Well, I got a letter from Priceline that I'll copy here so you can all see it:
We truly apologize that you are unhappy with your upcoming hotel
accommodations. We do evaluate each participating hotel on many
different criteria, including cleanliness, guest satisfaction, décor,
etc. We are sorry to hear that this hotel falls short of your
expectations.
We have researched to find that this hotel does meet our expectations
for the star rating selected on our website and does not qualify for
our
Quality Experience Guarantee. In this guarantee we state that your
hotel
will be star-rated by priceline according to our rigorous rating
system.
This means that our hotel staff has researched your hotel, reviewed
customer comments and compared star ratings assigned by other rating
services. The hotel you get will meet priceline's strict quality
standards. We have researched this hotel to meet our 2 star standards
in
most sites this hotel is rated 2 1/2 star or higher. Our competitors
rate this hotel as follows:
Orbitz.com = 3 star
HotelClub.com = 2 star
Travelocity.com = 2 1/2 star
Venere.com = 3 star
Hotels.com = 2 star
Bookit.com = 2 1/2 star
We do feel that this hotel is properly rated through our system and we
are not willing to offer compensation at this time. However, if you do
find that you experience problems while at this hotel and the front
desk
is unable to assist, please contact our Customer Service department for
further assistance.
If you have further questions please respond to this email or contact
us
directly at 1-800-945-4602 Monday through Friday between the hours of
9:00am and 6:00pm EST.
That didn't satisfy me, so I called the executive offices (the number they gave me) and spoke to someone directly. She told me that because it rates 3 stars on some sites (CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?????) they would not refund our money. I restated the whole entire story, which took a while, and then, MAGICALLY

she agreed to cancel it!!!

They are charging me a one night fee ($45) but that's nothing! AND, if I want to use Priceline again, they'll happily refund that fee. I kinda laughed in her face (and by "kinda" I mean, I did laugh in her face) and told her I would never, ever use PL again, but thanks.
I really want to thank EVERYONE who posted and helped me and told me to keep calling - it paid off!!!
