Principal 'paddling' first grader for damaging computer

[daisy2013]

Some of yall never had really difficult children and it shows lol.



My oldest has adhd. We've seen a psychologist, in fact still see him regularly. We've done times outs, we've carried him screaming out of lots of places. He remembers all of them. We've done all the things honestly. Knowing the consequences does not keep him from acting impulsively, nor does it stop the behavior or the fits. So sure, we can sit there while he has a fit or tries to argue about why he can't do whatever bc hes in trouble, heck we can sit there for 2 hours while he cries and have. Or I can give him a quick swat on the butt that rather quickly gets his attention and put a stop to it then and there and move on. His dr and his psychologist are both aware that sometimes he gets spanked and we have talked about it many times. And as they have said often, there is nothing wrong with doing what works when you need to. I'm glad your child responds well to time outs and that thats all it took for you. Not all children are the same. And not all parents who occasionally swat their childrens butts are the same or doing it for the same reasons. And maybe we can quit judging the parents who are doing their best and using all the tools they have to raise decent respectful humans.

My daughter has adhd, apd as well as a host of learning disabilities. Yes you may sit there a few times for an hour or more, I have, but the next time it’s less. It’s not easy but both my kids still respond when I start counting. The less I react the less they react. And hitting a child is the ultimate reaction. Her psychologist and neurodevelopmental pediatrician recommend 123 magic and the explosive child, and mindful parenting for adhd. But there are a bunch of books out there about parenting children with adhd.
My “typical” child is the one that likes to push boundaries and the one I carried out of the zoo.

 

[dez1978]

Geez... WHY IN THE WORLD IS IT THAT IF SOMEONE HAS A DIFFERENT WAY TO DISCIPLINE A CHILD THAT THEY ARE ABUSIVE?????

HIT is a very strong word IMO. A spanking is not a beating. Believe me, I know the difference as a person who was abused. Ironically, I have a heart shaped scar on my left hand where the hide was ripped away by the rhinestones on a belt that my mother used to beat me when I was 10. A spanking is a spanking. and by definition:
an act of slapping, especially on the buttocks as a punishment for children. I don't think a spanking would have caused me to have a concussion when I was 6 either.

Believe me as a young kid I could have distinguished between a spanking and a HIT or beating.

Look! Its a Karen I actually agree with

Sorry, I just thought this thread could use a laugh.

I can see both sides of this argument. I think we all can agree 100% that what happened to you is abuse, and for a principal to spank a child with a paddle is abuse. We don't all have to agree on parenting methods though when we are talking about something that is in most places in the US, not illegal. I'm sure there are some where a spanking may be illegal, but where I am an open handed swat on the butt is not considered abuse. Its ok to not want to parent your child the same as someone else. It's not ok to judge another parent for something they choose to do that is not illegal. it is NOT ok to make parents who are doing their best feel bad because you don't agree with how they discipline their kid.

 

[dez1978]

My daughter has adhd, apd as well as a host of learning disabilities. Yes you may sit there a few times for an hour or more, I have, but the next time it’s less. It’s not easy but both my kids still respond when I start counting. The less I react the less they react. And hitting a child is the ultimate reaction. Her psychologist and neurodevelopmental pediatrician recommend 123 magic and the explosive child, and mindful parenting for adhd. But there are a bunch of books out there about parenting children with adhd.
My “typical” child is the one that likes to push boundaries and the one I carried out of the zoo.

yep, and I've read them both, along with several others. works fine with my NT kid. doesn't work at all with my adhd kid. No matter how many times I've done it. I'd rather do what works a few times than do what doesn't work 1000.

 

[MillauFr]

What about the mother? She entered the country illegally. Hope she gets deported.

Do you have any evidence of this? The principal is in big trouble if they can prove she attacked the child because of her assumption where the child was from. The principal could be looking at defending herself against a hate crime.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

What I'm saying tho is all kids are different. It didn't work for you and made you more defiant. It 100% worked for me, and never did I think badly of my parents or our relationship because of it. What works for your kid might not for another. We don't have to agree about it but it doesn't make either of us wrong you know? We just don't parent the same, and thats ok.

I don't think difficult children = spanking all the time. And I wish I never had to spank my kid, but you know what, there are lots of things I wish I didn't have to do. I wish I didn't have to medicate him, I wish I didn't have to deal with 504's and IEPs but here I am.

The statement isn't about learning different techniques for different children, it was about some techniques just not really showing an actual effectiveness. And when you (general you) say it worked for you the thought is someone is just talking about that moment in time not repeating the same action that got you the spanking but that's not the only thing being looked at.

Not that anyone has to pay attention to it but the American Academy of Pediatrics has updated guidance over the years and one of them is in respects to physical and verbal acts. In 1998 they adjusted to discuss the ineffectiveness of spanking and that other methods should be looked at. In 2018 they further updated to say they do not recommend at all and they expand on corporal punishment and the negative effects and that discussion in 2018 showed a lot more research than in 1998.

We are all products of our times but the times do change and so does the lens in which we look at things. I'm not meaning to discuss parenting differences as in one way is better than another on a subjective level. I'm largely talking about how we as a society are changing and shifting how we view things, asking more questions than before, as research catches up, as we care to learn more about things so you're not wrong at all for saying it worked for you or that you're looking at what you saw worked for your child but we are gaining more knowledge on the subject.

This is the most recent AAP that I could find. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/142/6/e20183112#ref-4

Anywho I do want to with respects to your situation with your child. My cousin's child due to a cognitive disorder has a lot of the same issues.

 

[KrazeeK120]

Geez... WHY IN THE WORLD IS IT THAT IF SOMEONE HAS A DIFFERENT WAY TO DISCIPLINE A CHILD THAT THEY ARE ABUSIVE?????

HIT is a very strong word IMO. A spanking is not a beating. Believe me, I know the difference as a person who was abused. Ironically, I have a heart shaped scar on my left hand where the hide was ripped away by the rhinestones on a belt that my mother used to beat me when I was 10. A spanking is a spanking. and by definition:
an act of slapping, especially on the buttocks as a punishment for children. I don't think a spanking would have caused me to have a concussion when I was 6 either.

Believe me as a young kid I could have distinguished between a spanking and a HIT or beating.

I went ahead and went to the Miriam-Webster dictionary and looked up the word “hit.”

1a: to reach with or as if with a sudden blow (His mom told him to stop hitting his sister.)
b: to come in quick forceful contact with (the ball hit the window, he was hit by a car, The tank was hit by enemy fire.)
c: to strike (something, such as a ball) with an object (such as a bat, club, or racket) so as to impart or redirect motion (hit a fastball into the outfield)

Spanking is LITERALLY the dictionary definition of hitting.

I never said spanking is beating or abusive (although it can be). But hitting another person is wrong, always. I cannot understand the logic of, it’s ok to do it to a child but not an adult. If it’s not ok to do it to an adult, it’s not ok to do it to a kid. It doesn’t teach them anything and there are other and better ways to discipline children.

For the record, my siblings and I were NOT spanked and we all turned out just fine.

 

[wvjules]

What about the mother? She entered the country illegally. Hope she gets deported.

I'd rather have someone that entered the country illegally than that child abusing principle.

 

[White Cat]

I'd rather have someone that entered the country illegally than that child abusing principle.

The child got a light paddling for destroying government property. The mother is a worse example to the child for entering a country illegally over staying a visa. What ever one she did.

 

[White Cat]

Do you have any evidence of this? The principal is in big trouble if they can prove she attacked the child because of her assumption where the child was from. The principal could be looking at defending herself against a hate crime.

Que?

 

[White Cat]

Since you like this idea so much, why don't you join ICE so you can gleefully deport people all day long?

I don’t think that’s the idea to gleefully deport people. You make ice sound like bad people. They are upholding the law. So do you advocate illegall immigration?

 

[DLgal]

I don’t think that’s the idea to gleefully deport people. You make ice sound like bad people. They are upholding the law. So do you advocate illegall immigration?

I think if someone can get here, they should be able to stay, yes. I have compassion for people who feel the need to flee terrible, dangerous circumstances in their native countries. These people want to be able to contribute to society. Give them a chance.

 

[Carol_]

I’m sure I’m in the minority on this but I’m still a firm believer in spank/paddling. Not leaving marks of course but “spare the rod, spoil the child.”

Ya, the world is clearly different now. Also, there seems to be a lot more going on here than just a paddling for misbehaving.

 

[wvjules]

The child got a light paddling for destroying government property. The mother is a worse example to the child for entering a country illegally over staying a visa. What ever one she did.

Would YOU expect to be hit if you damaged government property?

 

[White Cat]

I think if someone can get here, they should be able to stay, yes. I have compassion for people who feel the need to flee terrible, dangerous circumstances in their native countries. These people want to be able to contribute to society. Give them a chance.

It doesn’t really matter what you think.

 

[White Cat]

Would YOU expect to be hit if you damaged government property?

Yes.

 

[White Cat]

I'd rather have someone that entered the country illegally than that child abusing principle.

If the principal is found to be a child abuser she should be punished. The mother should be deported. One has nothing to do with the other.

 

[Suger Mag]

I thought the mother also paid $50 as requested by the school to cover the scratch to the computer. So there was monetary compensation.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Didn’t we just have a thread about recording someone else without consent? Although I guess the Principal knew? But is that still considered consent?

I believe the need for consent is based on your state.

 

[DLgal]

It doesn’t really matter what you think.

You asked me what I thought.

 

[Grand Koalafornian]

Yes.

What country do you live in where punishment for accidental property damage is physical? Do you get a trial by jury for that?

If I damaged government property, I would expect to be fined, which the mother was, or maybe arrested (if it was criminal). Now that I think of it, I accidentally damaged a desk in high school once and I wasn't even fined. I was using an exacto knife on a small cutting mat on my desk and accidentally ran off the edge. No monetary or physical consequences (admittedly it was a small scratch).

Flogging was a common and accepted punishment in the army during the US Revolution. Over time, the maximum number of lashings went from 100 in the 1770s, to 12 in the 1840s, then was abolished in 1861. Time marched forward and it was clear that it was cruel and didn't work for discipline. Now, the science is settled that spanking is inferior to other disciplinary techniques at changing behavior - and increases violent behavior.

If you want to stick with your anecdotal evidence that it works for your kid, fine. But don't expect to convince others who have decades of scientific consensus without at least providing some empirical evidence.