her home. Chasing them away would undermine whatever self-worth she gets from having them there. Plus having other young people that are non-achievers around her own non-achievers again probably reinforces her idea that her home is somewhat normal. After all, everybody can't be a rocket scientist, she may think. The part she's missing is that people work for what they deserve and her pod is not really doing enough to merit respect in society, or in her extended family.

I guess the bottom line is her illness is now real and diagnosed - but none of the players leapt into action. Lynn and Don would be wasting their breath on most of these people. That's just my opinion. Some people won't help themselves.

Anyway, I agree that clearing the house should happen. Could CPS make it happen for the under 18's that are NOT family members? I've lost track other than at least one is 15 and another is 22. Maybe. Summer is not going to act. She risks losing the people she 'loves'. The whole thing definitely needs a shakeup.

The 2 who aren't family members are 16 and 17. I don't understand how CPS or anyone, could have just let her take them in. I know that the 17 years old, is Lily's boyfriend. Something about his mother went to jail and his father wasn't taking care of them. There were also 2 younger siblings, that ended up in the system. The boy was 16 at the time, he's been living there for more than a year now. I just find it totally absurd that no one has said anything about neither of these kids being in school, and just letting them live at Summers.

 

[lynxstch]

Thank you to all of you who weighed in on the Summer situation. We agree with everything all of you said, but she will just keep saying if she doesn't do it, no one will. No matter how bad she feels, she will not make those kids do anything. Don has tried talking to Skylar (22), but he is the one who is gone all week working. Skylar tells the others to help her while he's gone, but none of them do. She needs to get the 2 who aren't family out of there, and put her foot down on the other 3.

Dr appts went well,,pretty much a waste of time. 20 minutes spent answering questions that Medicare makes them ask. Then maybe 5 minutes of checking eyes, ears, nose, throat, listening to heart. Done for another 6 months.

Got to Aldi's and I haven't seen the parking lot that full in forever. The store was packed, but at least they had 5 registers going. Got to Walmart it was worse. Full parking lot, no carriages in the store, etc. All of the U Scans at one end had people at least 5-6 deep waiting at them. They had 4 cashier registers open..lines just as long. I went down to the other end,,just by this little square of U Scans inside the door. Right next to that is another U Scan, but it's kind of hidden. I walked up to it and it was empty. Another lady came right behind me and said she guessed that people never noticed it. I use it every time I am in there. Prices kind of steady this week, except for cat litter. The 40 lb boxes I buy, were $10.84 last week, and $13.99 this week? No way did the price of cat litter go up that much!

I have a bit of a headache, sun is out, but temp is only 34. Off to finish putting stuff away and rest my back.

Have a good afternoon

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Good afternoon friends with love,

ITA also with everything that has already been said about Summer's situation. It seems sad and unhealthy for all involved which, of course, is what makes it all the more heartbreaking and I'm sure, harder on you dear Lynn and Don to be part of from afar as well! indeed that Summer will choose to step up and make changes for the better for everyone involved.

I'm finishing up a Christmas card for my dad and a little later will watch more of worship services. Wishing each of you a warm and happy rest of the day. I will check back in later.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Good afternoon.

Jack and I went to Longwood this morning. It was cold but we were able to get reservations and wanted to see it in the daylight. The lights are wonderful but it looks different in the daytime. Went to lunch at PureBread. It's a really good sandwich shop. Home now and watching the recording of the January 6 Committee. Want to get to the library before it closes.

Andrew and Jen both have what Marty has. I hope they are all healthy by Christmas and that Jack and I don't get it.

I haven't been down to the Ellipse in many years - keep saying I'm going but get worried about walking and parking. I always bought the White House ornament each year and have a box of them somewhere. Now I don't even know if they still do that?

Another perk of Andrew's he gets to park on the Ellipse and got us on too. And yes, there still is a White House ornament. Andrew has gotten us one each year since he started in 2011. And a Secret Service ornament too. That's why we had to get a second small tree, just for them.

will watch more of worship services.

If you have time, watch the concert that was Sunday afternoon. It was livestreamed too. Two hours long but very nice.

I have nothing to add to the Summer saga. I agree with what has been said.

We have all but one gift now. One of Tessa's is supposed to arrive Thursday and I think I have to get batteries.

Think I'll get myself moving.

 

[Judique]

The 2 who aren't family members are 16 and 17. I don't understand how CPS or anyone, could have just let her take them in. I know that the 17 years old, is Lily's boyfriend. Something about his mother went to jail and his father wasn't taking care of them. There were also 2 younger siblings, that ended up in the system. The boy was 16 at the time, he's been living there for more than a year now. I just find it totally absurd that no one has said anything about neither of these kids being in school, and just letting them live at Summers.

Easier for our great State to ignore or possibly not be aware of a situation that is not making headlines. Mother is in jail and father is possibly irresponsible? Other than seeking shelter from Summer, I don't remember reading of the kids actually committing crimes so they are staying under the radar. The school situation - again if CPS was up on this, that might be addressed.

I know that schools and CPS are totally overwhelmed with the caseloads. It's not pretty but prioritization does happen. If father is an actual legal guardian he is the one that could be guilty of child abuse and neglect. Sometimes biological fathers aren't really legal fathers and have never stepped up to the plate. And sometimes it's a guy who stepped in when the mother was there and now that she's not, he's outta there.

The flip side is that these 'almost adults' are just a minute away from being on their own at age 18.

They'll eventually go in one or two directions. Lets hope they choose getting a GED and continuing education and moving towards being self-supporting individuals and members of society. Maybe they will find some self-motivation. It's actually somewhat encouraging that one of them has a bit of a job.

 

[Judique]

I'm coughing up a storm today. So, hanging on my computer instead of doing anything productive.

We have all but one gift now. One of Tessa's is supposed to arrive Thursday and I think I have to get batteries.

A box arrived this afternoon and my DD opened it. The 5 yo DGD/DN asked her for Holiday Barbie 2022 a couple of days ago. DD ordered it from an Amazon reseller and got expedited shipping.

Younger DD makes her own decisions and will buy what they ask for if possible. She's an old softie Aunt! I couldn't help but remark that she's going to rip it open and eventually it will be another naked barbie in a box as opposed to a collector's item. oh well! Probably not much different than the expensive legos I bought that will be stepped on many times! Those things hurt! She also ordered them some Koolaburra boots from Zappos. Those are pretty cute. And a boatload of socks. I don't know where all the socks go, but I gather up a few every time they visit. Another box was full of books - some for the new baby and some for the 5 and 6 yo. Plus there are more stuffies.

The new baby DGD also wasn't left out either. We are going to deliver early to their house tomorrow or Wednesday depending on how I'm feeling.

 

[bobbiwoz]

Good evening! The Red Cross sent out notes to host families. There are only 236 total recruits, so, we’ll probably be getting 2 guests.

Among the rules for having recruits is this:

• If you share photos on social media, please use #OperationFireside and/or tag us @NJRedCross.

Can someone explain what that means? Would I be allowed to post a picture here?

Thanks

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Carol, I will definitely watch the concert, thank you for the reminder. for health for you, Jack, and the rest of your family!

Feel better, Judique! I'm so sorry you're still coughing, my friend. Please take good care!

dear Bobbiwoz and Tom for hosting two guests at Christmas. You absolutely will be making a loving difference to them.

Sweet Dreams everyone wish a lot of love.

 

[AuntieMe3]

Look at this spoiled pup...


Saturday I did pretty much nothing...lol We watched TV and napped. Yesterday, I made choc chip cookies and Reese peanut butter cookies. Had to clean up to the cookie supplies to make dinner so I still have more baking to do. DH worked from home today so i took advantage of him staying with Dolly and I took a last minute trip to Target and a home good store. Im thinking I've gotten all my gift shopping done now, we'll see when i start wrapping everything...lol Now I need to go the grocery store sometime this week for Christmas Day food. We usually have appetizers/snacks to munch on all day and this year, we're adding sandwich stuff. DD ordered some tamales from a coworker so we'll have that too.

Going to see sweet baby A and her momma tomorrow afternoon(DD works from home so she'll be here for Dolly).

Hope you all have a good night.

 

[Snowysmom]

MS. Dolly is one spoiled puppy dog. Thank you for giving her such a good home. She looks so content and loved.

Another cold morning. Winter is just starting so need to get used to it. My friend in NH near Winnipesaukee got 16 inches of snow on Friday and Saturday. Her DH had his carotid surgery yesterday and is doing well. He should be home today. Thank you for your prayers. Now she just has to keep him quiet and resting for the next 2 weeks. Not an easy task.

I have a therapist appt today so will be out in Kenny's area. He has the kids this evening so I will stop by after my appt to visit. I don't like to drive home in the dark but I want to see everyone. I made sugar cookies yesterday and will drop off their share today. Jeff's MIL called me yesterday to officially invite me to their house for Christmas dinner. She is very gracious and cordial. There will be 18 people which is too much for me so I will just sit in a quiet place and observe. I don't really know the other guests except for Jeff and family of course.

Have a good day.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Among the rules for having recruits is this:


Can someone explain what that means? Would I be allowed to post a picture here?

I'm pretty sure the hashtag (#) is for posting on Twitter and the (@) is for Instagram. Having those specific things in the description of your post kind of links them together in the platforms' system with the photos posted by other people participating in the program.

Look at this spoiled pup...

Awwww...she is precious!!

Jeff's MIL called me yesterday to officially invite me to their house for Christmas dinner. She is very gracious and cordial. There will be 18 people which is too much for me so I will just sit in a quiet place and observe. I don't really know the other guests except for Jeff and family

I'm glad she called to reassure you that she really wants you to come.

We had a huge group like that at Thanksgiving, and many of slipped away to quiet corners for a bit at times. - It's perfectly OK!!

I expect your grandkids will think it's "super cool" (do they still say that? ) to have both of their grandmothers with them on Christmas, and it's nice for the two of you to get to know each other.