Punishment ideas for my 8 year old??

[MomNeedsVacay]

I am so beyond livid with my 8 year old DD... I have three kids...she is the oldest.. We were just walking to school and my middle daughter was bragging about getting to have a sleepover on Friday night and some other things---and it was upsetting my 8 y.o.DD that her sister was bragging and suddenly she spits on her sister.. as we are walking...just spits!! I cannot believe it...they;ve had little fights b/f and have hit eachother---but SPITTING?? She is soooo lucky other people were around because I really held myself together and told her, "You don't even understand how angry I am with you right now...you are grounded!" ...and then I called her a brat.. I shouldn't have but she really angered me
Now I'm back home and still so upset that she spit on her sister. I'm trying to figure out an appropriate punishment to ensure that she never does this again...any thoughts??( BTW--this is unlike her--and immediately after she did it, she teared up and said she was sorry... but STILL)
Thoughts?

 

[goofyintoronto]

Oh i'd be livid as well. That was beyond rude!

Did this happen today??? when she gets home, i would send her straight to her room. Let her think alone for a while.

As for punishment, i'd take away TV and any form of entertainment that brings her pleasure. Lol. I'd take it away for 3-4 days. Thats what i do with my son. When he's misbehaving, he loses his DS, ipod touch, computer, TV.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The younger kid brags in the older sister's face and it was upsetting the older dd. You just stood by and let it build up. No surprise that the older dd had a reaction.

I would sit with both dd's and explain that BRAGGING to piss off a sister and SPITTING at bragging sister are wrong and punish both of them with something that involved cleaning.

 

[mickeyboat]

What is her currency? What does she care about most?

For some kids it's friends, for some it's electronics. For some kids (like my DD) it is tough to find one sometimes, but there is one. Take it away.

I kind of like the idea of making her wait on the 6 year olds during the sleepover, but it would probably be more punishment to the 6 year old than anything else.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

The younger kid brags in the older sister's face and it was upsetting the older dd. You just stood by and let it build up. No surprise that the older dd had a reaction.

I would sit with both dd's and explain that BRAGGING to piss off a sister and SPITTING at bragging sister are wrong and punish both of them with something that involved cleaning.

I didn't just "stand by" and let the older kid brag--they were about 10 paces ahead of me (I was pushing #3 in the stroller) and I couldn't really hear their conversation...I just saw her spit--it was after the fact that I heard about the bragging. The bragging was wrong but her reaction to it was much worse IMO.

 

[Liberty Belle]

For a consequence, I'd have her apologize again. Then I'd have her explain to her little sister how she was feeling when she did it and what she could have done instead (teaching moment for both the girls).

And then I'd have her ask her little sister how she could make it up to her. I think you'd probably have to mediate this to make sure things are reasonable. I think spending time together doing the little sister's favorite activity would be appropriate.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

What is her currency? What does she care about most?

For some kids it's friends, for some it's electronics. For some kids (like my DD) it is tough to find one sometimes, but there is one. Take it away.

I kind of like the idea of making her wait on the 6 year olds during the sleepover, but it would probably be more punishment to the 6 year old than anything else.

I think her currency is probably time with her friends and playdates. I think both girls need to apologize sincerely to eachother---but to me the spitting was worse..

 

[Magic Mom]

The younger kid brags in the older sister's face and it was upsetting the older dd. You just stood by and let it build up. No surprise that the older dd had a reaction.

I would sit with both dd's and explain that BRAGGING to piss off a sister and SPITTING at bragging sister are wrong and punish both of them with something that involved cleaning.

I agree that the younger child shouldn't have been bragging, but I don't think their punishments should be equal. Spitting on someone is like putting your hands on them. It is the same as hitting or kicking....just more gross.

I would give the bragger a warning (because that's all I would have done if the spitting never happened.) Anymore bragging and the sleepover is canceled. I would stick to the original plan of grounding for the spitter.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

For a consequence, I'd have her apologize again. Then I'd have her explain to her little sister how she was feeling when she did it and what she could have done instead (teaching moment for both the girls).

And then I'd have her ask her little sister how she could make it up to her. I think you'd probably have to mediate this to make sure things are reasonable. I think spending time together doing the little sister's favorite activity would be appropriate.

I like this idea--- see? talking to you guys makes me feel so much better

 

[Magic Mom]

I didn't just "stand by" and let the older kid brag--they were about 10 paces ahead of me (I was pushing #3 in the stroller) and I couldn't really hear their conversation...I just saw her spit--it was after the fact that I heard about the bragging. The bragging was wrong but her reaction to it was much worse IMO.

If you couldn't really hear, are you sure she was really bragging and not just talking about it? If your other DD was feeling a little jealous, maybe she percieved it as bragging even though it wasn't.

 

[Tink888]

The younger kid brags in the older sister's face and it was upsetting the older dd. You just stood by and let it build up. No surprise that the older dd had a reaction.

I would sit with both dd's and explain that BRAGGING to piss off a sister and SPITTING at bragging sister are wrong and punish both of them with something that involved cleaning.

I agree with the above. I understand that you didn't know then, but you know now. I'm not condoning the spitting, that's disgusting and the ultimate in rudeness.

Bragging is also rude. No one likes a bragger and I'd address now and nip that habit in the bud or your daughter will pay for it in social situations later.

 

[beachcomber]

The spitting is WAY worse. I have twins close to this age...and one of the things I've had them do is write letters to each other to apologize, in addition to a punishment. For big things, punishments could be grounding from friends or activities, take away electronics, reduce allowance money for the week, etc (Depends on the child..each one has different "currency"). And, when I add in the apology letters, they have to use appropriate grade level sentences, and I must proofread them. If they aren't appropriately apologetic or up to their ability.....they do it over. This has actually been one of the most effective things.

You may want to have each girl write one for this morning. IF you think the bragging was really bragging. I know my kids often overstate the others' bragging. It's okay for one child to be excited about an event and share about it....but sometimes a jealous sibling will perceive it as a brag. That'll have to be your call based on your girls' personalities.

 

[Jeniferdwn]

whatever you decide as a punishment, may I suggest that you explain why the spitting is so bad. Explain that so many diseases and germs are spread this way (I'm not saying that your daughter has anything) so that in the future they will know the importance of not sharing/exchanging bodily fluids. I have several family members in the medical field and they have said that a patient spitting on them is the one thing that could probably cause them to loose their license because of their reactions to that. No, most 8 year olds have nothing to spread, but you never know these days. Maybe I'm just over cautious, but it's worth talking about with kids.

 

[happygirl]

I think both of your girls need some talking to. I think you need to have them sit down and having them explain how they felt when the one got spit on and the other had to end the bragging.

I'm all for kids talking out there issues instead of hitting, bitting or spitting

 

[jrmasm]

When my girls aren't getting along I figure they haven't had enough quality time together so I make them hold hands until they can be nice. But cleaning together would work too!

 

[mom2travel]

For a consequence, I'd have her apologize again. Then I'd have her explain to her little sister how she was feeling when she did it and what she could have done instead (teaching moment for both the girls).

And then I'd have her ask her little sister how she could make it up to her. I think you'd probably have to mediate this to make sure things are reasonable. I think spending time together doing the little sister's favorite activity would be appropriate.

I like this idea. Plus it also gives you an opportunity to set out expectations for their future behavior and to suggest alternative means of communicating feelings to each other

 

[scbelleatheart]

Sorry, sisters are sisters. Get over it. They get over it. You should too.

 

[happygirl]

Sorry, sisters are sisters. Get over it. They get over it. You should too.

I disagree, if they aren't taught not to spit or brag they will continue to do it. Thinking there is no consquences to there actions

 

[goofyintoronto]

I didn't just "stand by" and let the older kid brag--they were about 10 paces ahead of me (I was pushing #3 in the stroller) and I couldn't really hear their conversation...I just saw her spit--it was after the fact that I heard about the bragging. The bragging was wrong but her reaction to it was much worse IMO.>>>>I agree, spitting is SO MUCH WORSE!!!!

If you couldn't really hear, are you sure she was really bragging and not just talking about it? If your other DD was feeling a little jealous, maybe she percieved it as bragging even though it wasn't.>>> I agree.

The middle child could have easily just been excited about the sleep over. To punish her for being excited is not right. My son gets excited about things all the time, he's not trying to brag but i guess some ppl might think he is. But i know my son and i know when he brags and when he's just excited. Even if the 8yo says she was bragging, she could have said that out of jealousy. Momneedsvacay, if you didnt hear her bragging yourself, then i wouldnt punish her for it. Thats not right. Then your teaching her that its wrong to share your excitement with others. No matter what she said, she had no right to be spit on. Thats inexcusable.

 

[cybrkitn]

Oh i'd be livid as well. That was beyond rude!

Did this happen today??? when she gets home, i would send her straight to her room. Let her think alone for a while.

As for punishment, i'd take away TV and any form of entertainment that brings her pleasure. Lol. I'd take it away for 3-4 days. Thats what i do with my son. When he's misbehaving, he loses his DS, ipod touch, computer, TV.

I've been doing the same thing with DS9. He's been forgeting his homework since the second week of school. We gave him till the end of September to get it together. But his mind and world revolves around the electronics (DSI, TV, DH's iPad and iPod). So DH and I have been taking away the electronics for a day and a half as well as his after school activities for that week. He's already lost out on electronics a few times and is losing out on the after school activities for tomorrow.

OP, in my son's case, this type of punishment is warranted (and is even backed up by his teachers). However, for an 8 year old who normally doesn't spit, I feel sending her to her room might be more justified and maybe losing something she likes for a day. She already realized immediately afterwards that what she did was wrong and even apologized to her sister, so she does understand.

If you haven't already done so, you might want to also talk to your middle daughter and let her know that bragging is not good and the effect it has on other people and how they react. She may not have understood what she was doing.