Preventing WWIII..? Family Issues...

[AKL_Megs]

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby! If I am lucky enough to get pregnant right away, the baby will be here around September. That would mean that the

Coincidentally, my DH's cousin is pregnant, and due in May. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be an issue... But you don't know DH's cousin and HER mother!

I'm scared to get pregnant!

Let me explain...

DH's cousin and her mother are "Attention..." well, you know the word. It starts with a "W"... Everything with them is a "celebration", and nobody else can do anything to disrupt their celebration.

DH's cousin is 28, and she celebrates her birthdays for a WEEK. Literally. This past year, her birthday was on a weekend, and she literally started celebrating on the Monday before.

When my DH and I got married, our wedding was small (think 30 people), quick and dirty. We had Costco sheet cake. It was practically WWIII THEN, because DH's cousin had gotten married a month beforehand... their wedding was a four-day event, with a week-long celebration leading up to the event(s). DH's cousin was upset, and HER mother said, and I quote, "You two can't get married so soon. You'll take the attention away from ___! They won't even have gone on their honeymoon by then! They will still be celebrating their wedding!" Okayyy...

So... back to my point and question...

As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

I know it's not logical to NORMAL people, but if we tell people we are expecting BEFORE her baby comes, we will be "taking away from her pregnancy celebrations (i.e. "attention")", and if we tell AFTER the baby is born, we will be "taking away from her new baby celebrations (i.e. "attention")"... It's a no-win situation!

I know I am jumping the gun even thinking about it, but it's something DH and I were discussing, and I thought I would discuss it here (of course!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

 

[handinpocket]

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby! If I am lucky enough to get pregnant right away, the baby will be here around September. That would mean that the

Coincidentally, my DH's cousin is pregnant, and due in May. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be an issue... But you don't know DH's cousin and HER mother!

I'm scared to get pregnant!

Let me explain...

DH's cousin and her mother are "Attention..." well, you know the word. It starts with a "W"... Everything with them is a "celebration", and nobody else can do anything to disrupt their celebration.

DH's cousin is 28, and she celebrates her birthdays for a WEEK. Literally. This past year, her birthday was on a weekend, and she literally started celebrating on the Monday before.

When my DH and I got married, our wedding was small (think 30 people), quick and dirty. We had Costco sheet cake. It was practically WWIII THEN, because DH's cousin had gotten married a month beforehand... their wedding was a four-day event, with a week-long celebration leading up to the event(s). DH's cousin was upset, and HER mother said, and I quote, "You two can't get married so soon. You'll take the attention away from ___! They won't even have gone on their honeymoon by then! They will still be celebrating their wedding!" Okayyy...

So... back to my point and question...

As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

I know it's not logical to NORMAL people, but if we tell people we are expecting BEFORE her baby comes, we will be "taking away from her pregnancy celebrations (i.e. "attention")", and if we tell AFTER the baby is born, we will be "taking away from her new baby celebrations (i.e. "attention")"... It's a no-win situation!

I know I am jumping the gun even thinking about it, but it's something DH and I were discussing, and I thought I would discuss it here (of course!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

It is a totally moot point, imo, until you actually become pregnant. Don't put your cart before the horse.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby! If I am lucky enough to get pregnant right away, the baby will be here around September. That would mean that the

Coincidentally, my DH's cousin is pregnant, and due in May. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be an issue... But you don't know DH's cousin and HER mother!

I'm scared to get pregnant!

Let me explain...

DH's cousin and her mother are "Attention..." well, you know the word. It starts with a "W"... Everything with them is a "celebration", and nobody else can do anything to disrupt their celebration.

DH's cousin is 28, and she celebrates her birthdays for a WEEK. Literally. This past year, her birthday was on a weekend, and she literally started celebrating on the Monday before.

When my DH and I got married, our wedding was small (think 30 people), quick and dirty. We had Costco sheet cake. It was practically WWIII THEN, because DH's cousin had gotten married a month beforehand... their wedding was a four-day event, with a week-long celebration leading up to the event(s). DH's cousin was upset, and HER mother said, and I quote, "You two can't get married so soon. You'll take the attention away from ___! They won't even have gone on their honeymoon by then! They will still be celebrating their wedding!" Okayyy...

So... back to my point and question...

As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

I know it's not logical to NORMAL people, but if we tell people we are expecting BEFORE her baby comes, we will be "taking away from her pregnancy celebrations (i.e. "attention")", and if we tell AFTER the baby is born, we will be "taking away from her new baby celebrations (i.e. "attention")"... It's a no-win situation!

I know I am jumping the gun even thinking about it, but it's something DH and I were discussing, and I thought I would discuss it here (of course!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

Congratulations on your decision...it's a big one to make, and it's definitely something to get excited about.

That being said, I think there's no point in worrying until there's something to worry about . There is a very good chance you WON'T get pregnant next month in which case the point is moot.

However, if everything goes as planned, then I wouldn't worry about cousin's and aunt's reaction. Sometimes you just can't win and you can't live your life in fear of 'taking away the attention' from these people.

If they do get upset, try to bring the conversation around to how great it will be to have cousins so close in age...built-in playmates at every family gathering .

 

[hentob]

As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Well, that is your problem. Not the insane relatives, but your husband who chooses to continue to accept their behavior.

Good luck.

 

[mtemm]

maybe you will have twins! that will make it even more fun!!!!

good luck!

 

[AKL_Megs]

Well, that is your problem. Not the insane relatives, but your husband who chooses to continue to accept their behavior.

Good luck.

And it only took THREE posts for it to turn into MY problem!

Unless "accepting their behavior" means GOING FORWARD with plans DESPITE their issues, I can't see how we are accepting it... We're moving forward into the storm regardless... I'm just looking on suggestions for once we get there...

 

[AKL_Megs]

It is a totally moot point, imo, until you actually become pregnant. Don't put your cart before the horse.

I know I am jumping the gun even thinking about it, but it's something DH and I were discussing, and I thought I would discuss it here (of course!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

Just makin' conversation here! I'm well aware it's currently a non-issue. Just a discussion!

And FYI, none of you actually KNOW if I am pregnant or not... who tells people in the first months???

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that it is a little silly to worry about a relatives reaction to an event that has not even occured yet. Make your own family decisions according to your own circumstances and let your relatives concern themselves with their themselves. That would be the day when a pregnancy would be postponed in order to accommodate a hissy fit.

I have to tell you that my Aunt had made such a rediculous statement to me i would not have even taken her seriously...I would have laughed and told her that she was sooooo funny!

 

[Christine]

And it only took THREE posts for it to turn into MY problem!

Unless "accepting their behavior" means GOING FORWARD with plans DESPITE their issues, I can't see how we are accepting it... We're moving forward into the storm regardless... I'm just looking on suggestions for once we get there...

There are no suggestions or good ways to handle this. You know that on some level. They aren't rational and they are going to be ticked off about it. Plan for it and accept it.

 

[AKL_Megs]

If you get pregnant in January-you will DEFINITELY be showing before next May
And the word will get out by February


It took me years to get PG-as I was on the Pill for a while

My thoughts exactly... and no BC here, call me Fertile Myrtle (hopefully!)

 

[akhenaten]

Just curious , why did you get married a month after your cousin and now decide to get a pregnant at the same time?

You should not worry about what anyone thinks if this is truly what you want!

 

[hentob]

And it only took THREE posts for it to turn into MY problem!

Unless "accepting their behavior" means GOING FORWARD with plans DESPITE their issues, I can't see how we are accepting it... We're moving forward into the storm regardless... I'm just looking on suggestions for once we get there...

It is your problem Your husband CHOOSES to be close to someone that got upset when you got married.

Your husband CHOOSES to be close to people that would actually take offense and get upset if you had a child.

If you choose to associate with these kinds of people, it is YOUR problem.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Your body.

Your family.

Your life.

If you are afraid to share your joy, I think there may be a few more things you need to iron out before adding to your family.

Outsiders should have no bearing on your family or personal life (unless one or the other is in danger). Adding on to your family is a personal decision and a blessing. Who cares if they feel "threatened" by your addition. You don't have to be around them. A friend's wife won't go near her ILs (most of it is her issues, but that's not the main point here). They don't get along, it's always drama, and she's at least smart enough to NOT be a soap opera around her kids. Our friend will see them, and take the kids, but she stays home. It's just easier that way.

You make several posts about your family, especially lately. Have you considered taking a break from them? They're obviously driving you nuts.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If it is such a big deal to you, I suggest waiting. It sounds like you have a lot going on.

 

[NMAmy]

And FYI, none of you actually KNOW if I am pregnant or not... who tells people in the first months???

No, we don't know whether you're pregnant or not but I guess that other posters, like me, took you at your word when you said:

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby!

You know the answer here--the only thing you can do is just live your life the way you want to and ignore the drama without adding any of your own to the mix. There's plenty to worry about when you're trying to conceive and pregnant--why worry about what other people think?

 

[hentob]

If you are afraid to share your joy, I think there may be a few more things you need to iron out before adding to your family.

Outsiders should have no bearing on your family or personal life.

Well said.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Just curious , why did you get married a month after your cousin and now decide to get a pregnant at the same time?

You should not worry about what anyone thinks if this is truly what you want!

Honestly, we it was so sudden for financial reasons! We were buying a house, and I felt the need to be added onto DH's life insurance policies and as his beneficiary at work. Why a baby now? Because I am quitting my job and it's the perfect time.

It is your problem Your husband CHOOSES to be close to someone that got upset when you got married.

Your husband CHOOSES to be close to people that would actually take offense and get upset if you had a child.

If you choose to associate with these kinds of people, it is YOUR problem.

I guess this is true... but I think it's easier said than done when it comes to cutting off ties. And he always stands up for himself, but it causes problems with the whole family getting mad at each other. I think he has a hard time with upsetting people... Which may or may not be a good thing... I'm surrounded by his family drama.

You make several posts about your family, especially lately. Have you considered taking a break from them? They're obviously driving you nuts.

His family is nothing but drama. I don't have family, so his seems VERY dramatic to me! That, and everything stresses me out by nature!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I see four possible options:

1. Wait.

2. Do what you want and ignore said cousin.

3. Move to a different state & cut off ties with that side of the family.

4. Murder.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I see four possible options:

1. Wait.

2. Do what you want and ignore said cousin.

3. Move to a different state & cut off ties with that side of the family.

4. Murder.

I like option #4 thrown in there. Last ditch option for solving all drama!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I say if this is a good time for you to start trying for a baby then start trying for a baby. You can't not live your life becasue she wants to be center of the world