PSA: Declutter your house

[jdb in AZ]

Re: labeling photos -- they need to be labeled asap, not when they're handed down. The person who originally owned them might not remember the who when and where, so the photos could become useless much sooner than later.

My step dad tried to make videos of old snapshots of the grand kids but kept mixing up the who's who. some of the young kids really looked alike. He meant well, but his time-consuming project was inaccurate because the pics hadn't been labeled when he and mom received them.

 

[tvguy]

Forget hoarders, even dealing with clearing out the most basic necessities that a person needs to live, couches, cookware, furniture, and the WORST, mattresses can be overwhelming. Basically, a used mattress is worthless. Charities won't take them, but they WILL take the bed frame. The health code is murky over whether you really can legally sell them, IF someone would buy it. Funny, people sleep on a used mattress in a Hotel with out question, but would never buy that mattress. My mom FINALLY broke down and bought a new, $2,500 mattress 3 months before she had to move into a care home. She passed away a year later, and I FINALLY found someone who would pay $200 for a top of the line mattress that been used for 3 months, but only if I would deliver it 150 miles away. I just couldn't see it going to the dump.

 

[cabanafrau]

At any point now we're going to be faced with the prospect of handling the contents of two homes of our elderly parents, none of whom are amenable to any purging at this point. It's overwhelming to contemplate.

 

[gmi3804]

Forget hoarders, even dealing with clearing out the most basic necessities that a person needs to live, couches, cookware, furniture, and the WORST, mattresses can be overwhelming. Basically, a used mattress is worthless. Charities won't take them, but they WILL take the bed frame. The health code is murky over whether you really can legally sell them, IF someone would buy it. Funny, people sleep on a used mattress in a Hotel with out question, but would never buy that mattress. My mom FINALLY broke down and bought a new, $2,500 mattress 3 months before she had to move into a care home. She passed away a year later, and I FINALLY found someone who would pay $200 for a top of the line mattress that been used for 3 months, but only if I would deliver it 150 miles away. I just couldn't see it going to the dump.

Don't get me started on armoires! Even consignment shops won't even consider them.

 

[tvguy]

Don't get me started on armoires! Even consignment shops won't even consider them.

Yeah, I was shocked that places like Habitat For Humanity won't take items. They prefer to get cash and buy new items to give away when they could serve sooooo many more people with they accepted gently used items.

 

[gmi3804]

Yeah, I was shocked that places like Habitat For Humanity won't take items. They prefer to get cash and buy new items to give away when they could serve sooooo many more people with they accepted gently used items.

I guess they don't want to be in the thrift store business. They do have "Restore" locations around Chicagoland where they do actually take items.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I hear ya there, it is definitely a big issue for those left behind. I remember what it was like when my grandparents passed (it was within a few months of each other). It was such a daunting task, AFTER they declutterred a few years before. I know when my ex-mother in-law passed, it was an absolute disaster. She had “hoarding” tendencies. She left behind a house packed full, the porches and carport were stacked full of stuff. She also had an out-building that’s crammed full of junk dating back to like the 1960’s. The whole thing was sitting there while she was in a nursing home, untouched. After her passing, it sat there untouched for over a year. The house was tied up w/liens from nursing home so it couldn’t be sold easily. I don’t even know how it all turned out because I left the family before all of it was resolved (assuming it has been resolved).

 

[Pooh2]

My mother is in her 80s and refuses to get a will or declutter, says it will be our problem when she goes. Thanks mom!

We had another relative move during covid. It took them over a year and many dumpsters to clean out before they could sell their home.
I am not a clutter bug but that inspired me to go through every closet, file cabinet and nook and cranny in my house to cleanout/organize/giveway/donate.

After the big cleanout, we try to keep up with getting rid of things that are not needed/broken.

 

[TeresaBelle]

I went to pick up my mom the other day and she said she had been watching Hoarders and thought to herself, what in the world is Teresa gonna do with all my stuff? I've gotta start getting rid of stuff!

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

There is a delicate way of going about encouraging getting rid of stuff when someone is emotionally attached to things. On the other hand don't assume it won't be as hard to get rid of things after the fact especially if they keep getting stuff. Emotional attachment may not be there for you but there's the physical and logistical tasks that usually end up being the main frustration points for those leftover. From needing to rent dumpsters to considering what things are environmental risks (like paint and certain batteries) to looking at if something can be salvaged to be donated (and if there are places left to donate) or needs to be thrown away and more.

Most threads on this topic the central theme from people is exhaustion brought on by going through things, figuring out what to do with things and the time and money spent to do so. With my in-laws we needed to offer to help them physically in order for them to really get to it, that and some health scares with hospital stays helped out on that thought process.

We aren't like most people clearly lol.
My one sibling is the type that gets rid of EVERYTHING and myself and the other sibling are not too attached to MOST things. We basically already know what's there and what we may want to end up keeping.
And my parents are well aware that once they are gone most things are going.
Logically they know they will not care once they are gone and its more that they just don't feel like going through the process. I mean they didn't even go through the process for their own parents since they have the houses still.
The cost of dumpsters and a company that helps to clear things out will be worth it in the end as we can then sell the properties.

 

[jo-jo]

Better hold on to that. You never know when you're going to need a 10-gallon fish tank.

Sarcastic, of course, but that's the thought process I went through when purging. Yes, there were a couple of things I have to purchase again (I went overboard with purging extension cords), but still not that many things. And buying one was a much better feeling than lugging 20 around that I was never going to use.

Well, you talked me into it. I keep it and fill it with disney mugs.

Actually we do have a about a dozen mugs. I have them labelled with kids names. Drives me up the wall, whose 1/2 cup of milk/juice/ etc is this........ not mine........

I don't mind getting rid of fish tank, I just don't know if it's of use to thrift store.

 

[VandVsmama]

You are singing my song. It's a lot of work.

My MIL died in early Sept of last year. Went through a solid 3 months of multiple trips per week to her house (1.5 hr drive one way to get there) to go through her entire life's worth of stuff. Made countless trips to the dump to get rid of carload after carload of junk.

To put things into perspective, this is a woman who kept every single greeting card that anybody ever gave her. Seriously. She kept every single one. We threw all of that out.

My SIL had an issue with how much stuff DH & I were literally throwing away. SIL lives a 6 hr drive from us. We told her, "Fine. If you want to come here and haul stuff to Goodwill yourself, you're welcome to." She took 2 carloads of stuff to Goodwill and then gave up.

DH & SIL kept mementos that were important to them. We used a local estate sale company to sell a bunch of items, but the consignment company wouldn't deal with anything in the garage. And my MIL had a LOT of junk in the garage. We paid 1-800-GOT-JUNK to haul some stuff away.

At our house, we have 3 bins of DVDs that we never watch anymore. Why? Because it's all available on streaming services now anyway. Time for me to chuck it in the bin, I think.

 

[Brian Noble]

I was living alone in a very minimalist apartment for a few years before the pandemic. Among the many things I learned about myself during that period: The amount of "stuff" I needed was much less than I thought it was.

I too have replaced a few things that I'd thrown out only a year or two earlier. But that has been a small price to pay for the "emotional lightness" of having much less actual stuff in my life.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We aren't like most people clearly lol.
My one sibling is the type that gets rid of EVERYTHING and myself and the other sibling are not too attached to MOST things. We basically already know what's there and what we may want to end up keeping.
And my parents are well aware that once they are gone most things are going.
Logically they know they will not care once they are gone and its more that they just don't feel like going through the process. I mean they didn't even go through the process for their own parents since they have the houses still.
The cost of dumpsters and a company that helps to clear things out will be worth it in the end as we can then sell the properties.

I think you missed most of my comment. I said things wouldn't be an emotionally attachment to you and I said that based on your comment. That's not what I was talking about. It's the collective crux of it all that gets people who end up having to do all the cleaning out afterwards what I was speaking to. Most people are aware, even if they don't want to verbally admit it, their stuff holds low value to those left after they pass, that's not why they can't or don't want to get rid of stuff.

There's many threads that have occurred over time on this board. Many posters who have little to no actual attachment to the items left, that's the easy part. And IRL that's often also what people mention. It's the rest of the stuff afterwards that drains people, what ends up being the hard part. I'm not trying to change your mind on what you're doing now just trying to say you position it like it'll be easier to get rid of stuff once they pass but that's usually just about emotional attachment as in you're not having to find fight them on what to get rid of.

You (general you) don't care about the knicknack stuff for example but when it's all you're staring at or the large bulk items (furniture, tools, yard equipment and other stuff) it's often much more than one thinks. And for many they end up coming back saying that was really the hard work, the weeks to months of work, the overwhelming aspect of it all and with dealing with the death(s) on top of that and even more so if only one passes and you need to figure out what the plan is for the other person left. Then there's where the money is coming from (such as the estate) to pay for clean up, who is the executor and gets the final say so, etc. Even permits are something you may have to consider. In my city if you place the dumpster on your driveway you're okay but if you need to place the dumpster on a street or sidewalk or another right of way you need to obtain a permit. Most can and do get by with just the driveway but depending on the scope I've seen work that needed the streets for several days. It took 2 years for example for my grandmother's estate to get completely settled and that was with already her having gotten rid of stuff when her husband passed, then when she moved, then when she moved again into assisted living.

Watching the process with my grandmother when my grandfather passed then 10 years later when she passed, then when my husband's grandmother passed and they went through things over many months some still haven't even been through (although they still own her house so it's not a big deal) and really starting to get in the thick of things with my in-laws it's already apparent it's going to be a lot of work more than I can even truly grasp at this point. There's just so much stuff

All said and done best of luck in the future for you, I don't think anyone really wants to have to do it. If you're able to afford out of the estate a company to just do it all without you having to really step foot in the house that would be a luxury worth doing more than likely!

 

[barkley]

we dealt with it with a family member, smallish 1 b/r apartment-still took the better part of a week to go through b/c we had to go through everything to find any important paperwork (a will is a starting point-settling an estate entails needing to know what accounts exist, what debts exist, tax filing....).

i get being sentimental, i'm sentimental over certain things but don't burden those left behind with days, weeks, MONTHS of going through and clearing out stuff. it's mind numbing, back breaking and can cost continued rent, mortgage/tax payments while the stuff has to be dealt with-not to mention VERY hard feelings between siblings.

My PSA is mark all photos with names and dates. I had a time going through those and not knowing who they were or when the pictures were taken. I now mark all my photos

i agree. i also had a co-worker who was into some kind of wall art that could be pretty costly. she had some knock-offs but also some of the costly stuff so she put post-it's on the back of each and told the kid's NOT to garage sale or goodwill certain ones before researching online.

My parents apparently had a fear of running out of deli containers. When they sold their house to move to their condo, I cleared out a cabinet and filled THREE hefty bags with empty deli containers, with their lids

cool whip containers for MY mom-dozens and dozens and dozens. she only bought cool whip twice a year so she had to have held on to them for decades

We found three boxes full of coffee pots from drip coffeemakers that had been thrown away. In his mind, the pots were still 'good' and could be used if another one was broken.

now i don't feel bad about the 2 i've got set aside

And no more "collecting" things. All DVDs and 99.9% of CDs, gone. 90% of books, gone.

i have a vast collection of vhs, dvd's and blu-rays. all invantoried. anyone living in proximity to a college or university with a film program might consider contacting them to see if they have a library that collects these b/c some older films have been studio or director re-cut, edited and such that the original productions are no longer easily available for viewing. i have at least one that legal disputes now no longer so much as permit it being aired on television, streaming on any platform let alone being shown in theaters or produced on dvds. my kids get first pick, the university near us gets the remainder.

Don't get me started on armoires! Even consignment shops won't even consider them.

china hutches here as well. so many purged these along with entire sets of china during the pandemic that no places will take them locally and you can buy boxes of stunning china plates for 10 cents each that are marketed as 'shooting targets'

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

china hutches here as well. so many purged these along with entire sets of china during the pandemic that no places will take them locally and you can buy boxes of stunning china plates for 10 cents each that are marketed as 'shooting targets'

That's the most recent thing my mother-in-law has gotten into, she's bought hutches only to swap it for another one and then placing the prior one somewhere else the house (and asking my husband to come move it all for her including picking it up from the place she bought it from). I believe she has 5 now with 4 having full matching plates sets in them one of them being in the basement where she never goes to.

So you're saying that your area doesn't have any places that will take them? Gosh I hope that wouldn't be the same in our area in the future. That's actually pretty sad to think of the beautiful plates being used that way even if they don't really have much place in modern times as much

 

[nancipants]

I am grateful my mom has a small-ish house and doesn't have a lot of "stuff." It will still be a lot to go through when the time comes, but thankfully she's not a hoarder.

My in-laws, on the other hand...

My husband's grandparents have SO MUCH STUFF in their house. It's filled to the brim. Most of it just crap. They have seven kids and I don't think even them will be able to clean it all out. We just recently visited and I went into a separate garage and it was like something from Hoarders. It was giving me an anxiety attack just being in the room.

My husband's parents are getting that way, as well. They have lots of stuff all over their house, things in boxes, clutter all in the office, stuff just on dressers or on the floor instead of put away. My husband says they didn't used to be as bad. I definitely get a little too enthusiastic about keeping our house organized and clutter free because I do NOT want our house to end up the same way.

 

[dez1978]

I am struggling to figure out what to do with dead peoples crap. My dad died when I was a teen, then my mom died when I was 19. We needed to get the house cleaned out pretty quickly, so I ended up with a bunch of stuff we didn't know what to do with. Then my grandmother died the year after that. The assisted living place she was at wanted her stuff out asap, so it all just got loaded into a trailer and moved to my house. That was in 98 and 99 and it's all still in boxes/tubs in our shop. Some of it should just be chucked, like fake plastic flowers and crap. But then some of it is like handmade doilies and stuff, that is cool, but what the heck do you do with it?? It feels wrong to throw it away, but it's also just more clutter that we will never use.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I am struggling to figure out what to do with dead peoples crap. My dad died when I was a teen, then my mom died when I was 19. We needed to get the house cleaned out pretty quickly, so I ended up with a bunch of stuff we didn't know what to do with. Then my grandmother died the year after that. The assisted living place she was at wanted her stuff out asap, so it all just got loaded into a trailer and moved to my house. That was in 98 and 99 and it's all still in boxes/tubs in our shop. Some of it should just be chucked, like fake plastic flowers and crap. But then some of it is like handmade doilies and stuff, that is cool, but what the heck do you do with it?? It feels wrong to throw it away, but it's also just more clutter that we will never use.

Take one box a month.

Ask friends/relatives if they want any of it.
Put what is left on local Markeplace for one week cheap.
What is left put in the box and donate to charity shop like Salvation Army.

 

[disykat]

Been there, done that. We're working on digitizing our photos and streamlining important paperwork, first and foremost. We're also determined to keep a handle on clothes.

From experience I know it's easier to get rid of some things over others. We do try to keep a handle on other stuff too, but it will be easier to find someone to clear out things that aren't personal.

My mom had decluttered at various points - EXCEPT for the paperwork and photos.