Man I like the honesty of the 8 year old...
I would have cold cocked her, Mom, but my hands were full.... so I did the next best thing.
That is freaking awesome. Seriously.
Yeah she was honest, but honest about WHAT?
I've looked at this from a different angle from the beginning. An 8 y.o. and 6 y.o. are walking and the 6 y.o. is yakking/bragging/whatevering about getting to go to a sleepover. Has the 8 y.o. NEVER been to a sleepover? Ever?
I figured the 8 y.o. has gotten to do sleepovers and many other things the 6 y.o. hasn't simply because she's two years older and that's how it works. And I'm betting she didn't 100% keep her mouth shut about all those privileges over the years. So the 6 y.o. has been listening to the older sister yak/brag/whatever about all the things SHE gets to do and for quite some time.
Finally, the 6 y.o. gets to do something (sleepover) that has previously been enjoyed ONLY by the 8 y.o. So she yaks/brags/whatevers about it, which is not abnormal. The 8 y.o. is so upset, jealous, pick your emotion, that she wants to hit her sister but can't because her hands are full. So she spits on her, which is the most digusting way of showing emotion a person can manage. I'd still hear ringing in my ears if I had spit on a sibling.
So the 8 y.o. was not happy and feels entitled to either hit or spit on her sister for doing what the 8 y.o. has probably been doing for ages. Don't you think the 6 y.o. has been listening to the same "bragging" about sleepovers, etc. from the 8 y.o. for at least the past couple of years? Did she spit on the 8 y.o.?
The lesson the 6 y.o. is taking away is that when she is happy or excited about something, she'd best keep quiet about it or her sister will hit her, spit on her or maybe something even worse. We don't want to PO big sister, because she gets nasty. You wouldn't want to make her angry.
Let me ask......Is the 8 y.o. being told to shut up about fun things she's going to do in the future? Will the 6 y.o. be allowed to hit/spit on the 8 y.o. the next time the 8 y.o. gets to do something fun and she gets excited and talks about it?
The question I'd be asking myself is, what's up with the 8 y.o.? I'll bet the farm she's "bragged" to the 6 y.o. before about sleepovers, etc. But the first time the 6 y.o. turns the tables and does it, the 8 y.o. feels entitled to assault her. Unless the 6 y.o. is going to freeze her social activities from here on out, the 8 y.o. is probably going to get jealous again. Seems like SHE wants to be the only one with privileges.
For spitting, I'd hand out a fairly long and serious punishment. She needs to be broken of that habit yesterday. If she makes the mistake of spitting on the wrong classmate, she may find herself missing a few teeth. I'd want my child to know just how BAD it is to spit on someone and that they had better NEVER do it again.
Being "honest" about, "Gee Mom, I was mad because she was yakking about getting to go to a sleepever and how much fun it was going to be.....even though I've done it to her before......so I wanted to hit her. My hands were full, so I spit instead." Well, rough roads ahead if this isn't nipped in the bud.
And I don't think giving essentially the same punishement to both girls did that. The 6 y.o. "bragged a little bit" because she'd been on the receiving end of the 8 y.o.'s bragging for a few years and was happy that she was finally getting to go to a sleepover like her sister. Not her best moment, but understandable. Tit for tat. The 8 y.o. did MUCH worse. Much. I'd give her a more serious punishment. The 8 y.o. felt entitled to assault her sister when her sister did the same thing the 8 y.o. had been doing for years. So it's fine and dandy for the 8 y.o. to brag, but if the 6 y.o. does it, she gets hit or spit on???? Totally unacceptable.
The OP knows her kids better than we do, so it's up to her to decide how much weight to give the older dd's claim the younger one was bragging, and whether to punish the younger one or not.
I am not so sure I would punish the bragger though. As I have said to my 8 yr old, you have to toughen up and ignore things from time to time. Kids do this to one another on purpose and by not rising to the bait you effectively shut down the bragger etc.. Of course it is far easier to say this then to do it, but we keep plugging away. I would maybe chat with the bragger about her actions, but not punish.
She promised to never do it again.. and both agreed they were in the wrong. They had no playdates today, followed by no electronics (tv, computer, videogames) and they had to skip dessert...but thats it....they got it---I don't think it'll happen again... thanks for the advice!
Totally agree - this is exactly what I was thinking! That both kids did something wrong and well Mom - you might have intervened before the spitting occurred.
