Punishment ideas for my 8 year old??

[SaraJayne]

I disagree, if they aren't taught not to spit or brag they will continue to do it. Thinking there is no consquences to there actions

But mom couldn't hear the conversation. Maybe the middle DD wasn't bragging, she was just excited about being able to have a sleepover and wanted to share with her older sister.

Definitely punish for the spitting. If her currency is friends, I'd start there.

 

[goofyintoronto]

But mom couldn't hear the conversation. Maybe the middle DD wasn't bragging, she was just excited about being able to have a sleepover and wanted to share with her older sister.

Definitely punish for the spitting. If her currency is friends, I'd start there.

Exactly. I totally agree. When im excited about something, the first person i wanna share it with is my sister. She knows im just excited and not bragging. maybe you could tell the oldest DD that this was the case.

 

[happygirl]

When my girls aren't getting along I figure they haven't had enough quality time together so I make them hold hands until they can be nice. But cleaning together would work too!

The Op said she was bragging, I bet she bragging as well,

 

[goofyintoronto]

I've been doing the same thing with DS9. He's been forgeting his homework since the second week of school. We gave him till the end of September to get it together. But his mind and world revolves around the electronics (DSI, TV, DH's iPad and iPod). So DH and I have been taking away the electronics for a day and a half as well as his after school activities for that week. He's already lost out on electronics a few times and is losing out on the after school activities for tomorrow.

It must be a boy thing, my DS11 is very forgetful with his homework too! Lol!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Both my kids would be getting punished. Yes, spitting is worse than bragging, but the braggart was the instigator. If I had heard the bragging, the younger one might not be going on the sleepover, because that's a very logical consequence. (But not having heard the bragging, it's a little trickier. You know your kids better than we do, does the 6yo tend to brag, or does the 8yo tend to overreact?)

For the 8yo, I agree with taking away something that's important to her. My 8yo is my social butterfly, but doesn't have much use for electronics, so I ground her from her friends. My older dd is more introverted and doesn't care as much about spending time with friends so she gets electronics groundings.

Even if I didn't think younger sister deserved a punishment, there is no way would I involve her in the older sister's. That would reward her for the bragging that caused it all, and IMO, be a surefire way to see the incident repeated.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I didn't just "stand by" and let the older kid brag--they were about 10 paces ahead of me (I was pushing #3 in the stroller) and I couldn't really hear their conversation...I just saw her spit--it was after the fact that I heard about the bragging. The bragging was wrong but her reaction to it was much worse IMO.

Oh I assumed you heard what the dd said since you say she was bragging.

So you don't know what was said then.

I would "punish" both of them in that case. To have older dd spit on her means something was taken the wrong way. Sounds like a teaching moment is in order.

So here is what I would do....

I would "reenact" the "scene" and then teach both of them some verbal skills for handling excitement, frustration, jealously, etc....

I would then have them switch places and then role play it that way.

Good Luck!

 

[cybrkitn]

For a consequence, I'd have her apologize again. Then I'd have her explain to her little sister how she was feeling when she did it and what she could have done instead (teaching moment for both the girls).

And then I'd have her ask her little sister how she could make it up to her. I think you'd probably have to mediate this to make sure things are reasonable. I think spending time together doing the little sister's favorite activity would be appropriate.

I like this idea--- see? talking to you guys makes me feel so much better

ITA. This is definately a teachable moment for both of them. And now that I'm thinking about it (and in hindsight of my post) , maybe sending her to her room and taking something away might be a bit much for a first time offender so-to-speak. Talking to them about what each other did and a warning would be more appropriate. If it happens again, though, I can see giving a punishment.

 

[Southernmiss]

A couple of thoughts...

While I am not condoning spitting--that's never right

It seems to me that older DD already realized what she did was wrong when she teared up when you fussed at her.

Older DD needs to be told that spitting is not right and why and so does younger DD.

Older DD does need to apologize to younger DD.

I have often found that the younger child provokes the older child and in their young minds the older children don't know how to quickly respond to the aggravation from the younger chiild and then we only see the older child retaliate.

You may need to talk to each of them separately to see what each one's side of the story is and then act.

As a previous poster said, when my children can't get along a little cleaning or other chore together never hurt. And if they continued to bicker and disagree another chore still doesn't hurt.

I wouldn't make this one offense a huge drawn out issue with lots of consequences. Tell DDs consider this a warning, if future behavior warrants then these are the consequences at that time.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that this is a very good opportunity to turn this into a life lesson for both girls. You happened to be around when one child pushed the other child's hot button and that child reacted badly. You will not always be there to witness how your girls react when they are pushed nor will you be able to witness your child piling on another so use this argument to teach them how things can escalate. Today on kid was provoked into spitting but it could have been worse.

I would have the discussion with both kids that if you choose to tease another you may push that person to lash out in a way that could spiral out of control. It is also realistic that one of them is going to get teased or pushed and this could be a discussion of how to handle those situations. It is not okay to lash out and hit, spit or be cruel but there are ways to remove yourself from that situation.

As part of the exercise I would have them write about the fight and how they felt after they hurt the other because each behavior did hurt someone. Words can hurt in a more profound way than getting spit on. You are angry at physical reaction but there was a provocative behavior that could have been as damaging.

My DD once 'treed" a boy older than she was when he was nasty to her brother. He did get physical so she bit him and chased him up the tree where he refused to budge until I got home and released him. His Mom was furious at my DD but refused to see that her son played a part in this. I explained to my DD that biting was not a good idea due to the germs that she could have gotten from this kid. (I admit I was happy that she showed the little bully that he needed to keep his hands to himself and that he was embarrassed to be afraid of a girl) She never bit again and we did talk about ways to manage bullies and that Treeing the kid should be the very last resort.

 

[cybrkitn]

It must be a boy thing, my DS11 is very forgetful with his homework too! Lol!

What's worse for me is that I did the same thing in 4th grade. My mom would take me down so I can get my homework out of my locker. After a while, she wouldn't take me anymore and I was punished everytime I left it at school I used to be so absent minded before I finally got it together.

In DS9's case, he's in private school and will not get a locker until 7th grade (his school goes from Pre-k to 8th grade). When a student doesn't do the homework, they have it as inside work instead of recess (if they finish before recess is done, then they can go out). This year in addition to that, he has to write in a book as to why he didn't do it. After the second time, a note is sent home for the parents.

I'm hoping that administering the punishments will get him to start thinking and to make sure he has ALL of his homework in his backpack. The kids start getting homework planners in 3rd grade where they write down that day's homework. So all he has to do is to train himself to look in that book subject by subject and make sure he has all his homework instead of what's on TV when he gets home or how much further he can get on Pokemon for his DSI.

 

[badblackpug]

I agree the spitting is much, much worse. That is a totally unacceptable behavior and requires a punishment. If bragging was happening, it was rude, but spitting is a physical assault. As for punishment you always have to find their "currency." With my 14 year old it is the phone or the computer. With my 10 year old it is video games and TV. You have to find what they really like and take it away. OP said it was play dates or friends, if she had a play date scheduled I would cancel it and tell her it was cancelled because of her actions, or I would tell her she has to stat "in" until Monday, if she likes to play with friends after school.

As for the bragging, if the conversation wasn't heard, who was it that said she was bragging? If the spitter said it was bragging, it may have been that the spittee was excited and talking about it and the spitter, who was jealous, interpreted it as bragging. ....or she may have been bragging, knowing it would get under her sister's skin.

Either way, I agree with you OP, the spitting is a much bigger offense than the bragging.

 

[ccgirl]

I didn't just "stand by" and let the older kid brag--they were about 10 paces ahead of me (I was pushing #3 in the stroller) and I couldn't really hear their conversation...I just saw her spit--it was after the fact that I heard about the bragging. The bragging was wrong but her reaction to it was much worse IMO.

IMHO, I would actually punish both. I think both were wrong. Just because one was "worse" doesn't mean the other doesn't get punished. I would say no t.v. or electronics for an entire night would be appropriate. As for the younger, I would take t.v. away from her too.

 

[momof5boys]

I didn't read all the posts, but I think both should be in trouble. Siblings know how to push each others buttons. And often one child keeps getting physical, but if you really listen the other child is usually saying things to upset the other one. 2 of my kids are really good at that. Now I pay close attention because when the teasing starts up I have to stop it right away because my kids are older and they will get physical! I think the spitter should be punished for the day and the bragger told that she would get punished the next time you caught her pushing her sister's buttons.

Please don't blow it out of porportion, we all lose our temper, for example, did you ground yourself for calling your child a brat? Probably not but you were angry and acted without thinking! Will you think twice next time even though your weren't punished? Probably.

 

[sparklynails23]

Have the spitter help get ready for the party and serve snacks, etc. She'll be doing a little work and might actually have fun with her sister's friends. Make sure she does it with a good attitude, then let it go. It's just a little spit, and she's already cried about it. Don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[MichelleVW]

If you couldn't really hear, are you sure she was really bragging and not just talking about it? If your other DD was feeling a little jealous, maybe she percieved it as bragging even though it wasn't.

Seriously....and honestly don't we all brag a bit? There are people that are excessive...but what's the difference between being excited and bragging?

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Seriously....and honestly don't we all brag a bit? There are people that are excessive...but what's the difference between being excited and bragging?

Tone of voice, IMO. I can hear it with my kids. Sometimes, it's an expression of excitement, sometimes it's "neener, neener, neener, I have a sleepover and you don't. IMO, the neener neeners are unacceptable.

 

[LilyWDW]

1) Op says that she didn't hear the actual conversation, so she has no first hand evidence that bragging happened. Who said that the younger child was bragging? Perhaps a discussion about bragging may be in order, but I don't think a punishment should be handed out when there was no observation of the incident.

2) Spitting is considered a physical assault. There should be a pretty serious consequence for this action, especially since the OP witnessed it. This is more serious then just a simple "go to your room" situation. The taking away of a privileged for a couple of days should be in order, as should an apology to the younger child. There should also be a discussion about WHY spitting is so bad.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Have the spitter help get ready for the party and serve snacks, etc. She'll be doing a little work and might actually have fun with her sister's friends. Make sure she does it with a good attitude, then let it go. It's just a little spit, and she's already cried about it. Don't sweat the small stuff.

lol--- this would be good except the sleepover is at someone else's house

 

[MichelleVW]

Tone of voice, IMO. I can hear it with my kids. Sometimes, it's an expression of excitement, sometimes it's "neener, neener, neener, I have a sleepover and you don't. IMO, the neener neeners are unacceptable.

But the OP never heard the conversation....so no way would I punish someone on hearsay from the other kid in trouble.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

But the OP never heard the conversation....so no way would I punish someone on hearsay from the other kid in trouble.

Right. So younger kid gets to say ignorant things to older kid and then feign innocence. Let's see where I had I heard that before....oh wait, I lived it as the oldest sib.

It got so bad that my brother would just "make up" stuff and get us all in trouble.