Promposals....

[Hikergirl]

I find it interesting that you criticize me for making an assumption of the intention of the tweet and of the promposal and you do the same thing - just in the opposite direction. If what he did simply made her happy - wouldn't she have said so? Why did it have to be "But did your prom date run 5.5 miles to ask you" MAKES it a competition as if someone who doesn't make such a gesture is inferior. "Yes, your boyfriend may have spelled out "prom" on a pizza, but did he care enough? are you special enough? are you desirable enough? to warrant running over FIVE MILES???"

I think a response like that is more about the personality of the poster though. I knew plenty of girls like that, who grew up to be moms like that, long before the internet came along.
I think no matter what someone does (promposals, regular proposals, birthday gifts, anniversary, vacations) there will always be people who will be making it a competition. There will be teens who outgrow that kind of stuff, but there will be those who will go their rest of their lives competing.

 

[cabanafrau]

That may be your opinion of the tweet but I would bet its not what she meant at all. Why are we all so quick to assume the worst? Growing up, being a kid or teenager is not a competition. What he did made HER happy. That is all he was trying to do. Its not about is one promposal better than another. Its what makes it special to THAT girl or boy. One can't really be better than another because its not going to mean the same to other people.

The worst must be assumed because the young today are the worst, so therefore the tweet must be interpreted in the most negative light possible. Just as all promposals cost thousands, are filmed for YouTube and hundreds of thousands of views and are actually designed to make one's peers feel completely inferior.

I've found out I was not fully open and truthful about my daughter's first promposal, the one from her boyfriend to herself. He in fact handed her a carnation when she saw the PROM? ask on the posterboards. As I previously mentioned it was in fact professionally photographed by a friend with her phone and TWO photos were put on social media for maximum publicity blitz. Clearly the naysayers have been right all along, promposals are all about attention seeking and frivolous waste of money, the carnation clinches it.

 

[luvsJack]

The worst must be assumed because the young today are the worst, so therefore the tweet must be interpreted in the most negative light possible. Just as all promposals cost thousands, are filmed for YouTube and hundreds of thousands of views and are actually designed to make one's peers feel completely inferior.

I've found out I was not fully open and truthful about my daughter's first promposal, the one from her boyfriend to herself. He in fact handed her a carnation when she saw the PROM? ask on the posterboards. As I previously mentioned it was in fact professionally photographed by a friend with her phone and TWO photos were put on social media for maximum publicity blitz. Clearly the naysayers have been right all along, promposals are all about attention seeking and frivolous waste of money, the carnation clinches it.

You are so right. I just don't know what we are going to do with these attention seeking kids. My, my, my.

Two pictures!! The horrors!! How dare she make her promposal seem better than ALL others!! And a carnation! Who can compete with that??

 

[luvsJack]

I find it interesting that you criticize me for making an assumption of the intention of the tweet and of the promposal and you do the same thing - just in the opposite direction. If what he did simply made her happy - wouldn't she have said so? Why did it have to be "But did your prom date run 5.5 miles to ask you" MAKES it a competition as if someone who doesn't make such a gesture is inferior. "Yes, your boyfriend may have spelled out "prom" on a pizza, but did he care enough? are you special enough? are you desirable enough? to warrant running over FIVE MILES???"

Lo. I refuse to assume that someone is being petty about something so silly. Maybe that is her way of saying it made her happy. It only makes it a competition if the next guy decides to try to make it one. You are putting waaaaayyyy to much importance on this.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree that it is the kiss of death to take a relationship (and what is for that age group a major event) for granted. But then there's that $600 dress. On no planet will any child of mine spend $600 (or even half that!) on a dress to wear to a high school dance. The absurdity abounds.

I happen to live near an iconic local establishment that draws prom kids like flies to honey. We get a great kick out of strolling over there on prom nights to people-watch -- they arrive by the busload. One of the most common sights that I see there is a young lady dressed in a gown that wouldn't be out of place on a red-carpet, accompanied by her sneaker-wearing, jeans-clad date. Young grasshoppers often have much to learn about mutual respect and how to dress for such occasions; both over and under.

A very simple dress can be quite expensive. I have been shocked at what some of them cost.

Junior year, DD wore a beautiful dress complete with matching blingy high heel shoes. Senior year another beautiful dress, matching converse. LOL Her date wore a tux and converse to match her's. They were quite cute and quite comfortable. Wonder if they guys you see have changed clothes?

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

The worst must be assumed because the young today are the worst, so therefore the tweet must be interpreted in the most negative light possible. Just as all promposals cost thousands, are filmed for YouTube and hundreds of thousands of views and are actually designed to make one's peers feel completely inferior.

I've found out I was not fully open and truthful about my daughter's first promposal, the one from her boyfriend to herself. He in fact handed her a carnation when she saw the PROM? ask on the posterboards. As I previously mentioned it was in fact professionally photographed by a friend with her phone and TWO photos were put on social media for maximum publicity blitz. Clearly the naysayers have been right all along, promposals are all about attention seeking and frivolous waste of money, the carnation clinches it.

If I was a psychic, I would predict a drug induced, selfie addict, beer chugging, living on the dole, steak eating future for your daughter. I'll remember her in my prayers.

 

[cabanafrau]

You are so right. I just don't know what we are going to do with these attention seeking kids. My, my, my.

Two pictures!! The horrors!! How dare she make her promposal seem better than ALL others!! And a carnation! Who can compete with that??

Well in the interest of full disclosure I figured I needed to set the record straight with my newly uncovered information. I mean the carnation in the mix means that the posterboards for the two promposals AND a flower likely indicates more than five dollars was indeed spent. I figured I better get the correct information out there so that those who are so staunchly opposed to them have the correct information to fight the plague before it reaches their communities. Can you just imagine, posterboards and a carnation -- and two pictures put up on her Facebook! Clearly all the decent communities that don't have this hooliganism going on need to know the facts to keep it out of their communities. Think of the children! Some of the poor, innocent, cherubic tots of today could wind up thinking this sounds like fun and then where will we be? Have to make sure all the good parents who read this don't overlook it as I did and allow their little princes and princesses to take a dark turn like mine did.

 

[cabanafrau]

If I was a psychic, I would predict a drug induced, selfie addict, beer chugging, living on the dole, steak eating future for your daughter. I'll remember her in my prayers.

Sadly, our shame is worse, much worse. Clearly the promposal was just a gateway behavior to Bridezilla, then onto gender reveals and countless rounds of baby showers -- oooh, and sprinkles too, girl cannot resist a good sprinkle.

The stigma will be a blot upon our family for generations to come.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had a boyfriend for both of the proms I went to. I just told both of them (er,I didn't have two boyfriends, this is two separate years) what color my dress was going to be so they could match their cummerbunds and that was it. It didn't occur to us to take other people. That would have been weird.

Yes, but since you mention cummerbunds, that must've been a long time ago.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Has anyone read the hashtags to some of the promposal posts on social media. My favorite is #myboyfriendisbetterthanyours

Maybe it's just my area.

 

[NotUrsula]

A very simple dress can be quite expensive. I have been shocked at what some of them cost.

Junior year, DD wore a beautiful dress complete with matching blingy high heel shoes. Senior year another beautiful dress, matching converse. LOL Her date wore a tux and converse to match her's. They were quite cute and quite comfortable. Wonder if they guys you see have changed clothes?

I agree, a simple dress CAN be quite expensive, but anything CAN be, if one is willing to overpay. Proms are certainly a big deal to a 16 yo, and she might covet a dress that costs that much, but as her parent, I have to put the brakes on inappropriate purchases, and spending that much money for a dress at age 16 is an inappropriate use of funds for the typical family. There are plenty of nice dresses to be had for a fraction of that, so that the expenditure fits the occasion. I'm not going to pay $3K for a wedding gown, either; so she might as well learn the lesson young.

FWIW, the young men I see haven't changed clothes; they typically show up there before the prom, not after. (It's an ice-cream shop; they stop for dessert on their way to the dance itself. The real point is to see and be seen.)

 

[luvsJack]

I agree, a simple dress CAN be quite expensive, but anything CAN be, if one is willing to overpay. Proms are certainly a big deal to a 16 yo, and she might covet a dress that costs that much, but as her parent, I have to put the brakes on inappropriate purchases, and spending that much money for a dress at age 16 is an inappropriate use of funds for the typical family. There are plenty of nice dresses to be had for a fraction of that, so that the expenditure fits the occasion. I'm not going to pay $3K for a wedding gown, either; so she might as well learn the lesson young.

FWIW, the young men I see haven't changed clothes; they typically show up there before the prom, not after. (It's an ice-cream shop; they stop for dessert on their way to the dance itself. The real point is to see and be seen.)

Oh well that is kind of odd. The proms here won't allow them to wear anything but a tux or suit so jeans would never be allowed.

There are a lot of reasons people buy expensive dresses. What is appropriate for one family may not be for another. I doubt they exchange price tags to know what each paid. Some of the moms have said upwards of $1000 some as little as $100. We hit somewhere in the middle with what we felt comfortable paying and dd loved the dresses. Some of the girls had boyfriends from other schools and bought two dresses, one for each prom. Others bought semi formal dresses for the senior breakfast after prom-so anything they saved on the main dress they blew on the secondary dress.

For dd, wedding dress will be the same. We can spend $x so find something you love in that range.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree, a simple dress CAN be quite expensive, but anything CAN be, if one is willing to overpay. Proms are certainly a big deal to a 16 yo, and she might covet a dress that costs that much, but as her parent, I have to put the brakes on inappropriate purchases, and spending that much money for a dress at age 16 is an inappropriate use of funds for the typical family. There are plenty of nice dresses to be had for a fraction of that, so that the expenditure fits the occasion. I'm not going to pay $3K for a wedding gown, either; so she might as well learn the lesson young.

FWIW, the young men I see haven't changed clothes; they typically show up there before the prom, not after. (It's an ice-cream shop; they stop for dessert on their way to the dance itself. The real point is to see and be seen.)

In my area, the guys are always dresses just as nice as the girls, wearing tuxes or very nice suits. And my dd16 does own a $3000 dress (but it's for dance). Hoping to sell it for half.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Lo. I refuse to assume that someone is being petty about something so silly. Maybe that is her way of saying it made her happy. It only makes it a competition if the next guy decides to try to make it one. You are putting waaaaayyyy to much importance on this.

Ummm...it's really not important to me at all. It's just something I think is ridiculous. It's obviously something you consider important because you condone/endorse it and see nothing wrong with it. That's fine.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Yes, but since you mention cummerbunds, that must've been a long time ago.

Oh! You wound me! Um...yeah, it was 1982 and 1984. I'm only just now recovered from the AquaNet fumes.

 

[DawnM]

Lo. I refuse to assume that someone is being petty about something so silly. Maybe that is her way of saying it made her happy. It only makes it a competition if the next guy decides to try to make it one. You are putting waaaaayyyy to much importance on this.

I just thought it was cute. I don't really care is someone here thinks it is "ridiculous."

 

[DawnM]

Oh! You wound me! Um...yeah, it was 1982 and 1984. I'm only just now recovered from the AquaNet fumes.

Those were close to the years I went. Did you have a Gune Sax dress?

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Those were close to the years I went. Did you have a Gune Sax dress?

My first prom dress was actually a direct copy of the pink prom dress in Footloose. I got it at the DEB shop. I remember all the Gunne Sax dresses, though.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh! You wound me! Um...yeah, it was 1982 and 1984. I'm only just now recovered from the AquaNet fumes.

I was 1985. My friend and I were talking about renting our sons tuxes last year, both of us 1985 graduates (he is her only, I have an older). She mentioned cummerbund, I let her know that they've been replaced with vests.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Yes, but since you mention cummerbunds, that must've been a long time ago.

Regardless of the date, the point remains the same. Many of us managed to go to multiple proms without making a big deal out of asking or being asked. It was assumed that couples would go together. Many people bought expensive dresses, without their date having to formally ask via posters, sticky notes or anything else. If you weren't a couple, a phone call or asking at school was the most that was done. That worked for generations, without girls getting all dress up in their expensive dresses, then being surprised at the last minute, by their date not show up.

It's not surprising that parents of kids that have done this think it's great. We all support our kids. Many who have managed to go to prom, announce their pregnancy, reveal the sex, etc., without making a big deal about it don't see the need for it. Both situations are totally understandable. Personally, I think much of it is over the top, but to each their own. I just don't see a reason to get so upset over it. The hyperbole by some is silly. Support your kid all you want. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. There's no need to greatly exaggerate what others are saying though.