PURE PICKLE - In-Laws Going Same Time (My "Secret" Trip)

[MakiraMarlena]

If you feel that if you invite them to do anything, then you won't be able to get rid of them at all, then you are down to either 1) don't tell them and risk their finding out while on the trip, which might mean you spend the entire trip looking over your shoulder for them, or 2) reschedule your trip.

Not sure how you can find out which parks they will be at without giving away WHY you want to know.

Alternately you can get your husband (since they are HIS parents) to explain to them that you have a trip scheduled but it was always intended for just the two of you. and then do not tell them where you will be.

 

[alvernon90]

They are high maintenance, I feel even a meal would turn into a day long event and they would (I know it) attach themselves to us for the rest of the trip even if we tell them we want to be alone.

This seems weird to me (after a certain age I cannot understand being terrified of your parents or in-laws) but it is a very good reason not to offer to meet up with them at all. If they are literally incapable of leaving the two of you alone, you owe them nothing. Don't even say that you'll be getting one meal together, just tell them you hope they have a great time and you look forward to comparing photos when you are all together again after the trip. That has to be less awkward than lying to them and then explaining what happened when the lie is inevitably discovered.

Your in-laws? That means they are your husband's parents and I think it is up to him to tell them!

Exactly this! You shouldn't be worried about this at all. Or, more precisely, your true worry should be whether your middle-aged husband is brave enough to tell his parents no.

 

[nicki.momof3]

Your adults. You are allowed to go on a vacation with just the two of you. Tell them - keeping it a secret is silly.
Have a great trip.

 

[Jazzerfan]

Thanks Eveyone - I understand all of your feedback and appreciate it. Still in a pickle and will hope for the best. If I tell them now after they've booked their trip, they'll say "Why didn't you say anything?", If I tell them that we decided to do an impromptu trip for our anniversary, almost surely, they'll say "Let's plan time/days together", and I know my DH will not hurt their feelings and just go with it regardless of how I feel and I'm your typical "YES" person so no such luck with me standing up to them.

Again, I'm trying not to hurt their feelings just wanted time alone, celebrate our Anniversary in peace. It's not like I go to Disney every other weekend. After this trip, we probably won't go back for awhile (several years) and our kids are almost grown. I guess I will take my chances. If some reason we bump into them, we'll say we just got there and wanted to surprise them.

 

[alvernon90]

Thanks Eveyone - I understand all of your feedback and appreciate it. Still in a pickle and will hope for the best. If I tell them now after they've booked their trip, they'll say "Why didn't you say anything?", If I tell them that we decided to do an impromptu trip for our anniversary, almost surely, they'll say "Let's plan time/days together", and I know my DH will not hurt their feelings and just go with it regardless of how I feel and I'm your typical "YES" person so no such luck with me standing up to them.

Again, I'm trying not to hurt their feelings just wanted time alone, celebrate our Anniversary in peace. It's not like I go to Disney every other weekend. After this trip, we probably won't go back for awhile (several years) and our kids are almost grown. I guess I will take my chances. If some reason we bump into them, we'll say we just got there and wanted to surprise them.

It appears you posted this thread in the hopes that people would tell you that lying to your parents/in-laws is a good idea and you should go for it. That was never going to happen, because lying to them is a terrible idea. You don't want to "hurt their feelings"? How hurt will they be when the truth comes out? My guess: as hurt as they would have been if you told them, plus extra hurt because you lied to them.

If your in-laws are incapable of understanding that you and your husband have worked for and deserve a vacation alone, then they are inhuman monsters and you should not worry about their feelings at all. If you and your husband are so weak and timid that you cannot stand up for yourselves on something like this, if you both remain incapable of separating from parents after decades of marriage, perhaps you don't deserve that vacation alone.

 

[Nancyg56]

Thanks for all the feedback....it's not that I don't want to be with them, I just don't want to be bothered nor does my husband. This may sound selfish, but we've saved and worked hard on this little trip. They are high maintenance, I feel even a meal would turn into a day long event and they would (I know it) attach themselves to us for the rest of the trip even if we tell them we want to be alone.

I would have your dh tell them but make it clear that the two of you are planning the time together, no meals, no meeting up, no nothin

 

[Jazzerfan]

It appears you posted this thread in the hopes that people would tell you that lying to your parents/in-laws is a good idea and you should go for it. That was never going to happen, because lying to them is a terrible idea. You don't want to "hurt their feelings"? How hurt will they be when the truth comes out? My guess: as hurt as they would have been if you told them, plus extra hurt because you lied to them.

If your in-laws are incapable of understanding that you and your husband have worked for and deserve a vacation alone, then they are inhuman monsters and you should not worry about their feelings at all. If you and your husband are so weak and timid that you cannot stand up for yourselves on something like this, if you both remain incapable of separating from parents after decades of marriage, perhaps you don't deserve that vacation alone.

No need to get nasty here! I'm sure I'm not the only one that's been in this dilemma. I don't encourage lying and when you're raised "old school", it's just the way things are.

 

[Nancyg56]

I did not think the reply was nasty. It was blunt. And it is my opinion that it was spot on, you are irritated that your IL's have a trip planned for the same time that you have, and you do not trust that your DH will support you by telling his parents you and he are planning the time to be alone. You wanted to heat that being sneaky is okay, and in the event you are caught, ( and you probably will be at some point) you will have already justified your decision. You do not have an IL problem. This is not an old school problem either. There is a priority problem between your Dh and you...his parents feelings or yours... and you think yours will come in second.

This is not about lying to his parents, this is about hiding from them.

 

[ArwenMarie]

I don't think the OP was intending anything with this thread, other than wanting to discuss the pickle she was in. It's ok to be irritated in a situation like this, thoughts are just thoughts.

 

[Jazzerfan]

I don't think the OP was intending anything with this thread, other than wanting to discuss the pickle she was in. It's ok to be irritated in a situation like this, thoughts are just thoughts.

Thank you - ArwenMarie for clarifying! Again, I'm sure there's been others in this sort of situation and Yes, I'm irritated.

 

[WriterGina]

Honey, it sounds like you and DH both need a spine. You are so worried about hurting the ILs feelings that you are going to let it cast a shadow over a special trip you have planned for just the two of you. Don't give them that much power over you. Tell them, or don't--it's up to you. It's honestly not their business either way. Your travel plans are just that--yours. If you are that anxious about telling them, then don't, but then if you run into them, please do not apologize or let them horn in on your time together. Stop giving them so much headspace, and instead return that headspace to its proper use: planning your amazing Disney trip!

 

[kaetra]

Find out their plans. Don't tell them you're going. Change your park days, FP+ & ADR's. It sounds worth it to me!

 

[ninafeliz]

It appears you posted this thread in the hopes that people would tell you that lying to your parents/in-laws is a good idea and you should go for it. That was never going to happen, because lying to them is a terrible idea. You don't want to "hurt their feelings"? How hurt will they be when the truth comes out? My guess: as hurt as they would have been if you told them, plus extra hurt because you lied to them.

If your in-laws are incapable of understanding that you and your husband have worked for and deserve a vacation alone, then they are inhuman monsters and you should not worry about their feelings at all. If you and your husband are so weak and timid that you cannot stand up for yourselves on something like this, if you both remain incapable of separating from parents after decades of marriage, perhaps you don't deserve that vacation alone.

This is a little harsh. I suspect, from reading what the OP has written, that my family has similar dynamics to her family, but in my case it is with my parents and her DH is me in our scenario! So I fully sympathize, and know you are not the only one out there who would have the same problems. I hope it all ends up working out so you have fun and you still have good relationships with your in laws and husband! There are lots of issues that won't ever be solved, and will probably come up again in another situation in the future.

 

[Mamapapa]

Wow, what a coincidence, DH and I were planning on celebrating our anniversary at Disney that weekend. We are keeping it a secret because we are really looking forward to a romantic getaway and spending some quality time just the 2 of us. Maybe we can grab breakfast one of the mornings we're there

I LOVE THIS!!!

 

[kjs1976]

You have a high random chance of running into one another, so tell them beforehand!

My sister in law is in Vegas with her family, and her aunt and uncle are also there. They had no plans to meet up because they both planned very different trips...one family one with lots of activities, one couples only with a slow leisurely pace. Last night she posts a pic of her aunt and uncle coming up an escalator at one of the malls....they were going up the escalator just as the others came down. What are the chances? One is staying in the old LV, one is staying at a new time share on the very opposite end of the strip, then a mile off of the strip.

Had dinner at 'Ohana one year on a summer vacation trip. One table over is a student I had that school year with his family. Checked into POFQ, was checking out the gift shop to kill time, as our room was supposed to be ready within the half hour. Bumped into one of my fav former students and her family who were killing time until they had to go to the airport.

It happens to us all the time!

 

[Mamapapa]

It appears you posted this thread in the hopes that people would tell you that lying to your parents/in-laws is a good idea and you should go for it. That was never going to happen, because lying to them is a terrible idea. You don't want to "hurt their feelings"? How hurt will they be when the truth comes out? My guess: as hurt as they would have been if you told them, plus extra hurt because you lied to them. If your in-laws are incapable of understanding that you and your husband have worked for and deserve a vacation alone, then they are inhuman monsters and you should not worry about their feelings at all. If you and your husband are so weak and timid that you cannot stand up for yourselves on something like this, if you both remain incapable of separating from parents after decades of marriage, perhaps you don't deserve that vacation alone.

Wow, someone needs a hug...

 

[nluvwithdisney]

I never saw where the OP stated she would be lying to them. It's a vacation for she and her husband that they planned for themselves. It all comes down to should she tell them or not. Technically they are not required to tell them of their whereabouts.

We have many friends that live in Orlando or other places we vacation. Sometimes we spend time with them and sometimes we don't. It depends on what type of vacation we planned.

In this day and age it has caused many people to over share lol

I probably would just tell them but let them know our time was limited so getting together would most likely not happen.

 

[luvmy2babies]

I just want to say, having had a husband that would much sooner inconvenience me than his mother, I sympathize.

 

[jtowntoflorida]

Based on the described family dynamics, I'd not tell them and hope for the best. Have a backup plan if you do run into them.

FWIW, I have two friends who are both at Disney right now and were both posting pictures from DHS on Facebook yesterday. They even tried to hook up with each other and kept missing each other. It was pretty comical to watch on Facebook, actually. Another friend is heading to Disney Friday and is staying at the BC, while one of my other friends (who was at DHS yesterday) is at the YC. They tried to coordinate schedules and it just didn't work out, so now they're hoping to run into each other at the pool at least. So running into them isn't a given at all.


And some of the people posting in here should thank their lucky stars that they don't have to deal with emotional blackmailers. It's a tough thing to navigate, especially when it's your parents or ILs who are master manipulators. And as some of you are demonstrating, people who haven't BTDT don't understand and have very little sympathy. It sucks, so no need to pile on someone who lives with it everyday.

 

[Cyrano]

I think they'd be alot more understanding if you just told them the truth, rather than trying to be sneaky.

That would be my thoughts too