Problem with my best friend. WWYD?

[Virgo10]

PD Alert: This post is long!

I have a wonderful best friend. She's funny, smart and loves Disney. In my heart I know she wants only the best for me (A TRUE friend!! )

Now the problem. Ever since I told her that I'm moving, all she can talk about is doom and gloom. Hurricanes are going to blow away the state of Florida. We're going to get cheated when we buy a house, we won't be able to get insurance, the cops will stop the car transporting all my cats and seize them... I could go on and on but you get the idea.

This morning I got another email that was so depressing that I just wanted to write back and tell her not to communicate with me again until we've moved. For whatever reason, she's treating me like I'm a 2 year old without a brain in my head. She's giving me legal advise and I know she's not a lawyer. This, despite the fact that I told her we'd have our own lawyer when we get down there to take care of problems and look out for our interests.

So what would you do? Part of me just wants to ignore the whole thing but reading her emails or talking to her and hearing all this negativity is like getting kicked in the stomach. I need suggestions on how to tactfully tell her to stop. Any and all suggestions welcome.

Roberta

 

[pw2pp]

I would just ignore it.

 

[poochie]

Sounds to me as if she just can not deal with losing you being her best friend. Too many desperate reasons. Inside she is crying. Maybe you need to step back and see how she is feeling. I know you are excited with the move, but all she knows is she is losing you and she is hurting. Maybe you need to sit down and explain how she will never lose you as a BF, and how you two can commuicate thru phone calls and the computer. In fact maybe now she will have someplace to stay when she comes to FL so you two can enjoy WDW together.

JMO

 

[PigletsPal]

Maybe she is so afraid of losing you as a friend once you leave, so she is doing this now to drive you away........Just an idea, sit her down and tell her that she will ALWAYS be your friend no matter where you live and how unhappy all of this stuff she is telling you makes you.

Good Luck and Welcome to Florida

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree she is very sad and ANGRY you are leaving her so as a defense mechanism she is unconsciously driving you away.
It is strange that she would say such out of the world things to you.
Perhaps you could not mention moving to her and "play pretend" with her. Ask yourself do you try and "ignore" the fact you are moving or do you mention things to her alot?
Maybe if you stop talking about moving she will stop?
I thought I would throw that out there but I am sure it is more complicated than that.

I hope things get better.

 

[diznygirl]

When we decided to move my friends told me they didn't want me to, they hated the idea, but that they understood and supported me. THOSE are REAL friends!!

I'm still in touch with my friends - and we still miss each other - but we all have such busy lives that phone calls and emails have kept us close.

Although your friend is being selfish and immature, perhaps you can reassure her by starting to discuss in eagerness your trip back to see her - make some plans together. Then you two can discuss that instead of your move.

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

She's your best friend, you're moving, she's upset, and trying to scare you into not moving. It may be childish and immature, but I do understand.

Tell her to stop with the gloom and doom...you're not changing your mind. Tell her you'll always be friends...distance won't change that, but prepare yourself, because distance will change the degree of your friendship. My best firend moved to NH many years ago, and while we are stillfriends, that lack of exposure to someone's day to day life does change the dynamics of the friendship.

 

[Microcell]

Here is a look at it from the other direction. I am not all doom and gloom, but I am constantly sending her links to houses for sale in the area to get her to move here!

I had to move away when I was 16 and we cried and cried and missed each other terribly. I was stupid and stayed here because I could better afford college here. Well, I met DH and we have not lived in the same state for 15 years. We still miss each other, but my DH like many people refuses to live in Detroit. I also have a sister here and he has parents and a sister here. We are not moving. So I talk to her five days out of seven since the advent of cell phones and four of those days are telling her how much cheaper it is to live here. I asked her if it bugged her once, and she said it is nice to be loved!

I would tell her that you care and will always be friends, but you have to do this and don't want to fight anymore. I wonder if she is alienating you to cause a break up of the friendship to make your absence easier on her? I don't think she is planning it, but it is just how she is reacting to her feelings.

 

[grinningghost]

She's upset that you're moving away and wants you to change your mind. My mom is the same way. Everytime I talk about moving to Florida, she brings up all the doom. Hurricanes, humidity, heat, tourist traps...

I know she just doesn't want me to leave. I ignore it.

 

[SRUAlmn]

Is it really that 'dangerous' to move to Florida? Is she just trying to scare you? It worked on me We are considering moving down there, and now I'm worried.


Anyway, it definitely sounds like she is having a really hard time dealing with losing a friend. Let me share my similar story. I lost my father to cancer when I was 16, and have had a REALLY hard time saying goodbye to people ever since. When I went to college I met the best friend of my entire life. We were roommates, co-dance team captains, best friends, took every class together, inseparable. About 4 months before graduation I started to push her away because it was the only way I knew how to handle the situation. I guess subconsciously I thought that if we were mad at each other it would be easier to say goodbye. For some odd reason I expected her to be a mind reader and realize why I was acting this way. Because we were so close- I thought she would understand I guess, but she didn't. We grew very distant, and after she left we never spoke again to this day (a little over 3 years later.) Please talk to each other about it. I don't want you to end up like us.

 

[Pin Wizard]

She's just going to miss her best friend, plain and simple. When DH and I were moving to FL, mine definitely let me know she didn't want me to go and would miss me. I think we called each other weekly for a long time. Every weekend, we were on the phone. Just too busy during the week to do it. I still think of her as my best friend, but after being away more than 15 years, it has changed. We don't talk weekly, but when we do talk, it's like we left off the day before. I recently moved again, and we're within driving distance, a few hours away. And I'm long overdue to call her! Her birthday was just a few days ago on the 11th. I really need to catch up with her!

So I'd say just let her know you still care and will keep in touch. And maybe she can visit!

 

[winniedapooh]

I would try the best I can to ignore her.....sounds like she is really gonna miss you. Give her a big hug and try talking about things you can do together when she comes down to visit you!