PSA: Declutter your house

[cedricandsophie]

We are moving from a 7500 square ft 4 story house to a 1800 square ft condo. I have had 1800 got junk here a few times already throwing out stuff. We will have an estate sale once our house is sold to get rid of most of our stuff that we can’t take. I find it so freeing. I’m not sentimental about stuff only people. My husband is having a very hard time letting go. Until a few years ago he had suits that were 40 plus years old. My daughters took a few things but younger people don’t want our junk. And a lot of it isn’t even worth taking to goodwill. I will be thrilled to leave most of our stuff behind. I hope my husband can get there.

 

[lovesmurfs]

OK, a funny story:

My parents had a life-sized toddler doll (they named her Betsy) that creeped us all out and was to be kept against the wall facing a corner called "Time Out." For some reason they loved it, and would't get rid of it. When dad passed away last year, we were all clearing out his place, and of course Betsy got tossed on the garbage pile. Well, I snuck over and took her back, put her in a closet in another room, and just waited for my sister's scream. She didn't disappoint!

I think I would've had the funeral director put it in one of their coffins...but I like the idea of freaking out a sibling!

 

[RedAngie]

My father had 4 4-drawer metal file cabinets in the basement filled with every conceivable kind of paperwork. Manuals for appliances that broke in 1974, cancelled checks and bank savings passbooks from the 1950s, tax returns, etc etc etc.

My mother’s walk in closet had bags of unworn clothing with price tags still attached, inexpensive jewelry in gift boxes, unopened items from QVC and Home Shopping and more.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It’s been a little over 2 years since my mom passed. She was a pack rat & inherited things from her parents & 2 aunts. My parents had a big house built in 1915, with 2 rooms in the attic, 5 bedrooms on the 2nd floor, an enclosed porch & bedroom plus the living room, dining room & kitchen on the first floor & a full basement. Mom just kept piling stuff into all those rooms. She absolutely refused to let us get rid of anything. We spent a year going thru most of the rooms after she died to just see what was there. Last year my DIL’s uncle came & went thru the house. He has an antique & estate sale business. He took a small van of stuff. He didn’t want any of the 4 hutches/ china cabinets, old china or porcelain tea cups my great aunt had collected. He said there’s just no market for them. Older people that previously wanted & bought them are downsizing or dying & young people want nothing to do with them. So far we’ve tossed one. My sister still lives at the house so she’s using the others. We’ll deal with them when she moves out. These things are big & the doorways are narrow. We actually have no idea how our parents even got most of them in the house.

I certainly have empathy for everyone going thru this. My husband & I have been gradually going thru our house too. Like many of you, going thru my mother’s house made me positive I don’t want my kids to go thru this when we’re gone.

Well darn that's not encouraging to hear. I don't think she'll part with the hutches and chinaware at this point even if she does her own antique sale She had been getting most of her items at antique malls and specialty stores we have in the metro but I'm thinking some of these things were stuff they took on to sell and don't really want them back.

The bulk of the items is so true, my husband curses internally every time she has asked to move/get one because they are hard to maneuver and then when in place kinda in the way.

I guess we'll have to keep an eye out to see if the unwanted aspect stays that way but seems like it probably has with multiple people talking about the unwanted stuff.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It was the subbasement,so unfinished.The plastic totes? Still with the lids on and filled with water.So depressing

Ugh sorry to hear that, it's enough just to deal with getting the water out and add in having to go through things to throw away

 

[flyingdumbo127]

I would love a new upright piano for my dad. His OLD one has not been maintained and has seen better days. I do remember at church once with a piano donation, it going to a school in need of a piano. Extra hug to all dealing with stuff especially at a challenging time

 

[barkley]

I would love a new upright piano for my dad. His OLD one has not been maintained abd has seen better days. I do remember at church once with a piano donation, it going to a school in need of a piano. Extra hug to all dealing with stuff especially at a challenging time

keep an eye out on facebook groups that do freecycle and such. b/c it costs to get rid of pianos people will try and give them away to anyone who is willing and able to pick them up.

 

[Owlpost23]

Ugh sorry to hear that, it's enough just to deal with getting the water out and add in having to go through things to throw away

It was an absolutel mess to deal with.And of course it's water so it has to be dealt with immediately.Thank heavens for the dehumidier!

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

OK, a funny story:

My parents had a life-sized toddler doll (they named her Betsy) that creeped us all out and was to be kept against the wall facing a corner, called "Time Out." For some reason they loved it, and would't get rid of it. When dad passed away last year, we were all clearing out his place, and of course Betsy got tossed on the garbage pile. Well, I snuck over and took her back, put her in a closet in another room, and just waited for my sister's scream. She didn't disappoint!

My Grandfather had one of those, found it in his garage after he passed - scared myself to death.

We are starting to deal with this with my Mother's house. She's moved to assisted living and is so worried about her house and the things in it. She's an only child, there's no other family, just me and my brother. I literally have no idea what we are going to do with all this stuff. So many of my grandparents things were stored in the basement, part of me is secretly hoping they're ruined so I won't feel so guilty about throwing it away.

There's also a grand piano, which she told my youngest he could have (and he actually wants it, he's our musician). We don't have anywhere to put it, it's killing me. It was her pride and joy, she played it daily. It was also my father's pride and joy that he was able to buy it for her. Even if I could make space for it, I'd have to give up my Grandmother's upright piano, the one 3 generations learned to play on. Ugh.

On another note, DH and I have toyed with the idea of an "estate clean out" service, targeted at people who simply don't want to or can't deal with all the stuff after a loved one has passed. We'd go in, pack everything up, donate whatever was worth donating, dispose of the rest, give the house a good clean and have it ready for a realtor to take over.

 

[mom2rtk]

We have an old damp basement that we don't store anything in. It all goes in our full size attic. After about 30 years here it started giving me panic attacks to think of my kids being saddled with that. I also knew that I wasn't going to be able to go up and do it myself after a certain age. So I made a huge project of sorting and organizing all of it (a lifetime of "stuff"). It was very satisfying to finally put it all back in order. I intend to get back up there soon and start a second pass at getting rid of stuff. It will be much easier this time since I'm at least starting from an organized position (baby stuff over here, Christmas stuff in that corner, collectible boxes over there, etc.)

 

[mom2rtk]

Meh. My parents have inherited each of their parents house with everything in them plus they have the house I grew up in and their current residence.
We used to encourage them to start clearing things out but now they are getting to the point that they are too old to do it themselves and we know if we do it they will have something to say with us getting rid of xyz so we have basically decided we'll be waiting until they have passed because it won't be as hard to get rid of things.
People think my family is nuts... and we probably are lol. but at this point I think this is what will work best.

I do agree this is something each family has to work out for themselves. I'm not up to the "death cleaning" but I certainly did pare down substantially.

 

[mom2rtk]

Sorry to hear about your parents passing.

I feel like throwing out life's crap is something I plan to do before I am unable so as not to burden my children.

My in laws moved into our basement several years ago. They were going from roughly 2500 sqft finished with 2500 sqft of additional unfinished, all filled to the brim with crap, to 1200 sqft.

We got a 20 yard dumpster delivered to their house and had them go through their stuff separating into junk, donation, keep piles. On the day of the great purge my wife's brother came up to help.

He instead freaked out that so much stuff was in the dumpster. He was upset that we were making them throw it all away when it was the in laws who had created the dumpster pile. He jumped in the dumpster and started pulling stuff out. He tried taking much of what he pulled from the dumpster to goodwill when he realized the in laws didn't want it, and good will refused most of it as well.

It was several weeks later when he called to apologize to my wife. We feel like he was far away and had not had the time to emotionally deal with the fact that the parents could no longer live on their own. Seeing the dumpster fill up was more than he could take in the moment.

All I was seeing was another 1200 sqft of crap I will have to get rid of when they pass.

There's one in every family. Sometimes more than one. The trick is to get rid of tricky items when they aren't around. It's hard, and you have to be strategic.

You sound pretty hard core about all this. It's crap to you. But it's a lifetime of memories to them. You don't get a prize for dying with no momentos.

 

[Skywalker3]

After my uncle passed we had to rent a dumpster to throw out all the stuff he'd accumulated in his workroom and the garage. It ripped my aunt's heart because practically everything she threw away was his or something he'd kept for whatever reason. He never threw anything away. We found three boxes full of coffee pots from drip coffeemakers that had been thrown away. In his mind, the pots were still 'good' and could be used if another one was broken. It was difficult for my aunt to get rid of all the stuff, but she didn't want her kids to have to do it after she was gone.

This was what we experienced when we went and tried to clean out some of the house, when my mom passed away, but Daddy was still alive. He was picking things out of the dumpster, etc. It was too much. I realized he just couldn't bear losing all of those memorable items, plus deal with her unexpected passing. They'd lived in the house since 1960, and had everything they'd ever owned. So, I just decided to wait until he was gone to any more real kind of decluttering
I'd been going down on weekends for a couple of years, and purging shredding papers. For example, they had EVERY utility bill since they'd built the house. They had had those papers too, from the materials they'd bought in 1959. Not to mention pillows, sheets, stuff, stuff, and more stuff, just everything under the sun, plus a huge shed also full of everything under the sun. And they also owned a second house in another state that needed to be cleaned out. My only sibling passed away in between Mama and Daddy, so it was just me left to deal with it all. (lost all 3 within 3 years.)

It was overwhelming, but that the stuff meant a lot to my dad, and what was it hurting to just leave it alone for a while. He could never go through it and dispose of it himself, plus he was in his early 80s. So I just left the rest until he was gone, and he wouldn't have to see it thrown out. They were both born during the Depression, and I think they really and truly thought a lot of that stuff might be useful one day, or useful to us, and it hurt my dad to just realize, that no, it wasn't useful to us.

We also had to dispose of a piano. It was from the early 1900s, had been in my grandmother's house, and I'd learned to play on it, but we couldn't move it. No other cousins could take it, so Ended up leaving it with the house. That was sad, but too hard to move all the way up here.

All that said. I do take a good hard look around this place from time to time and realize a LOT of this stuff needs to just go. My children have absolutely no attachment or sentiment or need for the glassware and china and silver I inherited from my parents, and aunts, they never really knew. I found over the years that the hardest things for me to get rid of, are the things that have montary value, I feel are worth more than just donating, but I'm either too lazy , or don't know where to get rid of these things. I don't like dealing with selling stuff, like marketplace, DH doesn't want people just showing up to our home, or meeting people anywhere, so just not sure where to get rid of a lot of this stuff.
Plus I'm messy and disorganized, so I need to get a grip on this.

My DH and I are both collectors.....and too bad for the kids when they inherit my 25 crates of Star Wars figures, still in the box!!
at least DD is a fan, she'll appreciated them!!

I'd started this long reply yesterday, but this thread today inspired me to do a little decluttering around here. I took off a few hours of work, and got some things out! yay!!

 

[VandVsmama]

There's one in every family. Sometimes more than one. The trick is to get rid of tricky items when they aren't around. It's hard, and you have to be strategic.

You sound pretty hard core about all this. It's crap to you. But it's a lifetime of memories to them. You don't get a prize for dying with no momentos.

That was a little harsh.

 

[mom2rtk]

That was a little harsh.

I feel like this thread has had a lot of harsh statements.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Thanks so muvh for the idea, Barkley

 

[kdonnel]

There's one in every family. Sometimes more than one. The trick is to get rid of tricky items when they aren't around. It's hard, and you have to be strategic.

You sound pretty hard core about all this. It's crap to you. But it's a lifetime of memories to them. You don't get a prize for dying with no momentos.

Some people value stuff, some value memories. I am a memory person. I don’t care if someone values stuff as long as I don’t have to dispose of it.

 

[mom2rtk]

Some people value stuff, some value memories. I am a memory person. I don’t care if someone values stuff as long as I don’t have to dispose of it.

And for others the items are their connection to the memory.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Jeez, who would have thought there were so many pianos being passed along.

In my case, it gets better. In addition to the upright piano in the vacant house DM needs to sell, DD purchased a fairly nice keyboard for DM, as they had moved to a 2 br condo nearer to us and he thought she'd like to play it. One of the first things DM did after DD passed was bring the keyboard to our place. "You have kids, maybe they'll want to play it". Youngest DD toyed with it for a while - but not really. She took up the flute instead and does like that. The keyboard now resides in our garage. You'd think a school or church would at least want something like that, but equally no.

 

[VandVsmama]

What I have a problem with is seniors who have attitudes like my MIL. For example, both my DH and his sister asked her repeatedly to work with them on sorting through her house + garage's worth of possessions, papers, and everything. MIL emphatically said no. When DH asked her, "But Mom, don't you realize that this will mean that you're leaving all of this work for my sister and I when you die? Don't you feel bad that you're leaving us to deal with all of it? This is going to be a huge burden for us."

And she said without any remorse, "Nope!"

My DH asked her then, "But why?"

And she said, "Because it won't matter anymore! Because I'll be dead! And then I won't have to deal with it. Somebody else will."

It was selfish. I understand WHY she felt that way. But she literally did not care at all about how her decision affected her kids.

Heck, if you want to hang onto all of your worldly possessions forever, that's fine. But do your kids a favor and pare down the hoard a little bit before you kick the bucket. Please.