Punishment for inappropriate computer use?

[DigDug]

The problem is that there is no possible way to really do this. You could lock down your network with Pentagon level protection that even the NSA couldn't work around and all that your (general your) kid has to do is go to his friend's house where mom and dad know nothing about computers or just don't monitor it's use. I could set your network up so that kids won't work around the security settings and that will give you detailed information about every single site they visit, IM or email they send, and chat room they join, but that doesn't work when they are little Johnny's house where mom and dad have a wide open connection and a computer in the corner of the basement.

I think it is much better to prepare you kids for what they will inevitably see and talk about it with them then pretend they will never see a naked picture or worse on the Internet.

That last part wasn't directed at the quoted poster, just a statement in general.

I agree completely. And I do think the OP handled things fine. She sure didn't make the gigantic leap from curious teen not following the rules to addict and for that I give kudos.
I admit I was being facetious with my generalization, but IMHO and from my life experiences, I don't think it's that far off from the truth.

 

[Spacepest]

I think I'm going to do this if I ever catch my children porn surfing on the family PC.

This happened to my coworker and I loved how she handled it. We both work at a public library with free internet access so this solution will not apply to everybody.

She completely changed passwords and blocked her son's access to her PC, so no internet access at home. However, he still had homework that needed to be done on a computer.

So, she sent him to our workplace, the public library, to do all his computer work. Since he's under 18 he only has access to the computers in the children's library, which have filters on them to keep kids from looking at questionable material. So not only can he not access porn, but he has to do his schoolwork on a public computer next to small (often noisy) children with basically no privacy. He's been totally humiliated by the experience, having to do his homework next to 5 year old kids learning how to operate a computer, not to mention getting the watchful eye from the children's librarian who knows his mother (who is often working in the department next door). Plus everytime he wants to use a computer, he has to schedule appointments and pay for his own printing out of his allowance.

When her son asked my coworker when he would get to use the family PC unmonitored again, she told him, "Never. You can go buy your own computer when you turn 18 if you want to look at that stuff."

 

[NeverlandClub23]

...all that your (general your) kid has to do is go to his friend's house where mom and dad know nothing about computers or just don't monitor it's use.

Or wander around the neighborhood with their iTouch looking for unsecured wi-fi . I have a neighborhood full of teenagers and an unsecured wi-fi. I get a lot of teenagers hanging out by my mailbox .

 

[NHdisneylover]

The whole problem with this is today's society.

Can you elaborate? Are you saying society is more accepting of porn? More likely to classify previously "normal" behaviors as in need of therapy and intervention? Somehow making boys more likely to want to see naked girls than they used to be (maybe because they are exposed to so much media)?

Personally I do see a tendency towards that second statement (like people on this thread who feel a kid getting caught 3 times in a couple of years sneaking looks at porn is on his way to a serious addiction). But I am truly not sure which (if any) you mean

Maybe because it is easier to get to that has made more people try to assert their views on people. I think that is where people feel we've become more Puritanical in our ways.

I get sick and tired of everytime a new Gentleman's Club tries to open around us that we have to hear all sorts of opposition. If you don't want to go there, fine, but don't ruin it for people who DO want to go there.

Certainly I feel that people should be able to protect their children from seeing things they feel are inappropriate, so I do support parental controls and setting guidelines for your own children. However I do draw the line when people try to assert their values onto others, thus ruining an entire industry, or infringing on other peoples' fun.

I agree with you entirely--and I DO see a bigger trend towards trying to control what others see, how others dress, etc than there was when I was a teen in the 80s. Goodness almost nothing that my mom wore to school in the late 60s/early 70s or that I wore to school in the late 80s/early 90s would pass modern day dress codes, and that is just one minor example.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'd make my ds wear a shirt that said "my mom caught me looking at porn again", but I'm heartless and have a sick sense of humor


Seriously, I don't think you are being too harsh but I don't think his punishment will stop him, it will just make him find ways to hide what he is doing on the computer.

LMAO at the shirt... Haha I bet you could sell those and make a killing!

ITA that it'll only make him hide it more. Maybe his punishment for *disobeying you* could be something that isn't computer related. Maybe some kind of yard or garbage duty?

 

["Got Disney"]

We had our comp hacked into and the hacker sent us porn...but it was of 2 men and very graphic and the picture was right in your face big .... well that took care of that

Both comps are in my bedroom so we can monitor them.....we are in and out of our bedroom all the time...sons are 13 and 16.....there is no way that they would be able to get the site gone fast enough without us seeing it...they are not allowed to have the comps in there rooms because they would sneak on in the middle of the night.

They are also not isolated in their bedrooms alone while playing because they have each other, the cats and us in and out of the room. Maybe you can tell him you are moving his comp in your bedroom. And I agree with the OP.....the viruses that are attached to these websites will kill his comp and you are the one that will have to pay to get it fixed.


Also is he watching porn for the enjoyment of it or to learn from it? Is he getting addicted to it...or does he browse it on occasion? If you leave his comp in his room make him leave his door open and pass by it often and look to see what he has on the bottom of his tool bar....

 

[X and G's mom]

First of all: I WANT ONE OF THOSE SHIRTS FOR MY DS13

Anywho.......OP, you are not alone! I caught my DS a few months ago. I was a little shocked at first, but I pulled him into his bedroom and had a nice long talk with him. 1 I worry about the viruses those sites tend to carry. 2. I told him that I get it he's starting puberty and I really get it! 3. I have Vista and put time limits and parental locks on his account (he never had an account before)

My DS is in counseling, so the next time we went to counseling we talked about it. He said that the internet today is the Playboy of yesterday. (So, now my DS is asking my brother for some of his old Playboys - My brother said NO)

Did anyone see the episode of Everybody Hates Chris when Chris took his dad's Playboy to school? It was what I thought about when this happened with my DS.

 

[Kimberly]

Ignore it. It's natural. Just don't give him enough alone time to let it rule his life.

Ditto on this. He's 13 and going to have a natural curiosity for this kind of thing. Just don't let him download material to the computer as it literally provides an open window for EVERYONE to crawl through.

 

[TheRatPack]

Ask him how interested he'd be if those were his sisters, mother, grandmother....etc. I had to have this talk with my oldest a few years ago....his cousin and him thought it was appropriate to be looking at this stuff at a sleepover. Not sure if it worked....I just wish he would realize it was disrespectful to view that sort of thing and that those women were someones daughters, sisters...etc.

 

[TheRatPack]

LMAO at the shirt... Haha I bet you could sell those and make a killing!

ITA that it'll only make him hide it more. Maybe his punishment for *disobeying you* could be something that isn't computer related. Maybe some kind of yard or garbage duty?

Yea, or photoshop your face on someone elses naked body and make sure he 'finds' that site next time.....he'll never get it out of his head and never be able to 'enjoy' porn again LMBO

 

[Robinrs]

whatever u say

Whatever i KNOW. Is this the teen boards?

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Ask him how interested he'd be if those were his sisters, mother, grandmother....etc. I had to have this talk with my oldest a few years ago....his cousin and him thought it was appropriate to be looking at this stuff at a sleepover. Not sure if it worked....I just wish he would realize it was disrespectful to view that sort of thing and that those women were someones daughters, sisters...etc.

You may think that way, but this isn't the 70's anymore. The "actresses" (yes that deserves quotes ) these days aren't battered and beaten down like they were years ago. Many of them own and operate their own production companies, and have made a VERY conscious decision to be a part of that industry. Most of their families are very supportive of that decision. CNBC or one of the other financial networks runs an occasional hour look into the porn industry and you'd be amazed how big it has become (and how legitimate it is now). I hardly think anyone is being disrespected when it comes to the big studios and stars.

 

[Robinrs]

How could it have possibly been worse in the 60's and 70's? To get porn you had to go into a store to obtain it, risking being embarrassed or seen by someone you know. Now it's all anonymous behind a computer screen that anyone has easy access to. If anything I would think it's more rampant.

I was answering the post about this being a reflection of 'today's society. The 60s and 70s didn't have the access but they lived for free love and expression. The 80s changed this all with STD fears. Nowadays i find people are more reserved but their natural tendencies are still the same. The digital world has made it easier to access but the outward actions and attitudes are different.

When I was in college one of the movies of the week was Deep Throat. This would've caused headlines today!! I had never seen a man naked at that point and here I was in college watching THIS!!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

You may think that way, but this isn't the 70's anymore. The "actresses" (yes that deserves quotes ) these days aren't battered and beaten down like they were years ago. Many of them own and operate their own production companies, and have made a VERY conscious decision to be a part of that industry. Most of their families are very supportive of that decision. CNBC or one of the other financial networks runs an occasional hour look into the porn industry and you'd be amazed how big it has become (and how legitimate it is now). I hardly think anyone is being disrespected when it comes to the big studios and stars.

Key words: big studios and stars. I wouldn't go so far to say that of the small "studios" and independent "films". There is still quite a bit of abuse out there. Which is where some of the most disgusting pictures and videos come from.
Although, I think that many of the women do know something about what they're getting into.

 

[donalduck]

Can you elaborate? Are you saying society is more accepting of porn? More likely to classify previously "normal" behaviors as in need of therapy and intervention? Somehow making boys more likely to want to see naked girls than they used to be (maybe because they are exposed to so much media)?

Personally I do see a tendency towards that second statement (like people on this thread who feel a kid getting caught 3 times in a couple of years sneaking looks at porn is on his way to a serious addiction). But I am truly not sure which (if any) you mean


I agree with you entirely--and I DO see a bigger trend towards trying to control what others see, how others dress, etc than there was when I was a teen in the 80s. Goodness almost nothing that my mom wore to school in the late 60s/early 70s or that I wore to school in the late 80s/early 90s would pass modern day dress codes, and that is just one minor example.

I am talking about all of the trash that the kids see just watching tv now theses days. They show almost naked women in all the ads and all of the cussing on tv.

 

[donalduck]

You do know that there are internet settings where you can set them so he can't go to the sites right? Wake up. I think it's your fault as well as his fault for all of this. You should have been watching what your child does on the interent. Have you ever seen how to catch a predator?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am talking about all of the trash that the kids see just watching tv now theses days. They show almost naked women in all the ads and all of the cussing on tv.

Thank you for answering I am still a bit confused. Are you saying that kids are seeking out harder core porn becuase they need "more" to be something different from what they see on regular TV? Or are you saynig society is more accepting of nakedness and cussing and whatnot in general and that leads to it being available online?
Or are you just complaining about what is on TV?

 

[NotUrsula]

You do know that there are internet settings where you can set them so he can't go to the sites right?

Um ... not so much. Net nannies only work well when the software is able to hit indexed hot words tagged to the site, or when the domain is specifically on the block list. Untagged images cannot be blocked if the text on the site is benign, because technology for searching images themselves is very limited. (Note the PP's comment on what happens if you search Google images for "beaver".) There is no way to proactively catch them all. You can block sites that he has been to after he has been there and you've got the URL from the history, but guessing them all ahead of time is essentially impossible.

I found that a lesson or two with a MALE IT tech about viruses and lurking files did more to keep my DS away from internet sleaze sites than any net nanny, and WAY more than my lecturing. The truth is, if one wants to safely (from an IT POV) surf porn on the Web, one has to pay for it; the free stuff is particularly crammed with malware. (Of course, some of the paid stuff is, too -- you still have to be wary.)

 

[donalduck]

Thank you for answering I am still a bit confused. Are you saying that kids are seeking out harder core porn becuase they need "more" to be something different from what they see on regular TV? Or are you saynig society is more accepting of nakedness and cussing and whatnot in general and that leads to it being available online?
Or are you just complaining about what is on TV?

you don't understand what I am saying so don't worry about it.

 

[Starbrite]

You do know that there are internet settings where you can set them so he can't go to the sites right? Wake up. I think it's your fault as well as his fault for all of this. You should have been watching what your child does on the interent. Have you ever seen how to catch a predator?

Gosh, Harsh? I expected that when I started a thread about 13 year olds & porn.



For the record.... I did have all of the Parental Control settings activated. He couldn't even access Yahoo because it was an unrated site - I added it to the "allowed" list. I also had to grant the permissions for him to get to Facebook. The Parental Controls cannot & did not pick up all of these sites, Nor did I expect them to.

Yes, I let him take it the Netbook to his room - My fault. However, if I may paint the full picture - his bedroom is on the first floor immediately off the open kitchen & living room area. So, yes he was in his room, but I can see into his room from where I sit frequently. He wasn't off in a dungeon for hours on end. I check his history frequently, that's how I've caught him multiple times. Guess he hasn't figured out how to clear it yet.



I guess the point of my thread was to 1) see if the punishment fit the crime. and 2) remind all the parents out there - THIS COULD BE YOU.

Thanks