Quarantine and chill and kindness chatty clubhouse: Jump in and join the conversation! All is welcome!

[PollyannaMom]

PollyannaMom, how is your DH feeling? Thinking of all of you and praying you all are healthy!

He said he's feeling about 85% back to normal. Thank you for asking, and thank you for the postcard! (I got it yesterday, but have been busy all day and forgot to PM you.) His parents came over this afternoon to sit far apart in the yard and chat.

Please fellow Quackers..I need prayers for my sister in law and niece.

Oh, of course! I'm so sorry for your/their loss. It's always hard, but something sudden like that is even harder.

 

[frog3101]

Good evening fellow Quakers.

@lynxstch sending many prayers and hugs to your family. Know and remember you can always express all your feelings and thoughts to us.

@Snowysmom I am sorry you are feeling so down. It is ironic how you and I are going through very similar emotions. There have been a lot of "firsts" for me in the short time that I've been dealing with this mess and each one cuts through my soul and sends me back about 100 steps. I'm an emotional wreck and can't seem to get my thoughts together. I have been reading a book written by an author who writes for Proverbs 31 ministries. She has been through a really bad divorce and really has some great advice. It's amazing how when I am reading, some parts seem like they are written just for me. I'm not sure if you are a reader, but maybe your therapist could recommend something for you. Also, I think I've mentioned it before, but journaling can really do a body good. I also think it's great that you "yell" at Chris. Not really the yelling at him part more the you are getting your emotions out part and helping yourself heal, even if it doesn't seem that way.I myself I'm a cryer, I cry at the drop of a hat these days. Today and yesterday have been really tough for whatever reasons. I am really focused on why I wasn't good enough and how can he already be seeing somebody new and how could he be a lier and a cheater. Such a180 from the man I fell in love with and married. I'm also worried about the affidavits that have to be written. I have many people who are writing them for me, but can only focus on who is writing for him and are they people who I thought were my friends. What a mess.
Anyway, big hugs to you and I hope this weekend goes well for you and you can find some joy in it, even though I know it will be hard.

@Bianca and Bernard so glad you didn't have any worse injuries, that is pretty scary. I fell backwards off our back cement steps one time and scraped my leg all the way down. I was lucky I didn't kill myself and was able to move the next day. Falls/tripping are noting to joke about.

I don't have much to report from here. It was a scorcher today and I think another is on tap for tomorrow. A girl I know who graduated with my nephew and used to babysit my kids has an internship this summer with a financial investment company. I have a zoom meeting tomorrow with her at 9:00 so she can practice and get pointers from her supervisor. I'm not sure if this is the best time but I adore her and want to help her any way I can.

My oldest is really having a hard time the last few days. She is angry at her dad for many reasons but can't ever tell him how she feels. She is supposed to go see him tomorrow and she doesn't want to, but has to in order to get some work done with her 4-H animals. I have been banned from helping her with them so she is at his mercy to work with them when he says. I know I have to adjust but I am sick every time they are over there. The unknown is really the worst thing. My depression and anxiety are through the roof and I know I have to get myself under control because there are just some things I can do nothing about. I need to focus on what I can control and make myself list at least 5 things I'm thankful for each day, even if they seem very small.

Putting this out there and people can PM if they feel more comfortable, but I really am just curious. It's not really even blip on my radar at the moment, but for those of you who have been through this and then decided to date again/marry again how did you do it? The thought of dating again makes me want to throw up, but maybe someday a long way down the road I will want to give it a whirl. How did you let yourself trust again? How did you even go about meeting new people, the thought of online dating also makes me want to hide under the covers. Again, not really on my radar for anytime soon, but it does cross my mind every once in awhile and I'm curious how others have handled it. Thanks in advance for anyone who responds.

On a brighter note, I found out this week that a really good friend of mine is getting married. She was a teacher at the school when I worked there as a para and we have stayed in touch all the years. She retired a few years ago and tutored my two youngest a few times. She is amazing. Well, her and her boyfriend have been together for 18 years and finally decided to make it official. I'm so happy for her, but the bummer is she is leaving town to move to his place. Granted it's only 20 minutes from here, but it won't be the same.

There is a chance of severe storms moving through our area tonight. Hope nothing much comes it. My car is parked outside as the garage is still full from the move...someday I'll get stuff sorted. So, hope it doesn't hail or I end up with a tree branch on it.

Take care all.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

@Kirby: Saw your post on the DL board about a possible trip in your future! How exciting! If there are any questions we can help you with, just ask!

For all those who need prayer: Praying for His strength and comfort for you during these very hard times.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

@lynxstch I'm so sorry. ((huggles)) for the family.

@frog3101 I divorced my 1st husband, because of his abuse; we only married because my dad's gf pressured us into it. (He's DD#1's sperm donor.) I met DH (current, 2nd marriage) when I started working at McD's, while I was still married, to help make ends meet; he was in tech college, and working at McD's to support himself while doing so. We became friends; hanging out after work. A long and ridiculous story goes here, but we started as coworkers, then friends, FWB, living together, and finally married. We've been together 30 years this year; married for 23 this August. I always say I would never change my life; if any thing changed, even the bad stuff, it wouldn't lead me to where I am now.

_----------------------------
Oiy, the palm/meat of the thumb is so painful this am. It hurts to type. I have a bruise on my wrist where it connects to my hand, a little standing rectangle; and a neat little half moon bruise around the pad of the thumb, all the way to the area between the thumb and first finger. [That's exactly where I cut myself as a teen (washing a ceramic mug with a big chip; sliced it all the way to the bone along that curve; should have had at minimum stitches, but dad just pushed the sides together and taped my hand shut; he was not a good parent when it came to injuries/illnesses), so that area is really sensitive to begin with.] It's feeling pretty solid too; where the left hand is softer, so there is swelling there. Not enough to go to the dr, though. My left food, on the inside part, has some bruising; my knees too. Fun times.

DH has an upset stomach, and had bad leg cramps last night. Don't know if it was the takeout dinner (we had a local place, with amazing birria tacos and sopas) or something else. He's home for the day, again, though. If it's not one thing, it's another in this house.

Hope everyone can stay cool today!

 

[PollyannaMom]

If it's not one thing, it's another in this house.

(Hug)

 

[bobbiwoz]

For the longest time, I thought I see my orthopedic dr regarding my shoulder today, but no, it’s tomorrow.

I keep you all in my daily prayers.

 

[lynxstch]

Good morning all. It was a long night. After my SIL's friends from the prayer group at her church left, she called me to talk and totally broke down. She was trying to keep it together for my niece (who is 32 but still lives at home and still called my BIL 'Daddy'.) I told her she cannot keep this all inside. She's worried about funerals, cremation, how to apply for his SS so she can get her spousal support. He was in the process of starting to apply for it, but couldn't find some needed documents. She's worried about how to get his life insurance, pay bills, etc. I told her to ask for help. Call SS or make an appt in person to go over that. I told her to call their bank, to call where BIL worked and talk to the HR department about his 401K. I told her the funeral director will help her all they can. We talked for a long time, until she felt like maybe she could sleep. She just called me about 30 min ago,,said she got a couple of hours, and is still just in total shock. I told her not to make any big decisions today. Just to deal with the funeral home about arrangements..if she needs help, call me and I will go with them. She is torn. My BIL always said he wanted to be cremated,,it's not something that her or niece wants. I told her to think long and hard..then to honor his wishes, or she may always live with the guilt that she didn't do what he wanted. I don't want to give her bad advice, but I don't want her to do something she might regret

We have a few errands to do this morning..I will call her from the store and ask her what she needs or wants. They are both on such weird diets that it's hard to find something they can all eat. The prayer group is taking care of their meals for the next week,,then my other SIL and I will take over until they get a little bit more settled.

Thank you all for the prayers and hugs..they are helping me. I am upset, but trying to keep it in. Mr L is more upset, of course he's known my BIL a lot longer than I have. So now I worry about him keeping it all in and causing himself any more health issues.

Have a nice day , stay cool (heading for 90 here),maybe storms later

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Good morning. Hopefully things are going ok with Lynn and Mr L’s family. Prayers said.

Frog, your post moved me today. It really deep-dove into the emotions and nuances that go along with that type of immensely difficult situation. I would be happy to share my thoughts, but fortunately, it’s not something I’ve had to endure. (I usually say I was somewhat unlucky in the first part of my life, growing up with a difficult family situation, but I got lucky in my marriage, thankfully.) I mentioned before, though, that I lived through it as my sister’s main support when she when through her divorce, and it was a tough one, too. I wound up reading a book about divorce myself because it affected me so much. (It’s not hard for me to take on people’s emotions sometimes.)

I am really focused on why I wasn't good enough and how can he already be seeing somebody new and how could he be a lier and a cheater. Such a180 from the man I fell in love with and married.

I think it’s good to think things through, but be careful not to take on too much fault. You weren’t the one who strayed and you’re not the one hurting your kids. None of us are ever perfect, and life gets hard with work and kids, etc. It boils down to character, I’d say. Social media makes it easier today for people to stray, but it takes good character not to - when you’ve taken [often sacred] vows. Doing so can’t be good for the soul’s journey, in my view. (That will be his issue to worry about and reflect on later. ETA In my work I am often with people at the end of their lives, and they talk to me about this type of thing sometimes, so it does happen, albeit late, and not always with the people it would’ve meant the most to, etc.)

A girl I know who graduated with my nephew and used to babysit my kids has an internship this summer with a financial investment company. I have a zoom meeting tomorrow with her at 9:00 so she can practice and get pointers from her supervisor. I'm not sure if this is the best time but I adore her and want to help her any way I can.

Very nice of you to do, and hope it brings you out of your worries and gets you back to your regular life for a while. Glad she’ll only be 20 mins away, that’s not far at all!

B&B, thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you found someone worthy! And I hope you’re feeling better today. Maybe it might not be a bad idea to be looked at? Especially your hand? People are seen for much less! But lots of analgesics, ice, and rest, too!

Well we had a nice day yesterday. We had lunch on the waterfront, and it was so good! Both of us got the haddock sandwich, and it was so fresh and delicious! DH got the cole slaw and I got the fries, and we shared; omg so yummy, I ate the fries first, lol. Grabbed an ice cream on the way home. Had to get home for when DS arrived home from work, he’d somehow hurt his neck yesterday when drying off from his shower and couldn’t turn his head. I didn’t feel any knot there (like I have from an injury) but I massaged it, put some muscle rub on it, and gave him some motrin. He promptly fell asleep and it felt better when he woke up.

Took this yesterday, a cheery yellow for my Quacker friends.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Good morning all. It was a long night. After my SIL's friends from the prayer group at her church left, she called me to talk and totally broke down. She was trying to keep it together for my niece (who is 32 but still lives at home and still called my BIL 'Daddy'.) I told her she cannot keep this all inside. She's worried about funerals, cremation, how to apply for his SS so she can get her spousal support. He was in the process of starting to apply for it, but couldn't find some needed documents. She's worried about how to get his life insurance, pay bills, etc. I told her to ask for help. Call SS or make an appt in person to go over that. I told her to call their bank, to call where BIL worked and talk to the HR department about his 401K. I told her the funeral director will help her all they can. We talked for a long time, until she felt like maybe she could sleep. She just called me about 30 min ago,,said she got a couple of hours, and is still just in total shock. I told her not to make any big decisions today. Just to deal with the funeral home about arrangements..if she needs help, call me and I will go with them. She is torn. My BIL always said he wanted to be cremated,,it's not something that her or niece wants. I told her to think long and hard..then to honor his wishes, or she may always live with the guilt that she didn't do what he wanted. I don't want to give her bad advice, but I don't want her to do something she might regret

We have a few errands to do this morning..I will call her from the store and ask her what she needs or wants. They are both on such weird diets that it's hard to find something they can all eat. The prayer group is taking care of their meals for the next week,,then my other SIL and I will take over until they get a little bit more settled.

Thank you all for the prayers and hugs..they are helping me. I am upset, but trying to keep it in. Mr L is more upset, of course he's known my BIL a lot longer than I have. So now I worry about him keeping it all in and causing himself any more health issues.

Have a nice day , stay cool (heading for 90 here),maybe storms later

View attachment 676545

I can’t imagine how difficult all that is. Well, actually, yes I can, as it happened to my father and I was the one who had to deal with all of it for my mother. But still, that was a long time ago, like another lifetime. And it wasn’t my husband. I bought one of those notebooks that you put all your information into, but I don’t really like it, it’s too small. I started putting things in there and had to squish it in in some cases. Going to look around for another. But my heart goes out to her, Lynn, it’s got to just be overwhelming. It sounds like you gave her good advice, and I’m sure she’s glad to know you’ll be there for her/them, as well as her church friends. I hope they honor his wishes. I know it can be hard for families to go against what they themselves want or believe, but it‘s the right thing to do. Still praying for them.

 

[footballmouse]

Good morning . Sun is going to be out today for another scorcher.

Yesterday I posted that our city had over 1000 people without power after the storm on Monday night. Good thing I don't work with numbers, it was actually 100,000 people . As of this morning it's down to 58,000 people. Way too hot to not even be able to use a fan in the house.

No, my dog did not get in my pipe! My cat was supervising our work but not the culprit. I did go back and notice that the "cl" does look like a "d". Too funny!

Canadadisney - I'm sure the story of your coworker wasn't supposed to be funny, but it made me laugh. Just imaging the entire ordeal had me laughing.

Lynxstch - how horrible for your sil and niece. Glad they have each other and other family members to lean on.

Pean-n-me - OMG that ice cream looked good. Glad your dd is having a great time, but then again, how can you not have fun at Disney!

Dumbo - loved the picture of the Bassett hound in front of the fan! I would love to have one of those dogs. Years ago I was at a stop sign waiting for a man to cross the street. He had 2 Bassett hound's with him, a momma and her pup. The pup was having a hard to walking b/c he kept stepping on his ears!

B&B - hope you're feeling better from your run-in with the dishwasher. Good thing it was your hand and not your face or head hitting it.

Frog - some of your posts really brings back some bad memories of my divorce. It got to the point where 2 of my boys didn't want to go with their dad and he called the police because they wouldn't leave my house on "his night". This went on for a couple of weeks. Then when they were forced to go with him, I would just stand in the driveway and cry. My kids weren't little, this was around 6th & 8th grade. I felt horrible. On the dating subject, can't offer much there. It's been 12 years since we separated and 7 years since we've been divorced and I haven't gone on 1 date. I want to, but I just don't want to go through the whole dating process. I don't know, I do know that it gets lonely.

My friend texted my yesterday and to tell me that her sister was putting her dog down (sister's dog). She's been asking me for the past week about the dog not eating, I told her to forget the dog food and give her cooked chicken. Pepped her up for a couple of days but then she went down hill. So I'm texting her about how sorry I was, passing along some advice about making sure her sister stays with her dog during the entire process, make sure she holds her. I told her that I put my Diesel's collar around a flower pot out back. So then I'm sitting at my desk crying.

Wish I could leave on a happier note, this post seems very depressing. Too much sadness going on around here .

I did decide to work 1/2 day this Friday so I could go to a pool for a few hours. I told my boss that I will be doing this all summer, not every week but most likely every other.

Hope everyone stays safe, cool and happy today!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Good morning...Took this yesterday, a cheery yellow for my Quacker friends.

View attachment 676547

Beautiful!!

 

[easyas123]

I don't mean to be debbie downer today it is just that this is a tough day for me. Life is beating me up and I don't have the energy to fight back right now

Everytime you post I read it, and while I don't always respond in a timely manner, I'm amazed at the strength you've exhibited over the last several months.

We are at a loss right now....

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your families loss. How terrible. Good vibes going out to you, and Mr. L as you help prop up your SIL & niece during this time. I read the advice you gave her re: just getting thru the funeral now, and to give some thought as to his final wishes. I thought it was excellent advice.

I need to focus on what I can control and make myself list at least 5 things I'm thankful for each day, even if they seem very small.

I think that is very smart, take the small wins, no matter how minor. I'm really impressed as to how you've supported your children in this.

For the longest time, I thought I see my orthopedic dr regarding my shoulder today, but no, it’s tomorrow.

Good luck at the Dr. today, hope it goes well.

We had lunch on the waterfront,

Is there much better??? Sometimes I think not!

I did decide to work 1/2 day this Friday so I could go to a pool for a few hours. I told my boss that I will be doing this all summer, not every week but most likely every other.

Good for you! Sometimes a little Vitamin D can go a long way towards mental health.

Well good morning everyone. How is everyone? All is well & quiet here in my neck of the woods. Tomatoes are starting to explode in the garden, all the plants have them...we looked back and last year it was Mid-July before we were getting large daily quantities of veggies. My sunflowers are going nuts! I think I've finally found my talent....tossing sunflower seeds into the ground haha!
This evening we will be having tacos & chips, & queso & salsa and all that for dinner.

Does anyone have Directv streaming service? We have regular satellite Directv service, but am considering changing to the streaming service.

Got to get some Confined Space training documents together, I've got a training session to lead tomorrow & next Wednesday on the subject...so off to work for me.

 

[Judique]

I am really focused on why I wasn't good enough and how can he already be seeing somebody new and how could he be a lier and a cheater.

This is a phase you will go through. It will pass quickly as it is just self doubt and not at all true. You were good enough. You are still good enough. It's him that followed temptation out of maybe curiosity? And got sucked in. It's him that was too immature to handle the responsibilities he took on and has found a way to shirk. And her? She saw what you and he created and wanted a part of that and wasn't a good enough person to walk away. Probably missing a lot in her life. Will have to live with her shortcomings for the rest of her life.

Putting this out there and people can PM if they feel more comfortable, but I really am just curious. It's not really even blip on my radar at the moment, but for those of you who have been through this and then decided to date again/marry again how did you do it? The thought of dating again makes me want to throw up, but maybe someday a long way down the road I will want to give it a whirl. How did you let yourself trust again? How did you even go about meeting new people, the thought of online dating also makes me want to hide under the covers. Again, not really on my radar for anytime soon, but it does cross my mind every once in awhile and I'm curious how others have handled it. Thanks in advance for anyone who responds.

I would guess on my part I tried to find a replacement fairly quickly and probably to prove to myself that I could. They were on every corner, but not the right kind. Not objectionable just not the right click. Eventually after a few years I found my youngest's father and was pretty skittish. Couldn't deal with the 'M' word. (Marriage) Got pregnant and had DD. Ten months later he had a heart attack and passed. A couple of years went by. I was still just under forty. I found friends but like the first time, things weren't right.

Long story short I focused on raising three kids. I did a great job! And I'm still getting offers at almost 70 but nothing I want to pursue. Even to my best male friend who lost his wife a couple of years ago after multiple strokes. I feel as if I'd lose my buddy, which continues on to:

I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. I don't want to cook for, clean for or entertain, except when 'I' feel like it. Not every woman is like me. Most, I think will make sacrifices to have a partner full time. I've probably grown too independent and the trade off is not worth it to me. Or I haven't fallen 'in love' with anyone....

 

[Judique]

@lynxstch seems like when it rains it pours. Sorry for you and your husband's loss of your BIL.

On a different note, I am seriously confused on who is related to who. I 'think' it's Mr. L's sister's husband? Or is it your sister's husband?

And yes, you are right, they should follow his wishes for cremation.

 

[Kirby]

Is it just me, or has the pandemic made anyone else feel a bit more vulnerable than before?

For me it's being crowds and traveling.

@Kirby: Saw your post on the DL board about a possible trip in your future! How exciting! If there any questions we can help you with, just ask!

Thank you! Not sure if I will get to go, didn't want to go into all that DD is going through right now on that thread.

Lynn, prayers lifted up for your SIL and niece.

Today is a hard day for DD. This evening her ex picks up the kids for summer visitation. Lil Joe will be gone for 42 days and Lou Lou for her first two week visit. Her attorney keeps trying to get her to give in and let her ex do what he wants and she is still standing firm. Their decree is the only thing she has to hold her ex at bay and she has discovered that her attorney is a pacifist, only wants to resolve conflict no matter the cost.

Predictions are close to 100 degrees for the next week and a half. The high pressure has moved back over us. It was 79 degrees at 7:00 am this morning, way too warm.

 

[lynxstch]

@lynxstch seems like when it rains it pours. Sorry for you and your husband's loss of your BIL.

On a different note, I am seriously confused on who is related to who. I 'think' it's Mr. L's sister's husband? Or is it your sister's husband?

And yes, you are right, they should follow his wishes for cremation.

It's Mr L's sisters husband. and Thank you!

 

[PollyannaMom]

For me it's being crowds and traveling.


Thank you! Not sure if I will get to go, didn't want to go into all that DD is going through right now on that thread.

Lynn, prayers lifted up for your SIL and niece.

Today is a hard day for DD. This evening her ex picks up the kids for summer visitation. Lil Joe will be gone for 42 days and Lou Lou for her first two week visit. Her attorney keeps trying to get her to give in and let her ex do what he wants and she is still standing firm. Their decree is the only thing she has to hold her ex at bay and she has discovered that her attorney is a pacifist, only wants to resolve conflict no matter the cost.

Predictions are close to 100 degrees for the next week and a half. The high pressure has moved back over us. It was 79 degrees at 7:00 am this morning, way too warm.

Traveling is my new vulnerability too. We just missed a big vacation because of the initial shut-down, and have planned two shorter driving trips since then - one that worked out, and one that didn't. Through all those, the thing I've really lost is the enthusiasm I used to have for planning. I was one of those "all the details" people, and now I'm afraid to make the investment. It's like I don't believe the trip will happen until it actually does.

I'm so sorry about your DD's situation with the kids! Nobody "wins" in a custody battle, and nothing is really "fair" - to either parent or to the children.

 

[lynxstch]

@frog3101 --what Judique said above "This is a phase you will go through. It will pass quickly as it is just self doubt and not at all true. You were good enough. You are still good enough. It's him that followed temptation out of maybe curiosity? And got sucked in. It's him that was too immature to handle the responsibilities he took on and has found a way to shirk. And her? She saw what you and he created and wanted a part of that and wasn't a good enough person to walk away. Probably missing a lot in her life. Will have to live with her shortcomings for the rest of her life."--Perfectly said!!!

-Perfectly said!!!

I have been there and done that. Just know that you are NOT the one who is not good enough, HE is. And Judique is right on with the "She saw what you and he created and wanted a part of that and wasn't a good enough person to walk away." line. My ex cheated on me with someone he worked with. She made the first move, and just kept it up, until as he says 'put him between a rock and a hard place" I told him I didn't care which one I was, the rock or the hard place, but I was taking myself out of the picture as either one. After almost 28 years, I deserved better (and I have found it). Once was enough, I could forgive, but I could never forget, and eventually it took it's toll. While this was all going on, I met Mr L (online, as strange as it seems, and on a gaming site called Boxerjam that used to exist). We started chatting, realized how much we had in common. I finally decided it was time to make myself happy, and to stop taking care of everyone else for a change and take care of myself. I took the risk and moved to from MA to MD, and we were married 4 months after I moved here. It's almost 22 years later, and I don't regret any of it, what happened was meant to be.

If and when you are ready, I hope you find true love again in your life. Be as strong as you have been, not only for your kids, but for you. And remember,,you are good enough!

 

[Judique]

I told him I didn't care which one I was, the rock or the hard place, but I was taking myself out of the picture as either one.

That's how it was with me. I had little tolerance for the drama.

 

[dazedx3]

Frog3101.... please also realize he is in the “honeymoon” phase with his affair partner. That won’t last for long and reality will set in. It is likely he will have regrets, but it will be too late and he will have to face that reality. You are and were always enough, don’t let him have that power over you. This is all on him, if he wasn’t happy it was his responsibility as a marriage partner to work at it with you. I‘m so sorry you are going through this painful time, you will come out stronger on the other side.